How can we avoid punishment and make children better at the same time? Parents should learn these ti

It is necessary to maintain communication with the child frequently, and directly when the child makes mistakes, it is necessary to make the child realize his mistakes through communication methods, so that the child can be better.

First of all, we need to respect the child, we can't blindly let the child listen to their own words, and suddenly the child's feelings, we must be good at discovering the child's strengths, if you really need to punish it too severely.

Parents often have a conflict between loving their children and managing their children, loving their children and fearing that their children will not behave; What should I do if I am afraid that my child will lack love? When parents have this kind of psychology, parents are already wrong, why can't love and rules be given to children together, teach children rules in a loving way, and let children know that rules are part of love. <>

In life, parents seem to be more willing to use the "punishment" way to educate their children, it turns out that this method seems to be really useful, and more trouble-free, but this method is not the most scientific, punishment brings children hostility, resistance, hatred and inferiority, children will only focus on how to resist the parents, rather than on reflecting on their own mistakes and correction methods, at this time, the punishment will outweigh the losses.

Punishment will reduce the child's guilt for the mistake, the child thinks that the punishment has offset his mistake, so he feels comfortable making the mistake again, and parenting experts believe that letting the child take responsibility is to let the child experience the natural consequences of his own misbehavior, not the punishment given by the parent.

1. Divert attention:

This method is used with the child's accidental or unserious problems, such as the child taking things in the supermarket, some parents will threaten the child "if you take it again, I will throw you here", under normal circumstances, the child is deaf to the mother's words, the mother can only be anxious, another way "can you help the mother get a bag of salt?" The child will be obedient.

2. Show expectations:

Some children are accustomed to bringing a toy when they go out, but sometimes the child is too happy, and he forgets to take the toy home, and even does not remember that the toy was lost in **, and the parents will reprimand the child, "What do you say you can do, let you not take it, you want to take it, the toy can't be found." Parents will only discourage their children by doing this, and perhaps before they go out, they can tell their children: "I hope the toys will come home with us when we come back".

3. Provide options:

Provide children with reasonable choices at the right time, such as children running around the supermarket, parents can choose "do you choose to sit in the shopping cart or walk well". Instead of telling the child with a tough attitude "You run again, I will take you home". Let the child feel the sense of respect given to him by his parents rather than a sense of oppression.

Love children, is the instinct of every parent, but parents can not because they love their children do not set rules, the rules are to let children grow into independent little adults, but also our responsibility as guardians, only rules and love together, children will have a better future.

Some parents like to educate their children through punishment and think that punishing their children is very effective; But some parents believe that punishing their children is not only ineffective, but harmful. Should children be punished or not?

Two children who were punished by their mothers.

A friend's family has twin daughters, and the mother punishes the two children one day with different results.

This morning, the two children were playing in the living room, and the twin sister Xiao A stood on the sofa while playing, and threw the toys high while jumping, and the toys fell on the teacups and the TV ......A small teacup almost fell to the ground. Mom came over angrily and reprimanded her, and slapped Xiao A's palm. Xiao A sat down on the ground sullenly and buried his head in playing with toys.

In the afternoon, the two children waited for their mother to tell them a story, but the mother kept talking**. Xiao B felt a little impatient, stood on the sofa and began to throw toys in the air, and the toys also fell on the teacup and the TV ......Mom hung up ** in a hurry, came over angrily to reprimand, and slapped Xiao B's palm.

Since then, I have never seen Xiao A throwing toys in the air, but Xiao B often throws toys in the air. Why is this happening?

If it is another child, the difference in results can be assumed to be due to the difference in personality. But these two little girls are identical twins and have almost identical temperaments, so what's wrong? The two children tossed toys with different starting points.

The first child tosses toys for fun; The second child tosses a toy to attract the mother's attention. One achieves the effect of reaction subsidence, and the other achieves the effect of reaction intensification. From a psychological point of view, the mother's punishment led to different results, that is, one had an effect and the other had the opposite effect.

So, is it useful to punish children?

I once knew a vicious mother, a 3-year-old boy, who often dropped rice grains when eating, and every time after a meal, his mother had to clean up, and his mother was very angry because of this. In order to "educate" the child, every time the little boy drops a grain of rice during a meal, the mother burns the child's lips with burning incense, burning the child's mouth full of blisters. As a result, the child will never lose his rice again, because the poor child will never open his mouth to eat again, and he will tremble every time he starts eating.

Behavioural psychologist G.J. Bertsch argues that harsh punishment has a permanent effect on suppressing a response, including basic behaviors such as eating. That is, heavy punishment has a special effect on stopping the child's behavior, but heavy punishment is the devil, it will hurt the child's mental health, distort the child's mind, and any mentally healthy parent will not punish the child severely.

What about light punishments?

The effect is difficult to estimate, it works for some children and not for others. Like the two children throwing toys at the beginning of the article, it is sometimes difficult to judge their purpose. It's like a child grabbing a toy, you hit him, he may never dare to grab it again, but some children "forget the pain after the scar is good", and the robbery is correct.

The sequelae of severe punishment are large, and the effect of mild punishment cannot be predicted. Is it possible to try a light punishment?

No. Whether it is effective or not, punishment will have a side effect on the child.

Scientific punishment of children is not simply to make children feel pain or punishment, but through education and guidance, to help children recognize their mistakes, correct bad behaviors, cultivate good morals and habits, and finally make children become better. Here are some scientific suggestions for punishing children:

1.Communicate with your child. Before punishing, communicate with your child so that he understands the consequences of his mistakes and bad behavior, and asks him to admit his mistakes and think about how to correct them.

2.Appropriate punishment is employed. The punishment should be appropriate for the child's age and personality and should not be too harsh or too lenient. For example, it can be done by giving verbal warnings, restricting activities, deducting pocket money, etc.

3.Focus on your child's positive behavior. While punishing the child, it is also necessary to pay attention to the child's positive behavior, praise and encourage in time, so that the child feels his own value and sense of achievement.

4.Cultivate a sense of responsibility in your child. Xiang Ji makes children understand that their actions will have an impact on others, cultivates children's sense of responsibility and empathy, and makes children more mature and excellent.

5.Lead by example. Parents should lead by example and set a good example of behavior, so that children can develop good habits and behaviors from an early age.

In short, the key to scientific punishment of children lies in education and guidance, so that children can recognize their mistakes, correct bad behaviors, cultivate good morals and habits, and ultimately make children become better.