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My mother told me that before I was born, once my dad wanted to hand in a **, the deadline was a week, but during that time he was chasing the martial arts legend, he didn't eat or sleep or sleep, he was smirking there all day long, and he remembered to hand in ** at 3 o'clock in the morning on the last day, so he rushed to write and hand it in five minutes before the deadline. Originally, my mother wanted to tell me about this so that I wouldn't procrastinate, but then I suddenly remembered when I was in biology class, and I had been staring at the biology teacher's face that looked like Pan Changjiang, so I laughed out loud.
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My son is five years old, and he slept until midnight yesterday and said he was going to poop. Take him to the bathroom, turn on the light and say it's dazzling, and don't turn on the light to say it's dark. Finally, the light was on in the bathroom, and the son was wearing sunglasses and sitting on the toilet.
I didn't think this was ridiculous at first, but then I felt very ridiculous every time I thought about it when I had a child.
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When I was in junior high school, I saw a book that said that girls are the most beautiful when they laugh. So I practiced in front of the mirror every day at home. Later, I finally practiced it.
So I love to laugh even more, and I laugh when I meet people. Everyone was stunned and asked me how I could smile so roundly. I said that because the hard work pays off!
It wasn't until I was in high school that I learned that the smile of the eight teeth means that all the teeth are exposed...
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My classmate told me a bad joke, an American especially wanted to go to the toilet, but did not find the toilet, and then he became a Jiang Guoren, I didn't feel anything when I listened to it, and then after the teacher came, I figured it out, and I kept laughing, and finally I was kicked out of the classroom by the teacher, and it took a long time to calm down, and now I think about it, I still want to laugh.
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I met a couple on the road, the man wanted to kiss the woman, the woman didn't let her say it was the first kiss, I went up and kissed her and said to the man: This time you can kiss. I used to be young and didn't understand the meaning of this joke, but when I grew up, I saw this joke again, and I was angry when I laughed.
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When I was very young, I heard the story of the blind man with a lame man, and at first I thought it was a very boring stalk, but then I realized that the conversation between the two of them was only, which was completely an awkward conversation that didn't match, no wonder the two of them wrestled, and now I think about it really makes people laugh out of breath.
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My classmate told me a bad joke, once upon a time, there was a ghost, let out a fart, died, at the time, I thought, nothing funny, but think about it carefully, isn't the ghost already dead, let out a fart, and still use death, a classmate said that he died with a fart, which made him laugh and think about it at that time.
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Once a friend told me a joke, a steamed bun was walking on the road, and suddenly he felt hungry, so he ate himself, and at that time he thought the joke he told was very silly, but after a while, when he thought about it, he suddenly felt very funny.
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Our homeroom teacher's surname is Li, but she looks like Wang Luodan, and we sometimes call her Wang Luodan in private. Then one time we held a student meeting, and a classmate surnamed Wang had no seat, so others said, "Your surname is Wang, and Wang Luodan is also surnamed Wang, so you can sit together." Then there was silence for a few seconds, and the people next to me started laughing.
I hadn't gotten to that point yet, and then halfway through the drive, I suddenly realized something, so I had to laugh secretly: -d
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Another time my roommate borrowed a pot outside, and the roommate's nickname in our dormitory was Big Brother, and then there was another little girl, so I was very excited, saying that you picked up the big pot brother, and I didn't think there was anything special at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more funny I felt.
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Xiao Ming cut a new haircut and went to school, his classmates laughed at his head kite, Xiao Ming ran out of the classroom and cried, crying and crying. And he flew.
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I was washing clothes in the water room with my roommates, and I wanted to say, "Pingping, bring me a basin", but I said "Basin, give me a bottle".
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When I went to college, I worked part-time at a fast food restaurant and learned how to plate braised pork rice. On the training courseware, there is a logo in the bowl as a reference in the direction of 12 o'clock, put the boiled egg at 3 o'clock, and an employee asked, is it placed at 3 o'clock in the morning or at 3 o'clock in the afternoon? Everyone was confused.
After work, a male colleague from the unit came to me and asked me to borrow toilet paper to go to the toilet. I put the roll paper on the side, and my mind unconsciously asked him whether to go large or small. A group of colleagues laughed there and said that it must be, who still uses paper when boys urinate? I thought about how stupid I was.
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A little snake asked: Mom, are we poisonous? Mother: Of course we are poisonous snakes, and the little snake asked: Mom, are we poisonous? Mother: I said we were poisonous, what's wrong? Snake: I just accidentally bit my tongue!
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When I saw my second uncle in the vegetable market, I wanted to say hello, so I opened my mouth and said, "Second dish, go buy uncle!" ”
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The coldest super joke: Yang Tianbao's acting skills exploded!
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You've got a cute neck with a pig's head on it.
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I used to give my roommate the nickname Mazi, and one day I picked up socks from her, and my mouth quickly shouted that I would borrow socks.
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suddenly remembered the story of the meat bun and noodles in "I Want to See You".
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Noodles: Don't think I won't recognize .........you if you perm your hair
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I heard about ......Every minute ...... Africa60 seconds have passed......
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Once upon a time, there was a person named Xiao Ming, but Xiao Ming didn't hear it.
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The story of the White Rabbit has always been a good story
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Early in the morning, the rabbit ran desperately down the hill. When the monkey saw this, he asked suspiciously, "Brother, why are you in such a hurry?"
The rabbit replied breathlessly: "Last year, last night, the big tiger gave a death order, kill all the donkeys in the mountains!" "The big tiger didn't say to kill you, why did you flee in a panic?"
The monkey said in surprise. When the rabbit heard this, he replied with a complaint, "Alas, don't, don't mention it, it's all my fault, I have big ears like the donkey." The rabbit gasped and continued:
The little tiger could not recognize the donkey, so the big tiger said: 'Kill him who has big ears and a long tail!' Although I have a short tail, I am afraid that the little tiger will have red eyes, and when the time comes, I will only look at the head and not the belly! ”
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There was a man who was poor and desperate for face, and all his savings were bought into a decent house. It looks good on the outside, but it's empty inside. A thief had been targeting his house for a long time and climbed in through a window one night.
The man was in the bedroom, and when he heard the movement, he sighed: I can't find anything myself, let alone a thief. When the thief heard this, he was afraid of alarming him, so he took off his shoes and groped in the living room barefoot.
After rummaging for a long time, the thief found nothing, so he simply slipped into the bedroom. The man was annoyed and sat up, "I said brother, have you turned enough" The thief was so frightened that he ran out, grabbed the door and fl.........edThe man got up and closed the door, turned his head to see the shoes on the floor in the living room, and grinned: Hehe, yes, finally there is a pair of shoes that can be worn!
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At night, I told my wife that the table lamp at home was not bright enough, and she said that it was very bright, but I insisted that it was not bright enough. Then she reluctantly checked up and down, and then searched for 300 yuan from the base of the lamp! Wow, my wife is so surprised, so happy, she is actually rich, hahahaha!
My wife asked me if I deliberately put it under the lamp, and I said that it was my private money, and you found out! My wife started laughing happily again! It's actually easy to make your wife happy, isn't it?
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When a fisherman was fishing on the beach, he caught a magical bottle, and the bottle could speak, and in order to thank the fisherman for fishing it out of the sea, the bottle said: I can grant one of your wishes, you just have to put me on the dry table. The fisherman said
I want to forget all about suffering and be a new person! Then the bottle recited a spell, and the fisherman became a child of several months! The fishing boat kept drifting and drifting, drifting into the deep sea!
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After my wife's careful selection, she bought me a suit. At home, the suit is worn, the tie is worn, and the leather shoes are worn. I asked my wife if she felt handsome when she saw me.
My wife said it was cool! When I came to work in the company, I talked to my female colleagues, and as soon as I heard them, I decided to hit ** and ask my wife, does it mean that it looks too cruel, and it is better to pull it out and kill it.
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I drove 480 kilometers to a short distance downstairs from my ex-girlfriend's house, rolled down the window and looked at it for a night, because she posted a circle of friends and got married today. I know it was sent to me. Listening to the people who passed by to drink the wedding wine, it was a marriage and a 100-day banquet together.
I chuckled in my heart, 100 days? It's only been 10 months since I broke up with her, is the child mine? Not mine?
None of that seems to be a good thing!
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A woman's killer feature, one crying, two troubles and three hangings, I have used the first two, I am too lazy to go out and be too lazy to get up, so I call my husband, crying that I am hungry, and then my husband obediently bought food and sent it to me, because he was not at ease to deliver takeaway; If I can't beat people in games, I'll make trouble, until my husband comes to help me beat people to a mess, and then I smile, because he's afraid that I'll marry someone else in the game. After hearing this, my best friend imitated my behavior and is now divorced!
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One day, Xiao Ming was fishing in the river, and after catching one, he was ready to roast. The little fish said: Don't eat me, don't eat me.
Xiao Ming said: Okay, I have a question to test you, and if you answer correctly, I won't eat you. Xiao Yu said:
You take the test, you take the test. Xiao Ming grilled the fish.
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These uncles want to laugh every day.
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A group of teachers sat together and drank, and there was a beer bottle that was particularly difficult to open, and the teachers offered suggestions: The Chinese teacher said: This beer bottle cap is estimated to be opened by Ji Xiaolan, who has an iron mouth and copper teeth, and he can cut it categorically.
The math teacher said: This beer bottle cap can be opened by the solution of UF or open square root, if it is not possible, use the method of opening square root. The teacher of thought and morality said:
Carry forward the spirit of continuous combat and not afraid of fatigue to open the cap of the beer bottle, and if it fails, carry forward the spirit of gnawing bones and live and die with the bottle. The English teacher said: We can't afford to open the lid, so we will invite a foreigner to come immediately, and the foreign monk will chant the scriptures, and I see that the bottle is difficult to open.
The physics teacher said: Ask Archimedes to come, give him a fulcrum, he can pry up the earth, pry the line to talk about opening a wine bottle cap is not a problem. The chemistry teacher said:
Why bother to stir up teachers everywhere, put.
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Today I asked my second best friend: Why have you always been so good to me? The second best friend replied: Because you have locked my ugly photos in your space...
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The old man who belongs to the rat has a big birthday, and the son-in-law gave him a type of golden rat that is only the size of a real mouse! The old man was very satisfied and said: Good son-in-law, next month your mother-in-law will celebrate her 60th birthday, and you will do your filial piety according to today's gift!
The son-in-law wants to be faced, and he promises again and again at the moment! When I got home, I asked my wife, "What is my mother-in-law?"
If it's a rabbit or a snake, I can still take it! If it's a pig or a cow, I'm afraid it's not easy to do! The wife smiled
Tell you good face, you're going to be done this time! This person asked: We also have thousands of family wealth, what does my mother-in-law belong to, and can I still bankrupt my family?
The wife said: My mother is a dragon, this is much bigger than a cow and a tiger! When this person heard this, he laughed for a while:
If it's a dragon, it's easy to do! His wife Bu Zizi was very curious and asked why? This person only said, "Mountain people have their own clever plans"!
When the mother-in-law celebrated her birthday, the father-in-law looked at her son-in-law and said expectantly: Good son-in-law, what about the birthday gift?..
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It was just after six o'clock that my son arrived home. I suspected that he had stayed on the way out of school, and after repeated questioning, it was he lying on a bench in the square doing his homework. After some criticism from the bureau boss, I took out his homework and looked at it, the handwriting was crooked, it was just nonsense, I was furious, and told him to go to the corner and write a review after half an hour.
A little more than half an hour later, my son brought it for review, only to see that it was written: What a painful realization! I was so angry that I said that the review was not serious enough and not detailed enough, and asked him to rewrite it.
After a while, the son re-examined it, and it said, "Dear Mother, I know that I am wrong, I should not have done my homework on the benches in the square, so that my homework writing is so poor, I should find a flatter place in the square to do my homework." Next time, I will definitely choose the location more carefully, please rest assured.
The glass curtain wall detection has:
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In fact, I think that girls who have never been in love, the main characteristic is that they will have a certain yearning for beautiful love, and they will look forward to meeting the person they like very much, but generally girls who have been in love do not yearn for love so much or yearn for it to a lesser extent than girls who have not been in love. >>>More
Basketball is good, weightlifting is not.