What funny kid quotes have you heard?

My niece, who is in the fourth grade of elementary school, drove the teacher crazy with one sentence. The niece's school was full of gift-giving, and her mother thought that it might be because she didn't give gifts, and the teacher put small shoes on the child. The reason was that the niece accidentally put the homework book of the same table into her school bag, and the same table could not find the homework book and told the teacher, and the niece was still in the dark and did not know what was going on.

The teacher asked the niece if she took it, and then "searched" the homework book from the niece's schoolbag with a confused face, and the child explained with a look of grievance that he really didn't know how this book ran into his schoolbag. As a result, the teacher pointed to the child and said to the class: "Listen, classmate xx took someone else's things and said that he didn't know what was going on, and he laughed at me."

I said it two or three times before and after, and my niece put up with it. Later, after class, the teacher didn't know what kind of mentality to call the child to the office to continue to criticize, and said to other teachers: "Look, she steals things and doesn't know anything, which really makes me laugh."

This time, the aggrieved niece broke out and said coldly to the teacher: "Forget it if you laugh to death." ”

My parents' friend came to the house as a guest and brought an eleven or twelve-year-old bear child. I was playing Warcraft with headphones in my room, and I didn't go out after just picking up a wave of groups. I just heard the adults chatting in the living room.

Suddenly, the door opened, and as soon as the bear child came in and saw me playing a game, his eyes lit up, and he ran over to ask me to play with him for a while. I ignored him, just perfunctorily said that you are still not good at playing computer games, and I will talk about it when I play this game. As a result, the bear kid said something that made me almost drop my headphones:

You better play with me, and when your mother comes in and sees me standing next to you, she will definitely criticize you, 'Why don't you entertain guests, let your little brother play for a while.' 'After a few seconds of speaking, my mother came in and said to me, "Eh, why don't you patronize yourself, don't entertain the guests, let the little brother play." ”

Take your niece to the supermarket. When I saw a beautiful woman, I couldn't help but take a few more looks. My niece said, "Is my uncle taking a fancy to someone else, so cowardly, looking at me?"

Then he walked up to the beauty and said to the beauty, my sister is so good-looking. The beauty responded shyly, the little sister is so cute. "Sister, do you have a boyfriend?

The beautiful woman looked at me, smiled and said, "No." "Coincidentally, my uncle is also single." When my fawn collided, my niece added, "Don't look for someone like my uncle, take my niece out and don't buy toys or food."

An old man, presumably his grandmother, leaned his back and entered the door two steps too late. A boy of this age is extremely energetic and loud, and he has been screaming that he wants to eat a burger since he entered the door. I was a little annoyed, and when I looked up, I saw his grandmother holding him, and while agreeing to say okay, he squeezed forward like a loach, desperately cutting in line.

I'm just talking about it, what kind of family teaches what kind of children, the upper beam is not right and the lower beam is crooked. Unexpectedly, he suddenly shouted again:"Grandma is not allowed to cut in line!

The old lady's face changed a little"Says who? "He puffed up his chest and screamed:"Old!

Division! Teach! Target! "

My child (2nd grade and very lazy in his homework) suddenly asked me when he was writing his homework today, "Mom, what is the homework book made of?" I said

It's made of paper. Him: "Oh, I seem to be allergic to paper, and I feel bad every time I do my homework."

Come, boy, and I'll heal you with a stick!"

My younger brother is in the first grade of primary school this year. One day, he suddenly said in a deep voice: "Men are pigs, women are books."

My dad hasn't had a seizure yet, and my mom and I are in a petrified state. He suddenly pretended to regret and said again. "I wish the pig could read. ”

When I was eating when I was a child, my grandfather and grandmother were discussing going to Hainan to play, and the two elderly people were almost more than 5,000 in the past few years, and suddenly my cousin suddenly threw the chopsticks heavily, pointed to the two old people and said, you spent nearly 6,000 last time you went to Beijing to play, and you are going to ** again this time! I don't know how to save at all, I have to buy a house and a car in the future, you don't want to save me, I will have money to marry a daughter-in-law in the future?

My son, since he was a child, has loved to make up for girls, and he loves all kinds of good-looking little sisters, little sisters, and little aunts. But lately, he's suddenly only playing with boys. The child's mother asked him what was going on, and the son gave her a blank look, sighed, and said quietly

I found out, you girls, you are unreasonable.

It's when my son was in the fourth grade. From time to time, I received complaints from teachers that he liked to desert in class, so he often went to see teachers to strengthen education. I was afraid of affecting the teacher, so I never contacted him.

I haven't seen the teacher for a few days, and I asked my son in the evening:"Did you pay attention to the class at school today? Conscientious.

Afraid that he would lie, he pretended to call the teacher **, so he picked up the microphone:"Hey, Mr. Lin? ..."The son laughed as he could:

Mom, you haven't dialed the ** number yet! "

My four-year-old son, who is somewhat constipated, is struggling on the toilet, his face flushed. I began to count him: "Tell you not to eat apples, so that you don't drink water."

He squeezed little by little, gritted his teeth and said with a hideous face: "Mom, I am you, pulled out like this?" ”

Two days ago, my son looked at me and said, "Mom, your necklace is so beautiful, give it to me when you die." My mood is indescribable, my colleague comforted me and said, be content, at least you live and he doesn't want it.

Sister, let me ask you, you must have studied biology as a college student, what is smaller than bacteria? Me: "Cells? Small bacteria? My brother said solemnly, "It's his son." ”

Essay on my ideal last week, my girl tilted her head and thought about it for a long time and didn't know how to start, I asked her what ideal is so difficult to write, and she said that the ideal is to gnaw at the old,

Grandma, buy me some junk food!

My son, when he was five years old, was watching TV at home, and the picture was a woman leading a man home, and at this time her husband was walking home, and my son came and said, "Don't leave yet, they're all back."

1.Every kid is a thinker, because they basically have a pair of weird mom and dad.

2.Mother: "Why are you eating pears in front of the mirror?" Girl: "Isn't that the right to eat two pears?" ”

3.Children treat all adults with confident eyes, and adults treat all children with negative eyes.

4.Children see the world of adults with their "hearts", while adults only look at the world of children with "two eyes".

5.Adults look at the world of adults by success. Adults look at the world of children by test scores.

6.There are "impossible" things in the children's brains, and "no's" in the adults' brains.

7.The world of adults is made of influence in the sky, money in the ground, interpersonal communication in the law, and television in the four seasons.

8.Kindergarten is almost out for the summer. Mom wanted to sign up for an interest class for Heng Heng, so she asked Heng Heng: What do you like, Heng Heng wanted to think about it and say: Mom, I like Shabu mutton ...... very much

9.The teacher couldn't help but sigh when he saw the students who were asleep: Napoleon only slept for three hours a day, what inspiration did you get from this? Dumb: If you don't rest well, you won't be tall.

10.Xiao Liang was stung by a bee, his head was swollen and he imitated a big bag of liquid fiber, and when he saw his neighbor's sister, he shouted: "Sister, which bees are you fed by?" Is your chest swollen so strong?

A kid is talking big. A: I'm a good baby, and my dad hardly hits me. B: I'm a good baby, my dad hits me, and I hardly fight back!

12.The father encouraged the 4-year-old child to strengthen the exercise, how long to the whole body muscles, so that the human body is physically and mentally healthy, and does not like to get sick. The child seriously thought about it and asked, "Father, isn't it easy to grow a feather duster?" ”

13.Dad: "Shouhe, you stinky boy is really incompetent, I haven't told such a big lie when I was so old with you." Child: "And when did you start telling such big lies?" ”

14.Lele accidentally broke her forehead, and her mother applied some purple potion to them. Sai'er, who had already painted, saw it and asked, "Ah, who painted on you?" What a bad guy!

often asked Xu Xu: "What does my father do?" Asahi replied seriously: "Father buys (sells) 'opu' (oppo) mobile phones, 'opu' mobile phones, study hard!" ”