Have you been influenced by your family of origin to this day?

The influence of the family of origin is profound and imperceptible. Our character development, consumption habits, behavior, etc., are almost inextricably linked with the family of origin.

It turns out that I heard a saying that happy families are similar, and unhappy families have their own misfortunes. But anyone who is not a party cannot understand the flavor of this.

I once had a good playmate, his father was a bit more aggressive at home, and his mother's role was much weakened. Almost all the big and small things in the family are decided by the father, the father says the east, and the child cannot go west, even if he struggles, the result of inequality is still the same.

Children who have been disciplined by their parents can imagine their desire for a warm family. However, fate always plays tricks on people, and the more you think about people who break free from their original family, the easier it is to fall into another extreme and abyss. Because he didn't know that his body was already full of his father's shadow.

However, what is more terrifying is not being strong, but in the process of growing up, I have not learned how to get along with others, how to solve problems in a proper way. Of course, the result of the incident was tragic, and the family he worked so hard to build was not as good as he imagined.

Just like me, although to outsiders, I am talkative and lively, but in fact, I have a similar upbringing with him, my family members communicate very little, except for necessary greetings, we hardly talk to each other, so until now, I have not developed the habit of reporting things to my family in time, even if I have changed them very deliberately; For another example, my mother is very old, she lived in a relatively difficult era, and her living habits are basically to save money, and I was taught to save money when I was a child. For example, I actually have social phobia, but whenever there is a new person present, I am nervous because I don't know how to get along with people; For example, many times, I can't answer the other party's words, and I use catering to maintain the relationship.

I think that when you get married, you must consider the family background of the other half, because people who grew up in a family of originThe influence of the original family on a person is really huge, and the irreversible process of growth also determines that a person cannot get rid of the imprint of the original family and live again, which will really affect a person's life.

The family of origin is a sociological concept, and its counterpart is the newborn family. A new family refers to a family in which two people reunite after marriage, while a family of origin refers to the family environment before a person was married.

The family of origin carries a person's upbringing and educational environment, which can have a significant impact on a person's psychological and physical development.

In terms of social relations, parents are the first teachers of their children, and many children have the shadow of their parents. Parents' living habits, values, and outlook on marriage will affect their children's lives. From the perspective of psychological construction, the growth environment and learning environment of the original family affect the psychological growth of children and determine whether they can form correct values.

The first point is that it is easy to affect people's perception of making friends.

Children who have been hurt by their original family may unconsciously appear as a pleasing person when they make friends. Because in the minds of such children, as long as they are obedient, maybe their parents will be better to themselves, and a complete family may still exist. This kind of thinking can also affect children's friendships, and they may try to please others without boundaries and principles, just in exchange for a good relationship with them.

After a long time, the friends that the child makes must not be real friends, but may just be "friends" in exchange for his own please.

The second point is that it is easy to affect people's sense of security.

The harm of the original family actually affects the child's sense of security very much, especially the family that often quarrels or divorces, which will make the child feel that all this may happen because of himself. And as the family breaks down, the child will feel very insecure, and the heart will become very fearful and afraid. Some families of origin may not have a change in marriage, but parents are too strict with their children, which will also make them feel insecure.

Because they will feel that everything about them is not good enough, so they are very unconfident and do not want to believe in self-confidence.

The third point is that it is easy to affect people's view of marriage.

In fact, the problems of the original family can easily affect the child's view of marriage. Because they will feel that their parents are not particularly happy, and it also affects them, they will be very resistant to their friends and refuse to marry. And the harm caused by the original family will also make them feel that since they have been affected in this way, there is no need to form a family and have children, lest their partners and children will suffer the same damage.

Therefore, it is said that character determines fate, and it is the original family that determines the character, and the influence of the original family will really accompany people throughout their lives.

The influence of the family of origin on a person is subtle and subtle, such as: often insecure, inexplicably anxious, and unconfident; In interpersonal interactions, they often unconsciously imitate some of the behaviors they learned in their original family; Demanding perfection too much, for fear of messing up, as if by default to everything to do the best ......

Here are some of the unhealthy patterns of family of origin?

1. Family relationships with a lack of emotional expression.

We take care of what you eat and drink, what do you want us to do? Many parents think that loving their children means taking care of their children's food, clothing, school, and saving money for their children to buy a house. But there is no expression of emotion, no intimate connection, no seeing of the child's emotions.

Children who grow up in this way are not fully loved. So there is still a lack of love. A person who lacks love will not feel good enough.

2. Family relationships of moral kidnapping.

It's not all for you, we're both tired to death" "Who is as comfortable as you, eating well, drinking well, what's wrong with doing some work?" "You are not filial and ignorant......"Wait. This kind of emotional kidnapping is called "defensive attack" in psychology, and in seemingly mild and polite words, it is always unintentionally permeated with "criticism", "accusation", "control", and "demand".

A child who grows up in this environment can easily become a "pleaser".

3. Parents often belittle their children.

Parents like to compare other people's children to their own children, such as: "The neighbor's child took the first place in this exam, you have never won the first place, why are you so stupid." "If you can't learn well, what can you do?" and so on.

When parents deny their children, children will also think that they are really not good? Long-term denial by parents will make children acquiesce to this point of view in their hearts, and without self-confidence, they will not be able to do anything.

4. Parents who do not support their children.

It must be that you have a problem, why don't you reflect on yourself? If people don't bully others, they will bully you, and if the teacher doesn't talk about others, they will talk about you. Parents who turn their elbows outward, or parents who are very weak and cannot be counted on at all, children will feel that they can only rely on themselves, and they will live very unconfidently, and they will have low self-esteem if they have no confidence.

5. Parents do not respect their children.

Many parents have the absolute right to speak and decide in the family. What parents say, children must listen to opinions that cannot be refuted, such a situation will lead to becoming a person without opinions, children will not be respected in the process of growing up, and they will not be respected when they grow up.

6. Parents instill "poverty" in their children

In family education, many parents reject their children with a "poor" attitude in the face of their children's requirements and preferences, such as: "The conditions at home are not good, and this thing is useless and will not be bought." "I don't have money to go to make-up classes, what do I do during class" and so on.

For children, this way of speaking will affect their self-confidence, and they will always feel poor and inferior in their hearts. The right way for parents is to be poor, but through their own efforts to pursue what they want, to give their children more care, so that children can become spiritually rich.

Know the Suidao. You.

I would consider breaking up because of the partner's family.

Marriage is not just a simple union of two people, it is a matter of two families. And if the other party's family of origin has problems, then it means that the person has grown up in an unhealthy environment of the family of origin, and his body and mind will be affected by the family of origin. Therefore, the other party's family problems will also become a key issue to consider in a relationship.

In fact, this is very similar to the "family pair", the original family can actually reflect the other party's growth environment and character, if the gap between the two families is too big, then the education is not the same, the attitude towards things is also different, it is difficult for two people to get along, and it is inevitable to encounter differences and contradictions. The point is that neither side has a way to understand each other, after all, two people grew up in different environments and cannot empathize and understand each other.

Many people feel very happy when they watch the story of Cinderella when they are young, but in real life, the probability of success of this kind of thing is extremely low, a rich second generation and the daughter of a poor family, even if they get married, their married life will not be happy, it is inevitable that there will be a rich mother-in-law in the TV series who looks down on the poor family and daughter-in-law, this is the reality, fairy tales are just fairy tales.

The influence of the original family on a person's mind is a lifetime, although many people are not aware of it, but this influence is in the bones, and it is not something that can be changed by oneself after adulthood. Many children of divorced families have a weak concept of family, some people are very eager for the family, and some people have no sense of responsibility for the family, which is the impact of the original family, and there is no way to change it in a lifetime.

In fact, in a certain degree of jujube, the relationship between parents and the mode of getting along will have a very serious psychological impact on the child, although it cannot be seen on the surface, but it will slowly manifest itself after the child gets married and grows up. If the difference between the two families is too great, then problems will definitely occur in the process of getting along. Many children learn from their parents' behaviors, and this unconscious behavior often has the deepest impact on children.

So when the other party's original family is not good, I will always worry, even if there is only a one percent possibility, I will give up because of this. After all, after getting married, no one can guarantee that they will not be affected by the original family.