Miswritten jokes, urgently needed !! Fast!!!

One day, when a student didn't do his homework, the teacher said, "Stand on the wall for me!" I'll slap you to death! ”

**At the meeting, the host announced: "Please enjoy the solo flute performance: "When the Red Leaves Are Crazy". ”

Xiao Ming's mother said, "Xiao Ming, don't go wild in the crazy field!" ”

There is also a way to steal.

Xiao Zhao is single, and his parents are not around, so it is inevitable to be worried when he lives alone, and he is often worried about the patronage of the gentleman on the beam. So I came up with a trick, put 200 yuan every night in a place where theft is easy to find, and wrote a note: Friend, I know that you will come, and I should have given you a generous gift, but as a part-time worker, I have enough spare energy, so I can only prepare a little gold, please smile.

To show sincerity, teach you a trick. If you are willing to do this, you have to study all kinds of security doors. Make sure your hand is open to the door.

The more advanced the security door, the richer the owner, like me, who doesn't even have the security door, or less effort, it is recommended that you go to the rich area for a walk, there must be a harvest.

Soon Xiao Zhao went on a business trip for a week, and when he came back, he was surprised, the two hundred yuan on the table turned into three hundred yuan, and another note read: "Thanks to the guidance, it is really rich, one hundred yuan lake interest, please smile!" Gentleman on the beam.

Looking around the room, there was no offense. Xiao Zhao sighed: There is a way to steal!

That's enough, right?

Jokes about the homonym of Chinese characters.

A county magistrate with a strong accent came to the village to make a report: rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! Don't pickle melon, pickles are too expensive!! 」

Translation: Comrades, villagers, pay attention! Don't speak, it's time for the meeting!! After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: Pickles, please sausage pickles! (Translation: Now the mayor of the township is invited to speak!) ）

The township chief said: "Rabbits, today's rice dog has eaten, everyone is a king!" (Translation: Comrades, there is enough food to eat today, everyone is a big bowl!) Don't want pickles, I'll pick up a shit for you to lick

Translation: Don't speak, I'll tell you a story).

Xiao Doudou was always forced to memorize the three-character scripture, because he was reluctant, and later recited it: "People are pigs, they are greedy, they want to wash, but they can't wash it, the dog doesn't bark, and the cat doesn't come." "I don't remember it later.

{The rat is sick} One day, when the son saw his mother going out, he asked his mother, "Mom, are you going to **?" ”

Mom said, "I'm going to buy rat poison." ”

The son asked, "Are the rats sick?" ”

1. The exam teacher sent out the papers, and the girl behind took one more and shouted: "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine!" ”…

2. Once, when I went to buy breakfast, I found that the boss who was usually not smiling was also queuing, so I was very nervous, and after saying hello, I said to the chef: "Master, please have a cup of steamed buns and two milks!" ”…For the first time in two years, I heard my boss laugh so loudly.

3. When I went to buy watermelon that day, I heard someone asking the melon seller: Does your watermelon have a skin?

4. The political science teacher once said in a lecture: "Let me give you an analogy", and then felt that it was wrong, and said: "Give an example".

5. My classmate explained to me how to make a certain inquiry**. I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice over there, and it was: "Is it a living person or a dead person who picks up **?" ”

Meetings in the villages.

A township meeting, due to the homonym, the village chief said:"Rabbits, dried shrimps, don't have melons, pickles are too expensive. "(Comrades, villagers, do not speak, now the meeting is open.)

The moderator said:"Pickles please sausage pulp melon. "(Now I give the floor to the village chief.)

Yesterday I went to see the terracotta toilet (figurines).

Buy a thousand pigs.

Once upon a time, there was a county magistrate who wrote very sloppily. On this day, he wanted to have a treat, so he wrote a note asking the servant to buy pig's tongue. Who knows the "tongue".

The writing was too long and too divided, and the servant mistakenly thought that he was asked to buy "a thousand mouths" of pigs. This was a busy affair with the officer, who ran all over the city.

, I went to Sixiang to buy it, and it was easy to buy 500 pigs. As soon as he thought that he couldn't pay the errand, he pleaded with the master, hoping to buy five hundred less.

The county magistrate said angrily: "If I tell you to buy pig tongue, will I ask you to buy a thousand pigs?" ”

When the officer heard this, he answered, "It's okay, it's okay!" But in the future, please pay attention to the master, if you want to buy meat, you must write it shorter, no.

To be written as buying 'insider'. ”

A beautiful woman "paper."""Son"Regardless of whether I had a cold one day and texted my classmates: "Bring me two buns".

This year's college entrance examination language question "Worry and Love" is actually regarded by some candidates as "Sex and Love".

Worry and Love", some candidates actually saw it as "Sex and Love".

On rainy days, we go out with umbrellas.