Which of the five typical Chinese marriage patterns are you?

Five typical Chinese marital relationship patterns, these are the five most common marital relationship patterns that I have summarized in my years of counseling, see which one you belong to?

The first is a partnership-style marriage. Two people don't feel happy, they don't feel too unlucky, although there will be friction with each other, and they are not very satisfied with each other, but they feel that life can go on, but the days are as tasteless as boiled water, there are no festivals, no surprises, this is the marriage status of many people.

The second is a chicken-fly-dog-style marriage. Two people in a marriage quarrel at every turn, complain and quarrel at every turn, and are immodest to each other, making life a mess.

The third is the open marriage model. In marriage, husband and wife do not always live together, each has its own house, each has its own life, usually, it is not likely to disturb each other, this marriage model is more like a house.

Each does not hold each other accountable, nor does it hold each other free.

Fourth, an empty shell marriage. Two people in a marriage don't quarrel or quarrel, but they don't divorce either. The reason for not getting a divorce may be due to considerations of identity, image, status, etc., or it may be that you are too lazy to divorce and are unwilling to toss.

If you don't get married, you only occasionally feel lonely, but what about marrying the wrong person? But it's not just lonely, you still belong to yourself if you don't get married, but what about marrying the wrong person? It could drag down or even ruin your whole life.

Marriage is never a solution to loneliness and improvisation, and a low-quality marriage is not as good as a high-quality single. But ah, two people don't care about each other, don't communicate with each other, sleep in separate rooms, purely under the same roof.

's strangers, this kind of marriage, there is no wind and no waves, in the eyes of outsiders, their marriage is not bad.

Fifth, a happy marriage. Two people in a marriage appreciate each other, cherish each other, respect each other, love each other, resonate at the same frequency, know how to understand, and both husband and wife have a strong sense of happiness, but this is the marital state of a small number of people, which one do you belong to?

I think my marriage is widowhood, everything is done by the hands, and the man has no contribution at home.

Men are inferior to women, matrilineal clan type, democratic type, ambiguous type, war type, I belong to the democratic type, the relationship between the male host and the female owner are evenly matched, and the strength of the two people will be relatively strong.

My marriage is a widowed marriage, and I do all the housework alone, and the other party doesn't care about it at all.

Compare and follow the trend, no opinion. Whether it is between elders, between brothers and sisters, or between girlfriends and friends, there will be this situation, compared to the dowry, than the wedding ceremony, more than the house than the car, more than the wife and husband, than the children...What others have must also have themselves, which will also bring friction between husband and wife and lead to conflicts!

Too materialistic, despising love. Influenced by the old concepts left over from traditional feudal thinking, marriage seems to have become an exchange, the family conditions are very important, you must have money, and put forward all kinds of "material" requirements before marriage; But if you despise the love between the two, you can not guarantee the longevity and happiness of your marriage.

Heavy wedding form, light marriage management. The marriage ceremony is very elaborate and cumbersome, but now there is a phenomenon like a show held for comparison, fighting for face, marriage is a major event in life, although it should be valued, but the marriage management of the two after marriage is more important!

Excessive marital centricity. Women are influenced by traditional ideas to put marriage in an overly important position, and it is not advisable to have marriage without itself. Men and women are equal, and marriage is important, but it should not be the whole of life.

Excessive self-centeredness. This is essentially machismo, and from a certain point of view, a little bit of fine may be conducive to the development of the relationship between husband and wife, but if it is too much machismo, it will also make women vulnerable to injury.

Tube too dead or dare not manage. Due to the poor trust between the two parties, many couples either manage each other too hard or can't manage each other, which is not only not conducive to the harmony of marriage, but also causes a marriage crisis.

Excessive interference in the marriage by the elders. The elders are also influenced by the old concept, no matter how big or small, they will participate in interfering in the married life of young people, which reduces the burden of young couples to a certain extent, but it is also easy to lead to conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, bringing contradictions to the marriage of the two; The deeper the intervention of elders in the marriage, the lower the probability of children's marital happiness!

Excessive child-centeredness. Marriage is essentially for the continuation of life and the inheritance of the family. Driven by such a source of power, the husband and wife will revolve around the child, and any change in the child may fundamentally change the direction of the marriage.

Being overly child-centered is not conducive to marital harmony and is not conducive to children's growth.

If there is a problem, find out the root cause in time, find out the main contradiction, and solve the problem fundamentally; Husband and wife should communicate actively and effectively, not noisy, and reduce complaints; More care, praise and affirmation; Keep life fresh and increase interest; Have common interests and life goals; Give each other a certain amount of space; Learn to empathize; Be responsible for marriage, respect each other, and tolerate each other; Change and improve yourself and grow with your partner!

Chinese-style marriage is not bad, and the inheritance of thousands of years has its own reasonable and moral points, which is also related to the domestic big family culture and marriage concept! We need to look at marriage rationally and look at the little things in our married life. Marriage is like an advanced exam, everyone needs to grow in the run-in friction of marriage and getting along with each other!

In the face of marriage, there is no standard answer, but our life should not be defined, let alone "Chinese"!

The situation is not good, many couples are divorced, and many people do not want to get married. You must be dedicated, but also more tolerant of each other, when talking to each other, you must be gentle, 1 must respect each other, 1 must have very good communication skills.

In fact, women's efforts are not recognized by men, and in the marriage relationship, they are all male and female, and the value of women is not recognized by others.

The marital status quo is currently stable; Husband and wife should replace the cold war with communication, always improve their internal and external appearance, manage their marriage with heart, do not bring negative emotions from the outside home inside, and both husband and wife should trust.

The life of the parents, the words of the matchmaker.

In the traditional Chinese society, marriage was arranged by parents, and the parties to the marriage did not have the freedom of choice, and the main role of marriage at that time was not only to pass on the family lineage, but also to meet the requirements of the society at that time for social class, economic status, and cultural factors.

Traditional marriageThe male protagonist is outside and the female protagonist is inside. And under the influence of the idea of male superiority and inferiority of women, the husband is the wife, and the woman is in a subordinate position. Therefore, in traditional marriage, the woman must be dependent on the man, and must be subordinate to the man.

Men can meet most of the needs of women's emotional expectations as long as they go to work every day to earn money to support their families.

And now women can thrive in the workplace. With enough ability to earn money to support his family, his expectations for emotional needs are getting higher and higher.

In ancient feudal society, the feudal concept of marriage was upheld, a man could have a group of wives and concubines, and a woman could only have one husband, and the husband was not loyal to his wife, but the wife must be loyal to her husband. From the founding of the People's Republic of China to the reform and opening up, the traditional concept of marriage was upheld, and husband and wife were one-to-one relationships, loyal to each other, and exclusive to each other. Promote mutual trust and loyalty, from the beginning to the end.

At the beginning, there were parents who arranged it, but now there are fewer of them.

Includes the following features:

1.The love before marriage is as deep as the sea, and after marriage is like a shared house.

2.The man must have a car, a house and a bride price, and the woman must do housework and take care of the children to be filial to her in-laws.

3.Speechless, like a stranger, I'd rather face my phone than say a word.

4.Or live with your in-laws, and you have endless anger and endless work every day.

5.Despite the fact that it is a modern open society, there is still an age limit, as if not marrying before the prescribed age is a heinous crime.

6.In general: I can't leave if I want to leave, and I can't live if I want to live. Iniquity.

Chinese-style marriage, with the traditional beliefs and characteristics of the Chinese, is full of Chinese leadership theory, Taoist theory, Confucianism, Mojia theory, and military theory, forming a whole in an orderly manner.

The first is the composition of the leadership position, which is generally the leader of the man, constituting the so-called head of the household.

Of course, there are special circumstances where women are the leaders, but the implicit condition is that "the economic base determines the superstructure", that is, women's economic power must be in an absolute leading position, which is what the folk call a strong woman.

Secondly, to assist the family in command, decision-making, it is necessary to deeply understand the Taoist doctrine, to assist the leader of the family to develop and expand the family lineage, to strengthen the family to glorify the cause of ancestors, generally women assist men, therefore, in terms of specific family operation, men must fully respect the exercise of women's family domination, this process, the folk are generally called "blowing the pillow wind", of course, there are also examples of men assisting women.

There is also a special branch of Taoism, that is, Legalist thought can also exist, it generally appears in the case that the assistant can not fully grasp the leader, although subject to the absolute leadership of the leader, but his assistance, must be strictly in accordance with the leader's previous words and deeds, pay attention to "words and laws", and do not allow "change the order of the day".

Thirdly, to carry out the substantive management of the operation of the family, it is necessary to deeply understand the Confucian doctrine, the folk model is generally "the male is in charge of the outside, the female is in charge of the house", the man is in charge, and the woman must also give the man full respect for the exercise of the administrative power of the family, and if the woman is in charge of the house, the man's obligations are the same.

Fourth, the handling of daily family affairs should pay attention to the Mohist doctrine of "love" and "non-attack", and there is always a husband and wife who are responsible for the daily affairs of the family, and generally the one who masters the Taoist doctrine to master the Mohist doctrine, and then plays a role in reconciling the children of the two sides, because the children belong to the subordinate Mohist status in the family, and the children are the common affairs that both parties must face, and it is a trivial matter, and the core of its cohesion is "righteousness", pay attention to dedication.

Finally, in order to protect the interests of the family externally, the necessity of the doctrine of the military (army) and its auxiliary doctrine of the family (diplomacy) is evident in order to protect the family members from external oppression.

It's just that violence is supposed to be external, but some men use it internally, resulting in domestic violence, which leads to the breakdown of many families, which needs to be taken seriously.

Therefore, Chinese-style marriage actually includes the main schools of the hundred schools, and most of the Chinese, as long as they have experienced a complete family, are philosophers.

Men generally grasp the doctrine of leadership, Confucianism, and the idea of the military family (Zonghengjia).

Women generally grasp Taoist (Legalist) thought, Mohist thought.

Children generally grasp Mohist thought.