Why are my children insecure

The main reason for the child's insecurity is related to the incorrect guidance of the living environment, especially the family.

In the study of early education, "Daddy Hug! "Mommy, don't go. "Don't you want me anymore?

I believe that many parents can hear such words in the mouths of their children. This is a direct expression of a child's lack of security. So why do our children feel insecure, parents speak inappropriately is one of the main reasons for children's lack of security.

Performance 1: "Mom (Dad) doesn't want you anymore!" Such words often appear when the child is disobedient, many parents like to use such words to intimidate the unbehaving child, although this is just an angry word, but for many children who do not have strong understanding skills, it is easy to have a bad impact.

For many children whose thinking has just begun to develop, their comprehension ability is very limited, and they can't tell the truth from the truth in their parents' words, so some children will believe it after hearing this sentence, and their reaction is to cry and make a fuss, even if they don't cry, they will have a threatening expression. If the child reacts in this way, it is best for the parents to reassure them immediately, because the sentence has already affected the child's sense of security.

Performance 2: "You weren't born to us, you were picked up." Many early education teachers believe that it is a very common phenomenon for children to like to ask the question "I am from **", but some parents tend to make such a joke.

Parents may feel that their children's problems are not serious, but this is actually a harm to young children. Attentive parents only need to observe carefully, and their children will often have a sullen expression after hearing this.

Performance 3: No crying in kindergarten, always clingy and crying at home or when going out with parents. Some children are in kindergarten, and in kindergarten the children are more cooperative with the teacher, and there is not too much crying, it seems that they still love kindergarten.

But what confuses parents is that children who behave well in kindergarten become very anxious when they are with their parents, for fear that their parents will leave them, and sometimes they will cry and make a fuss? In fact, this is a manifestation of the child's insecurity, when the child sticks to someone is insecure about that person, when the child has adapted to the kindergarten life mode, he knows that it is necessary to go to the kindergarten to separate from the mother, this is a fact that cannot be changed, so the child will most likely temporarily put aside their unhappiness and devote themselves to activities, but it does not mean that he (she) has no negative emotions in his or her heart, but the parents did not see it. When the child is with the parents, the child's negative emotions will be released, especially when the parents are too sensitive and too caring for the child, the child will vent his feelings.

Because you don't care much about your child.

Give him confidence, independence, and self-improvement.

It's two different things, a person who lacks a sense of security will stagnate in psychological growth, those who lack love often like to disguise, and are fickle, stuffy like to be alone, very fragile inside, jealous, and have social phobia.

Lack of security, in fact, is the inner tranquility, first of all, dare not go out alone, or do something alone, to have parents or classmates to accompany it, no sense of security, in fact, the heart is either lack of love, or fear of making mistakes, is the lack of a sense of tranquility, a sense of peace.

For example, some children have okay academic performance, but they are afraid that they will not do well in the exam, so when they get to the exam day, they will learn to reduce the efficiency of limb mask, fidget, and easily sleep poorly.

For example, teenagers, children who are supposed to have normal communication with their classmates and are insecure are very defensive, and others can't joke about him, or others can't say his jokes, or they wrap themselves tightly and can't stand the grievances, and the teacher may not be able to bear a small criticism.

There are also examples, when everyone goes on stage, such as some small performances and speeches, he doesn't dare. I remember having a relative's child, when everyone in their class had a birthday, the teacher would hit his ** on the screen and buy a cake, but my relative's child was strictly forbidden to hit his own ** on the screen.

Later, his mother quietly gave ** to the teacher, and the son was very angry when he knew, so he immediately asked his mother to call the teacher**, and I would never be allowed to project my ** on the screen tomorrow, the teacher didn't understand, and the other classmates didn't understand, but I could understand, I said that the child lacked self-confidence and a sense of security.

1.Anxiety and worry: Insecure children may often feel anxious and worried, and are particularly sensitive to the chores and changes of daily life.

2.Dependency: Insecure children may be overly dependent in relationships and have difficulty completing tasks or making decisions independently.

3.Mood swings: Insecure children may be more prone to mood swings, such as getting angry easily, crying, or feeling down.

4.Withdrawal and avoidance: When faced with a challenging or uncertain situation, an insecure child may choose to withdraw or avoid possible harm or disappointment.

5.Social impairment: Insecure children may have difficulty forming relationships and may show shyness, withdrawal, or social phobia.

6.Self-doubt: Insecure children may be skeptical of their own abilities and worth, and are susceptible to the evaluation of others.

7.Excessive attention-seeking: To compensate for their inner insecurity, insecure children may over-seek attention, affirming their worth by constantly pleasing others.

8.Sleep problems: Insecure children may experience sleep problems, such as insomnia, nightmares, or difficulty falling asleep.

It is important to note that each child's performance may vary depending on individual differences, and the traits and behaviors listed above are not absolute. If you are concerned about your child's sense of security, it is advisable to seek the help of a professional counsellor or counsellor to provide your child with appropriate support and guidance.

What is the reason for the lack of security? There are no more than three reasons.

Insecure children often make parents distressed and helpless, so what causes children to be insecure?

Unsafe "hints".

Every year at the beginning of kindergarten, we see some children crying and not letting their mothers leave. This phenomenon is known as separation anxiety. The reason for this is inseparable from the communication between parents and their children.

For example, after school, ask your child if he has been bullied by other children in kindergarten, instead of asking him to share what he enjoyed in kindergarten. This kind of inquiry gives the child the wrong guidance and makes the kindergarten an unsafe place in the child's mind.

This kind of "hint" of insecurity is very common in life, such as parents "threatening" a child, and if he is no longer obedient, he will not like him or even ignore him......Another example is that your parents' friends joke that if you have younger siblings, your parents won't love you anymore......These casual jokes can be a sign of unsafety for children, even a warning. That's why some children don't accept the selfishness of their younger siblings or threaten to secure their status in the family by running away from home.

What is the reason for the lack of security? There are no more than three reasons.

Between 0-3 years oldIt is a period of close contact between children and their parents, parents are the ** of all their sense of security, during this period parents do not establish a strong sense of security for their children, which will make the child's personality full of doubt, instability, sensitivity, pessimism and other factorsAffects a child's ability to perceive happiness throughout their lives

Children with a sense of security are emotionally stable, firm and peaceful, will not panic when encountering problems, can better integrate into the relationship with classmates, and can deal with problems encountered in life realistically and rationally. Insecure children are characterized by personality tendencies such as mood swings, timidity, social avoidance, autism, withdrawnness, and weak ability to withstand setbacks.

A source of destruction of a child's sense of security

Many parents don't understand, I care so much about my child, how can he still be insecure? Now you have to think about whether you have committed the "three deadly sins" of daily life

Family atmosphere: Families who quarrel a lot, or parents who always have negative feelings, are very likely to let their children be affected. Over time, uneasy emotions will keep children in a state of tension and unease.

Always scare the child: "If you cry again, I won't want you!" "If you don't, the big bad wolf will take you away!"

Are these words familiar? can always use "scare" to make the child "obedient", the child will feel that his parents may abandon him at any time, and he will not be liked or protected.

Separation without informing: when the child pesters you to accompany him, he always finds an excuse to sneak away; I am afraid that my child will cry, so I will not say goodbye when I go out or go on a business trip. Children don't know when their parents will suddenly disappear again, and there will be a lot of worries and uneasiness in their hearts, so that their emotions become very sensitive and fragile.

In addition, some environmental factors in the early stage, such as the mother's anxiety during pregnancy, the lack of parental companionship during infancy, premature bed separation, etc., will affect the child's sense of security.

Children should be aware of their lack of security

When children are insecure, they will show their usual details, so parents should know how to observe their children's behavior habits and details. In the face of children's lack of security, it is very important for parents to make amends!

1. Often gnaw fingers unconsciously, and usually show low self-esteem.

2. When I say I want to leave my father or mother, I cry very much.

3. Sleep in the corner when you sleep, or you have to hold the quilt and hold things to fall asleep.

4. Don't dare to sleep alone, or you must turn on the light when sleeping.

Wayward children will feel that as long as their parents are there, they will be protected in everything they do as long as they have their parents. When they know that they are angry with their parents and that they are not protected by them, they will beg their parents for mercy.

But the attitude of parents towards them is just the opposite of them, parents believe that the sense of security they give their children is the child's greatest dependence on themselves. They are confident that their presence will last in the child for a long time, and they know that if the child has a quarrel with them, it must be the child who will take the initiative to apologize. If most of the parents are like this, there will be no helpers at the psychological counseling center who will come to them for counseling about parenting.

In other words, many parents do not have the confidence to set a good example in front of their children and let them imitate them. Parents have no authority, and children have no sense of security. This is where the problem arises.

So some people will ask, does it mean that in the family, authoritative parents will be able to let their children grow up healthily? Counselors believe that this is not exactly the case. Parents who have authority at home will make their children feel safe, but at the same time, children will also build their own system in the process of growing up.

One of the traits they possess is to live their own lives and do their best to protect their parents from external influences. That is to say, the love that their parents give them, so that they will know that it is necessary to love their parents in the days to come. If they see their loving parents being bullied outside, they will be desperate to fight for their parents.

There is a part of the child's seemingly impulsive personality that is worthy of our praise, and the kind of heart that is willing to give up for his parents is a manifestation of filial piety. Problems arise when this filial piety cannot be understood by one's own parents. But the reason why the question is not answered is that parents know that, based on historical experience, their children will come to beg for mercy.

So they can fully immerse themselves in what they like and wait for their children to arrive.

From the perspective of psychological counseling, you will find that any kind of parent-child relationship, if it is just right, will make the relationship deteriorate. Therefore, in the parent-child relationship, there needs to be communication, expression, and feedback, which is a good way of communication.

Children's sense of security comes from their parents, and they will slowly become independent when they grow up.