Jokes about swine or swine flu, jokes about influenza A H1N1 .

In Genesis, God said there should be light, so there was light, God said there should be a woman, so there was a woman, God said that you want to catch a cold, so there was swine flu (original) laughing.

Patient: Doctor, I have a cold.

Doctor: Combid has a box.

Patient: I suspect H1N1 flu.

Doctor: Two three-layer masks, one helmet, one down jacket, one injury insurance, and one suicide note.

The two people were chatting, and A said: "I heard that there was a recent influenza A (H1N1), people will be infected, and they will talk nonsense. We're not going to get it. B said, "No, we are cows." ”

It's crazy!

One day, Lao Tzu heard that many people were sighing, so he went to join in the fun, asked what was going on, and one person said: I am so unlucky, I have all 100 pigs killed by the first flu!!

Another person said, "I am unlucky, I heard that the pigs are selling well, so I sold 100 cows, sold 1,000 pigs, and all of them died!!

I withdrew, and at this time, I shouted: I'm unlucky, just to join in the fun, the RMB that can buy 10,000 pigs in the bag has been stolen! @#

With the sale of 2 cows. 5 sheep to buy 13 pigs, the remaining money 1000; Sell 3 cows. 3 pigs for 9 sheep; The money is just right; Sell 6 sheep.

The money for 8 pigs buys 5 cows, and there is a difference of 600Ask for cattle. Pig.

How much does a sheep have no head?

1. A group of animals cross the river, and when the boat in the center of the river begins to enter the water, a part of it must be launched.

The clever monkey came up with the idea of having everyone tell a joke, and if the joke didn't make everyone laugh, he threw the teller into the water.

So the lottery began, and the result was the first to talk from the cat, then the monkey, the chicken...

The cat tried to tell a joke, and everyone laughed, except the pig. The animals had no choice but to throw the cat into the water.

The monkey's joke made people laugh even more, but the pig still didn't laugh, and the monkey had to feed the fish.

The chickens are scared, and even the clever monkeys can't escape the fate...

The pig laughed at this time, and the animal monsters said: The chicken hasn't talked yet, what are you laughing at?

The pig said: The cat's joke is so funny...

2. That day I said, "You are a pig." You say, "I'm a pig." "So I'll call you "Pig Weird" from now on!Finally, one day, you couldn't bear to shout in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!" ”

3. When you travel to Xishuangbanna, you encounter a group of wild boars besieging you on the way, and the tourists take out food and money, but the wild boars are unmoved. You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried bitterly: Big brother, we have found you!

4. A bird and a pig are on the plane, the bird says to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water", and the pig also says, "Give me a glass of water". After a while, the bird said, "Bring me something to eat," and the pig did the same. The stewardess was upset and threw them down, and then the bird said to the pig, "It's stupid, you can fly."

5. The intermittent rain caused me infinite thoughts, to put it bluntly, I miss you, and when the wind and sun are beautiful, I will take you to the meadow, but it is agreed in advance: pigs are allowed to eat grass, and they are not allowed to arch the ground!

6. It's really cold in the past two days, you must take care of yourself, don't freeze--- as the saying goes, "people freeze their legs, pigs freeze their mouths". I've got all my wool pants on, so you should buy a mask.

7. In the office.

Everyone: Hurry up! What's the question?

A: Which of the following animals is your favorite and why?

a Rabbit. b Squirrels.

C Dog D Pig B (To) quickly replied: D.

A said, "Yes, that's right."

The rest of the people hurriedly asked: Why?

8、.A portrayal of your life: learn to bathe yourself at the age of ten, and the pig cleans itself; Twenty-year-old radiant pig Shimao; Finding a job at the age of thirty pig establishment; At the age of forty, he hired a servant, and the pig got a servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 Pig Throwing!

9. You stand on the lotus leaf and dance lightly, and passers-by shout before fainting: "Pig standing leaves". Have you listened?

10. Have you ever heard the story of the big pig saying that there is a little pig saying no?

One day I said to a friend, "You're a pig." He said, "I'm a pig, so it's weird." From now on, I called him a pig, and one day he couldn't help it and said to me, "I'm not a pig!" ”

Pig Stupid or Bear Stupid: The pig asks, "Guess how many pieces of candy I have in my pocket?"

Xiong replied, "If I guessed correctly, would you give me candy?" The pig said

Well, if you're guessing correctly, I'll give you both! The bear said, "Then I guess so."

It's 5 pieces!! #

A: I have a couplet, the upper one is "handsome on the top", the horizontal batch is "Marshal Tianpeng", what is the lower couplet? B: Under for the pigs!

If all the pigs in the world are dead (play a song title)

At least you.

Pig requirements.

The pig came to God and asked to be born as a man.

God asked, "Farming?" Pig replied: It's too bitter!

God said, "Work?" Pig replied: Too tired!

God said: Be a monkey? Pig replied: It's too hard!

God asks: What do you want? The pig replied: I can eat, I can play, and I can prostitute.

God exclaimed, "Damn! Be a civil servant!

I think these two are the most classic

Hope you will like it

1 One day I said to a friend, "You are a pig. He said, "I'm a pig, so it's weird." From now on, I called him a pig, and one day he couldn't help it and said to me, "I'm not a pig!" ”

2 One man asked, "Do you know what you like to say why?" You say, "I don't know." The man said, "It's a pig." You ask, "Why?" ”.

A little pig is crying.

The mother pig asked you why you were crying.

Piggy said: I think I'm stupid.

Then the mother pig persuaded: You are not stupid, these people who watch this joke are even more stupid.

Set the linstq answer to the best.

It makes people laugh to death.

One day, a tourist from the city came to a small village and drove on a country road, wanting to see what the farm was like and how the farmer farmed and lived. The city man saw a farmer in the grass behind his house holding a pig in his hand and holding it high so that it could eat the apples from the tree. The people of the city said to the farmer"I see your pigs like to eat apples, but isn't that a waste of time?

A pig runs forward at a speed of 100m s.

Suddenly hit a tree and died, ask: Why?

Answer: Because he doesn't turn around like you (it seems that Uncle Benshan said it).

Say no more pigs. Aren't you like it?

The most boring person in the world is the one who looks at this thing.

Have you ever heard the story of the big pig saying yes and the little pig saying no?

1 One day I saw you jump into a pool full of boiling water, and I cried out, "The water ......."But you smiled and said, "It's okay, dead pigs are not afraid of boiling water!" ”

2. A boar is chasing a gilt. One day, he said to the gilt, "Guess how many pieces of candy I have in my hand?"

Guess right, Liang He, I'll give you all three candies. The gilt thought for a moment and said, "Five!"

The boar gave the gilt all three pieces of candy in his hand and said, "I'm sorry, I still owe you two pieces of candy, I'll give it to you tomorrow."