Adults also come from childhood, why don t they understand children?

As parents in the new era, how to communicate well with their children and overcome the dreaded generation gap?

Here are four tips that we hope will be helpful to all parents:

1.Patience with children's questions: In the eyes of the child, things he can't understand, can't understand, and haven't seen are very attractive, so he always likes to ask questions around adults:

What is a boss, and how did Dad become a boss? Mom, why do you lose your hair when you get old? How does the moon always come out at night, although these questions seem simple, we also have to be patient children.

The moon also comes out during the day, but the sunlight is so strong that we can't see it! The child's ** about the cause is the beginning of rational thinking. As a core factor in governance, the stronger the rational thinking ability, the clearer the child's judgment and the better at thinking, so no matter what question the child asks, we must be patient.

2.Be a parent who doesn't put on a show: in front of the child, the parents are a little arrogant, feel that they have lived a handful of years, experienced so many things, and read so many books, in front of the child, they are experts, authoritative very, so when the child tells the parents about their troubles, they disdain to listen, or simply interrupt the child, point out the child's mistakes, give the child ideas, help the child find a way...

It's just that the child is very disgusted. When children are in a difficult situation, what they need most is that parents can empathize with them, understand their current bad emotions, and help them excrete their bad emotions, so parents only need to listen silently and respond to their children occasionally.

3.Identify with the child's feelings: when the child is sad, parents can stand in the child's position and recognize the child's feelings, the child will be grateful to the parents from the heart, and feel that the parents understand themselves If the parents must help the child, do not make suggestions when the child's emotions do not reply, you can silently accompany the child for a while, and after the child is calm, the parents care about the rational attitude to help the child analyze, which can help the child resolve the clouds.

4.Keep your child's confidentiality: Your child confides in her parents because she feels wronged. At this time, the child is in a state of emotional agitation, and he will involuntarily say that the situation is big and serious, and when the emotion recovers, he will give time a fair judgment.

Because the times are changing, the way of education is gradually getting better, and even when we are old, in our opinion, it is an advanced way of education in their eyes is outdated and do not understand their way, in the past, parents think that their children read what books, do not pay attention to reading, even if they pay attention to it will not be able to read because of economic reasons, they will go out to work at an early age, and have something to eat, because parents think that we used to come over like this, and then the older children become parents and begin to report their children to school, to study, Children want to buy all kinds of toys to eat good snacks, parents think that the child is delicious and do not know the family conditions, because the parents played with mud when they were young, the snacks are some sugar or something, and they did not eat such a good expensive thing is not like this, and then now, raising a child is not like before to give him food on the line, children want to read, to eat snacks to play, not only to meet material needs but also spiritual needs, and then there is a huge pressure, parents to their children to report a variety of cram schools or something, reading pressure is also great, Many children are a little unbearable, parents do not understand, only come to the sentence of psychological fragility can not endure hardship, in the past, many people could not even afford to eat and read, this sentence put the idea that the child wants to confide directly in the heart, and then less and less communicate with the parents.

It seems to me that there are two reasons why parents do not understand their children.

One is the influence of the social environment, that is, the environment of everyone's childhood is different, and the parents of our parents' generation are even more problematic in that era when it is difficult to eat enough, so affected by the environment, parents do not essentially agree with the views of the new generation. They don't know that the child still needs to understand that there are many contingencies in the child's environment by virtue of the original experience and their own exploration as a parent.

The second is my own reason, as the so-called parents now complain that I am so tired every day and have to be kind to my children, and there is no rest time for tutoring homework, which is part of the reason. Most of the time I don't see my child as my own person, and I still have a heart that wants my son to become a dragon, and I always feel that you are my son, and I can do whatever I want you to do, and I should do what I should do, and communicate with my child with a condescending attitude.

As everyone knows, this allows the child to learn your behavior and habits thoroughly. In essence, I am lazy and cancerous, after all, I am not even too lazy to take care of myself, and I still take care of my children. It seems irresponsible, but it is actually a problem of human genes, and it is not easy to control emotions and understand others.

If you really want your child to be successful, you still have to understand that most of the parents of a person who has achieved a little bit will not be bad. The influence of the environment is generally greater than the innate one.

Children have a rebellious mentality. Because although teenagers have begun to have an independent sense of self, they are still very immature, and often show their own strength by being different from others, and rebel for the sake of rebellion. In addition, because I also feel that I have changed a lot in myself, I don't know what is going on in my heart.

At this time, I don't want others to see this contradiction and confusion, and I don't want to communicate with parents or teachers.

In fact, the feelings of parents are the same as yours, and they are also contradictory. You have your own ideas, and you have more power, and of course they are happy. But what is this claim?

Right? They didn't know that they were worried about you, so they questioned you more. Children and parents alike face trials.

Therefore, you need to communicate with your parents as necessary. First of all, you should take the initiative to communicate with parents, report on your situation at school, talk about your feelings, and don't wait for them to ask. This will help them understand your situation, so that they will not misunderstand and not have to guess, which will make them feel at ease with you.

Of course, there is no need to ask you endlessly. When it comes to some issues, we should not only clearly state our own thoughts and reasons, but also listen to parents share their views and reasons. If you have an opinion, keep your mouth shut, and be angry to do what your parents say, it is irresponsible to yourself.

It is impolite and unwise to refuse to listen to parents because of inherent prejudice or antipathy—refusing to accept multiple messages.

At the same time, you should do what you can in your family. Improve your ability in learning, socializing, and life, such as time arrangement, self-care in life, etc., and also take the initiative to participate in housework, so that parents can really feel that you are growing up, if you can do this in communication, you are really growing up, and it is possible to have trust and love for your parents like close friends, and enter a new father-son, mother-daughter relationship.

I think so, first, adults do come from childhood, and it's true that they are people who have come from here. But a long time has passed since childhood, and many childhood thoughts have been forgotten.

Second, although I have also experienced childhood, when I grow up, adults find that the world, this society, people, things, and things are different from what I imagined when I was a child, and what I thought in childhood was the simplest, kindest and most innocent side. Neither what is seen nor understood is different. When I grew up, I found that this was not the case.

Then in this society, after a few years, the understanding of people and things in this society will change, so I want to take fewer detours and add good things to my children with what I think is good, such as weekends, cram schools after school, and tutoring classes for children's good academic performance. And in order to make children versatile and better develop in society, sign up for training courses for various hobbies. In order to prevent your child from becoming nearsighted, try to watch less TV, computers, and mobile phones.

To prevent tooth decay, try not to let your child eat sugar. But these things are not understood and cannot be understood in the child's world, because children are born with a love of playing, do not want to study, do not want to go to class every day, do not want to write homework every day, like to eat candy, like to watch TV, and play games. What you don't like is imposed What you like is blocked, so the child doesn't understand the parents, and the parents don't understand the child.

It's such a contradictory thing. In fact, parents originally intended it for the good of their children. But the child doesn't understand.

Of course, there are many contradictions and things that adults and children do not understand. Because not everyone can empathize, and not everyone can empathize. It's not the party, so you'll never be able to understand what the person thinks.

It's just hard to understand each other.

Adults also come from childhood, why don't they understand children?I think you must not be an adult now, adults do come from childhood, but the childhood before 30 years, and the childhood of modern children is very different, there was no make-up class in that era, parents in that era were relatively not anxious, and now adults think that if children do not study well, it is easy to enter the bottom of the society in the future, so they force their children to go to make-up classes, force children not to play mobile phones and computers, in order for children to be admitted to a good university in the future, and have a stable job after graduating from college, And to manage the child's childhood, the child feels unhappy in childhood, but how many children can now appreciate the painstaking efforts of their parents?

Because the thinking concept of each age is different, with the growth of age, the meaning of the growth of experience slowly increases, so the thinking changes with their own experience, so the mood should be considerate, pity the heart of parents in the world, understand this sentence well, to be precise, children can not understand the heart of their parents for the time being, because the age of life is different, and the environment from the next is also different, it is normal not to understand, to communicate with parents more, talk more about the people and things around them, and slowly they may understand. Adults never understand the pressure of children, because they always think that they are right, always say that this is for the good of their children, it is more or less to give children unbearable pressure, children are innocent, we should adapt to understand more children's feelings, then children rebel but it is too late to regret it, so children's childhood is generally brought by parents. (If you care too much, your children may get bored.)

Because there is a generation gap between adults and children, the childhood of adults may not be the same as that of today's children. Because the times are evolving, each generation may experience a different childhood. And every family, every child's childhood is different.

So some adults are parents themselves and can't empathize. There are also some parents who know that their children are uncomfortable, but they knowingly commit it. Because of a lack of empathy or too domineering, he is more mean to his children.

There are also parents who have no way to discipline their children because they lack educational knowledge. I don't know how to communicate with my child.

This is the so-called generation gap, and adults know that they should work hard from an early age, and they don't want their children to take their own detours.

So it's not that adults don't understand children, it's that children don't understand the painstaking efforts of adults.

Adults also come from childhood, and they know that "if the young don't work hard, the old will be sad!" So they urged you to study hard when you were young, but ignored your children's ideas, so there were many contradictions, which is what everyone often calls the "generation gap".

Everyone has their own childhood, adults also come from childhood, gradually grow into adults, and slowly have their own children, they all hope that their children will be happier than their childhood, and their future life will be better than their own, so they may hope that their children will perform very well after the child is born. Therefore, it is possible to add a variety of study classes and tutorial classes for your children, so that their children can get ahead in the future. However, the child's idea may be that he wants to have a happy childhood and does not want to have so many burdens.

It's always going to be a contradiction.

Time is a wonderful thing, some people say that it is not only their own age that flows with time, but also their innocence when they were children, we can't understand the thoughts of adults when we are young, just as we can't understand young children when we grow up, the most obvious of which is the comparison of the mentality of children and adults.

When I was young, happiness was very simple, even if it was just an ordinary card, I could play with my friends for a whole day, and the children at that time looked at the brave and hard-working adults, their eyes were shining, and they hoped that they could grow up to be excellent adults quickly, and they didn't seem to understand why adults always sighed in front of some things......

Later, when the children grow up, they understand that the adult world is different, and this is different from the rules of the children's world.