How to explain the death of a loved one to a child?

It can be said that it became an angel.

Death is heavy, and talking about death with a young child is even heavier.

As children grow older, their concept of death evolves:

First stage: 2-5 years old

For children, death can be difficult to understand, especially the permanence of death. Children at this age often think of death as a temporary, reversible, impersonal concept. They often see all kinds of characters, animals, flowers and plants in their stories, and death is so calm that it seems as if they are asleep, or, with the help of some kind of food, potion, or magic, the dead come back to life.

Therefore, when it comes to the death of a family member, if the child does not react much, it does not mean that the child has no heart and does not love his relatives, it may just be because the child is still very ignorant of the understanding of death and feels that the departure of the family is only temporary and will come back in the future.

Stage 2: 5-9 years old

Children at this age can basically understand that every living creature will eventually die, and death is the end of life and irreversible. They come to understand the non-functionalities of death – that a dead person can no longer do what a living person can do.

The child may ask you: Do the dead have feelings? Can a person still eat when he dies?

Can you still move? Do you still dream?

They may develop a fear of death. They may know that some things mean death, such as skulls, and are afraid to see things related to death. They may be afraid that they will die, that they will not wake up when they fall asleep, that they are reluctant to go to bed at night, or that they have nightmares while sleeping.

They may also be afraid of the death of their family members, do not want to let them leave their side, and always make sure that their family members are safe.

Stage 3: 9 years old – puberty

At this age, children are well aware of the nature of death, and they know that they and their families will die one day.

Therefore, when children are young, they can use picture book stories, deceased flowers and plants, etc., to help them understand death and form a correct understanding of death. In this way, when the child grows up, he will not be so confused and afraid of death. When a loved one dies, the child can also be psychologically prepared.

No one really understands death, and you don't have to pretend to know everything, but no matter what the child asks next, you can't explain death as an understatement.

You can understand death as life education, and tell the child tactfully: "He just fulfilled his mission in this world, so he left".

Every weak heart is worthy of our protection, the eternal topic of death, is a problem that people can not escape in a lifetime, fear, escape is not the right way, as a parent, should face this heavy blow with children. We all need the courage to start over!

After the death of a loved one, we can euphemistically make the child understand the death.

1. Use animals or plants in nature as examples.

Ashleigh Schopen, a child life counselor in the United States, said: "You can borrow plants or animals from your surroundings to explain to your child. For example, if a pot of flowers at home dies, it loses its vitality.

That is, it will no longer absorb water and will not continue to grow in the sun. Death is eternal, and it takes a long time for a child to understand. ”

Dr. Judith Simon Prager, a homeopathic clinician in the United States, believes that parents can take their children to see dead butterflies and rotting fruits in the garden, which are all good ways for children to learn about the concept of death. Even a popping bubble can signify the end of life.

After you have discussed it with your child a few times, your child will have a clearer understanding of death. When death befalls one's loved ones, children will not be so afraid.

You can say, "Just as the leaves of a tree turn from green to yellow and then wither, when a person's heart stops beating, he dies and his body stops moving." He will no longer move, he will no longer feel, he will not feel hunger, heat and cold; He will no longer walk, breathe, talk, or eat.

You can say, "Just as the leaves of a tree turn from green to yellow and then wither, when a person's heart stops beating, he dies and his body stops moving." He will no longer move, he will no longer feel, he will not feel hunger, heat and cold; He will no longer walk, breathe, talk, or eat.

3. You can let your child tell him this fact in his familiar environment.

When your child is playing with toys, you can say to him, "Grandmother has died. Her body no longer works, she can't eat or walk. You can't see her anymore. ”

For a child, seeing his parents cry can be frightening. Even if you try to be strong, the child can feel your true emotions.

It's best to tell him when he sees you crying, "I think of my grandfather, I'm sad, but don't worry, I'll be fine in a while." ”

Try to keep it as simple as possible, and the child will also understand the meaning of death.

When a loved one dies, you can treat the child as a friend, a thinking person to tell him about it.

First of all, let your child know that death is a normal and inevitable thing. Today's children have their own understanding of death, and they are not as ignorant as their elders thought. When my son was more than four years old, we talked about the death of a loved one, and at that time, because he felt that the child was too young and far away from death, he told his deceased relative to go to the sky to be a star, and he was very silent after hearing this.

It wasn't until I went to bed at night that I said, I knew he was dead and I wouldn't be able to see him again.

Nowadays, counseling is developed, and children are far more sensible than we think, and they have their own understanding of death. Instead of using countless lies to cover up a fact, it is better to tell him openly and honestly that giving him the right guidance can help the child come out of the grief of losing a loved one faster.

Second, choose an environment that he is comfortable with and tell him about it. Rather than having someone tell your child about the death of a loved one, it is better to let him know in a gentler way. Just like this little girl in Suining, Sichuan, although her mother tried her best to hide the news of her father's death, she must have loved her children too much, and she was hurt by filming her children.

However, the child cannot always live under the protection of her family, she will be in contact with the society, contact with other people, and there are many channels for her to get counseling.

Instead of leaving a time bomb for your child to hide the news of the death of a loved one, it is better to choose a way to tell the child that he will be hurt by this incident to the greatest extent, so that he can be more accepting of reality.

Finally, guide the child to say goodbye to his deceased relatives, so that he can leave warm memories of his loved ones in his heart. Too much concealment may cause children to lose the opportunity to say goodbye to their deceased loved ones, which will bring some regrets. Many children are ignorant of death, so they need the correct guidance of their relatives to tell them that although their relatives have passed away, the beautiful and warm memories between each other will not disappear.

It's just that people need to keep looking forward, so say goodbye and start a new life.

The matter of the death of a loved one is very heavy, but it should not be avoided because of its heaviness. It's just that when talking to your child about this, be sure to see him as an individual with the ability to think independently. Your attitude towards him can determine his ability to face things, and then give the other person the right guidance, so that the child can understand and accept death to a greater extent.

When a loved one dies in the family, many parents hide their children at the first time, and then they have to use countless lies to hide it. In fact, many things need to be explained clearly to their children, and many parents will say, "Don't tell your child that he is too young." "This statement is actually partly wrong, don't let the child hear things in other people's mouths, carefully tell him about things, let him also understand what happened, unless the mind is really not up to it, as long as he reaches the stage of understanding, he must communicate with him more.

Children may be concerned about death as early as the age of four or five, and if a loved one dies, the child may have greater psychological fluctuations. Therefore, when the child takes the initiative to bring it up, it is necessary to explain to him and her the appeasement of death and progress.

Explain to your child that death should not be described as a happy ending, such as going to heaven, but avoid being too realistic and causing the child to see death as a frightening event. We can use the metaphor of warmth to guide children to understand death as a thing that can still make the living person miss and sustenance although he is gone forever. For example, the leaves fall back to the roots.

We can use some nostalgic rituals or read some picture books on the theme of death to soothe and divert children's emotions.

As long as we who are alive have not forgotten our loved ones who have passed away, they have not really passed away.

In this way, the child will transform the grief and fear of death into the memory of a loved one.

The death of a loved one, the depth of the damage caused to the child, and how long it takes for the child to get out of the pain, depends on the emotional intelligence of the child himself, not on how the adult tells the child.

Just ask, how can you let a child of what age "rationally" face his mother's sudden departure?

I'm afraid that no matter how much adults communicate with children, children will not be able to accept this fact. If you want to get your child out of pain, you can only leave it to time.

In my opinion, the best way is not to communicate with the child about it head-on, but not to touch it in words and deeds, and not to arouse the child's thoughts of his loved ones.

Children under the age of 3 do not yet fully understand the meaning of death, and the best way is to tell him that "this person is gone". Like a fallen leaf in autumn, a withered flower or a goldfish that no longer swims, the person is "gone", in a simple way, the child understands the naturalness of death.

Older children generally understand the consequences of death, and we can talk about specific concepts of death, such as, "When people die, their hearts stop beating and they don't breathe, and we can't see them anymore." At this stage, children will feel sadness for a longer period of time and will be able to express the sadness in their hearts.

When it comes to helping children deal with the death of a loved one, adults should help them face and accept the death of their loved one, and not avoid it because of their own fear and avoidance.

If your child feels like crying, encourage them to cry, and encourage them to talk about their feelings and help them vent their inner pain. The sooner a child comes out of his sadness, the stronger he will be able to start a new life.

In life, we always avoid talking about death", and it will feel unlucky when it comes to this word. But in fact, birth, old age, sickness and death are one of the natural processes of human beings. If an important person in a child's life has passed away, the potential impact of the child's negative reaction will be very complex, and when this happens, it is best for adults not to avoid talking about it, but to actively take measures to guide the child to understand and accept the misfortune.

First, you should tell your child the sad news of the death of a loved one truthfully, and in a language that is appropriate to his stage of development. For example, for younger children, you can tell them that they went to a far, far away place and will never come back." For older children, it can also be said that they went to heaven and started a new life there again", etc.

Second, the outpouring of emotions from family members, including shock, unimaginability, guilt, sadness, and anger, is normal and beneficial. Other loved ones can alleviate the child's loneliness by sharing their feelings and memories with the child. For example, watch ** together or reminisce about stories, etc.

It is best not to deliberately act too calm in front of your child, so that the child will be confused about his feelings: why do others seem to be calm because they feel painful? Am I wrong?

Third, you should assure your child that he will receive the constant care and love of his living relatives, who will closely meet his child's needs. In addition, you should also convince your children that the death of their relatives is not their fault, and sometimes even if it is an accident, it is inevitable that they will not be able to resurrect their dead relatives. The family should maintain the habits of family life and the teaching of their children.

Fourth, a solemn funeral provides an important way for a child to mourn the death of a loved one, provided that the child's participation in the funeral is properly supported and understood. At the same time, encourage your child to participate in the funeral in memory of a deceased loved one in some way possible. For example, painting a picture, planting a tree, or leaving a loved one as a memorial to the death of a loved one can increase the child's sense of participation and make the funeral more meaningful.

Fifth, the child's expression of grief is a process that develops over time. What begins as shock and denial of a loved one's death can turn into grief and anger lasting weeks or months. Eventually, if the situation is ideal, the child will accept this reality and adjust accordingly.

In short, when an unfortunate event occurs, the family should still let the child feel enough love, and timely counseling the child's feelings and psychology can help the child get out of grief as soon as possible.