A hilarious joke, a hilarious joke

Two friends discuss what kind of wife to marry the most economically.

A said: It is best to exclude the thin, thin people generally eat more, and they are not afraid of getting fat, chewing snacks every day, and they are not afraid of sweets; And the fat ones are not good, although they eat less, but they make a fuss every day, buy **equipment, eat all kinds of **medicine......I think the cost is not low.

B said: Then find someone who is neither fat nor thin.

A thought about it, but still felt that it was inappropriate: it was too ordinary to be not fat or thin, this kind of woman is often too ordinary, so she always wants to make herself eye-catching by dressing up and makeup, maybe it costs more money to apply grease and powder every day.

B pondered for a long time, and suggested: Then why don't you just marry an ugly-looking dinosaur?

A jumped up when he heard it: Dinosaurs are more terrifying, don't you know that the price of plastic surgery has increased now?

B: It seems that only marrying a beautiful woman is the most cost-effective - neither need to **, nor have plastic surgery, and you can save money on cosmetics.

One day, the three piglets built three huts to escape the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf blew down the grass house, the wooden house, and the brick house without much effort, and the three little pigs ran desperately, but they were still caught up by the big bad wolf. The three little pigs said in despair

You can do it. We gave up, whatever you wanted.

At this time, the big bad wolf sneered, drooled and said: Then tell me that Little Red Riding Hood is in **?

A Chinese teacher with a strong dialect read the ancient poem "Wo Chun" to the students, and the Chinese teacher read it aloud as follows;

Lying in the spring dark plum smells of flowers, lying on the branches and hates the bottom. Hearing who lies in the distance, it is easy to penetrate the spring green.

The shore is green, the shore is green, and the shore is like.

Translucent green. The teacher asked the students to dictate it, and one student wrote;

I have no culture, I have a very low IQ, and if you want to ask me who I am, a big stupid donkey.

I'm a donkey, I'm a donkey, I'm a stupid donkey. h

Magical ants.

A man was sentenced to 12 years in prison and was bored in prison.

One day, he noticed that an ant could understand him, so he began to train it.

A few years later, the ant would not only do handstands, but also somersault, much to his pride. When he finally got out of prison, the first thing he did was run to the bar, ready to show off his amazing ant.

He first ordered a beer from the bartender, then took the ant out of his pocket and put it on the table, and said to the bartender".

One day the turtle.

Injured, let the snail go to buy medicine, waited for two hours, the snail has not come back, the turtle scolded: Damn, if you don't come back, Lao Tzu will die. I only heard the sound of a snail outside the door: You are going to scold Lao Tzu for not going.

When eating in a very small restaurant, there are a lot of people, so the food ordered is very slow to serve...

At this time, a man was in a hurry and shouted to the waiter: "Waiter, waiter, where are my pig ears?" ”

Legal: One day, A and B are chatting:

A: "Why does the law say that a man can only marry one wife?" ”

B: "When you get married, you know that this law is protecting our men. ”

2) Psychopaths steal.

One day, 3 psychopaths sneak out outside!

Later, I caught it back for the dean!!

Ask the three of them: How did you get out?

The first one said: "The heavy rain on the green mountains washed me down!"

The second said: "The green mountains are against the wall, and I ran out!"

The third said, "Do you want to know how I got out?" I don't know!

3) The Tale of the Brewmaster:

Once Guo Jiuxian was drunk, and found his home at eleven o'clock in the evening, the door of the yard had been bolted, Guo Jiuxian had to climb the wall into the courtyard, and when Guo Jiuxian climbed the pigsty wall and the courtyard wall, he accidentally slipped into the pigsty. Guo Jiuxian mistakenly thought that when he got home, the pig bit Guo Jiuxian's clothes with his teeth. After tossing several times, Guo Jiuxian began to vomit wine, how much Guo Jiuxian vomited, how much the pig ate, and after a while, the pig was also drunk and fell asleep.

The next morning, as soon as Guo Jiuxian's wife opened the courtyard door, she heard the sound of snoring in the pigsty, and Guo Jiuxian's wife approached and saw that Guo Jiuxian was sleeping with the pig in his arms, and at this moment everything was fully understood.

One day, the eldest and second went to the theater to watch a play again, and saw the two arguing about the development of the plot halfway through, and made a bet about it. The boss pointed to the row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what is there."

Unfortunately, the boss lost, so the boss frowned and took a sip. The two then bet on the plot below, and this time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up a spittoon and drink fifteen gulps in a row.

The boss was shocked, and the admirer threw himself to the ground, and said to the second child, "You are so amazing, you can actually drink fifteen gulps in a row!" The second child shook his head, "It's not that I want to drink, the phlegm in that spittoon is too thick, and I really keep biting." '

Two hunters encountered a bear in the forest, one was injured, and the companion hit ** to the distress center for help. The operator asked, "You have to tell me how your companion is hurt, is he dead?"

There was silence for a while, and then I heard a banging gunshot, and then an affirmative voice said, "Dead."

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei drank and talked about heroes. The two drank a few glasses, and Liu Bei suddenly let out a fart, very embarrassed. When he was in embarrassment, he only heard Guan Yu behind him say calmly: "Don't be surprised, the fart comes from the feather (rain)!" ”

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun on the side took a step forward and said, "Don't be surprised, farts come from the clouds!" ”

As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Zhang Fei continued to shout: "A fart just now, the fart is flying!" ”

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh, he was deeply touched by this matter. After sending Liu Bei and the others away, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "Liu Bei's subordinates, when they saw that the lord had a mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for it, which can really be described as loyal. If it's your turn, will it be possible? ”

Everyone was indignant and thought, "Isn't it just a, what's so difficult about this!" ”

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again, and during the banquet he wanted to fart to see how his subordinates reacted. After holding it for a long time, I finally held back a little fart. Everyone had been waiting for a long time, and when they heard the sound of "goo", the general Xu Chu hurriedly shouted first: "The fart was put by Chu (pig)!" ”

Wang Lang followed closely and said: "The fart was put by Lang (wolf)!" ”

Cao Cao widened his eyes when he heard this, and the others thought that Cao Cao thought he was slow, so they all rushed to grab him, and Xiahou Dun argued: "The fart is Dun (jumping)!" ”

Wrong! Xu Huang retorted loudly when he heard it, "The fart is dangling!" ”

Xun You said: "The fart is from You! ”

Full pet said: "The fart is a pet (rush)!" ”

Jiang Ji said: "The fart is squeezed (squeezed)!" ”

Guo Tu said: "The fart is from the figure (spit)!" ”

Zhong Xuan said: "The fart is from the fart (shake)!" ”

Then. Niu Jin: "The fart is gold (gold)!" ”

Cao Hong: "The fart is Hong (red)!" ”

Zhang Nan: "The fart is south (blue)!" ”

Cao Cao was already red-faced and about to get angry.

Guo Jia continued: "The fart is from Jia (clip)!" ”

Liu Bei and the others were already smiling.

Cao Cao fainted angrily.

A month after the New Year, the parents took their 5-year-old son to visit a friend.

After meeting, the father introduced his son: "This is Uncle Wang, give him a greeting for his old age!" ”

The son immediately bowed to Uncle Wang and said very politely, "I wish Uncle Wang a happy old age!" ”

College Entrance Examination Essay, Provincial Topic: Please describe the conversation between 2 rats in a wheat field, warn humans as rats, and make humans aware of the importance of environmental protection. Requires more than 800 words.

A classmate wrote:

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak? ”

Chirping! Squeak squeak squeak, squeak squeak, squeak squeak. ”

Chirping! Chirping! Chirping! Squeak squeak squeak! ”

Squeaky squeak? Squeak squeak? Squeak squeak, squeak. ”

Chirping! Squeaky squeak? Squeak squeak, squeak squeak, squeak. ”

Squeak squeak squeak! ”

..Chirping!

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak?

Squeaky squeak? Squeak squeak squeak! ”

Chirping! Squeaky squeak? Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. ”

I teach the teacher that my son, who had been going to school the first day, came back from school. My mother asked, "Son, what did the teacher teach you today?"

"He didn't teach me anything, he asked me, 'What is one plus two?' So I taught him, "."

It's three'. ”

Just one.

Bai joke: There is a guy who catches a squid.

zhi fish, squid dao said: "Good Samaritan, don't bake me back!" Don't answer.

Roast me! So the fisherman said, "Then I will test you a few questions, and if you answer them correctly, I will let you go." The squid said, "Take the test!" Take the test! So, the fishermen grilled the squid...

There were a pair of brothers on the plane! My brother is seasick! The elder brother gives the younger brother.

Took a bag!! Let the younger brother spit in the bag! My brother has been throwing up there!

I vomited almost a bag at once!! At this time, my brother went to the toilet!! After coming out of the toilet!!

My brother is vomiting when he sees the whole plane! Confused, I asked my brother what was going on? The younger brother said:

I saw that this bag was full of spit just now!! I ate it all and threw it up again, and they threw up!!

Deepening the Indian bai

as a father teaches his son, let him teach.

du to "day" zhi

word, in order to add.

Dao deeply impressed the child, and he asked:

What's on the top of your head? ”

The son thought for a moment and said, "Hair." ”

What about the top of the hair? ”

Roof. "What about the rooftop? ”

Tile. The father was angry and slapped the table: "Stupid, take a good look, what else is on it?"

The son was so frightened that he cried "wow": "And....There are also birds flying....”