Who is that fruit joke about Yu Liu Bei Zhang Fei?

It is said that one day, Liu, Guan, and Zhang were Cao Cao.

Captured and brought back to Cao Ying. At this time, Cao Cao asked his subordinates to move out a table of fruits, Zhang Fei thought that Cao Cao wanted to invite them to eat fruits, so he picked a favorite apple, but who knows, Cao Cao actually asked him to stuff the apple into the ass, of course Zhang Fei's apple can't be stuffed into the ass, so Cao Cao killed. And Guan Yu.

He chose a grape and stuffed it into his ass smoothly, but he was still killed by Cao Cao because he laughed, and when Guan Yu went down to the underworld, the king of Yama asked him: "You could not have died, but why are you laughing?" "Guan Yu is very innocent:

I saw Liu Bei.

Hold a durian.

The joke goes like this:

Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei met by chance before they got married in Taoyuan, and when they introduced themselves to each other, Liu Bei said: "I am Liu Bei, after King Jing of Zhongshan", Guan Yu said: "I am Guan Yu, and I am a good person in Hedong", at this time it was Zhang Fei's turn, he thought for a while and said:

I am Zhang Fei, a person who 'spreads his wings and flies in the sky'."

The joke is humorous and makes use of the names and characteristics of the characters of the Three Kingdoms, as well as the pun on "fruit", to create a light-hearted atmosphere.

The jokes about Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei are as follows:

Teacher: What is Liu Bei's greatest contribution?

Xiao Ming: I think his greatest contribution is to pass on his good genes to future generations and win glory for the country!

Teacher: How do you say that?

Xiao Ming: Isn't Liu Bei good at running, this gene was passed on to Liu Xiang and won the hurdle championship!

Teacher: ...Everyone is familiar with Guan Yu's abandonment of the festival, that is, after the burning of Chibi, Guan Yu wanted to guard Huarong Dao and intercept Cao Cao, but Kong Ming didn't believe him, so he made a military order and didn't hold Cao Cao's military law. As a result, Guan Yu still cared about the old feelings and let Cao Cao go. When he returned to the camp, he saw the military advisor Kong Ming sitting in front of him, his face sinking like water, and when he saw Guan Yu, he slapped his hand on the table and said loudly

Second general, what about the interception (festival exercise) that you said was good?! ”

It is said that one day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei were cooking wine together to talk about heroes, and the two of them drank a few glasses each, and after talking about it, Cao Cao couldn't help but say, today's heroes are only Jun and Cao'er, and Liu Bei was scared by this sentence, and the chopsticks fell under the table, Liu Bei bent down to pick up the chopsticks, but he never wanted to let out a loud fart, so the scene was very embarrassing. Just when Liu Bei didn't know how to ease the atmosphere, Zhao Yun stood up and said Don't be surprised, there is thunder in the sky, and farts come from the clouds. As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Guan Yu stood up again and said to everyone, don't be surprised, the fart came from the feather (rain), which means that this fart was released by himself.

As soon as Guan Yu finished speaking, Zhang Fei took the words again and said loudly, as soon as the fart sounded, the fart was flying. Everyone couldn't help but laugh out loud when they heard this.

Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei formed a righteous alliance in Taoyuan. Speaking of Danqiu, when he died on the same day and month of the same year, Zhang Fei suddenly had a heart attack and died.

Guan Yu asked, "Big brother, what should I do if the third brother dies?" Liu Bei said with a puzzled face: "What third brother?" Haven't we always been the two of us? ”

It is said that one day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei were cooking wine together to talk about heroes, and the two of them drank a few glasses each, and after talking about it, Cao Cao couldn't help but say, "Today's heroes are only kings and Cao Er."

This sentence frightened Liu Bei, the chopsticks fell under the table, Liu Bei bent down to pick up the chopsticks, but he never wanted to let out a loud fart, so the scene was very embarrassing. Just when Liu Bei didn't know how to ease the atmosphere, Zhao Yun stood up and said Don't be surprised, there is thunder in the sky, and farts come from the clouds.

As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Guan Yu stood up again and said to everyone, "Don't be surprised, the fart comes from the feather (rain)." It means that this fart was put on its own. As soon as Guan Yu finished speaking, Zhang Fei took the words again and said loudly, as soon as the fart sounded, the fart was flying.

Everyone couldn't help but laugh out loud when they heard this.

Extended content

Cooking Wine on Heroes".

"Cooking Wine on Heroes" is a fragment in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms. There are two heroes in it, one is a long song and roaring, arrogant, pointing out the heroes; A sensitivator under the fence, blindly humble, pretending to be a fool, they are Cao Cao and Liu Bei.

Cooking Wine on Heroes" is a peerless article that vividly portrays the mentality of the two of them, and one of the details is: Cao pointed at Xuande, and then pointed to himself: "The heroes of the world are only the king and the ear." ”

On the night of the candle night in the cave room, Liu Bei smirked and said to his wife: "It's time for the second child to appear!" Suddenly, Guan Yu broke into the door and shouted:

Thank you, big brother, thank you, big brother...Then he said, "Let me show you how powerful my little brother is!" As soon as the words fell, Zhang Fei flew in through the window and shouted:

Thank you, thank you, second brother....”

It is said that one day, Liu, Guan, and Zhang were Cao Cao.

Captured and brought back to Cao Ying. At this time, Cao Cao asked his subordinates to move out a table of fruits, Zhang Fei thought that Cao Cao wanted to invite them to eat fruits, so he picked a favorite apple, but who knows, Cao Cao actually asked him to stuff the apple into the ass, of course Zhang Fei's apple can't be stuffed into the ass, so Cao Cao killed. And Guan Yu.

He chose a grape and stuffed it into his ass smoothly, but he was still killed by Cao Cao because he laughed, and when Guan Yu went down to the underworld, the king of Yama asked him: "You could not have died, but why are you laughing?" "Guan Yu is very innocent:

I saw Liu Bei.

Hold a durian.

Zhang Fei did business, 30 yuan a pound of pork, shouted 60 yuan a pound and sold it to Guan Yu and other customers, Guan Yu and others bargained to 40 yuan and 50 yuan a catty, and Zhang Fei also sold it.

Later, Guan Yu and the others knew that Zhang Fei's pork purchase price was 30 yuan per catty, so they bargained in half, so that Zhang Fei had no money to make.

Zhang Fei is Zhang Fei, and a profiteer is a profiteer! Zhang Fei's eyes rolled, and he took it into account, using the price of pork as an excuse to shout the price of pork that was still 30 yuan per catty to 120 yuan**, due to information asymmetry, Guan Yu and they were not able to keep pace with the times, and they were still bargaining in half.

On this day, Guan Yu came to Zhang Fei's stall and asked, "Third brother, how much is a pound of pork?" ”

Zhang Fei smiled all over his face: "Second brother, the price of meat has risen too sharply recently, 120 yuan a catty." ”

Guan Yu pretended to be displeased, his face sank, and said: "Third brother, be kind, if it rises too sharply, it won't be so expensive, will it be sold for 60 yuan a catty?" ”

Zhang Fei immediately showed a miserable and helpless expression on his face, and said to Guan Yu: "Second brother, no, 60 yuan can't even get the goods." ”

Guan Yu didn't buy Zhang Fei's account, took out the last trick of bargaining, and turned around to leave, while saying to Zhang Fei: "If you can't sell it, you can leave if you don't sell it!" ”

Zhang Fei grabbed Guan Yu and pretended to be very distressed to Guan Yu for a loss-making business: "It's okay!" The second brother is my business today, 60 yuan will be 60 yuan, and I will sell it to you! ”

Guan Yu carried the meat, and scolded in his heart as he walked: "The third brother wants to pit me, no way!" Lao Tzu's Qinglong Yanyue knife is not blown! ”

Zhang Fei looked at Guan Yu's distant back, snorted contemptuously, and scolded in his heart: "Second brother has this IQ, and he still wants to take advantage of my old Zhang, go dream!" ”

In this way, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei both think that they have won, which is called a win-win situation!

It's just that Guan Yu thought that he had won and won face; Zhang Fei really won and won the lizi.

After Liu Guanzhang became righteous, Lu met a fortune teller and asked for divination. Xuande Xian, the hexagram said: "Your white face and white body are out of the mud."

Unstained, honest and honest people also. Yun Chang also asked, and the hexagram replied, "Your bare face and heart are the image of loyalty and righteousness." "Xuande.

After hearing this, he hurriedly pulled Yide's hand and said: "Third brother, go quickly, this hexagram is unpredictable." ”

The first lord decided Xuzhou, banned alcohol, and all private winemakers were severely punished according to the law. One day, the army received a wine-making vessel, and the first to succeed.

Put him in prison, and people dare not admonish him. The day after tomorrow, Jian Yong walked with the ancestors, and saw a man and woman walking side by side, Yong said: "These two people are connected."

Rape can be caught. "The first lord said:"How so? Yong replied, "They all have the tools to commit adultery." The Lord laughed, and so.

The man who released the wine vessel.

Zhou Cangbu followed Guan Gong and transported the hairy legs, not one step slow. The public thinks of its sincerity, and wants to buy a thousand miles of horses to give away the warehouse. So he came to the horse market with him.

Visiting his horses, no, only one horse can travel 900 miles a day, so he buys it and the warehouse. Cang took this horse with his father, but the day was a hundred miles slower.

Gradually, he was afraid of losing his hand, so he tied the horse upside down to the knife, carried the knife on his shoulder, and hurried to catch the man.

When Zhang Fei was young, he liked to eat noodles in the village, but his temperament was impatient, and he was still dozens of zhang away from the store, so he called the following, and waited for him to sit down, if he hadn't yet.

Sheng Shang slapped the table and scolded. Later, a new guy came to the noodle shop, and he was also very anxious. One day, flying to eat noodles, just sat down the guy will.

On the noodles, Fei Gang wanted to praise his speed, the guy buckled the noodles on the table, took the bowl and left, Fei hurriedly asked the reason, the guy said: "Little humanity."

I'm in a hurry, I'm in a hurry to put away the bowl. ”

Wu Guotai of Ganlu Temple: "People say that Uncle Liu Huang is extremely ugly, it seems that it is all nonsense, Zhongmou, you see, Uncle Liu Huang is so handsome and chic, mighty and majestic, he is simply a beautiful man in the world."

Sun Quan: "Mother, you are wrong, it is Liu Bei's subordinate general Changshan Zhaoyun and Zhao Zilong." The one next to him is Liu Bei. ”

Yes? Wu Guotai: "Then looking at it this way, Liu Bei is really ugly." ”

Don't bring a little white face like Zhao Yun when you call Liu Bei on a blind date, just take Zhang Fei to it, to ensure that your "handsomeness" is brought out. ）

Sun Shangxiang tugged Liu Bei's ear and asked, "Did you say: brothers are like siblings, and wives are like clothes." What do you take me for? ”

Liu Bei: "Madam, don't be angry." Because I was poor at the time, I didn't expect to have new clothes in the future. (In the past, poor families only had one or two pieces of clothing in their lives.) ）

Yan Liang: "Come and get your name!" ”

Guan Yu: ". .What the? Be louder! Inaudible! Yan Liang said and took a few steps forward.

Guan Yu: ". .Be louder! Still can't hear clearly! Yan Liang said and leaned forward again.

Guan Yu: "Hmm! That's just enough now. "Saying that the knife fell, Yan Liang and the horse fell.

A month later, Wen Chou: "Who will come?" ”

Guan Yu pretended to be mysterious and said, "Do you know how Yan Liang died? ”

Wen Chou: "Oh? I don't know. ”

Guan Yu: "Come close, I'll tell you." ”

Wen Chou obediently leaned over, stretched his neck and asked, "How did he die?" ”

That's how I died! Guan Yu said and waved the Qinglong broadsword, only to hear the "click", the world was quiet!

Liu Bei: "I'm here to find Mr. Zhuge . ”

Child: "Do you have an appointment?" ”

Liu Bei: "Huh? No. ”

Xiao Tong: "Sir is not here, come back next time." ”

Liu Bei was helpless, so he had to take a second look at the thatched house after a few days.

Liu Bei: "Is Mr. Zhuge here?" ”

Child: "Do you have an appointment?" ”

Liu Bei: "Yes, I said yes last time, but I'll see Mr. Zhuge today." ”

Xiao Tong: "Okay, Mr. Zhuge is inside, pay 50 taels of silver consultation fee, and go in by yourself." ”

Liu Bei walked inside, but he didn't see Zhuge Liang, but only Zhuge Jun, so he came out and asked Xiao Tong, "I made an appointment to see Mr. Zhuge Liang, why is he not here?" ”

Xiao Tong counted the silver and said unhurriedly: "You only said that you see Mr. Zhuge , we have more Mr. Zhuge here, and you can also call me Mr. Zhuge in a few years." ”

The three brothers only have one movie ticket, who will get it?