How to make up for the lack of childhood and the lack of heart?

For the absence of the past, we can do this:

First, awareness.

Awareness is the first and most important step. Aware of the lack of love in childhood, aware of the desire and anxiety of intimacy, aware of the fear of abandonment, aware of the fact that you always think that you are bad, unworthy of love, not good enough ......

In short, be aware of your true state, and only be aware of it, not to make judgments. Don't think it's your own mistake, but see, confirm.

Second, self-nurturing.

The absence of the past has led to your childhood as a wounded child. Maybe your parents don't have the consciousness or the ability to provide you with love, guidance, and security, but you can as an adult.

You can take care of yourself, let yourself do what you like, nourish your soul with good books, movies and **, use travel to broaden your horizons, and use friendship to confide in each other and share happiness. In short, you need to be patient with hugs, nurture the injured child, and give him love and security.

Third, treat yourself in a loving way.

How do you want your parents, partner or friends to treat you? If you want them to pamper you, be gentle and patient, tolerant and generous, do the same to yourself.

Be kind, and be kind in a loving and tender way. Listen to your body language, and when it's tired, say to it: Thank you for your hard work, I want you to have a good rest.

When you are frustrated and in a bad mood because of your work mistakes, please be tolerant of your mistakes and tell yourself that even saints will make mistakes, and you don't need to punish yourself harshly, you just need to sum up the lessons and then pay attention next time. And, calm your emotions well. Remember to say to yourself, I love you.

The lack of childhood is not a defect or regret, but a reason to grow up better and love yourself more.

What is missing has been lost, and it is difficult to make up for it, after all, it is a childhood regret, and the imprint in his heart is very deep, unless he can go back to the past and become smaller, and live again, so that he can make up for this shortcoming.

What is missing has been lost, and it is difficult to make up for it, after all, it is a childhood regret, and the imprint in his heart is very deep, unless he can go back to the past and become smaller, and live again, so that he can make up for this shortcoming.

<> what is missing has been lost, it is difficult to make up for it, after all, it is the regret of childhood, and the imprint in the heart is very deep, unless he can go back to the past and become smaller, and live again, so that he can make up for the lack of this regret has been lost, and it is difficult to make up for it, after all, it is the regret of childhood, and the imprint in his heart is very deep, unless he can go back to the past to become smaller and live again, so that he can make up for the lack of this regret has been lost, and it is difficult to make up for itAfter all, it is a childhood regret, and the imprint in his heart is very deep, unless he can go back to the past and become smaller, and live again, so that he can make up for this lack of regret has been lost, and it is difficult to make up for it, after all, it is a childhood regret, and the imprint in his heart is very deep, unless he can go back to the past and become smaller, and live again, so that he can make up for this defect and the missing has been lost, and it is difficult to make up for it, after all, it is a childhood regret, and the imprint in his heart is very deep. Unless he can go back to the past, become smaller, and live again, then he can make up for this shortcoming.

If you don't get enough mental nourishment at an early age, you will continue to search for it throughout your life, and as a result, you will have to find all kinds of problems until you find the psychological nourishment that you once lacked.

For example, when they were young, they didn't get the attention of their parents, and most people went to find a lover or spouse to make up for this need.

Once you enter a marriage relationship, you may endlessly ask the other party to accept you unconditionally or attach great importance to you, if the other party does not meet your requirements, it may cause a big war, which is also an important factor in the final breakdown of many marriage and love relationships.

Fortunately, after the age of 25, we have the ability to be our own parents and help ourselves replenish our psychological nutrition.

So, what is the psychological nourishment behind our behavior? How can you make up for it in adulthood by understanding your natural temperament type?

Dr. Lin Wencai, the proposer of "Psychological Nutrition", jointly launched a series of courses on "Psychological Nutrition Missing in Childhood, How to Make Up for it in Adulthood", taking you to see the essence through the phenomenon, deeply solve the above problems, and become a person with the ability to be happy.

Dr. Lin Wencai is a top psychological tutor in Asia.

30 years of experience in psychological counseling, more than 17,000 hours of counseling.

15 years of experience in counseling for radio and radio programs, and the author of "Psychological Nutrition".

In Malaysia, 23 cities in China.

Helped more than 150,000 people replenish their mental nutrition.

Our life has infinite capabilities, but without physiological nutrition, the body will not be healthy; Without psychological nutrition, the tremendous ability of the mind cannot be realized, the flower of life cannot bloom, and the psychological power can only be dying.

In the past, I have been very pleased and inspired to see that many people who have been guided by 'mental nutrition' have become more energetic and happier.

People who lack companionship in childhood are often prone to unhealthy psychological problems such as loneliness and low self-esteem.

At a young age, if a person lacks companionship and does not receive affection from his family, it is easy for them to establish a wrong relationship model with the people around them, which affects their temperament and their ability to love and be loved.

People who lack companionship in childhood, if they do not form a healthy psychological model since childhood, their adult relationships often do not go well.

Growing up in an environment that lacks companionship from an early age can easily cause unhealthy psychological problems.

Everyone grows up in "imitation".

Kohut argues that people are narcissistic, but the process of narcissism requires the other person to be used as a mirror, and after seeing oneself in this mirror, one is formed.

This is what many psychology books call "mirror thinking". It means that we see ourselves through the external environment or through the reactions of other people. We are accustomed to putting ourselves in the external environment to look at ourselves.

Therefore, if a person lacks companionship since childhood, the environment in which he lives is unsound, and when he examines himself through these imperfect environments, he often has a negative feeling of being abandoned or not being favored by everyone.

For example, the mother plays an irreplaceable role in our development, and from the birth of the baby, she exists in our growth as our closest object.

Mother is like a mirror in our growth, every interaction between children and mothers can be said to be a mirror reflection process, she witnesses our growth, and accompanies us from croaking to trying the ups and downs of reality.

But if this kind of maternal love and companionship is suddenly stopped later, and such a mirror reflection process is not perfected and developed, this will create a loophole in our hearts, and with the accumulation of time, a traumatic person will be derived in the bottom of our hearts.

The most direct result of this lack of companionship is the manifestation of loneliness - we feel abandoned and unloved.

If these feelings persist in a person's mind, and these negative feelings are not corrected, it will lead to two wrong relationship patterns in our adult relationships with those around us: sticky attachment and fearful attachment.

The lack of childhood can't be made up, after all, it's gone, and the lack of heart can't be made up, when you grow up, you have to work hard to live, make new friends, make yourself excellent, become a little sunny, and let it stay in the memory of the lack of childhood!

There are two main aspects of childhood shortcomings, the first is the emotional aspect, and the second is the material aspect. In terms of emotion, some parents are very stingy with their children, rarely buy expensive items for their children, always use cheap things to pass away, and often scold and reluctantly take out their money when their children want to go to school. On the spiritual side, there are some children who have never enjoyed the warmth of the family, and it is possible that the parents have some eccentric behavior.

I never care about what another child thinks, in fact, the child is very sad, but I can't express it. When I was a child, I was always very interested in some things, so I only made up for these shortcomings when I grew up.

2. Have you ever had a childhood act of revenge compensation?

When a child grows up, then he can control his own life, the economy is independent, he can buy whatever he wants, and he will use money to make up for his childhood regrets. For example, when I was a child, my mother didn't buy me a beautiful dress, so when I was a little older, I liked to buy all kinds of bags and clothes, and I didn't eat anything I had when I was a child, and I would overeat when I grew up. Since it is vindictive, then it is definitely not needed, it is imposed on oneself.

In short, it is necessary to erase all the bad memories of the past. Don't think about the painful things of the past, but look forward.

What did you do to compensate for your childhood when you grew up?

1. When I was a child, my brother was very skinny, and he broke three or four of the toy cars my dad bought for me, and when I grew up, I bought a rocker car myself.

2. After joining the work, I bought all the books collected by my classmates who I liked but couldn't afford at school. Such as: "Twenty-five History", "Zizhi Tongjian" and so on.

3. I bought the original version of my favorite comics, as well as peripherals.

4. What was lacking when I was a child, I desperately bought something when I grew up.

What did you do to compensate for your childhood when you grew up, and how did you make up for what you lacked in your childhood.

5. I have my own cabin, and my favorite thing every day is to sit here and read books, learn and listen to songs, and my heart is very calm.

6. Even if the house is already full of snacks, you still can't help but keep buying them, and you want to buy them when you see them. It's nice to be generous in other things, but if someone touches my snacks, they're grumpy. I don't want to share any snacks with anyone, even if I have too many snacks to eat.

7. Compensate yourself for your drink freedom! When I grew up, every time I drank drinks, I always thought of my mother's voice in my ear, "Drink less, don't drink"!

8. On the day I received my first salary, I bought 100 yuan of lo-mei and a large bottle of Coke, although it is not an exaggeration, it is also my dream when I was a child!

9. I bought Sony Walkman, portable CD player, MD player, Zune, and OPPO S9K in one go.

10. Children who didn't have children's bicycles when they were children are very fond of cars when they grow up. People who didn't eat snacks when they were children are especially fond of snacks when they grow up. People who didn't have many toys when they were young years like to play mobile games when they grow up.

How to make up for what was missing in childhood.

When I was in elementary school and junior high school, my parents told me to go to the game room to play games, but I would basically take a quarter of an hour to play in the game room when I went to school and after school. Now I have bought two old color TVs (one is broken) and two game consoles at home, and I lie on the bay window to play games when I have nothing to do. Two days ago, I came home early from work, and my parents just called ** to ask me what I was doing, and I said that I was playing games to make up for my childhood regrets.

Since I was a child, my parents were not allowed to eat snacks, so they were very strict, and they even said how much they ate at dinner. When I was a child, I hated eating vegetables and carrots, but I had to eat them, and I was not allowed to go off the table if I couldn't finish them. Snacks and candy roadside stalls can't be touched.

Every time I go to and from school, I see other children who are very envious, and at first they will pester their mother to eat, but all they get is scolding and punishment.

When I grew up, had certain economic conditions, and had the ability to meet my childhood dreams, then I naturally had a certain amount of retributive compensation for my childhood, in fact, I myself had similar behaviors.

For a boy born in the 80s like me, Transformers are the favorite toys of our generation when they were children, but when I was young, Transformers often cost dozens or even hundreds of yuan, almost equivalent to a month's salary of my parents, although it was good to say that at that time my father gritted his teeth and spent dozens of yuan to buy me a dinosaur Transformers toy, but deep down in my heart I was more eager to get a set of combination Transformers, and this set of combination Transformers at that time required more than 200 yuan, It was equivalent to a month's salary for my dad and a half, and apparently my dad couldn't meet my excessive demand.

But when I became an adult, I had the ability to make my own money, I found that the Transformers toys I loved in my childhood are still on sale, which gives me the possibility of meeting the dreams and regrets of my childhood, although the current set of combination Transformers toys ** has been more than 2000 yuan, equivalent to 1 3 of my monthly salary, but I still gritted my teeth and chose a set of Hercules combination Transformers that I liked the most in my childhood, It's also a compensation for the unfulfilled dreams of my childhood.