The baby was very close to his mother when he was a child, why did he become estranged from his moth

After many investigations, it was found that most of the mothers who encountered this situation had the following characteristics:

1. Mothers who often blame their children:

When a child is just born, he will be overly dependent on his mother, but when the child grows up and has his own thoughts, he will judge who he would like to be close to.

The role of the mother is very important in the development of the child. Because before kindergarten, the mother is the best guide for the child, if the guide often adopts "critical education", excessive blame for the mistakes made by the child, then the child also has his own self-esteem, he will have a feeling of being hurt and hit, over time, the child will close himself off, unwilling to communicate more with the mother, and even alienate the mother.

2. Mothers who often beat and scold their children:

Mothers are already very tired with their children, but it is really a headache for children to be naughty and mischievous, and some mothers will not be able to control their emotions and implement the education method of beating and scolding their children.

As everyone knows, compared with often blaming children, frequent scolding will cause great physical and mental harm to children. Children who live in a family where they are beaten and scolded for a long time will generally form two extreme personalities, one is too rebellious, violent, and wants to escape all the time; The other is cowardly, timid, and afraid to get close to others.

3. A mother who often nags:

Although women are naturally more talkative and nagging than men, not everyone can accept a nagging mother. Especially for children in the rebellious period, it is difficult to listen to the big truth, and even feel upset. If mom nagging excessively, they will have the urge to run away from home.

4. Mothers who like to control their children:

Some mothers always like to "control" their children, they will feel that this is a sign of love for their children, but they do not know that the mother's desire to control will make the children "breathless".

How much to eat, when to do homework, how much clothes to wear to go out, please let the child make his own choice, mothers think that controlling the child is "for the good of the child", in fact, the child can not be accepted as a kind of love, but will feel restricted, resistance.

That's because when the children grow up, they also have their own ideas, thinking that some things can be solved by themselves, so they slowly don't listen to their mothers and become estranged; It may also be because of the mother's own reasons, she does not keep up with the pace of the child's growth, does not know how to communicate with the child, and just wants to manipulate the child more and more, so the child is rebellious and goes further and further away from the mother.

When I grow up, I am very estranged from my mother, and the main reason is that my mother manages too much, which will make the child feel that there is no psychological burden, and in this case, I will be very estranged from my mother, and I hate my mother very much.

The baby was very close to his mother when he was a child, and he was estranged from his mother when he grew up, which may be because his mother was more strong and strict with herself, and at the same time, her mother's emotionality was more serious, often moody, and most of the time she was very nagging, causing the child to become more and more resistant.

It may be because they were more dependent when they were children, and they became independent and mature when they grew up, so they no longer rely on their mothers, and young people have advanced ideas and concepts, and they are prone to a generation gap with their mothers.

Because the child grows up, has his own thoughts, and has his own object of worship, but the mother is still the same, or the mother, the child will be particularly easy to dislike the grumpy, nagging mother, at this time the mother has to get along with the child in a different way.

Because babies are the most dependent on their mothers when they are young, they need their mother's help the most. He will have his own independent thoughts in the future, so he doesn't want to be controlled by his mother, so he is estranged from his mother.

It has something to do with the mother's personality, if the mother's personality is too extreme and too emotional, it will alienate the child from the mother in the process of growing up.

Because the wings are stiff. When I was young, I needed my mother's care, and when I grew up, I felt that I could do everything and didn't need my mother.

.Parental control is too strongParents are too controlling over their children, which can lead to children often feeling out of breath when they are with their parents. Children are young, some of their ideas are relatively simple and naïve, and they will be at the mercy of their parents' arrangements. But when the child is older, ,..

2.Lack of communication with childrenParents are very important in the process of children's growth. If parents.

3.Scolding children oftenParents who often scold children can cause children to alienate their parents from the bottom of their hearts. Because they feel that their parents are right to themselves.

4.A bad relationship between parents and a family atmosphere will affect the parent-child relationship, and a bad relationship between parents and frequent quarrels will lead to fear in children.

Actually, you can't say the same. When children are young, they are attached to their parents and are close to their parents because they are young, and the expression of love at a young age is closeness. As the child grows older, this expression of love changes and becomes more subtle.

Therefore, it is not that the child does not want to be close to his parents when he grows up, but that the child's expression of love has changed, and his love for his parents has not changed.

Shouldn't all be like that, right?

Give your own example.

The eldest child in my family grew up with his grandparents, and he returned to his parents in the first year of high school. Although we will try to go home more often in the process, to be honest, there is always a lack of family affection.

However, we can feel that children can actually understand the difficulties of their parents. (In fact, we can bring our children with us from an early age, but there are problems and difficulties in the big family, and we need to work hard to pull them along.) So the eldest child in our family actually shared our father's love and mother's love with his cousins and cousins).

When the eldest child grows up, it is obvious that he wants to take the initiative to strengthen his relationship with his parents. Although it may seem clumsy at times, we are still moved.

Society is cruel, and it is not easy for parents to survive. It has been more than 30 years since the start of the 80s. The children of many families are left-behind children, but the children who really have problems are still a small number after all.

When most children grow up, they are still willing to be filial to their parents.

Therefore, you can't easily blame your elderly parents for your unfilial piety. In addition to the child's own personality problems, most of them are still problems of teaching by words and deeds, and their own outlook on life.

Instead of blaming your parents or children, reflect on yourself.

Only father's kindness can be filial piety, and brothers and friends can be brothers' respect. This kind of family affection is always mutual, and there are prerequisites, and you can't arbitrarily draw conclusions, that's called hooliganism.

A pair of parents who don't know how to be filial to their parents want to get the filial piety of their children when they are old. Therefore, those parents who blame their children for being unfilial must first reflect on their attitude towards their parents back then.

But it's easy to say, but it's actually hard.

Because in that era, it was simply ten years of national strength that cultivated a generation of bad.

In those days, there weren't too many children who broke off the father-son relationship for the sake of some kind of rightness, or kicked their parents' ribs.

So the popular phrase in society now is: "It's not the old people who get bad, it's the bad people who get old." ”

This is the root cause of the lack of "filial piety" in today's society.

Hello! Why the more children grow up, the more reluctant they are to be close to their parents, some parents may not understand this phenomenon, and even feel that their own lives are miserable, raising a white-eyed wolf, in fact, it is caused by parents:

1. Parents are too strict with their children.

When the child is young, the parents are the stern representatives in front of the children, the parents are strong, omnipotent, and do everything right, so the children must listen to their parents. But when the child grows up, he will sooner or later understand that his parents are actually just ordinary people, not so powerful, not so authoritative and worthy of worship. If the parents themselves are close to the child, the child will still be close to the parents, but if the parents and the child are sternly hesitant and not close enough, the child will lose the worship of the parents in his heart, and the relationship with the parents will naturally become farther and farther away.

Second, parents do not respect their children and manage too much.

No matter how young a child is, he or she has self-esteem, so he needs the respect of his parents. Some parents treat their children as their own property and think that you were born to me, so you have no privacy in front of me, and you can do whatever I want. Although many times parents are for the good of their children, in the hearts of children, there will be a sense of insult because they are looked down upon and violated.

He will be estranged from his parents from his heart, and once he has the ability, he hopes to be as far away from his parents as possible. When the children grow up and finally understand the painstaking efforts of their parents, they want to get close to their parents but can't find a way, because parents are always more concerned about how well they are getting a job, how much they earn a month, whether they have a girlfriend, when they will get married, and when they will have children, which are topics that children don't want to talk about.

3. Lack of communication with children.

When children grow up and are estranged from their parents, of course, there is a very important problem, that is, the problem of communication. Some parents don't communicate with their children much when they are young, and their children have something to say or want to talk to their parents about what they have suffered, but they never get the understanding and comfort of their parents, and can only be exchanged for a lecture. When the child grows up, the concept of life and consumption are different, and many things have to be hidden from the parents, otherwise they will be preached.

When the child wants to buy something for his parents, the parents will not be happy, and will say that it is better to give me the money and I will save it for you.

Children have a natural affection for their parents. When he was born, he was able to tell exactly who his mother was. But as they grow up, there are many children who become more and more distant from their parents, like the most familiar strangers.

In fact, such parents are very conscientious about their children, and everything is for his future, which can be described as exhaustive. But because they don't know how to express themselves, they always look very serious in front of their children.

Although what they do is really for the good of the child, for example, let him study hard and not be a picky eater. But for a child, how can he understand so deeply? The image of an adult will have a natural sense of majesty in the eyes of a child.

If parents are still always holding the shelf of adults, they always speak in a commanding manner, and they never know how to express their love. Then it is difficult for children to get close to them.

Maybe when they grow up, they will also understand their parents' painstaking efforts, but at that time they are used to the indifferent relationship with their parents, and it will be very embarrassing and confusing to get close again.

It can be said that children will respect and worship this type of parents, but they will hardly take the initiative to get close.

Because parents will be strict with their children in order to discipline them well, so that they cannot have a life like friends with their children, and the parents' thoughts are inconsistent with their children's thoughts, which leads to reluctance to get close to their parents.

1. Don't care about your child's thoughts.

Children are not puppets, and as children grow older, they begin to have independent thoughts. However, when many parents get along with their children, they are always accustomed to imposing their own ideas on their children, letting their children obey their own arrangements, hoping that their children will follow the path pointed out by their parents, but they rarely listen to their children's inner thoughts. In the long run, children who are not respected by their parents may rebel.

2. Parents are inconsistent in words and deeds, double standards.

Many parents often put forward various requirements for their children, such as not playing with mobile phones, reading more books, etc., but many times parents cannot meet their children's requirements. In the eyes of many parents, the difference between a good child and a bad child is whether it is "obedient" enough, such a double standard, how can the child have a good impression of his parents and be willing to communicate with his parents?

3. The center of the topic is always learning.

Although learning is also important for children, academic performance should not be the only criterion for judging whether a child is good or bad. Many parents think that their children's only task is to study, and any topic can be related to their children's learning, and it seems that there is no merit for their children's poor grades. Over time, it will make children feel that their parents' love is conditional, and only good grades can they have their parents' love, and children are naturally unwilling to give their sincerity to their parents.

2. How to communicate with your child.

1. Respect children from the bottom of your heart.

Parents should first make it clear that their children are an independent individual, not their own accessories, and that a good communication relationship is based on full respect. In the face of some opinions of children, even if parents feel immature and imperfect, parents should not take a downward posture, they should listen carefully to their children's real thoughts, and then weigh the pros and cons with their children to decide together.

2. Communicate on an equal footing.

Communicating with children on an equal footing like a friend can best reflect the principle of equality, and on the basis of equality, children are more willing to trust their parents and confide in their parents, and also give parents the opportunity to enter their children's hearts. Communication with children should be based on the principles of mutual consultation, mutual compromise and mutual understanding.

3. Admit your own shortcomings.

In the process of getting along with their children, many parents feel that they need to maintain absolute authority, so they are not willing to admit their mistakes even if they are wrong. In fact, no one is perfect, children's learning ability and acceptance ability are very strong, and parents must accept the reality that their children will one day be better than themselves. Dare to admit your own shortcomings in front of your children, and humbly ask your children for advice, so that the communication between parents and children can be unimpeded.