Why not send me a classic and healthy joke? Thanks

1. A child took a fake bill to buy a model airplane, and the guy in the store said, "Child, your money is fake!" The child asked, "Is your plane real?" ”

2. A woman took a fake banknote to buy breakfast, the vendor was annoyed, and said very seriously: Sister, you can give the fake banknote, at least it is printed, your banknote is actually painted! Even if you take 10,000 steps back, you can draw a ten-dollar or five-dollar one, right?

You gave the painting back seven pieces! Seven pieces are seven pieces, not to mention, at least you have to draw color, you actually use a pencil to draw! Forget it, I'll put up with it, black and white will be black and white, but you can't draw it with hand paper!

The feel is so bad, okay, even if it's a piece of paper, I admit it! You have to use scissors to cut the edges, this is torn, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. Okay, I don't want to talk about the raw edges, but you can also tear a rectangle!

This triangle is too much to say!

1. The alarm clock at six o'clock rings, closes it, and then gets up; Run at seven o'clock to exercise your body; Eight o'clock to learn to read; I opened my eyes at eleven o'clock, why am I still in bed!!

2. Recently, many teachers' cars have been stolen in the school, and when it comes to our car marketing teacher, he always likes to point out the window and take his car in the parking lot as an example. In class this morning, he habitually pointed to the place where he parked his car in the morning: "Everyone, please take a look......."Then the old man's eyes suddenly widened and he yelled out of the window

What about cars? What about Lao Tzu's car! ”

3, Zhan Zhao excitedly said to the people who shouted injustice: "Don't worry, Master Bao is a good official who can't be found with a lantern!" When Bao Zheng heard this, he said angrily: "Zhan Guard, is this official so dark?" ”

One day, the teacher scolded the students in the class: "You are so stupid, your IQ is negative, and my IQ is a hundred times that of yours!" "Student: ....

The two cows were grazing together, and the green cow asked the black cow, "Hey! What does your grass taste like?

Black Bull said: "Strawberry flavor!" Qingniu leaned over and took a bite and shouted angrily, "You lied to me!"

The black bull looked at him contemptuously and replied, "Stupid, I said that grass tasteless. ”.

A children's shoe said: "In the past ten years, I have worked hard to copy every exam, for what, is it for myself?!" It's not for the sake of improving the average score of the class, for the sake of the teacher's face, for the grade director's evaluation, and for the principal to go to the Education Bureau for a face-saving meeting.

Every time I copy it, I am terrified and sweaty, have I ever said a word of complaint?! Selfless to this point, what else do you want from me! ”

There was a kid whose head looked like a brick, and his classmates laughed at him! He went back and asked his mother"Is my head like a brick?

Mom said you can go to the well and take a picture! So the child went to the well and stretched out his head to shine his head, and heard a man shouting below:"Don't throw bricks at the people above! "

M: Be my girlfriend, and I'll make you the second happiest person in the world, F: What about the first one? M: You can be my girlfriend, of course I am the happiest person in the world!

There's a toothpick, and he's walking and walking, and suddenly he finds that his shoelaces are falling off, and he's bending down to tie them, and as a result. Broken waist (o( ohaha )

There's a gummy that goes for a walk, and then walks, walks, and when I'm tired, I sit on the ground and rest, and then I say a word, and my feet are soft!!

Before the meeting, the manager will say a sentence: smokers are strangled!

There is an old lady in the neurological hospital.

Wear black every day. Holding a black umbrella.

Squatting at the door of the neurological hospital.

The doctor thought: I want to heal her. Be sure to start by getting to know her.

So the doctor wore black. Holding a black umbrella. Squat over there with her.

The two squatted silently for a month.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor

Excuse me about ---

Are you --- also a shiitake mushroom---

There were 5 eggs in the refrigerator, and the first one said to the second: Hey, you see, the fifth egg is hairy, it's terrible!

The second said to the third: Hey, look, the fifth egg is hairy, it's terrible, it's terrible!

The third said to the fourth: Hey, you see, the fifth egg is hairy, and the fifth egg hears: Get out! Lao Tzu is a kiwi!!

Classic joke: Where is the view good, the father climbs to the top of the mountain with his little son out of breath. Dad said:

Behold, what a view of the plains beneath our feet! Why do we spend 3 hours climbing up to the top when the view below is good? Father. ”

There is a man who ventures alone in the forest and suddenly finds himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I am dead, God save me!" ”

I saw a light appear in the sky, and a voice came: "Not necessarily, you pick up a big stone on the ground again and crush the chief who took the lead to death." So he picked up the largest stone on the ground and threw it at the chieftain, killing him.

The people were all stunned for a moment, and then they glared angrily, and then a voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." ”

A Chinese teacher read aloud an ancient poem by Lu You entitled "Lying Spring" for the students, and asked the students to dictate it

Wo Chun" ("I'm Stupid").

Dark plum ghost flower (I have no culture), lying on the branch (I have a very low IQ), lying like water (to ask who I am), easy to see through the spring green (a big stupid donkey), the shore is like green (I am a donkey), the shore is like a green (I am a donkey), the shore is like a green (I am a stupid donkey)!

1 Male teacher in our school. Hemorrhoids committed, pad a sanitary napkin (sanitary napkin is for the wife). While playing basketball at school, the damn thing fell out of his trouser leg and there was blood on it

There were a lot of students around ......the stadium watching the ball, and it wasn't okay to pick it up or not to pick it up

2 When I was living on campus in high school, a classmate came home and asked him to help me carry something, so he sent a text message: Burn me some clothes and money.

3 I boiled the crabs last night, and after the water boiled, I threw the crabs into the pot one by one. The crab roe is fresh and stirring in the pot.

My wife was careful and kind, so she couldn't see this, so she hid behind me and covered her eyes and didn't dare to look.

I was relieved: Jiajia, are we too cruel? Wife: Well.........Did you put salt?

4 Our old man who teaches chemistry is 800 degrees nearsighted, and once he was on the blackboard in class, he turned around and suddenly pointed at me.

Shouting: What are you doing standing? Sit down! I was sitting in the last row of seats and my coat ...... hung on the wall behind me

5 In the first aid class when I was in college, cardiopulmonary resuscitation first aid, the professor demonstrated while talking:

Professor: Press the chest with both hands, don't push too hard, just press down 2 3cm, too much force can easily break the patient's ribs!

Professor: Now look at the demonstration (press your hands hard), and there is a click! The model's ribs were broken.

Awkwardly said, get out of class

John had a crush on a girl, and he never mustered up the courage to confess to her, and one day, he got drunk on it, and in a moment of pride, he dialed the girl's number and said loudly: Mary, I love you!!

John: Do you know who I am?

Mary: I don't know.

John: "That's good. After saying that, he hung up**.

A Ph.D. scholar on the ferry! Scholar: Do you know literature?

Boatman: .Scholars:

Then you will lose a quarter of your life! Boatman: .

Author: Do you know science? Boatman: .

..Scholar: Then you've lost a quarter of your life!

Boatman: .Scholars:

Do you know how to philosophize? Boatman: .

Scholar: Then you only have a quarter of your life left! Boatman: .

..The wind is blowing in an instant! Boatman: .

Can you swim? Scholars:

Boatman: Then your life is going to be over!

Do you know why penguins are only as white as their bellies?

Because he can only wash his stomach.

A: You said you were going to be like a big husband. Uh, that, oh - stretch and shrink!

B: Oh, heh, that's a turtle!

A: To learn mathematics well is to forget all formulas and theorems, and the rest is ability!

B: Okay, I forgot about it, test me

c: 3+2 is equal to what.

b: Soda sandwich biscuits

The man stayed overnight, and the waitress knocked on the door and asked: How can Kunming's Kun be written? The man replied: There is a day above and a comparison below. Shall we go down to Kunxia? The waitress then asked!

If you laugh, you won't be able to add points!

1. A parrot in a restaurant in the town is hung at the door, and a guest arrives and says: "Hello, welcome!" "One of the regulars thought: I'll hurry in and see how you react. One day he ran in and the parrot said, "Scared me!!

2. A person bought a parrot that could only say two words, and one day the owner was not at home, and a gas changer came to knock on the door. Parrot: Who?

Hail rough answer: change the gas, parrot: Who?

Answer: The ...... for gas exchangeThe master came home and saw a person lying at the door, and the owner wondered, who is this, inside the door: the gas changer.

3. A person raised a parrot and taught the parrot to speak every day"Hello"After a few months, the parrot still did not speak, and one day, the person was in a bad mood, did not say hello, only listened to the parrot screaming:"Are you a cow today? I don't even ask if it's good. "

Brother key Yubi brother college entrance examination into the examination dismantling field to do a question, need to write the word "favor", but the word "Hui manuscript" can not be written, left and right to think to no avail. . . Surprise! Bring a bottle of drink into the test room during the test, and the words "Thank you for your patronage" should be on the inside of the bottle cap, which should be the same as the favor.

Stealing joy, pretending to drink water, unscrewing the cap of the bottle one by one. Dizzy! I saw that the lid was impressively printed with "One more bottle"!

A man went to the street to buy porcelain, saw a porcelain very chic, bought it, and after paying the bill, asked the seller: "Master, can this bowl be boiled in a pot that sells it?" The seller scratched his head and said, "It's probably okay to change Zheng, this is a flower pot."

The pig hits the tree, you hit the pig.