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We can make a decision within ourselves: to take what we used to expect our parents to say to us, and turn it into our inner parents. Create the parents you want and keep them with you.
Suppose your lover complains about you and the child doesn't understand you either, and that's when the inner judge comes out again:"Look at you, you can't do anything, you can't do your job, you can't do it at home! "When this voice comes out, immediately start a new channel, using the soft tone of voice that Mom used to speak, and then add what you like her to say to you:
Baby, mom knows you're hurt, come over here and let mom hug and pat you. "Then you close your eyes and imagine yourself in a warm, safe place where someone is protecting you. I can admit my pain to my inner parents, and then try to accept these parts of my humanity and eventually change my current behavior.
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In the face of parents' high-pressure policies, they should fight on the basis of reason. It's a good idea to take a moment out and talk to your parents. Everyone spoke freely and said all the contradictions and misunderstandings that had accumulated in their hearts.
If the communication is fruitless, then don't be discouraged and communicate with your parents a few more times, it will always be much better than not communicating at all.
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You have to make a certain number of achievements to prove yourself. If you are in school, you should get good grades; If you have already gone to work, talk about your work performance. When you are good enough, your parents will naturally be proud of you and will no longer treat you like a child.
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If you want to get rid of your parents' control, you can't use a strong way, you should communicate with your parents calmly, let them know that you have grown up and can solve many things on your own.
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Prove yourself, if you are still a student, you can choose to live to get rid of the control of your parents, if you are a worker, you can rent a house outside, and prove to your parents that you can live independently.
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It is not smooth sailing on the road to growth, even if you find a ** teacher to help you, then you will experience a period of pain, even more painful than before doing counseling, and many parts that are suppressed and not accepted will be presented and impact us now, but we will not collapse because of this. So, we try to treat ourselves with patience and compassion like irrigating plants, with compassion, respect, curiosity, and acceptance, and gentle persistence.
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The kids must have been furious. But despite this, you should remain rational. Because if you are irritable, then your parents will think that you are a child who has not grown up and will be more strict with your church. So, you should show a mature and calm side.
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Children who often survive harsh or abusive situations are likely to develop a wealth of resources, inner strength and confidence that the person does not understand or appreciate. So from now on, do your best to believe that we have all the inner resources we need to grow, heal and learn. We are our own best teachers.
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1.Draw your own boundaries.
No one can live and think for you, only you can control your own life. Even for the closest parents, maintain a certain boundary and distance. Set a degree for yourself, and then you can know what is your own and what is your parents'.
2.Recognize your own abilities.
Many people can't do without their parents when they become adults, because they have completely lost confidence in Li Daizhou, they don't know how to live after leaving their parents, they don't dare to make their own choices, they deny themselves first, and if they don't get rid of this self-denial psychology, they will never grow up.
3.Honest communication with parents.
Parents love their children, they may not be able to understand your thoughts at this time, be more patient, communicate with them a few times, let them see your determination and ideas, they will always understand you.
4.Face up to who you are.
Be clear about the role you play in the family, whether it is a child or a parent, and try not to be confused, overlap, or cross the line.
Only by correcting your identity and position can you do what you should do and become the person you want to be.
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Breaking free from a "controlling" parent is a challenge, but it can be achieved gradually by:
Self-awareness: Start by recognizing your parents' desire to control you and realize the impact it has had on your life. Understand your needs and desires and make sure you base your decisions on your own values and goals, rather than just meeting your parents' expectations.
Set boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries about what is your own area of decision and what you need to respect your parents' opinions. Stand by your decisions and be firm in expressing your wishes to your parents if necessary.
Communication and understanding: Try to communicate openly and honestly with your parents. Understand their concerns and concerns, but also clearly express your need for more autonomy. Avoid arguing and communicate in a calm manner.
Independence: Strive to deal with one's own life and problems independently in the process of achieving autonomy. Show a mature and responsible side and let parents see that you are capable of handling matters on your own.
Seek support: Talk to other close family members, friends, or professionals for their support and advice. Their understanding and encouragement may help you better cope with your parent's desire for control.
Self-affirmation: Develop an attitude of self-confidence and self-affirmation. Believe in your ability to make the right decisions and take on the possible consequences. Don't let your parents' desire to control influence your evaluation of yourself.
Be cautious about compromises: Sometimes, in a given situation, you may need to make some compromises in order to live in harmony. But make sure these compromises are based on your own will and considerations, rather than completely succumbing to parental control.
Professional help: If your parent's desire to control is causing you serious distress, you can seek professional help from counselling or your family**. Professionals can provide more in-depth guidance and support.
Remember, breaking free from your parents is a gradual process that may take time and patience. The important thing is to be firm, to respect your own needs and values, and to seek balance and understanding.
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, physical isolation.
This trick is the most straightforward and quickest way. That is to say, if you have the financial conditions, move out and live by yourself, and keep a certain distance from your parents.
While you can't completely get rid of your parents' control, it will definitely weaken their intervention in your life and career.
Make a clean break. We live in a society that values family affection but lacks a sense of boundaries. If you want to get rid of parental control, you must first draw a line. That is, we, as adults, should have the ability to take responsibility for our own actions and pay for our own choices.
Be clear about what is your own business and what is someone else's business, and keep your own boundaries.
Improve your ability to live independently.
The reason why parents are worried is that they feel that we are still children.
Therefore, in daily life, we must be able to afford the responsibilities of an adult, and we must make our parents feel that you have the ability to live independently, and you can manage your own life.
Learn to communicate with your parents.
If a parent makes some unreasonable requests, learn to refuse decisively and repentantly.
For example, if your parents offer to move in with you, you can make it clear that you are there.
Either unequivocally refuse.
Either they can be allowed to stay for a short period of time, and they will be sent back to their hometown when they are done with things.
I believe that when you have enough financial means to support your small family and solve the problem of providing for your parents, they will be completely relieved that you will do what you want to do on your own.
If you're a "controlling" parent, then you have to accept the brutal truth:
Sooner or later, children will grow up, sooner or later they will have to learn to live independently, and sooner or later they will have to learn to make their own decisions.
As parents, your understanding, support, encouragement and companionship are more important to children than to "control the hidden past".
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The parents' desire to control is too strong, the curry state of the tube is too disturbing, and the children are uncomfortable, but they can't be forced to scare, their starting point is good, they can only take their time to persuade Li Yuanxiang and the shadow wheel to ring them.
Factors that contribute to poor self-discipline in children: >>>More
You can communicate rationally with your parents, and it is best to solve problems, because the relationship with your parents after all you can't change anything, this is innate, they are elders, you are juniors, you just say what problems I have to discuss with them, if you don't have the independent economic ability now, then you have to listen to them for many problems, if you are now financially independent, and you don't need much help from them, then you can naturally do things that you think are reasonable, Because you don't need their support, you can do it yourself.
1: In fact, no matter whether the desire to control is strong, or the parents have a poor desire to control, in the final analysis, the purpose of parents to control their children is for the good of their children, parents hope to use their own life experience to guide their children, so that children can avoid detours and be happy! >>>More
Everyone's way of dealing with it is different, and they can't empathize, so it's all on their own, and if it's me, they may leave when they have the ability, stay away, don't contact anyone, and live a life again to dilute everything.
Influence from my father: forgiveness, forbearance, perseverance, from the beginning. Influences from my mother: meticulous, optimistic, straightforward, eclectic.