Are there any classic funny sentences, share some?

A female colleague drove me home, and I hesitated for a moment before getting into the passenger seat. Her: "Don't be afraid, I just got my driver's license, it doesn't mean that my skills are poor."

After speaking, she looked ahead, grabbed a bottle of mineral water in the middle and skillfully pulled a few times: "Strange, why doesn't the car go." "I:

By the way, I still have something left in the company, you go first. ”

My cousin got married, and we went to see off our relatives, and when we left, my cousin and everyone couldn't hold back and shed sad tears!! The landlord didn't hold back, and cried out, recalling that at the beginning, when I got married, not only did no one cry and be reluctant, but it seemed that I vaguely heard my mother say to hurry up and ......

My husband said drunkly: "Wife, I'm late to come back, but I'm all for this family!" Why do you say I come back so late every day, who doesn't want to go home early, who wants to work overtime, isn't this all forced by life, you calm down first, don't be impulsive!

Hear me out first. I put the kitchen knife on my husband's neck and said calmly: "Why do you come back in a skirt in the middle of the night, and you can still stand here and talk to my wife for five minutes, don't you think I've been waiting for you to explain?" ”

I hurt my nose when I was a child, once in the car suddenly had a nosebleed, at first I sucked it in a daze, the blood was sucked into the throat, our old driver braked suddenly, I sprayed a mouthful of old blood on the windshield in the tour guide chair...

My brother and sister-in-law were on a business trip, and my ten-year-old little nephew asked me to take care of it for a few days. Forcibly turned off his game at night, this guy finished his homework with an angry face, and stole my mobile phone at some point, and when he found out, he found out that he was in my circle of friends, and everyone agreed, only the senior brother said no, there was a meeting tonight, and ...... another dayWhat about pure friendship that Made's good words were?

The university I studied belonged to the kind of people who ran it, and they were relatively poor! But there is a huge super nice swimming pool! - Pure background——— It is said that when our principal was young, he was often asked by his wife:

I fell into the water at the same time as your mother, who do you save first? The principal couldn't be annoyed! Later, he took the'and became the principal, so he tried his best to build a swimming pool in the gymnasium.

Then all female compatriots, including gay men, are required to learn to swim, and if they can't swim 100 meters, they will not be given a graduation certificate.

The movements should be fast and the posture should be handsome. 1. You don't know how hypocritical society is until you let Soopai reality slap you.

2. People want you to do better, but generally don't want you to surpass him.

3. The action should be fast, the posture should be handsome, and the merit and fame should be hidden deeply.

4. Time will heal all wounds, please give time a little time.

5. Those so-called dreams are nothing more than "earning more money in the world" in popular language.

6. Please don't wake me up when I'm dreaming, let me wake up naturally.

7. I want your present and future.

8. If you live seriously, you can find the candy that is hidden by life.

9, this wind is so obscene, it kissed my mouth.

10. The galaxy is hot, not as good as spicy.