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Don't blame anyone's character, everyone has their own personality and temper. The father is used to being strong, you and the mother are used to forbearance, the change of personality is not something that can be done at one time, the main thing is that there is a lack of communication between parents and children, both parties are not good at expressing their inner thoughts, and after a long time, everyone is used to the same mode of getting along.
Many parents have a desire to control their children's love, like to impose their own ideas on their children, study, work, life, circle of friends, objects, etc., every aspect wants to interfere, and once the children have rebellious behavior or contrary views, they will think that they are rebellious and unfilial. In fact, these parents have one thing in common, that is, they regard their children as their own accessories and have too strong a desire to control. In this case, there needs to be in-depth communication between the children and their parents, and the struggle that should be there is still to be done, of course, this struggle is not to be more rebellious, but to prove to them that we have grown up and have the right to make decisions about our own lives without hurting them.
Sometimes, our sudden rebellion will make our parents think that they are unfilial and rebellious, because for so many years of the same mode of getting along, each has maintained its own ideas and opinions, and it is impossible to make them change suddenly, and we should communicate gradually.
Spread out all the contradictions between each other, one or two exchanges can't change anything, look for more opportunities, and communicate when the other party is calm. No matter what values your parents impose on you, you still have to keep your original intention, tell them more of your ideas, and try your best to strive for independence in life and finance.
In the eyes of parents, children are always their children, and we should strive for more opportunities to communicate with them, do more things that can prove our independence, and let them reduce their desire to control us.
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If you can't communicate, you will rebel to the end, and you can't give up halfway. Your parents' desire to control you is pathological, extreme, and can cause you great distress later in life. Not only do they have to control you, but they also have to control your family, which will not only overwhelm you, but your wife and children in the future will break down even more.
You are no longer a child, and you need to make a plan for the future, preferably to cure (or suppress) your parents' pathological desire for control at once. You already know that you have a flaw in your character, so find a way to change it. You're only 26 years old, and there's still a long way to go, and if you can't get rid of their control, your chances of finding your partner will be greatly reduced, after all, no one wants to be controlled every day without freedom or even defense.
Don't think that they are your parents, you can't be disobedient, you can't make them sad. Parents also make mistakes and need to be corrected. Hope you succeed!
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Dear, I have carefully read your description and would like to talk about my suggestions from the following points:
1.You're 26 years old, and I'm about the same as you, except I'm a girl. I have also come into contact with the term family of origin in recent years, and I think that the family of origin has a great influence on you.
From your description, I understand that the personalities of uncles and aunts should be complementary, and you should have been more influenced by your mother's personality when you were a child. When children are young, they imitate adults to grow up, and the personalities and habits of adults will subtly affect children. There is no doubt that you are deeply influenced by them.
2.Your mom and dad love you, but from your description, I know that your uncle and aunt are not highly educated and don't know how to express it, so your uncle can only use a stern attitude to prove that he is someone you need to respect and love. They use the way you always obey to prove that their education is not wrong, and the parents are always right, but they actually express their love in the wrong way.
3.I have heard of three types of education: hard education for parents who don't understand education, parents who know how to educate, and parents who don't know how to educate.
And you belong to the first type, and your parents think that their parenting is right and can never be wrong (because my parents are too), and I know it very well. My parents are also uneducated, and they are not willing to go out, the whole vision, the angle of looking at the problem has not changed, and they never accept new ideas.
4.Your girlfriend thinks you're different, but you're not. You are a filial child who does not want to make your parents sad.
You worry too much and worry too much about your girlfriend who is very controlling and you love you very much, you are afraid that you will make your father angry because you violate your parents' advice, and you want to be with your girlfriend again, it is difficult for you.
5.I think it's time for you to calm down and talk to your parents. Tell them what you think, what you have concerns, what you describe this problem, and if you don't say it, they won't know what you think.
After the communication, you ask your parents what they think, and when the two ideas collide, you will understand a lot.
6.Love is an eternal topic, the love of parents for their children, the love of boyfriends for girlfriends, because of love, they will be impulsive and will care. Therefore, for the sake of love, it is necessary to explain that this love is easy, real, and not oppressive.
You're an adult, I'm sure you can handle this, be bold and don't act, how do you know you can't?
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You should discuss with your father and ask him not to do this and say how you feel, but you have to remember that your parents are always the one who loves you the most, and if you feel embarrassed in person and are afraid of arguing, you can write a letter or a note.
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Parents are all for the good of their children. Why do you say that you pity the hearts of parents all over the world? Of course, you also have to have your own opinions. It's not about people. If it's right for you, stick to it.
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There is a way, you also control them, three meals a day to greet, what you do every day, take care of everything, and from time to time you have time to talk to them. What do they need, they go to the ** the next day to buy it and send it to them.
After this operation, look at the changes.
After a while, tell them about the bits and pieces of your life, the process of overcoming your own difficulties).
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I don't like the kind of thing that always interferes with your behavior and thoughts under the banner of loving you for your good, etc., you can find an appropriate time to talk to them, try to understand each other, and change the situation.
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There are many ways to communicate with parents, face-to-face is one, you can use the oldest way to write a letter, write your heart on the letter, you are not old, parents should not be old, communicate more, some problems are easy to solve, parents still hope that their children are getting better and better.
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Some parents have a very strong desire to control, and their children's study, work, life, and emotions must be controlled. Under their strong suppression, the child will become cowardly and incompetent, or will become rebellious and extreme, which is very detrimental to the child's physical and mental health and personality formation, and may affect the child's fate. <>
Some parents are very controlling, and the mental and physical control they exercise over their children will affect the physical and mental health of the child, leave a shadow on the child, and even affect the child's personality and destiny.
A parent's desire to control can make a child cowardly and incompetent. Generally, very controlling parents will interfere with their child's life and learning, and when they grow up, they will interfere with his work and feelings. The parent's strength makes the child unable to resist, and slowly gets used to it.
Some children just become unassertive under the strong control of their parents, everything is subject to their parents, their parents arrange how they want, and they never resist, and their lives seem to be the lives of their parents. Such children do not dare to take responsibility in a critical moment, most of them are cowardly and incompetent, dare not and will not express their thoughts, like a copy of their parents' lives, like a puppet. <>
Parental control can also make children rebellious and extreme. The children mentioned earlier are those who slowly compromise under the control of their parents, and there are also children who are unwilling to compromise even if they are controlled, and they will rise up and release themselves when they find the opportunity. Some people are still unable to be free for a long time, and when they suddenly taste freedom, they will be very indulgent and can easily make big mistakes.
Not only that, but their personality will be very rebellious, unwilling to follow their parents' instructions, and may become very extreme. <>
All in all, the influence of parents on children is very great, and parents' inappropriate parenting methods will affect children's personality, and the consequences are often very terrible. Many people take this lightly and wait until they make a big mistake to start regretting it, and it's too late.
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It's scary, they can even interfere with anything with their children, fall in love, go to college, get a job, this desire to control can ruin the child's life and even cause character defects.
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Pretty scary. These parents blindly educate their children according to their own wishes, so that the children feel particularly pressured, so that the children do not have their own opinions, causing great psychological pressure on the children.
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It is very scary, and it is likely that the children will go astray because of the parents' desire to control, and they may not be able to stand the pressure and die.
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It is particularly scary, because this will make the child unconsciously fearful, and at the same time, it will also make the child feel inferior.
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Some parents do have a more complex educational philosophy, and the desire to control is also very amazing, and they often want to use their own will to manipulate their children, which can be said to be very scary.
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It's very scary, it will make the child become unthinkable, ask his parents about everything, and never make decisions.
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Our parents gave birth to us and raised us, and they are the closest people in the world to us. They want to give us the best, hope that we will become excellent, and hope that our son will become a dragon and a woman will become a phoenix. But born as human beings, parents also have emotions, and they are also flesh-and-blood people, they are not perfect, they will also have places where they do not do as well as they want, and there will be places where we can't stand it.
So, what do I do when we meet a pair of parents who are too controlling? How to deal with it and get along with it?
Speaking of control, let's first understand what is control, obviously, this is a desire to control others, this is one of the primitive instincts of human beings, everyone will more or less want to control some things or other people. But if the desire for control is too strong, the impact will not be good.
How should we feel about our parents' desire to be controlling? First of all, we should communicate with them more and understand the behavior caused by their psychology. In general, people with strong insecurities will have a stronger desire to control, and we need to communicate with our parents to understand what they are not safe.
At the same time, be generous in expressing your love to them, telling them that you love them very much, reassuring them and restraining their fears.
Secondly, we must firmly distinguish the boundaries, be independent, learn to take responsibility for our own actions, take responsibility for our own affairs, and avoid being blamed by our parents and complaining about our parents. Finally, we also have to express our own demands, express our wishes, hope that our parents can understand us, let us be ourselves, and tell them that we may not necessarily live as they want to be happy, we have our own independent thoughts and what we want to live.
Only when we communicate more with our parents, communicate more, resolve conflicts in a peaceful way, and convey our demands in a gentle tone, can we understand the love between each other, in fact, our parents love us very much, but their way is not appropriate.
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I think you need to have a good quiet talk with your parents, and you must be brave enough to say what you really think in your heart, I think your parents should not be too much after understanding your difficulties.
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Kiss! We've been waiting for you! 1. Set your mind right, understand that first of all, whether it is right or wrong, they are good to your heart2
Direct communication with parents, this is more suitable for parents who can communicate well and do not feel that you are his child must listen to his strong parents 3Do a successful thing. A lot of parental control stems from insecurity, you do something to tell him you can, and slowly they will let go4
Make them feel like you can take care of yourself and be able to take care of yourself. If you are independent enough, your parents will not be dependent and will not have as much control5It's important to stick to what you're right and don't compromise blindly.
Let them understand that everyone has their own ideas6Influencing the parents' minds by influencing or the friends around them is very effective!
Hope mine can help you! Have a great day!
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If you want to solve it, you can take a more decisive way, which is to move out completely, so that you can get rid of their control.
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In the face of such a situation as our parents, we should talk to our parents about it, because such things will cause great harm to ourselves, and there will also be a lot of problems, resulting in family conflicts.
Parents have too much control over their children, either causing their children to be rebellious, and he will think why do I have to obey your arrangements in everything, the more parents force them to give them tasks, the more they don't do it, but it is counterproductive. Either the child obeys the arrangement of his parents in everything, has no opinions, has no ability to think independently, and relies on his parents for everything, resulting in a cowardly personality. Therefore, parents should not be very controlling over their children, but should communicate with their children appropriately to understand their true thoughts. >>>More
I think you should do something that exceeds his expectations but will make him feel right. In layman's terms, it makes my father unaware. >>>More
The following two methods are recommended: >>>More
Parents' desire to control is too strong, will make the child's heart can not be released, with the growth of the body, will liberate the nature, do not listen to any dissuasion from the parents, this is to be controlled in the suffocation, this is good, if the rebellion is very obvious, and even will do a series of bad things, this is the biggest harm.
1: In fact, no matter whether the desire to control is strong, or the parents have a poor desire to control, in the final analysis, the purpose of parents to control their children is for the good of their children, parents hope to use their own life experience to guide their children, so that children can avoid detours and be happy! >>>More