What s the funniest thing you ve ever heard in a textbook in middle school?

When I was in a career planning class, I stole a glance at my phone hidden in the hole in my desk. It became something I regretted for the rest of my life. I saw that my classmate sent a ***, and I clicked on it cheaply.

Then he let out one cry after another. There was an uproar, as you can imagine.

Before the class to fight the king and Lao Tie open black.,When I thought I was powerful, I got stuck.,I have no traffic.,And then pass a note to Lao Tie and say,I don't have the net to play in class.,,And then the teacher came.,That's right, the teacher came.,Silently glanced at me and then read out the note.,Ask me what I want.,It's not the key, the key is that my male god said in front of me.,,You're the one who hangs up.。

A long time ago, I hit ll and the class bell rang in the middle of the call, and I continued to play because the song didn't last long, and then the teacher walked up behind me...I said can I finish the fight, and then the teacher said of course not, so he took it away.

I haven't heard the funniest words in the textbook, but I have read a lot, and there is such a one in a Chinese tutoring material: A and B play games, guess boxing, and put a basin of spittoon in front of them, so the two decide who loses will drink a sip of phlegm. A lost the first game, so A took a small sip.

In the second round, B lost, and then picked up the spittoon and drank it for a long time, so A asked curiously, just take a sip, what are you doing with so much? B said, no, that's what, I just kept biting.

I sat in the last row of class and watched **, but when I looked up, I found that the teaching director was staring at the back door, and I was so frightened that I reflexively collected my mobile phone, but he was actually staring at the person next to me, but because I moved too much, I was also discovered, and the mobile phones of the two people were confiscated together.

One of the oldest beliefs holds that this meaning is an omen. For example: the Jingpo people think that they dream of guns.

The long knife is a sign that the wife will give birth to a boy; Seeing an iron pot in a dream is an omen for a wife to give birth to a girl, and the Han people also have this concept. In the oracle bone inscriptions of the Yin Shang period, there is a record of Mengbu Ji and the murderer. In the history books of the past dynasties, there are records of dreams predicting good luck and evil.

For example, in the Book of Jin, Cao Cao once dreamed that three horses were eating in the same trough. Cao Cao believed that this was a sign that Sima Yi, Sima Shi and Sima Zhao (Sanma) father and son would usurp the world of the Cao (trough) clan, and also warned Cao Pi to be careful.

There are many such examples in the legend, such as the record in "Zuo Chuan", after the death of Song Jinggong, he and Qi had to compete for the throne. I had to dream that I was lying outside the Lu Gate with my head facing north, and I had to be a crow on Qi's body, with its mouth on the south gate and its tail on the Tong Gate. Therefore, it has to be thought that his dream is good, symbolizing that he will succeed in inheriting the throne.

Later, he was really made the king of the Song Dynasty. Why do you think this dream is good? It is because there is a dream interpretation theory in ancient China that says:

Lying with the head facing north, it represents death; Outside the door, it represents the loss of the country. Therefore, the Qihui failed, and had to face the south, "the south is king", and controlled the various gates. Naturally, it should be successful.

Because of the belief in the omens of dreams, the ancient Chinese would decide their actions based on dreams. It is said that Li Yuan, the founding emperor of the Tang Dynasty, had a dream when he was about to raise an army to rebel against the Sui Dynasty, dreaming that he fell under the bed and was eaten by maggots. He thought it was a sign that he was going to die, so he didn't dare to raise an army.

And one of his subordinates explained: "Falling under the bed, which means 'Your Majesty', being eaten by maggots means that everyone will be attached to you, and this dream means that you will be emperor." When Li Yuan heard this, he was relieved to raise troops, and later he overthrew the Sui Dynasty and became the emperor of the Tang Dynasty himself.

In Western culture, there is the same idea. For example, in the Old Testament, the Egyptian pharaoh dreamed of 7 healthy oxen, and then 7 lean cows appeared and ate them.

Joseph told Pharaoh that this foreshadowed "seven years of plenty, followed by seven years of famine, and they will exhaust all the surplus of the first seven years."

This ancient belief still exists today. Many of the people I spoke with still believe that dreams are a predictor of the future. Although they often intellectually admit that this is a superstition, they have a faint feeling that this statement is also justified.

In my heart, the teacher is the fiercest, and he ends class until seven or eight o'clock every day.

When I got home, my father was the most fierce and beat me every day until my nose was blue and my face was swollen.

My dad is not there, my mom is the fiercest, and I never relax on my homework.

After my mother left, Lao Tzu was the most fierce, rummaging through the boxes and cabinets, and drinking a cup if he wanted to.

During class, the biology teacher asked: How to distinguish the feet and hands of an octopus!

A classmate replied: Let it fart and smell it! The one who covered his nose was the hand! Everything else is feet!

Thanks for adopting!

A and B sleep together on the same quilt. A sneezes, and B squirts in the face. B said; Remember to let me know next time you have a situation. Not a moment, A; Preparation. B hurriedly shrunk into the quilt. Only heard"Bang"A bang. A farts

1. Speaking counts.

Man: "My dear, if you agree to marry me, you can meet any conditions." Hui Nu: "Does talking count?" ”

Man: "Of course it counts!" ”

Woman: "That's good! Please help me find a boyfriend who is stronger than you! ”

2 A woman is very ugly, she can't get married, and she hopes to be trafficked. finally made his dream come true, but he couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent it back, she resolutely did not get out of the car, and the kidnappers gritted their teeth and stomped their feet: go.

The car is unnecessary. 3. There is a book called "The Pig Is Thinking".

4Once, as a man walked along the road, he saw a pile of things that looked like poop, so he squatted down and sniffed them, and it looked like poop; He picked it with his hand, and it felt like poop; He put it in his mouth again, and sure enough, it was poop. So he exclaimed, "It's good I didn't step on it."