That joke casually goes faster, and the speed is hilarious

What do you mean, give me a point.

A, B and C traveled together, and A caught a cold ......

At night, everyone sleeps in the same bed, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night....A snorted a big sneeze, and B C's entire face was full of A's crystals.

B C: I'll let us know ...... next time

Half an hour later, A: Attention...

Hearing this, B C hurriedly got into the quilt and made sure that there was no communication with the outside world...

As a result, A farts. 00j

A lazy cat frantically pursued a mouse and finally got married, after marriage, the cat was harsh on the mouse, and the mouse quickly became fat, and the mouse was very moved: Why is my dear so good to me! The cat laughed and said: You'll know when you're a little fatter.

Mr. Lu met a fashionably dressed girl on the street. Girl: "Sir, shall we go to the park and have some fun together?"

Sir: "No! When I saw you like this, I thought of the sea.

Girl: "Oh, sir, I see—the blue sea is so beautiful and fascinating!" Sir:

No! Dear Madam, I am seasick and sick and vomit at the thought of the sea. ”

Repay virtue with virtue. There was a small vegetable garden behind Mrs. Brown's house, and she planted some vegetables in the spring. She often manages it very carefully, and in the summer the vegetables grow very pleasantly. One night, Mrs. Brown looked at her dish and said:

Tomorrow I'm going to pick the vegetables, so we'll have the food to eat. But the next morning, her son ran into the kitchen and shouted, "Mommy, Mommy!

Come on! The neighbor's duck is eating our food in the garden! Mrs. Brown ran out, but it was too late!

All the vegetables have been eaten! Mrs. Brown began to cry, and the neighbors felt sorry, but the vegetables were irretrievable. A few days before Christmas, a neighbor brought Mrs. Brown a packet.

Inside the bag was a fine fat duck with a note that read, "Enjoy your vegetables!" ”

History of the ear.

Patient: Doctor, my ear hurts!

Doctor: Come, try some of these roots, and thank the great tribal patron saint for giving us the elixir! (1800 BC).

Doctor: Stop eating that kind of grassroots, it's just barbaric and uncivilized and disrespectful to God, this is a prayer, pray to God once a day, and soon you will ** your disease. (900 A.D.).

Doctor: Pray?! Superstition!!! Come, as long as you drink this potion, you can cure any disease! (1650 AD).

Doctor: What potion? It's long gone! Don't drink the deceptive "panacea", or this pill is fast! (1960 AD).

Doctor: Which quack doctor gave you a prescription? Half a bottle of that pill is not worth this one, come on, try the new scientific and technological achievements - antibiotics (1995 AD).

Doctor: According to the latest scientific research, antibiotics are too strong, after all, they are man-made... Let's try eating some of these roots! As early as 1800 BC, it was documented in the literature. (2002 AD).

.What a scolding.

Xiao Du and Xiao Hao quarreled this day....

Xiao Du said disdainfully: Hmph! Your mother should have strangled you to death when she gave birth to you! 」

Xiao Hao said with great contempt: Not to be outdone, is it? I think your dad should shoot you right at the wall! 」

Xiao Du: ?8.A 70-year-old mother drove a car with three elderly people who were also mothers slowly, and the traffic police stopped him on the provincial road.

said: Mom, if you drive so slowly, it will affect the traffic

The driver's mother said: Isn't that signboard written 20? 」

The traffic cop said, "That's Route 20!" 」

The car's mother said, "Oh! Oh! That's a road and not a speed limit! 」

The traffic cop said, "Yes, suspicious."The other 3 mothers behind you are so ugly!

9.Wet dream.

In the bookstore, suddenly Ah Zhu's eyes lit up and saw a book called Dream Left on the Prairie

Alas, it's terrible! It's amazing that the Dream Relic will fall to the ground!

Hurriedly called Ah Hua to come and see, Ah Hua also opened it excitedly to take a closer look, and they suddenly found that the directory read:

Dreams, left behind on the prairie. 」

Ah Zhu was greatly disappointed, and said very unhappily: In the future, I will publish a book so that the moon will always hang in the sky

10.Caterpillar.

Two caterpillars were crawling across the meadow, and the male caterpillar said to the female caterpillar, "Let's go back?" Go home, how's that?

The female caterpillar said, "Yes!

When the pair returned to the female caterpillar's house, the male found that the female caterpillar was wearing a wedding ring.

The male caterpillar said, "I don't do this with a married female caterpillar," and the female caterpillar said, "Don't worry!" My husband won't be coming back, the male caterpillar said: ?How can you be so sure!

The female caterpillar said, "He got up very early today and went fishing."

11.As a man passed by a house, a used condom suddenly flew down from the second-floor window and landed right on his head.

The man was disgusted and annoyed, so he went to the door of the house, and knocked on it vigorously, and an old man opened the door and asked him why he had knocked so hard, and the man asked, "Who lives on the second floor?" ”

The man handed the condom to the old man and said, "Well, I just wanted to tell you that your grandson fell out of the window.

1. Two cows are grazing together, and the green cow asks the black cow:"Feed! What does your grass taste like?

Black Bull Road:"Strawberry flavor! "Qingniu leaned over and took a bite and shouted angrily"You lied to me!

The black bull looked at him contemptuously and replied:"Stupid, I said the grass tasteless. "

2, Lin Xiaoxiao went to school. Teacher Wang teaches students pinyin. Teacher Wang first taught to write initials b, p, m......, Lin Xiaoxiao doesn't like to use her brain, and she can't learn it all the time.

It's time for the exam, and Xiaoxiao has written a few on the test paper indiscriminately. The teacher was very angry and called the little mother. Teacher Wang said:

Lin Xiaoxiao is not serious in class, and he doesn't even know 'initials and finals'. The little mother was furious and said, "Mom is your biological mother, and when your father calls your grandmother 'mother-in-law', where did your ears go?"

Remember, I am my biological mother and my grandmother is my mother-in-law. ”

3. Child: "Dad, Xiaohua's father swims well, why can't you?" Daddy:

Xiaohua's father always eats fish, so he can swim, and I don't eat fish often, so how can I swim. Child: "But, Daddy, you always eat chicken, do you lay eggs?"

4. Mother: "Fat girl, don't you go to the shower yet?" Chubby: "The water is not full yet!" Little brother: "Sit down and it'll be full!" ”

Question: What are the fears of cloth and paper?

Reason: Not (cloth) afraid of 10,000, only (paper) afraid of just in case.

mm got lost looking for college. Meet a well-mannered professor.

MM: Excuse me, how can I go to university?

Professor: You can only go to university if you study hard.

When I was a soldier, I heard such a Shandong Express Book, which was copied below;

There is a child named Xiaohua, when he was seven years old, he went to school to learn culture, and the teacher taught him three words on the first day, and the three words are you, me and him.

Xiaohua didn't understand, so he raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I didn't understand."

The teacher said, OK, listen:

You are my student, I am your teacher,"

The teacher pointed to a female classmate next to him and said, "She's your female classmate." ”

Xiaohua came home from school, and his father came up to test him.

Xiaohua, what words did you learn today? ”

Today I learned from you, me and him.

Okay, I'll listen, okay, listen, you're my student, I'm your teacher,"

Xiaohua pointed to his mother and said, "She's your female classmate." ”

Dad was angry when he heard this: "No, you are my son, I am your father, she is not my female classmate, she is your mother." ”

The next day, Xiaohua came to the school and was angry at the teacher

Teacher, you're not right. ”

What's wrong? ”

Okay, listen, you're my son, I'm your father,"

He pointed to the female classmate next to him and said, "She's not my female classmate, she's your mother." ”

At the market, a customer asked, "Hey! How much does this cat cost? Sir, 100 francs. But yesterday you only had 20 francs. Because this morning it ate one of my parrots worth 80 francs. ”

There was a steamed bun, walking and walking, hungry, and ate himself.

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute.

Escape. Only then did it turn out that there were only three parachute bags left on board. Everyone was nervous for a while, and then Zhuge Liang shook his feathers.

Fan, cleared his throat and said: "That's it, the mountain people come up with a few questions, and if they can answer them, they will parachute, and if they can't answer them, they have to do it themselves."

Jumped off. The others had no choice but to agree.

He also took an umbrella bag and went down. In the end, it was Cao Cao's turn. Zhuge Liang asked, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Cao Cao was stunned.

Self-rejoicing. The second time four people encountered an emergency on the plane, the four of them discussed, yes, it's still the old way. Zhuge Liang shook again.

The battle. Zhuge Liang nodded, so Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again: "That battle is dead."

How many people? Sun Quan thought for a while and said, "There are about thirty or forty thousand." Zhuge Liang nodded, and Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down.

Cao Cao couldn't help but snicker: "Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I have been through the past and the present, especially in the military, this time you are planted."

Finish. I saw Zhuge Liang ask: "What are the names of the soldiers?" Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard this, so he had to jump down by himself, but he didn't expect to jump into the sea again and pick up a life, Cao Cao laughed secretly.

The third time the same four people took the plane, and the plane encountered an emergency again, Cao Cao thought about it, Zhuge Lao'er wanted to fix me again, do it.

Simply I jumped down and forgot it myself, so as not to be insulted. So he jumped down, and in the high-speed descent in the air, he could only hear Zhuge Liang shouting to him above: "Meng De, there are four parachutes on the plane today!" ”

1.When a woman took a counterfeit banknote to buy breakfast, the vendor was annoyed and said very seriously: "Sister, you can forget about the counterfeit banknotes, at least they are printed, and your banknotes are actually painted!"

2.Even if you take 10,000 steps back, you can draw a ten-dollar or five-dollar one, right? You gave the painting back seven pieces!

3.Seven pieces are seven pieces, not to mention, at least you have to draw color, you actually use a pencil to draw! Forget it, I'll put up with it! Black and white is black and white!

4.You can't draw it with hand-paper! The feel is too bad. Even if it's a piece of paper, I admit it!

5.You have to use scissors to cut the edges, this one is torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. Okay, I don't want to talk about the raw edges.

6.But you also tear a rectangle! This triangle is too much to say!

A cow girl in my office shouted loudly: Legs are spread apart, I can't get in!

Everyone is sweating. It turned out that she was mopping the floor, and Lao Feng was burying his head in copywriting, but he didn't see it.

In the old days of Shaanxi, the store was a shop, which was a big fire kang, a big quilt, a group of people, three people who slept together for a day, and they didn't want to have a big sneeze in the middle, and the two people on the side made their faces all over. One person was very angry and said: If there is something in the future, I will tell you earlier!

In the middle of a while, the man shouted: There is a situation!

The two of them were busy covering their heads with quilts, and they heard "tom", and the man in the middle let out a fart.

There was a neurological hospital that erected 100 walls to prevent neuropathy from escaping. One day, two neurotics fled, climbed 60 walls, and one asked, "Are you tired?"

Answer: "Not tired. So he climbed again, and when he reached the 99th wall, one of them asked again:

Are you tired? Answer: "Tired."

Let's go back to it! ”

The elephant stepped on the ant's nest, and the ants poured out of the nest and climbed on the elephant, and the elephant shook his body, and the ants fell to the ground, and when the ants saw that there was still an ant around the elephant's neck, they shouted: "Quick, strangle him, strangle him!" ”

The host left friends to eat, but there was only a bowl of tofu on the table. "My favorite thing to eat is tofu, it's my life," he said. I don't think any dish tastes as good as tofu. ”

A few days later, the host invited a friend to dinner again, thinking that he liked to eat tofu, so he put tofu in fish and meat. Who knew that he didn't eat tofu, but he chose fish and meat to eat.

The owner asked, "You said that tofu is your life, why didn't you eat it today?" ”

He replied, "When I see fish and meat, I don't even want my life." ”

The prank Xiao Ming told his mother that when the guests came to play at home today, my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair, and I saw it.

Mom said, "So what do you do?" ”

Xiao Ming said: "I stood on the side, and when the guest was about to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him. ”

An old lady is illiterate, but she likes to listen to the radio, and the weather forecast must be listened to every day. Ask family members at dinner one day; Do you know where the local area is? It rained almost every day.