Why is it that some people are very nice to outsiders, but not so good to their families?

I think it's not good to be very good to outsiders, but not to my own family. Family members, like their own parents and grandparents, they work hard to raise you from childhood to adulthood, when you are sick, they are most anxious, they care about whether you eat on time, tell you to go to bed early, etc., they care about us very much, so we have to treat them well, we have grown up, they are old, many things that we think are simple, it is not easy for them, we can't treat them as young people. We also want to be as good to them as they were to us when we were children.

To do well in the workplace, you need to know what not to do and what not to do. For employees, it is useful to please their superiors, be able to get a raise, be promoted, and pat themselves on the back, and they will be more attentive. Being good to others is generally to let others have a good impression of themselves, because others have no reason to be good to you, so you are good to others, thinking that others will do the same to you, in fact, as long as you are strong enough, you don't need to treat them with too good an attitude.

But it shouldn't be too good, too good, and others won't take your heart. For example, if you want to chase a girl, and you haven't gotten her yet, you use countless ways to curry favor and get your heart.

Family, good to you, you know that they will definitely not leave you, know that they like you, so you don't have to treat them with care. Especially the parents who dot on their children, those children generally do not be particularly filial to their children's parents, because they think that their parents are good to him and take it for granted.

I don't like this kind of person, this kind of person doesn't know how to be grateful, I think there will be no righteousness, and there will be a bit of flattery. It must be good to the family.

One: selfish and hypocritical.

Everyone is a two-faced person, and there will be differences in attitudes towards family members and outsiders, which is human nature, but if this difference is too large, it is not within the normal range, and it is hypocrisy.

What outsiders see in front of them is always just an appearance, it is disguised, and they may not expose their true character because of factors such as face and reputation. And in front of their closest family members, they took off their coats and showed their hateful faces.

At the same time, such people are also cowardly, because they feel that outsiders can't afford to offend, so they will suppress their nature and face them as kind, but they know that their family will not hurt them, so they unleash their malice towards their family members.

Such people are usually different from the outside, they can hide their true character for their own purposes, but no one can live forever wearing a mask, and in front of their closest family members, they can show the most unbearable side unscrupulously.

can't treat his family members well, so even if he treats outsiders for a while, it's only out of interest. Working with such a person is tantamount to working with a tiger, and you don't know when it may give you a fatal blow.

Two: Thanksgiving.

Family members are the best people for us, they resist the wind and rain together with us, carry our most joys, sorrows and sorrows, and those who are not good to their own family will not have a little sincerity to others.

For people whose families are not good, there is often a lack of gratitude. They turn a blind eye to their family's contributions, take them for granted, and accept them calmly, without the slightest desire to repay.

People's hearts are flesh and blood, and in the long run, even family members who are close to each other will be hurt by their attitude.

As the saying goes, home and everything prosper. When there is a gap between family members, it will naturally lead to things going wrong. Such a person's bad treatment for his family will eventually be retributed on his own head.

Three: Self-centered.

There is also a group of people who have a very different attitude towards their family and outsiders, they may not have too many bad intentions, but they value themselves too much and are self-centered.

We often say that we always save the worst emotions for those closest to us.

Because he swallowed his anger at outsiders outside, maintained a mask of hypocrisy, and accumulated too many grievances, he would speak coldly and viciously to his family after returning home.

They don't essentially want to hurt their families, they just feel that home is their last safe haven where they can release stress in this safe environment.

However, they only think about their own feelings and feel that they need to vent their emotions, but they do not think about how the family members who carry their negative emotions will feel.

What they think about is just starting from themselves, their emotions, their grievances, their repression, he just wants to vent his negative emotions, but he forgets that family members are not their trash cans and emotional sandbags, and it is not that family members are obliged to bear your negative emotions.

Fool. People outside dare not bully, and the family can vent casually, which is a typical incompetent person in the nest.

Some people, outsiders are scared, and they are as fierce as they are, why are husbands and wives very good, because they are good to their wives and children like sheep at home.

It's an emotional mistake that a lot of people tend to make, really, most people do. On the outside, he is a good man, but when he comes home, he has a violent temper.

I read an article before that touched me deeply, it was about raising children. The title of the article is ".Don't be poor children, rich outsidersIt is about a mother who wants to buy something when her children are young, and she always uses the reason that her family is poor and has no money to buy them. But he is very generous to outsiders, and it is good for relatives and friends to borrow anything, and it is also generous to borrow money.

When the child grows up, he doesn't do well in the college entrance examination, so he can only go to a vocational high school, and his mother thinks that vocational high school is useless, and she still spends money, so she wants her child to work. But a relative's family happened to have a child who was going to get married and needed to borrow money, so he lent it to others very generously. There are many people like this, who are especially good to outsiders, but not so good to their own families.

Nowadays, many "experts" in the market advocate what is poor to raise children and rich to raise children, one point of view a day, the public says that the public is reasonable, and the mother says that the mother is reasonable. Each point of view has its own set of rhetoric.

Reading this article also made me think seriously, why do people do this?

I have such people in my family, and I used to be such people. But after being with my husband, I deeply realized that only my own family is the most worthy of your efforts. An outsider is always just an outsider.

So in the eyes of my family, I looked like a bully. The last time I went back to my hometown, my brother-in-law also said that I had such a good temper because I married to the north, and if I didn't marry so far, I guess I wouldn't have such a good temper. The implication is that my sister has a bad temper.

But my sister is very popular outside, and there are a lot of fox friends and dog friends。Let's take the treatment of children as an example, when I see other people's children, I always think that this is cute and cute, and when I see my own children, I always feel that this is not as good as other people's and that is not as good as other people's. Then other people's children are still amiable to her, and she is quite proud.

I don't have that much patience with my own children, and I get impatient after playing for a while. Why is this so?

On the one hand, an outsider is an outsider, no matter how cordial your relationship with him is, you will always pay attention to some proportions when you speak and do things, so you will use 12 points of patience when dealing with outsidersAnd the family will always be family, even if I play tricks with you, this relationship is still here, so it is easy to squander the temper of the family.

On the other hand,The time with outsiders is also short, and the best side is always reserved for outsiders. And after being with the family for a long time, the advantages and disadvantages in front of the family are exposed anyway, and they don't pretend in front of the family, so they will not be good to the family and outsiders.

Finally, some people have a good face, are afraid of being looked down upon, and are always very generous in front of outsiders. And if everyone in the family knows everything, they will be even more stingy.

Therefore, many people will be very good to outsiders and not so good to their families. In fact, it is caused by not seeing the essence of things clearly and caring too much about the eyes of others.

Because impression management refers to the process in which a person influences others' impressions of himself through certain methods, so that the impressions formed by others meet his own expectations. When we spend time with our partners and family members, we take into account the strength of our relationships and develop a strong sense of security in this interpersonal relationship, so we tend to trust the other person to be patient with our temper.

Because he feels that his family will not be angry with him, no matter how he loses his temper, his family loves him, so he will always oppose his family when he has a temper, and on the outside he feels that he has to behave very well, very good, so he is very good to outsiders, this kind of psychology is a kind of psychology of bullying the soft and afraid of the hard.

Because the family spends the most time with him, he leaves the best temper to the family and outsiders, and he can't afford to mess with them, so he has a good temper with outsiders; It's a feeling of being the boss at home, but he's nothing when he's out there.

"Filial piety comes first", which has been handed down from China for 5,000 years, so in many people's cognition, children should be filial to their parents, in fact, there is nothing wrong with this in itself, and it should be advocated. However, children do their children's responsibilities, but parents do not do their parents' responsibilities, many parents do not pay enough attention to their children, and at the same time beat and abuse their children, causing a huge shadow to their children's young hearts, so it is normal to not get the care of their children when they are old.

Nowadays, there is a very strange phenomenon that many people are not so good at home, but they are very enthusiastic about the outside world. In fact, we may only see the surface but not see the real scene, the long-term beating, abuse, ridicule, social pressure, and the requirements of their immediate bosses have led to many people's lack of concern for the family and enthusiasm for the outside world.

Many parents of the older generation have wrong ideas, they think that daughters are not as important as sons, because sons are used to provide for the elderly, and the word "raising children to prevent old age" is often mentioned in their mouths. So sometimes when faced with a choice, they will choose to let their daughter suffer, not let their son suffer, and they will also face their son when they do anything, which also leads to their daughter's hatred of them.

In addition to this, there are many people who are out and about in today's society, and they all have their own bosses. For the sake of the family, for the sake of life, for the sake of their parents, they have to pull down their faces and take care of the people in the society obediently, so in the eyes of outsiders, this child may not be so filial, because he does not pay enough attention to his parents, but only she knows that it is because of the pressure of life, if you don't work hard, you will have no food, and if you don't work hard, you can only starve to death, so you can only take care of others, so as to let yourself have your own space for survival.

Therefore, this is also the reason why some people are very good to outsiders, but they are very average to their families.

You don't have to disguise yourself to your family, you need to show the most real side, and you need to deliberately show your good side in front of outsiders to improve your image.

This kind of person is a "double standard", wearing a mask to behave as a person, giving people the illusion that he is a good person, which makes people praise, thus generating a sense of superiority.

It should be because he is not familiar with outsiders, in order to maintain his good personality, he deliberately wears a mask to be a person, and he is very direct with his family and exposes his true side.

I think it's caused by the mentality that your family will be good to you no matter what.

This is a typical psychology of Chinese. This psychology is not only reflected in this situation, but also in the way of hospitality.

Normally, we will be very good to our family members and outsiders, but it is also common in life that it is good to talk and act well to outsiders, and we are impatient and argumentative with our family members.

To understand this phenomenon, we should start from what is "good", psychology believes that "good" belongs to the category of interpersonal relationships, which is divided into three categories according to the distance of emotions, "affinity", "like" and "love", affinity is to be kind to others, do not hate people and do not let themselves be hated, like is to have a good impression of each other, and love is the highest and strongest interpersonal attraction relationship.

Family is also a kind of interpersonal relationship, including husband and wife relationship, parent-child relationship, brother and sister relationship, etc., which is based on love and blood, and undoubtedly belongs to the most intimate layer of emotion, so it is often said that "home is not a place of reason but love".

Therefore, it is necessary to believe that family members love each other, at least much closer than ordinary outsiders.

But why do you not feel loved by your family many times, or even as good as outsiders, there are several reasons involved:

The first is impression management. Family members meet every day, familiar with living habits, and over time they turn a blind eye to the giving, but it is easy to remember the bad places, which is the "proximate effect" in psychology, that is, it is easy to remember the bad things that happened not long ago, but they can't remember the good things in the past.

At the same time, for outsiders, to do a good job of impression management, in addition to the likes between friends, the average person at least maintain affinity, that is, a friendly attitude, politeness, and at worst to avoid quarrels, so it will appear to be good to people on the surface, but this good nature is different from good for family, one is "affinity", the other is "love".

The second is psychological needs. Maslow's needs theory tells us that everyone has a sense of social belonging and respect to be respected, and to contact outsiders is to maintain contact with society, so we must pursue a sense of social belonging.

At the same time, the home, as a safe haven for society, is in a relaxed state at home, which also shows the laziness, deliciousness, boredom, and boredom of human nature, and the tension to relaxation is pleasant, and the real humanity is unavoidable, which is also the so-called bad for the family.

Therefore, we must believe that as ordinary people, we must be better for our families, but this good is more of a "hidden" "love", and to outsiders is the "affinity" of general interpersonal interaction.

Of course, the love between family members is always hidden words, and there will be problems over time, because love needs to be said and made, such as doing housework, shopping, talking often, dealing with emotions, especially if there are disagreements, they must be communicated and dealt with in time, otherwise the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment, which should be noted.

When a family relationship is bad, it is best to be vigilant, and the best thing to do is to reverse the misplaced relationship and return it to its normal interpersonal relationship. Interpersonal relationships, distant and orderly, intimate and different, this is normal, don't "outsiders turn their legs and stomachs with a good word", and only find that "only their own family can be relied on" when they encounter things.