Jokes for girlfriends, if you have super funny, take them out, don t be yellow, the more the better

Three turtles. The three turtles came to a restaurant and asked for three cakes. As soon as the things were brought to the table, they found that they didn't have any money with them.

The big turtle said: I am the biggest, of course I don't have to go back to get the money.

The turtle said: It is most appropriate to send the little turtle there.

The little turtle said, "I can go back and get the money, but after I'm gone, none of you are allowed to touch my cake!" The big tortoise and the middle tortoise said yes, and the little tortoise left.

Because his stomach was empty, the turtle quickly finished his share of cake. However, the little turtle was nowhere to be seen. On the third day, the big turtle was really hungry, and they all said: Let's eat the little turtle's share.

Just as they were about to start eating, the voice of the little turtle came from next door: "If you dare to touch my cake, I won't go back to get the money!" ”

He is eighteen years old and has been smart since childhood. Started from the text, three times but not hit; After learning martial arts, he sent an arrow at the school field, and the drummer was driven out; Then he studied medicine, occasionally contracted a small illness, wrote a good prescription by himself, took it, and died!

2.On Valentine's Day, girls say to boys, "I like flowers." The boy was very excited and said, "What flower?" ”。The girl said, "If you have money to spend, you can spend whatever you want." The boy said "you are so beautiful". The girl hurriedly asked "** beauty". The boy said, "Think beautifully."

3.Coffee cups and water cups crossed the street, and a car came from the opposite side, honking its horn vigorously. In the end, the coffee cup crossed the road safely, but the water cup was hit and killed. Why, please! - A, because the water cup has no ears (this one is quite cold, but it's good to have interaction).

That's all for now, and I'll think about it later......

4. There is a passenger who has to take a taxi to the airport. When he met a taxi on the road, he asked "how long does it take to get from here to the airport". It will take "a long time" for drivers and "at least how long" for passengers. The driver "rides longer" ......

Before the wedding, the groom asks the officiant: How much does it cost to officiate at a wedding? The officiant said: The more beautiful the wife, the more money. The bridegroom was embarrassed to give a dollar. The officiant was stunned, glanced back at the bride, and then looked for the groom for 5 cents ......

When I was in college, I had a buddy in the same dormitory, who was the representative of the department. Teach us is a young female teacher. Anyway, one day my buddy was walking on the road with a cigarette in his mouth, and suddenly he saw the instructor, so he stepped forward to say hello, but the instructor took two steps back and said

I'm pregnant! (The female teacher is afraid that the smoke has arrived)", my buddy didn't understand the meaning, instantly petrified, the smoke fell off, and said tremblingly, "It's not mine!" ”。

Ah Cheng was already fat, and he has been fatter recently, but he feels good about himself. Once he met his old classmate Xiao Ding, and said excitedly: "Recently, my return rate is very high!"

Xiao Ding couldn't believe it, he glared and said, "Really? Oh, I guess, it's because I can't finish it at a glance! ”

There were two bananas running together, and the banana in front of him dragged his clothes because it was hot, and then the banana in the back slipped and fell.

Ever heard a cuckoo call?

A young man and woman were on a date in the park, and the girl especially wanted to fart, and she thought of a way:

F: Have you ever heard a cuckoo call?

M: I haven't heard of it.

F: I'll teach you, cloth (fart sound) valley (sound from the mouth).

F: Did you hear me?

M: The fart was too loud to hear.

There are a lot of them on the "Encyclopedia of Troubles" or "Happy Twist", you can look for it yourself.

1, Xiao Ming asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid child? Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly child?"

2. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Uncle, do you want side light, backlight, or full light?" ", Uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can you leave a pair of pants for your aunt?" "

3，.The four rats bragged: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I don't step on a mouse for a day and my feet itch; C: I don't have a lot of streets a few times a day; Ding: It's not too early, go home and pick up the cat.

4. A group of ants climbed on the elephant's back, but was shaken down, only one ant held the elephant's neck and did not let go, and the ants below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, sample, and reversed!

5, 20 years ago, Dad hugged you and waited for the car, and everyone laughed at the child for being ugly, and Dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Big brother, don't cry, take a banana and give it to the monkey to eat!" It's pitiful, the hungry are hairless. ”

6, there was an old farmer hoeing in the field, a crow flew by, pulled shit and fell on the old farmer's face, the old farmer raised his head and scolded: "Your mother! I don't know how to wear a pair of pants when I go out! And the raven said, "! You're and wearing pants! ”

7. There is a fat man.

Jumping from a tall building.

It turned out to be.

Dead fatty. -8, a woman took a fake bill to buy breakfast, and the vendor was annoyed: "Sister, you can give the counterfeit banknote, at least it is printed, you actually painted this one!" Take 10,000 steps back and say, forget about the painting, you can draw a picture of ten or five yuan, and you can also paint a picture of seven yuan!

Seven pieces are seven pieces, at least you have to draw in color, you actually use a pencil, forget it, black and white is black and white, but you can't draw it with hand paper! The feel is too bad, even if it's hand paper, you have to use scissors to cut the edges, this is torn by hand, the raw edge is too exaggerated, okay, I also put up with the raw edge, but you also tear a rectangle, this triangle is too much to say.

9. During a military exercise, a shell deviated very far. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells had fallen in the field, and in the middle of the field stood a peasant, his clothes were torn and his face was black, and his eyes were tearful and he said: "Is it possible to steal a cabbage and bombard it with artillery???

10, the man was out on a business trip, suddenly came home, heard the sound of the man snoring at the door, the man walked away silently, and sent a text message to his wife: Divorce.

Three years later, his wife told him that it was a little lion of Rising back then!

A buddy plucked up the courage to confess affectionately to mm on QQ, and after a while, mm replied: I'm her mother, I'm here to steal vegetables.

= =……Just tell a few bad jokes.

I suggest you go to see "Love Apartment".

There was a popsicle, walking down the street, melting...

There was a candy that melted as he walked.

Hilarious slip of the tongue 1, when I went to school on the weekend, I went home on the weekend, and I was addicted to smoking after dinner, and I was going to.

He is always good at "urging" to seize the happy moments of each child's "love", "dusk" by the stream, beside the shade of "mystery", in the school "sex", when the children are happy to "use" to play, "pin" can always see him carrying "micro" with a drawing board, taking out a "letter" brush and scribbling "wipe" on the paper. Sometimes when the children are running on the playground, they shout when they see him.