Failing to set rules for your child countless times? That s the golden rule you don t understand

Pandora effect: A simple ban will only cause children to rebel There is a word in psychology called "Pandora effect". This means that in many cases, the more you forbid others to do something, the more it will arouse their curiosity.

It's like when a child is young, he always wants to poke something into the black hole in the socket. Parents hurriedly ran to stop it, but the child often tried to take advantage of the parents' lack of attention and try to take things and stuff them inside.

First of all, you must be strict with your children, and you must not be soft-hearted. The rules set for children should be strictly supervised by parents to complete.

Secondly, the rules set can be completed by the children themselves, and some particularly outrageous rules cannot be established.

Parents to children"Establish rules"The importance of the following points:

1. "Establishing rules" plays a role in correction and guidance.

The plasticity of the child's character is the strongest, but also the most uncertain, the fastest effect of giving the child "rules" is the change of behavior, external interference can maliciously quickly shape and change the child, at this time to apply external positive interference, the effect is very positive. Therefore, "establishing rules" is a very important education, which will bring great promotion to its future development.

2. "Establishing rules" can establish a correct family concept for children.

With the development of society, the psychological age of parents is getting younger and younger, and the improvement of education level has also made everyone more and more open-minded and tolerant. But open-mindedness and equality do not mean disrespect, many parents and children in the process of communication, often "scolded", no prestige, so some traditional consciousness can not be lost, in respect for parents, is no education can not be ignored, so to children "rules" is actually the beginning of establishing this prestige.

Children who don't have "good rules" will have the following problems:

1. It is not conducive to the development of correct behavior habits in children.

If parents do not "set rules" from an early age, most of the children in this group are more indulgent and casual in their daily work and life, and their emotions are also very serious. In terms of personality, they will become selfish and do not share with other children. The absence of the concept of "rules" is the main reason for this type of character.

Some parents have failed to set rules for their children countless times, mainly because parents do not accompany their children to abide by the rules, and children will feel that they have been treated unfairly, and some children are more lively and naughty, they already know the bottom line of their parents, so they are no longer afraid of parental punishment. Some parents even say that they want to set rules for their children, but in fact, even if the children violate the rules, they are still not punished, so parents are also people who do not believe in their words, and these rules will naturally not be taken seriously by their children. <>

Parents do not cooperate with their children to follow the rules, and parents should also establish some system of rewards and punishments. There are no rules, this is also a rule that many parents understand, but when parents educate their children, they always forget that they and their children are on an equal footing, they always regard themselves as the elders of their children, communicate with their children with a commanding attitude, and set down the rules, let the children force to implement, this situation will only make the children have some rebellious psychology, and the parents let them go east and they want to go west. So at this time, parents need to set up some reward and punishment systems for their children, if they still don't follow the rules, they can be punished for reading books for half an hour or playing with their mobile phones for half an hour, and if they can not violate the rules for a month, they can accompany them to the amusement park to play.

It is necessary to grasp the principle of fairness and justice. Parents and children in the process of getting along with each other best to get along as friends, do not get along with the relationship between elders and juniors, some parents only set a lot of rules for their children, but never set a good example, this effect is also very poor, children can not be honest to abide by. Therefore, parents should accompany their children to follow the house rules, and they should be punished for doing something wrong.

The country has national laws, and the family has family rules, but parents should also make rules according to the age characteristics of their children, not too strict, and leave more private space for children so that they can develop what they want to do, so that the relationship between parents and children can become better and better, and they will not be excluded from their parents because of the existence of rules.

It is because of the way parents behave that they have failed to set rules for their children countless times; When making rules, tell the child the reason, let the child understand right and wrong, help the child understand the rules, set behavioral norms and goals, should be from small to large, from easy to difficult, write that the child makes mistakes, parents should stop this behavior in time, but also punish appropriately.

Parents do not take the lead in setting a good example, although they have set rules but parents do not abide by the rules, parents spoil their children too much, and children have a more irritable personality, which will lead to the failure of making rules. After establishing the rules, parents should be strict with their children, and parents should also abide by the rules.

This may be because you have not adjusted your own mentality and set rules for your child, which is wrong and has caused a bad influence on your child, or the child has a serious rebellious psychology in the process. When setting rules, it should be grasped that children should abide by the corresponding bottom line, and appropriate punishment can be carried out.

In our home education, many of our parents will find such a problem: in ordinary life, we always seem to be setting rules for our children, but we always fail. For this reason, many of us parents will also feel very distressed and do not know how to change this situation.

In fact, this is because we ignore the following points in the process of establishing rules.

First of all, there are always repeated compromises.

In fact, many times, every parent understands such a truth: children should set rules from an early age, because three years old is young, and seven years old is old. With rules, children can understand what to do and what not to do.

But in real life, we parents think of all aspects and set up rules for our children, but in real life, when we are implementing, once we encounter children crying, we parents may compromise with our children. As a result, all our rules will be in vain, and in the end, no rules will be formed. <>

Second, it cannot be carried out to the end.

There is also the fact that after setting up rules for children, we parents cannot implement them well in ordinary life. We all know that life after having children will definitely be very tedious. So in life, our parents' lives will also be chaotic, which will lead to our lives, sometimes when we see that our children do not understand the rules, we may relax our own inner requirements for children, our parents' requirements are lowered, and the children themselves will lower their own requirements.

Such rules that cannot be enforced to the end will not eventually form a constraint on the child's behavior. <>

Again, there is the protection of the elderly.

There is also a reason why the rules for the baby always fail: there is the protection of the elderly. We all know that the problem of next-generation relatives is common in life, and many old people love their grandchildren very much, so there will be all kinds of spoiling in life, and there are no rules for children, that is, children can do what they want.

This will lead to lawlessness in life, and the child will not know what the rules are. If there are such elderly people in the family, it will be miserable for parents, because with the obstruction of the elderly, any rules will be useless for children. <>

So we will find that in life we always set rules for the baby, but we always fail. If we parents want to set good rules for the baby, and to receive results, then we must not compromise with the child in life, implement it at all times, and communicate with the elderly, so that the elderly can cooperate with us in the process of establishing rules.

There is a saying that teaches by example. You must know that the bits and pieces of your own daily life can influence your children very much, and you have set rules for your children, but you have not followed them, so how can you ask your children.

You always fail to set rules, you may ignore the reward and punishment mechanism, any rule has rewards and punishments. Only in this way can the child establish a good rule.

Many parents themselves are unable to set an example to achieve those rules, so children can also follow the same example from their parents.

The first point is that you must greet people when you meet them, which is the most basic courtesy.

A polite child must be liked by everyone, no matter how naughty the child is, as long as he understands politeness, he will not do anything disgusting. After all, the child's mind is still very simple.

Second, don't influence others in public.

Speak as low as possible, in fact, empathy vaguely I know that we sometimes feel very annoying when we hear children screaming at every turn.

The third point is that no matter what kind of secret, if you don't want to tell your mother, tell your father, and if you don't want to tell your father, tell your mother.

Don't hide it in your heart, today's children are all small ghosts, and there are many secrets in their hearts that you can't think of. It is important to be able to express your grievances and secrets, and let parents know the reasons and enlighten their children. This requires parents to communicate with their children more often.

Fourth, don't lie.

Lying is the beginning of losing trust and friends, honesty and trustworthiness are commendable, don't lose this innate preciousness. And lying will become a habit, and slowly you will feel very unnatural when you tell the truth, and lying will be more true.

Fifth, punctuality.

Punctuality should be cultivated from an early age, and you would rather wait for others for a while than let others wait for you. Punctuality is often an important measure of success, don't take it for granted that others are waiting for you. There is nothing in this world that is not so taken for granted.

Sixth, take the initiative and bravely admit your mistakes.

It's not scary to do something wrong, because everyone does something wrong, and being brave enough to admit your mistakes is the best way to solve it. Being forgiven by someone else can make you feel relieved.

Seventh, don't waste food.

None of the food fell from the sky, they were all grown by the hard work of the peasant uncle. It became what it is now. Every process is very hard, and we can't ignore the fruits of other people's labor in this way.

Eighth, be fully committed to what you want to do.

Now is not the era when only the process does not want the result, what is the use of asking for the process if it is not for the result?

Ninth, learn to be tolerant.

If someone accidentally hurts you, you must learn to treat others with a tolerant person, allowing others to make mistakes and being careless for a while is a much-needed quality in this society, and it is also the best way to treat yourself well.

Tenth, in times of danger, all principles can be abandoned, and no principle is more important than life.

Some people think that these things are easy to say, but difficult for children to do. What I want to say is that these rules are not only asking children, but also asking us adults, adults to set an example, and children will learn slowly and imperceptibly.