Why do people still reject intimacy in their lives?

Reasons for rejection of intimacy

One is the fear of being hurt by intimacy. The landlord in the growth experience, rarely get the care, understanding and support of others, deep in the heart of a sense of unworthiness, feel that they are not good enough, not worthy of others to be so good, so when encountering intimate relationships, the first reaction is to resist and escape. Like, Emily Dickinson has a poem that says:

I could have endured the darkness if I hadn't seen the sun. Perhaps, in the eyes of the landlord, avoiding intimacy is a kind of protection for himself.

The second is the emergence of cognitive dissonance. "Cognitive dissonance" refers to the individual's recognition of the contradiction between his or her own attitudes, or between attitudes and behaviors, and in general, the individual's attitudes towards things and between attitudes and behaviors are in harmony with each other; When inconsistencies occur, a state of cognitive dissonance, known as cognitive dissonance, arises and can lead to psychological tension.

In order to relieve tension, individuals will try to restore balance by changing cognition, adding new cognition, changing the relative importance of cognition, and changing behavior. So, when you read some of the benefits of intimacy mentioned in the book, there will be some "nausea and vomiting" rejection symptoms as a way to reduce the psychological tension caused by cognitive dissonance.

How to improve the situation

Have a clear and objective view of yourself. This can be done with the help of the "Zhou Hari Window" tool. "Zhou Harry Window" was proposed by American social psychologists Josephluft and Harrylngham in 1955, and Zhou Harry is a combination of the first two letters of two people's names.

They compare a person's mind and inner self to a window, which can be divided into four parts: up, down, left, and right

I know the hidden self that others don't know, and the unknown self that neither I nor others know.

We need to have these four parts in each person, and each part is different in size, and the self-perception, behavior, and perception of others are also different.

Try to develop some hobbies. Hobbies such as calligraphy, painting, flower arrangement, dance, etc., can be said to be a lifesaver in a difficult life, which can help us continue to confirm our sense of worth.

Do more regular aerobic exercise. Studies have shown that the body and mind are actually closely related, a healthy and energetic body can also bring us a positive attitude, on the other hand, physical health, in fact, more important than anything else.

Try to do some mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness, which is what we often say about living in the present moment, having clear thoughts, and observing and feeling what is happening in the moment with our hearts, can effectively improve our awareness and happiness perception in the long run, and reduce a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

It may be because you have been hurt in a relationship, or it may be that you have never been in a relationship, and you don't like the other person so you reject them. Don't put too much psychological pressure on yourself, don't always think about these things when getting along with others, you should see more of each other's shining points, and when the relationship between two people reaches a certain level, it will not be so repulsive.

It may be caused by your psychological factors, if you don't feel safe, you will be more repulsive, so you can let the other party give you more care and encouragement, and you should also adjust your mentality and try to accept it slowly.

It must be because you have been betrayed by intimacy before, and it is best for you to start as friends with the other person, slowly get to know each other, and then touch each other.

In life, each of us has different personalities, and our outlook on life and values are also very different. So it also behaves differently when it comes to getting along with people. Especially when interacting with men and women, different people's reactions to some intimate contact are very different.

Generally speaking, people don't like to have intimate contact with people they don't know well, and some people even resent their own intimate and familiar contacts. It's all a normal reaction for everyone, nothing to fuss about.

When interacting with people, I am very reluctant to have intimate contact with each other, and the first reason is that I don't like each other. When dating someone, if you don't like him and don't want to associate with him, you are very disgusted by the intimate contact of the other person, which is also a normal reaction; Secondly, the body is more sensitive. Since each of us has a different physique, and then the sensitivity of the body is also different, some people will have a strong sense of discomfort when they are in close contact with the opposite sex because their bodies are very sensitive, which is also one of the reasons for rejection; Finally, be conservative in thought.

For some conservative people, it takes time to have intimate contact with the opposite sex, and the heart is very resistant to intimate contact without full understanding and familiarity. <>

1. Don't like each other. In life, if a person likes each other, then he likes to be intimate with each other, and if he doesn't like each other at all, or even hates each other a little, he is very resistant to the other party's intimate actions. It's also a direct sign of not liking a person.

2. Physical discomfort. For some people, their bodies are more sensitive, and they will blush and feel uncomfortable when they are with the opposite sex. Not to mention doing something more intimate.

Due to the sensitivity of the body, some intimate movements can cause a very uncomfortable feeling. <>

3. Conservative thinking. There are also some people who are more conservative and will not easily accept intimate behavior. It takes time and patience to get them to accept intimacy, and to put it bluntly, the heart is not ready to accept the other person. It will take time to investigate.

Do you think someone who doesn't want to have intimate contact with you will love you?

First: It may be that you are shy at first, and it is good to have a few more contacts under normal phenomena.

Second: It may be that they don't like each other too much.

Third: Maybe it's a psychological factor, it's really not like. The heart is pure and conservative.

Personally, I think it may be that you don't like the other person, only if you don't like the other person, you will have such a behavior, and it will be particularly repulsive, if you like the other person very much, you will be very willing.

It may be that you really don't like the other party to contact you, or it may be because you really don't love him, so there is such a phenomenon, if such a phenomenon occurs, you have to think about whether the two of you want to continue to be together.

I think it's normal for this to happen, and it's very likely that I don't have much contact with others in my daily life, and I'm not used to this kind of behavior.

It's just that you didn't know each other well at the beginning, or it could be because you don't like each other very much, and if this is still the case after a long relationship, you should consider breaking up.

I don't know what your intimate relationship means, if it means that someone refuses to fall in love, this is normal, young people in today's society are very open-minded, even if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they can chat and drink with a person of the opposite sex.

The term intimacy is mainly divided into people, and it also depends on how to define it.

Some people in life will reject intimate relationships because their original family is not close to them, and they can't even do some intimate actions with their own family, so it is difficult for them to make intimate actions and say some intimate words when facing their lovers or relatives.

They are very reluctant to intimate relationships because they don't know how to deal with this kind of intimate relationship, and they are also afraid that when this intimate relationship passes, they will be left with endless rejection from the other party, or cold to them, which they cannot accept.

Man is a social animal and man lives in society, is a product of society, we need to have an intimate contact with others, but a small number of people reject because he feels personal, more comfortable, will not be betrayed by others, because of their low desires, but will not be hurt more.

Therefore, some people have the exclusive source of filial piety and intimacy, which means that they themselves do not have a high sense of respect for this relationship, and even oppose this relationship, because they have been injured in this intimate relationship, and if they want to repair this intimate relationship, they need to be given enough love and super trust by future generations to restore their desire for intimacy.

Psychoanalysis: Hello subject

People with an avoidant attachment personality do not like to socialize, have difficulty establishing real trusting relationships with others, and are highly guarded. They feel uneasy when they are close to the stool, and they are only able to socialize superficially, and intimacy makes them uncomfortable. The specific features of Sozhihu may be explained in detail.

Such a personality may require a person with a secure personality, constantly approaching, giving you a sense of security, and you may be able to slowly relax.

Secondly, there are some stable traits in the personality, which may be innate, and some are the reason for the upbringing. For example, your parents are estranged from you, you haven't seen a good intimate relationship when you were a child, or you're always in a bad relationship. You will be uneasy about relationships because these feelings are the least familiar to you, while alienation is familiar to you and you have felt safe since childhood.

Everyone actually longs to be loved, understood, and accepted. And relationships are able to satisfy some of our inner emotional needs. So, everybody needs a relationship. Emotional connection and nourishment is a wonderful feeling.

So, try to connect with some people with secure personalities. Try to express yourself, connect with them, and use reality checks to tell yourself that your fears and insecurities are not reality. Slowly build up courage.

One person is safe, but two people are abundant.

Build a bridge over your own space, let yourself come out, and let others walk in you

All relationships in life will only become your lifeline if you value them.