Can avoidant attachment coexist with anxious attachment?

When we talk about intimacy today, we will also go back to infancy to see the formation of roots. A person may have both anxious and avoidant attachments in an intimate relationship, also known as fear.

Let's start by looking at the types of attachment and how they are formed.

There are four types of attachment: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful. The secure person is in infancy, and his parents are able to give him enough affection emotionally and meet all his needs on a material level; But if it is only emotional satisfaction, but there is no material support, the child is easy to become anxious; On the other hand, if only material needs are met and emotions are lacking, it is easy to become avoidant attachment; When these two items are not satisfied, the child will grow up to be fearful.

People with phobia generally have less pleasant childhood experiences. Neglected in the family or abused. They tend to hide all their emotions, and they seem to be okay on the surface, but they are actually very depressed, and they have not been able to get emotional dredging for a long time, which makes them bury their stress and dissatisfaction more and deeper, a vicious circle, and in serious cases, it will evolve into mental illness.

They don't know how to love themselves, and they don't have the ability to love others. They crave love more than anyone else, but are more afraid to enter into intimacy. Extreme lack of self-confidence leads them to dislike themselves, feel that they are not worthy of love, and do not even believe that there is love, and do not believe that someone will love them.

In this state of contradiction, even if you enter into an intimate relationship, the relationship will not go well. Because they will unconsciously show a strong desire to control as a way to prove that the other person loves them. And they all use a very paranoid way to make the other party accept their control, so as to prove that they are worthy of love.

Hello, what you call anxious attachment and avoidant attachment, as far as I know, is completely impossible to coexist.

Avoidant attachment and efficiency should be able to coexist.

Avoidant attachmentIt's not incomprehensible.

It seems that once it is labeled as avoidant attachment, it is related to intimacy.

Completely lost. This is a big misunderstanding. Columbia University.

Dr. Levine, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, points out that it is possible to have secure and healthy relationships no matter what attachment style you have.

It is true that avoidant attachment can have more difficulties in relationships than secure attachments. For example: rejection of intimacy; Even if you want to be taken care of, you should be very independent and minimize your dependence on your partner. pessimistic about relationships; When conflict occurs, it closes the emotional channel and is prone to destructive behavior.

New research suggests that a high-quality relationship and some intimate activities can significantly reduce the tendency to avoid — which may not be as difficult as we think. But then in the process of practicing, I gradually liked it.

Avoidant attachment

Avoidant attachment personality is a type of personality disorder characterized by comprehensive social inhibition, a sense of incompetence, and extreme sensitivity to negative evaluations.

Patients begin to show shyness, loneliness, fear of meeting strangers, fear of unfamiliar surroundings, etc., in childhood or childhood. In adulthood, these problems adversely affect the social and occupational functioning of patients.

Such patients often feel that they lack social skills, lack of attractiveness, and are at a disadvantage in all aspects, so they appear to be overly sensitive and have low self-esteem. Pride.

Too low a profile, combined with being overly sensitive, and fearing rejection from others, makes it difficult for patients to develop intimacy with others.

The avoidance personality is probably due to the lack of parental care and the indifference to the child's response at an early age. This is especially true if the parents are single or for some reason, one or both parents cannot be with the child for a long time.

In the case of children, the main manifestation is that they are not sad when they are separated from their mothers, but they feel anxious after spending time alone in an unfamiliar environment. Easy to get along with strangers, easy to adapt to unfamiliar environments, easy to get along with strangers.

Features: Avoid showing your affection.

Nowadays, many young people always like to tell each other straight to the point when they express their like, and express their love directly, they think that it is very easy to say I love you, but avoidant attachment people are different, they always avoid expressing love with their lovers when they get along with their lovers, and they are not willing to make too many specific descriptions about the future to their lovers.

Unless the lover pushes them to an extreme, they will be asked to say some love words. In the relationship, they are not direct in the expression of love, they may express their love through some side expressions, but they will never take the initiative to tell their lovers directly and clearly I love you.

1.First of all: Avoidant people tend to idealize their parents, and even when their parents are overtly neglecting or abusive, they feel that their parents are the best parents in the world.

2.Secondly: Avoidant people often ignore or weaken their inner needs and dare not express their true feelings.

3.Again: Avoidant people like to spend their Senna experience on work or study, filling all their lives with intellectual activities, and they dare not face each other.

Avoidant attachment is one in which the mother is present or absent, and it doesn't matter if she is there, she plays with herself.

In fact, these babies do not form a particularly close emotional bond with their mothers, and are called non-attached babies. Attachment is the initial social bond between the infant and the primary caregiver, and it is also an important sign of the infant's emotional socialization. Ainsworth used the unfamiliar situation research method to divide infants into secure attachment, avoidant attachment and resistance attachment.

Babies with secure attachment see their mothers as a safe base, and the presence of the mother gives the child a sense of security; Rebellious babies are insecure, always wary of their mother's departure, and extremely resistant to their mother's departure. Secure attachment is positive attachment, and avoidant and rebellious attachment are both negative attachments and insecure attachments.

Four phasesDevelopmental psychologist Bowlby divides the development of infant attachment into four stages:

Stage 1: Undifferentiated social response (0-6 months).

Stage 2: Differential social responses (6-12 months) Stage 3: Special emotional connection (1-3 years).

Stage 4: Formation of a reciprocal relationship (after the age of 3).

Do you like a person very much, once you find out that he also likes you, you are not interested in him, once others are overly enthusiastic about you, you have to escape, personality psychology calls this behavior an avoidant attachment personality, simply put, you are very eager to be loved, but refuse to be loved. Such people are often insecure. He has low self-esteem by nature, so his expectations for the future are all pessimistic.

It means that after you have a crush on someone, when he has the same feelings for you, you will hate this emotion and even stop liking him. We often say that "note the orphan" is this kind of personality.

It's those who are not confident in themselves, hiding in the corner every day and secretly paying attention to each other....