Why aren t rewards for children as intended?

Rewarding your child doesn't work because you don't talk sweetly enough. Your child can't feel your sincerity, so the reward is not enough.

Because children have lost confidence and trust in their parents. So children are reluctant to listen to their parents.

Because it is not advisable to reward children for their efforts, and children should be educated and guided correctly.

The psychologist Desi once told a fable about a group of children frolicking in front of an old man's house. A few days passed, and the old man could not bear it.

So he came out and gave each child 10 cents, and said to them, "You have made this place very lively, I feel a lot younger, and I thank you for this money." ”

The children were happy and still came the next day, frolicking as always. The old man gave 5 cents to each child, and the child still went away in high spirits.

On the third day, the old man gave only 2 cents to each child, and the children were furious: "It's only 2 cents a day, do you know how hard we work!" "They swear to the old man that they will never play for him again!

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This is known as the "Desi effect", and if a reward is associated with something, people's interest will shift to the pursuit of the reward to a certain extent. The old man turns the child's internal motivation "to play for his own pleasure" into an external motivation to "play for the penny".

Imagine whether in life, you unconsciously play the role of an old man. "If you score 100 points this time, I'll buy you toys", "If you complete your homework, I'll let you watch TV", etc. Parents may not have thought that it is this improper reward mechanism that makes children's interest in learning a little bit, and even changes the original intention of education.

Improper rewards can turn what would otherwise be fun into something boring.

Doing something needs to be rewarded, which means that the thing itself is not worth doing, but has to be done for some reason. This not only negates the fun of the thing itself, but also treats the interesting thing as a pain that must be experienced in order to enjoy the pleasure. Reward is a powerful negative suggestion that completely distorts the nature of things psychologically.

For example: "Eat well and reward a lollipop after eating." "Children will think that if you cultivate acres well, you can get sugar by eating, and if you don't eat well, you will start the methods and means to get sugar.

Because the reward is not attractive to the child's brother, so there is no effect on the fruit of hunger, and the reward for the child should be clear in reward and punishment, put in place, and promise the child must be promised, and the appointment cannot be missed!

Destroy your child's sense of achievement.

Children learn to eat with a spoon, clean up their own toys, and tidy up their own room, which in themselves can bring them a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Rewards instead attract their full attention and keep them blind to their progress in these little things.

Whether the reward method is good or bad, useful or useless, depends on each child's specific situation.

But one thing is certain, things must be reversed, and frequent material rewards will make children fall into the quagmire of desire.

Many parents have developed many reward mechanisms at home in order to make their children obey them. Your child will receive money or a gift for each item they complete.

For example, if a child practices the piano, he can get a desired gift after practicing for a specified amount of time; Or the child helps the mother clean up once, or you can get a food that you want to eat for a long time; Or the child can also receive a corresponding monetary reward for outstanding performance in school.

Does this really work? I don't think it's important to motivate and reward, it's important to strengthen children's motivation. The more rewards you receive for doing something, the more likely it is to lose interest in the thing itself, and it doesn't matter what you do to get rewarded.

Why is that? The answer is three-pointed

Clause. 1. The phrase "do well" will interfere with doing things well. Research has shown that praise creates pressure to "keep the grade", which prevents it from getting things done.

Clause. 3. Once you start thinking about how to continue to be positively evaluated, you will become less and less adventurous, and risk-taking is a prerequisite for creativity.

Therefore, parents should not focus on how to set up incentives, but on how to enhance children's intrinsic motivation. Only the intrinsic drive can really drive a child to take the initiative to do things, so that he will not lose his original drive because there is no reward for the game.

Material rewards motivate children, which is not advisable.

I used to think that if I used material rewards to build my own children, I would definitely let the child have the motivation to develop, but did I find that the effect was particularly good at the beginning, and with the passage of time, I will find that this effect is slowly decreasing, and he will feel that this thing has no way to attract him, and the long-term use of material rewards will make children lose the motivation to learn independently, and the courage to challenge, all children are so continuous rewards, which will reduce his learning efficiency.

Therefore, we should use the right rewards to motivate our children to be materially rewarded, but they can't use a way for a long time, which can't help children better develop some behavioral habits, and there is no way to explore and discover.

And you must know that if you often use material rewards to motivate children, it may also erase the child's sense of independence and self-esteem, he may judge his original nature through the reactions of others, if others recognize him, he will be happy, others do not recognize him, he will be very blind and lost, very anxious, there is no way to correctly understand his own view of right and wrong, and values are also based on the evaluation of others on him, so it is not recommended that you use this way to learn to use wisdom to use, If they say the right way, the material reward still has a certain positive effect, of course, the reward should not be too big and not too much, otherwise the child may use this match to negotiate with the parents, once he loses interest in Iwano, it is estimated that it will be a little difficult to let him develop more.