Help revise this essay 20

Exam papers are issued. Bell bell", class was held. Teacher Liang walked into the classroom, holding a stack of rolls in his hand, his face full of displeasure. As soon as we saw the teacher, we immediately knew that a catastrophe was coming, and Mr. Liang would definitely "kill" today.

Although I usually behave well, I am also very scared, because I have a ghost in my heart: I was watching TV with great interest on Saturday and Sunday, and suddenly remembered the task assigned to me by my mother to "finish my homework". It seemed like I had to turn off the TV and do my homework, but soon, I thought it would be okay to do my homework while watching TV.

So I finished my homework with the mentality of finishing the task. Therefore, I was very nervous at this time, for fear that the teacher would criticize me.

Finally, the curls came down. When I got the scroll, I hurriedly glanced at it, it was really strange that there were not as many dense red crosses on the scroll as I imagined, but a series of hooks with beautiful curves. I was ecstatic, but the teacher's words aroused my reflection.

He Yunli, Ma Yanan and others performed well in this homework, which shows that they have written seriously, and everyone should learn from them ......I looked down and felt as if the praise had turned into criticism.

From this time on, I made up my mind that I must have a correct attitude towards learning in the future, so that I can accept it with peace of mind when I am praised!

Ah, I don't have time now, let's change it next time!

However, there are a lot of things you need to change.

From the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games on August 8, we learned to unite and cooperate, faster and stronger;

Since childhood, since the day we walked into school), remove the sentence (but) and look at today, remove the word "but".

To the present (prosperous,) changed to "powerful".

The 1.3 billion sons and daughters of China are (every green leaf of it. Never forget the green leaves of the rise of China, those who have passed away, the founders of Chinese science have turned into fallen leaves, quietly falling back into the land, nourishing the roots of the big tree, because of the care of the fallen leaves, the big tree is so beautiful; The new green leaves are what people call the "post-80s" and "post-90s", and they are shouldering a new mission, silently swaying the sweat of youth, and giving back the affection of the mother of the tree.

Tsinghua University has a declaration: "50 years of work for China", we in the prosperous China, we should put ourselves in the torrent of the times, to struggle, to struggle. Perhaps the role of each of us is insignificant, but as Jing Yidan, the host of "Moving China" in 2008, said, without us, without us, there would be no China now.

Let's take the infinite affection of green leaves for the roots, to struggle, to create, and then quietly return to the warm soil under the tree, nourish the roots of the mother tree, and wait for it to grow more tender green buds and bloom more brilliant flowers in the coming year.

The first essay is a little naïve, but the emotions are sincere, there is no flowery rhetoric, it is to write the most real life, simple and moving. The second article is of a higher literary level than the first. But I like the first one.

And it's a very fierce Donald Duck "one" changed to "only".

The details are not described enough, the first article is too naïve enough to really reflect the intimacy of the father-son relationship, and the second article is okay, but the description is still not delicate enough, and the emotions should be highlighted.

"Once" is so ordinary, this kind of narrative introduction is almost rotten and can be naturally transitioned through a certain phenomenon. It's too scattered, it's not detailed, it's just one thing after another...

It's very good, it doesn't need to be revised, the text is beautiful, there are details and omitties, it's a good essay!!

The writing is okay, I scored about 23 points out of 30, and what is lacking in the text is novelty! Detailed! There are a few more details.

It shouldn't be bloodshot faces, but bloodshot eyes.

How could I disappoint my father? "You've written so well that you don't need to change it.

As for the title, it is mainly a point question, and most of the essays now are propositional essays, and the point question is very important.

My elementary school essay is at this level, ask if you are in junior high school or elementary school.

What are you asking me to revise this essay?

What is the title of this essay?

Point Teacher Title to choose unlimited rounds of consulting services.

or 6 rounds of service.

The teacher will give you an essay problem.

In the second year of junior high school, this essay is also more important.

This is 6 rounds, just send six sentences, it's not cost-effective, I'll give the child's essay to see if the ** writing is not good.

Revise the main points.

24h There is no limit to the number of questions asked, which is more cost-effective.

You can have a detailed explanation of the composition, and in my experience, I can arrange a writing Q&A for the child.

Smile] voice is another **, and it's not too cost-effective, so you can choose [smile] if you need it

The teacher has to write two pieces of paper.

This is not the case with parents revising essays.

Let me tell you that the most important thing about the quality of an essay is the idea, followed by the writing technique, and the last thing is the choice of words and sentences.

It doesn't make much sense for me to do this sentence modification.

The main thing is to teach children how to write.

In terms of expression, rather than saying that an essay is over, a sentence will become excellent, can you understand?

It's very well written, but there may be a little bit of a problem in some places, please take a look:

1.I have just stepped into the middle school gate, and I occasionally think back to my elementary school ,..It would be better if the change to "occasionally" was changed to "just", because I have just stepped into the middle school gate, and "occasionally" may be some time later.

2.Think of "reminding you of elementary school,..It would be better to change it to "remember the life of elementary school", because what do you think of in elementary school?

3."It's been with me for 6 years....Change it to the one that has been with me for 6....It would be better.

4.There may be some problems with the phrase "there is an indescribable relaxation in my heart", but I know what you mean. Changed to "I felt an indescribable feeling in my heart." The mood, in short, is very relaxed. A feeling of familiarity with everything here.

5."Every time I see them, I feel super happy,..Changed to.

I'll give you the following stuff.