Purely scattered, asking for all kinds of jokes? If you re in a bad mood, you re scattered!! Each pe

I'm handsome, and I'm almost beautiful.

Our home is so small that as soon as we entered the living room and turned around, it was the toilet.

You walk forward step by step, and when you come to the intersection, you see the note in front of you, pick it up and look at it, and it says, "Please turn back, you have been straightened out."

I'm tall and yet short.

I'm gay, but I'm not gay.

To tell you the best way: when you are bored, you can read books, listen to **, and learn a little more knowledge

Hahahahahaha Hahahahaha.

I know you won't give it to me. Isn't it funny that I've returned your question.

An American, a Japanese, and a Chinese fell on a desert island due to a plane crash and were caught by the cannibals on the island.

The leader of the cannibals said:"I'm happy today, so I won't eat you, but you have to meet one of my conditions"

The three asked in unison"What conditions? "

The chief said:"It's just that the sum of the three of you is more than 20 centimeters"

When the Americans heard this, they were happy, and first took out the things for 11 centimeters, and the Chinese took out the things for 8 centimeters, and then the Americans and the Chinese were happy, thinking how could the Japanese also have 2 centimeters, right?

The Japanese also took it out, haha, exactly two centimeters, so the leader of the cannibal clan released the three of them.

Now the Americans said, today is all thanks to me, eleven centimeters, I account for more than half, the Chinese said, although mine is shorter than you, it also accounts for more than the average, the Japanese are anxious when they hear it"Damn, if mine doesn't get tough, the three of us are all finished"

A classmate, Sun Jun, once interned with other classmates in a hospital in Shenyang. In the room next to their dormitory lived a young man who lived in two separate places. One night in the summer, the beautiful young wife of a young man came from Jilin City to get together.

When I fell asleep, there was a noise next door, and it went on and on. So, everyone pricked up their ears to listen, but Sun Jun seemed to be very serious, with a sheet on his head. A classmate surnamed Liu quietly stepped forward, pulled up the sheets, and found that Sun Jun was carrying a stethoscope, and the stethoscope contact was pasted to the wall.

Once upon a time, someone surnamed, and one day he was trampled on when he went out.

The shortest ** in the world: Once upon a time there was a fat man who jumped from the 22nd floor and ended up becoming. Dead fat man ......

It's not a joke: A colleague in the unit felt uncomfortable with his stomach during the morning work hours, and thought he was going to fart, so he pulled his pants hard, and it was Lassi.

It's okay, I won't discriminate that you're heterosexual.

1 All 1, one day the hen flew up to the roof, and the master said angrily, "Come down, if you don't come down again, I will slaughter all the roosters here, so that you might as well die." The hen laughed and said, "Finally we can go to the ducks...

2. The elder brother said: I bought a cup with "I want to raise my salary" printed on it, and I have to put these words at the boss every time I have a meeting. Finally, one day, the boss also bought a cup with the words "Get out"!

3. The manager said: From today onwards, your monthly salary will increase to 5,000 yuan!

The manager said: No, because today is April Fool's Day!

4. When I met a person at the station who asked for food, he held a piece of paper in his hand and wrote: I am a deaf and mute person, please give me a little charity. I suspected he was **, so I said:

Sorry, I don't know how to read. Then he spoke: "Brother, my wallet has been ripped off and I have no money to buy a ticket home, you can lend me some money."

I was surprised: aren't you deaf and dumb? He was also surprised:

Don't you know how to read?

Choose 1 out of 2, I'll answer the bird first, wrong. I chose the beast, but it turned out to be wrong. nnd I don't believe it anymore, I baidu me.

The answer was 'mammals'. The result is still wrong. Directly filled in a 'beast'.

As a result, he collapsed on the spot and went in.

6. The Qingming Festival is here, last night I went downstairs with my family to burn paper money to pay tribute to my ancestors, leaving my sister to take care of the family. As soon as I came back, my sister said to me, "Brother, a few people just talked to you on the Internet, and I replied to you for you!"

I was curious to take a look at the message log, and the result... Oh my God, my sister actually replied to me: I'm sorry, my brother is gone, unless I go to help him burn paper, he can't come up and talk to you...

7. A: Sister, if someone lied to you on April Fool's Day, how long will you forgive him?

B: Forgiveness is God's business, and my task is to send him to God.

8, the uncle asked Xiao Lori for directions: How to go to the Public Security Bureau?

Little Lori looked at the uncle twice and asked: Do you want to walk or take a car?

Can I get there by car? That's a car ride, of course! ”

So, little Lori handed the wallet in her arms to the uncle: You take this well. After the uncle took the wallet, the little Lori immediately shouted: Robbed! Ten minutes later, the uncle left the scene in a public security bureau escort car.

Experience Wealth Value.

fainted, I thought that many people had 5 to 6,000 points, so how can I use these points?

Husband and wife are angry. The husband ran to the side and played with the kitten. My wife yelled when she saw it, what are you doing with that pig?

I talk to the cat, what do you interject???

There was an old farmer hoeing in the field, a crow flew by, pulled shit and fell on the old farmer's face, the old farmer raised his head and scolded: "Rely on your mother!" I don't know how to wear a pair of pants when I go out! The raven said, "Damn! You're and wearing pants! ”

You say the smart pig and the stupid pig are stupider.

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei drank and talked about heroes. The two drank a few glasses, and Liu Bei suddenly let out a fart, very embarrassed. When he was in embarrassment, he only heard Guan Yu behind him say calmly: "Don't be surprised, the fart comes from the feather (rain)!" ”

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun on the side took a step forward and said, "Don't be surprised, farts come from the clouds!" ”

As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Zhang Fei continued to shout: "A fart just now, the fart is flying!" ”

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh, he was deeply touched by this matter. After sending Liu Bei and the others away, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "Liu Bei's subordinates, when they saw that the lord had a mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for it, which can really be described as loyal. If it's your turn, will it be possible? ”

Everyone was indignant and thought, "Isn't it just a, what's so difficult about this!" ”

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again, and during the banquet he wanted to fart to see how his subordinates reacted. After holding it for a long time, I finally held back a little fart. Everyone had been waiting for a long time, and when they heard the sound of "goo", the general Xu Chu hurriedly shouted first: "The fart was put by Chu (pig)!" ”

Wang Lang followed closely and said: "The fart was put by Lang (wolf)!" ”

Cao Cao widened his eyes when he heard this, and the others thought that Cao Cao thought he was slow, so they all rushed to grab him, and Xiahou Dun argued: "The fart is Dun (jumping)!" ”

Wrong! Xu Huang retorted loudly when he heard it, "The fart is dangling!" ”

Xun You said: "The fart is from You! ”

Full pet said: "The fart is a pet (rush)!" ”

Jiang Ji said: "The fart is squeezed (squeezed)!" ”

Guo Tu said: "The fart is from the figure (spit)!" ”

Zhong Xuan said: "The fart is from the fart (shake)!" ”

Then. Niu Jin: "The fart is gold (gold)!" ”

Cao Hong: "The fart is Hong (red)!" ”

Zhang Nan: "The fart is south (blue)!" ”

Cao Cao was already red-faced and about to get angry.

Guo Jia continued: "The fart is from Jia (clip)!" ”

Liu Bei and the others were already smiling.

Cao Cao fainted angrily.

Brother Heshen: It is said that Heshen is known for his smoothness, and there are many children of the family who learn from him, and on this day four people came and asked Shen to go out and bring back the worst things they saw and say to him

A: Master, as soon as I went out, I saw two dogs mating, it was really **, and Shen smiled and said that everything comes like this, how to say **, you should change the word to meet.

B: Master, as soon as I walked to the river, I only saw a lot of Wang Ba climbing up the bank. He Shen said, if you come out with Banzai, what will you say? Wang Ba has a long life, and the emperors of all dynasties yearn for longevity, what you should say is a four-legged dragon.

C: But the things I saw were really not good, I saw the funeral procession, carrying the coffin. He Shen said: People don't live this life in the hope of going to the West Heaven Bliss after death, do you see that it is not good to have officials and wealth?

D: I saw a row of fireworks women standing by the river. It's really insulting. He Shen said with a smile: Nowadays, people steal oil and rob, but other women make money on their own, but the name is still elegant and called "Jiangbian Station"...

Tomorrow you all come and write a poem for me.

The next day, I got a poem:

A: Master and wife are happy to meet.

B: Give birth to a four-legged dragon in the coming year.

C: I am happy to have the master go to the west.

D: Leave my wife at the riverside station.

There is a pair of lovers in the park who are sweet, and the girl coquettishly says to her husband: I have a toothache! The boy then kissed the girl and asked

Does it still hurt The girl said it didn't hurt anymore! After a while, the girl said coquettishly: Husband, my neck hurts!

The boy kissed the girl's neck again, and asked if it still hurt this time, and the girl said happily: It doesn't hurt! An old lady next to her stood and watched for a long time, and couldn't help it, so she stepped forward and asked the young man

Young man, you are really godly, can you cure hemorrhoids?

There are a few classic jokes in my stomach, out of print... It's too long to type, and there is no copy. After asking for points, I will tell you in voice, and Bao Zhun laughed until you couldn't get up, and died of anger!

There was a man who wanted to die, he cut his veins with potato chips, hung himself with noodles, hit his brain with tofu, and jumped off a building with bungee jumping.

This is what I came up with, if there is any similarity, it is purely my sister's plagiarism).

Super joke: Chinese houses can be bought by the poor second generation.

Classic joke: Seeing a doctor Lisa is a financial controller in a large company, and she has a successful career in her prime, which should be happy; However, the fart problem has been getting worse lately, and Lisa is so distressed that she finally decides to see a doctor. "Doctor, my problem is getting harder and harder to control, in the elevator, at the banquet, at the press conference, at the board meeting, ......It's basically a matter of letting it go as soon as you have it, it's hard to hold it, doctor, you must help me!

Lisa complained to the doctor. "How do the people around you generally react? The doctor asked.

By the way, I forgot to tell you, I was really lucky, although I often put it in crowded places, but there is no sound, and there is no taste......I'll tell you the truth, I just put one out, and you didn't hear it, did you? Didn't smell it either, did it? Ouch, I'm sorry, I just said it's coming, and here is another one, but it doesn't matter.

Lisa explained with a blushing face. After listening, the doctor quickly wrote a prescription and handed it to Lisa. "Huh?

How are you prescribing nasal drops? Do I need this? Lisa asked suspiciously after reading the prescription.

Yes, first I have to heal your nose, then your ears, and finally I will work on ......See what I mean. The doctor replied, a little suffocated.

When I saw the doctor upstairs, I thought of one.

A man ran to the doctor and said that he ate cucumbers and cucumbers, and watermelons and watermelons, and everyone knew what the doctor's prescription was for him.

Then you'll have to eat" o(o

A new student came to a certain class.

One day, the teacher asked him, "How old are you?"

Student: May I ask the teacher how old I am?

Teacher: Your age.

Student: Oh, would the teacher want to know my age last year or this year's age?

Teacher: Nonsense, it's definitely this year's pull.

Student: Oh, does the teacher want me to tell you now or is he telling you after class?

Teacher: Now.

Student: Oh, do you want the teacher to say it out loud or quietly?

Teacher: Damn, do you say it or not! Don't fool me!

Student: Say, why does the teacher want to know how old I am?

Teacher: Can't I just ask?

Teacher: Khan died .........

Count the pull, count the pull, students, our topic today is to repeat the antonyms. The teacher says a word, you take a sentence, OK!

Teacher: The weather is very good today.

Student: Tomorrow the weather is bad.

Teacher: I ate fish heads yesterday.

Student: You eat turtle tome today

Teacher: Wrong.

Student: Correct.

Teacher: I said it was wrong.

Student: That's right.

Teacher: You idiot.

Student: I'm a genius.

Teacher: Stand up for me.

Student: I'll sit you down.

Teacher: Did you hear the teacher telling you to stand up?

Student: The teacher told me to sit down, and I heard me!

Teacher: You dare not listen to the teacher.

Student: I don't dare to listen to the teacher.

Teacher: Do you know what you just said?

Student: I know I didn't say anything right now?

Teacher: This classmate, I know you did it on purpose.

Student: Teacher, you know I didn't mean to.

Teacher: You're not big or small.

Student: I'm small and big.

Teacher: You don't study well at such a young age.

Student: I'm so old that I can't learn well.

Teacher: I don't want to talk about you.

Student: You want to talk about me again.

Teacher: Stop.

Student: I'll give you a step.

Teacher: I'm afraid of you, can you stop?

Student: I'm not afraid of you, can I continue?

Teacher: This concludes the antonym exercise.

Student: Synonym practice starts now.

Teacher: You're not done.

Student: I'm endless.

Teacher: You are not educated.

Student: I'm educated.

Teacher: Do you look like a cultured person?

Student: Am I not like an uneducated person?

Teacher: Depressed.

Student: Glad.

Teacher: I'm about to be by you.

Student: You're going to be by me.

Teacher: Can you not speak?

Student: Can I not shut up?

Teacher: Go on, I'm not going to take this lesson, I'll go.

Student: I'll stop, this lesson still has to be done, I'll do it.