When did you start to live in fear?

In this world, there is a song of ice and fire all the time, some people are celebrating with joy, some people are mourning with deep pain; Some people are enjoying the sweetness of love, and some are suffering from the pain of marriage; Some people are celebrating the Mid-Autumn Festival reunion, and some people are missing their distant relatives in the white moonlight; Some people are willing to give up their small homes for the sake of the peace of the motherland and the people; There are those who ignore others for the sake of their own selfish desires. And some of the pain is really only understood by myself. When you reach middle age, when you are frustrated at work, when there is a health crisis, when you need money and unfortunately become a financial refugee; When you are old, young and young, and your teammates have the same burden, every moment above, your heart is so tired.

When you get up. After getting up every day, I have to start a busy day of work, start a repetitive life, have no expectations for the future, and say to myself: That's it, it's not easy to live.

This tiredness is based on the helplessness of communicating with my parents across the dimensional wall, and they don't quite understand that every choice has a price, and some of them I am not willing to pay. They also don't understand that my insistence on a life is the result of a deliberate balance of interests and disadvantages, rather than a lonely person. The so-called tiredness may be such a feeling, it is different from strong emotions such as love and hatred, but silently loses strength and is unwilling to argue about anything.

In short, the communication has been broken and crumpled countless times, until I gave up communication, love whoever you want.

When the whole class went to physical education class and I was still napping in the classroom alone, when my best friend passed by me but ignored me, when I was in the middle of the night with my friends to borrow ** from every shop on the street to contact my home but was refused, when she wrote the first love letter in her life and she returned it to me on the grounds that I couldn't understand the language, when I talked to others but they ignored me.

It is clear that as long as I am willing to work hard and change, the current situation can be improved, but I am always reluctant to do it. Either I feel that it is okay to delay things until tomorrow, or I feel that I lack an opportunity and cannot act rashly, and in my heart, I am always pretentious and look down on those people around me who are mediocre and mixed with life. But in terms of action, he behaves like others at all, and in the eyes of others, he is just a person who lives a mixed life.

In fact, I am a girl with a strong heart, and I rarely feel sad and tired about the trivial things of life, the frustration in love, and the frustration of life. It's just that, far away from home, just for the remnants of idealism after being torn apart by reality in my heart, in order to escape the days when I can see the end at a glance, for the illusory and ethereal freedom that I can't grasp in the palm of my hand, when I am working alone in the smallest and humble in the most prosperous first-tier city, I will inevitably feel tired when I look at the busy traffic on the bus.

The moment when the heart is particularly tired, it is probably when you are trying to express your thoughts, but you can't express them clearly: there is a kind of "you don't understand me", not because the other party can't listen and is not tolerant enough, but the feelings you want to express, you can't say it clearly with all your might, you are anxious and helpless, you feel that you can't be understood, but you don't want to try again, which makes people very tired. Just like complaining and quarrelling, others can use a series of long sentences in one go to describe the various emotions in a moment, and their evolution between electric and flint; And I, all I can say about myself:

It feels terrible....”。

The deepest loneliness is not that you are alone on the streets of a foreign country, that you are sitting alone in a crowded restaurant, or that you have to solve everything by yourself. The deepest loneliness is that you have a lot of relatives and friends, and you have very good lovers, who have accompanied you for many years, but you suddenly find that they don't understand you at all, they are all your closest people, but they never really understand your thoughts and hearts. At this time, you will feel that you are alone in this world, and you will not even have the idea of breaking free and asking for help, and that's probably it.