Why don t you want your in laws to live in your own home for a long time?

The reason is very simple, if you live with your parents for a long time, you will still quarrel and get angry, not to mention living with your in-laws all the time.

Your parents gave birth to you, you live with them, and from time to time you quarrel, from time to time, because you are all close relatives, so even if there is a conflict, it will disappear quickly, and the relationship between you will not change.

But the in-laws are different, they are the closest relatives of your husband, not your closest relatives, they live in your house, you have to do everything to be restrained, think about your family suddenly two strangers who are not very familiar, these two strangers must be treated politely, and they are still old, your way of life, thinking are all different, not to mention how many contradictions there are when you live together.

Even if it is a different living habit, living together every day, more than 300 days a year, ten years, you think about it, do you feel terrible, these small living habits may become a big problem in your life, so between you, either you endure it, or they endure it, there must always be one party to endure.

Far away is a relative, close is an enemy, your husband goes out to work every day, may not feel anything, but your in-laws for you, it is really equivalent to a stranger, you can't tell your husband yet, you don't feel very troubled after a long time.

In reality, I am living with my in-laws, I used to think that the relationship was good, but now I live together for a year, I am about to go crazy, because there is no way to communicate, if it is my father, it would be good if there is any contradiction and quarrel, but in-laws, how do you quarrel with him, quarrel is disrespectful, people are going to die and live, don't be too sad in real life, I am now at home anyway, out of sight is pure, I can only say endure it, try not to be at home, otherwise I will really be angry.

Supporting the elderly is the responsibility and obligation that every adult should bear. However, this form of support does not have to be set in stone. In the early years, many parents-in-law would live with newlyweds, and that was a matter of course.

But more and more practical experience tells us that in fact, living with one's parents-in-law for a long time is not necessarily a good thing, so more and more people are not willing to let their parents-in-law live in their own homes for a long timeHere's why.

01.The two generations have different ideological concepts and are prone to contradictions

To be clear, the parents-in-law live in their own home for a long time, which is equivalent to two generations living together. Because of the different living environment, different education and different knowledge received, the two generations have different concepts and views on many things, which is also commonly known as the generation gap in people's mouths, so if two generations live for a long time, there will be a contradiction, and this contradiction will cause more and more trouble for the family.

Of course, some people may say that there will be conflicts when living with their parents, of course, but although we also call our parents-in-law and mother-in-law parents, we are not raised from childhood to adulthood, so to a certain extent, it is only because we are married to that man that the two parties have a relationship. And when there is a conflict, my parents don't care about it, but my parents-in-law don't necessarily, and they don't necessarily deal with it like relatives, so if you don't care, both parties are cautious, and after the conflict, it is inevitable that you will think more and cause greater contradictions.

02.Young couples need to have space on their own

And I think that the husband and wife have already established their own small family, so they have a way of living for two people, and this small family actually needs to have a certain space of its own. Living with elders, no matter what, will be more or less inconvenient and a little unfree.

As a simple example, if the couple goes out to play when they are bored at night and comes back late, they may still need to say hello to their elders, and the parents-in-law may always worry about urging, of course, the position of the parents-in-law should be good, but for a couple, they also need to have space and time to manage their feelings and enjoy the world of the two.

03.It's not that you don't give the old-age, but in another way

But then again, not wanting your parents-in-law to live with you doesn't mean that you don't want to provide for your parents-in-law, but we can change the way, after all, let your parents-in-law live with you for a long time, in fact, their lives are not necessarily as happy as we imagined.

For example, if the parents-in-law are still able to take care of their own lives, then we can find a house near our home to buy or rent, and then when we have free time, we can go to the parents-in-law's house to see and care about their health. If the parents-in-law have no way to take care of their own lives, then they can only choose to take them over at this time.

I can't relax when I get home. After a long day at work, I am tired and want to eat and drink and relax when I get home. I have never given birth to my own in-laws, because the object has become a family, but after all, there is no deep affection, and even if I live with my biological parents, it is not as comfortable as being in my own small home.

Moreover, the target parents, whether they are parents-in-law and son-in-law, or in-laws and daughters-in-law, always have a bit of a critical eye, and as a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, they must also maintain their image in front of the target parents. It's easy to say that you live or visit, it's like this every day, and you still maintain your image in your own home, so tired.

This still doesn't take into account the situation where in-laws or parents-in-law interfere in the life and relationship between the two, and it is already uncomfortable just living together. In addition, the current parent-child relationship in China is generally not obvious interpersonal boundaries, and it is difficult for the older generation of parents not to interfere and not guide the affairs of the juniors. Distance produces beauty.

If conditions permit, in fact, the distance between a bowl of soup is the most suitable. Buying or renting a house for parents in the same community or the neighborhood next door can not only take care of each other, but also have a certain degree of independence and not interfere with each other. When the parents are old, in case of a sudden illness, the children can rush to the rescue immediately.

Children are busy with work, and if they need help, parents can also help to check on the children or pick up and drop off during the day. Moreover, many of the new generation of elderly people are not willing to revolve around their children, and they have their own lives, or they can have a house alone.

If the conditions are not permitted, the elderly need to be taken care of by their children, and the children need the help of their parents, so they can only live together. The best thing to do is to help each other, but try not to interfere in each other's lives.

In some cultural traditions, the relationship between in-laws and sons is seen as a very important family relationship. In these cultures, in-laws often default to living with their sons in order to better care for their sons and grandchildren. Here are some possible reasons:

Traditional beliefs: In some cultures, the concept of family is very important, especially for elders and older family members. The in-laws may see their responsibility to take care of their sons and grandchildren and see it as a traditional family value.

Financial reasons: In some cases, in-laws may need to rely on their son's financial support to live. In this case, living with your son reduces the cost of living and allows for better use of family resources.

Caring for grandchildren: In some cases, in-laws may need to take care of their grandchildren, especially if the parents are unable to take care of the children for work or other reasons. In this case, living with your son allows you to take better care of your grandchildren.

For example, in traditional Chinese culture, the concept of the family is very important, especially for elders and older family members. In China, in-laws often live with their sons by default in order to better take care of their sons and grandchildren. In such cases, the in-laws can help take care of the grandchildren, reduce the burden on the son and daughter-in-law, and make better use of the family's resources.

I'm afraid to disturb your two-person world.

The generational gap between the two generations, living habits, eating habits, and intimate spaces are encroached upon. In my heart and habitually, I think there is basically no daughter-in-law who wants to live with her mother-in-law, but the following situations are not excluded:

The first type: dual-income families with children, and the economic situation is not enough to hire a nanny to take care of the children, there is no other way if you don't let your mother-in-law live together, even if you are very unwilling, you have to compromise and endure.

The second kind of bump: mother-in-law is not in good health all the year round, and needs to live together to facilitate mutual care, you can't refuse, if you refuse, you may offend your husband, and you will be invisibly deducted all kinds of unfilial hats.

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The third type: the mother-in-law has a very good economic ability, and is very willing to spend money for the small couple, the thinking is not old, there is a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law like a girlfriend to laugh and defeat the stupid situation, there is a mother-in-law's help, housework children do not have to worry, food and clothing are sponsored, invisibly can save a lot of money, save a lot of time dry spring, free, why not?

<> for himself, he can't accept living with his parents-in-law after marriage, because of the difference in life philosophy, so he doesn't want both parties to live together. For many people, whether they can accept living with their parents-in-law after marriage depends on the emotional state between themselves and their parents-in-law, whether they can adapt to each other's living habits, and whether they can have a relatively independent living space.

The first is the relationship between myself and my parents-in-law, and the difficulty of limbs is the key to whether I can accept living with them when I am hungry.

After getting married, whether you can live with your parents-in-law or not, the key factor is the relationship between yourself and them. This question is actually very easy to understand. Specifically, if you have a harmonious relationship with your parents-in-law, then there is no obstacle to living with them, and you can get a lot of care from them after marriage, which will be extremely beneficial to your happy life after marriage.

The second is whether the living habits can adapt to each other, which is an important factor in whether you can live with your parents-in-law after marriage.

An important factor that affects living with my father-in-law and mother-in-law after marriage is whether they can adapt to each other's living habits. Because the age gap is very large, there must be a very big difference in the living habits between myself and my parents-in-law. If you don't fit in with each other in this area, it's hard to live together.

Only when they can adapt to each other's living habits and tolerate each other, can it be possible to live with their parents-in-law after marriage.

The third is whether you can have an independent living space, which is the decisive factor for whether you can live with your parents-in-law after marriage.

Even if you and your parents-in-law have a harmonious relationship and can adapt to each other's living habits, it cannot ensure the harmony and happiness of living together after marriage. There is also a decisive factor in this, that is, whether you can have a relatively independent living space, so as to avoid your life being disturbed, and you can have a life that truly belongs to you.

The ideal state is to live in the same building with your parents-in-law, but they each live in an independent house, so that they can take care of each other and maintain a relatively independent life, which is the most ideal, and you can definitely accept this kind of living with your parents-in-law.

There are several reasons why I can't accept living with my parents-in-law after marriage

First, although we are a family, after all, we are not people of the same generation, and there will be great differences in concepts and habits, although these things can be run-in, but the question is, who will make concessions? There are a lot of ideas and habits that I can't give into, and my in-laws can't give in, so a stalemate will make me uncomfortable.

Second, if we are children, it is of course good to live with our in-laws. But we are not children anymore, not only do we have our own privacy, but we also have our own safe zone: we are husband and wife, and the scope of each other's safe zone may be a little smaller, and we may not have any privacy with each other; However, I can't be in the same state between my in-laws and you as I am with you, I don't want them to violate my safe zone, and I don't want to put my privacy in front of them, which makes me feel awkward.

Clear aside. Third, we are married and deserve a home for both of us. We are now living with our in-laws, which is equivalent to living in their house, this is the home of their marriage, not our marriage, I want to have a home that belongs to us, so after thinking about it, I still want you to move out with me.