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Children are the bridge of communication between parents, and when there is a conflict between parents, we as children have to play our role.
In order to keep them from affecting each other's feelings, I always advised them to stop in moderation, not to lose big because of small things, and then find a step for my parents so that they can end the "battle" with self-esteem.
Uncle Jia's warm harbor, only a complete home is a haven of happiness, so we must defend this happiness. <>
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The situation of my family is very similar to the situation you said, and I will understand it slowly when I am sensible, and we can't understand the things of my parents' generation, so we can only persuade when the contradiction intensifies, after all, there is a gap between the two generations of psychological thoughts, and this feeling is particularly helpless, what can be done is to do a good job and insist on yourself. Knowing the harm caused by family conflicts, you will also know more about how to be a parent in the future and avoid unnecessary quarrels in your own family in the future. Really, only with a similar family environment can you know how small your role is and how powerless persuasion is in the face of your parents' quarrels.
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When they quarrel, I will hide and eavesdrop on what they are arguing about. To put it bluntly, I want to understand the reason for their quarrel first, and then find an excuse to be a peacemaker.
At home, my dad usually doesn't take the initiative to quarrel with my mom, and when the two of them quarrel at the end of the month, when they have no money, my mom finds an excuse to quarrel with my dad. <>
And my mother's scolding is very fierce, at first my father generally ignored her, and he couldn't stand being scolded before he quarreled with her. If I'm at home, I'll tell them, "If you quarrel any more, I'll stop studying!" After all, they care most about my studies, and whether I study well or not is related to their face and their weakness.
If I say that, they will be quiet, at least not arguing in front of me. <>
After I went to university, I started working and studying, relying on myself for living expenses and tuition fees, and rarely asked my family for money. They were much less stressed, so they didn't fight for money, and while I was at home, they discussed how to cook delicious food.
I instantly felt that it is not easy for parents, everything is for the sake of children. They quarreled, and I felt bad.
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There is a reason why my parents often quarrel, and I will carefully find the reason for their quarrel and solve the problem fundamentally.
First of all, I will do the ideological work one by one, and let them understand each other that a family is often noisy and noisy, which is not conducive to family happiness and hurts feelings;
Secondly, according to the problems that parents usually quarrel about, find the person who has more problems and help him to correct them, after all, people are not saints and sages, and knowing and correcting mistakes is a cultivation that we have to practice all our lives;
Finally, start with some details, such as eating more with them at home, taking your parents out to play with them, so that they can worry as little as possible, and the most important thing is to help your parents share part of the family's living expenses.
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As their child, I feel that I have the right and obligation to dissuade them from quarrelling, if they quarrel more intensely, I may first stop them strongly, first let them calm down, and then let them separate first, I talk to them separately to find out the reason for the quarrel, and then let them talk together, let them talk about their thoughts, why they get angry and then quarrel? Then tell them that quarreling can't solve the problem, communication is the most important thing, tell them "family and everything is prosperous", I believe that slowly they will change. If it's a few small words of bickering, I don't think you need to talk about them, and occasionally this can be regarded as a spice for life.
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My family is that my parents always quarrel, and always quarrel over some trivial things, but in fact they are people who have the same views as each other, but they are always arguing over some small things, but it does not cause too much bad impact, every time they quarrel, I, as a child, feel that things will go in a serious direction, I will stop their quarrels. Many times they just need to go down a staircase, but they can't wipe each other's face and apologize to each other, and at this time I have to use this middle bridge to balance the relationship between them. I think a small quarrel hurts my body and heart.
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I think they quarrel a lot of the time, but they don't want to argue anymore, they just don't have the right people to give them a step to stop the fight.
My parents actually quarreled a lot, and they sometimes quarreled very fiercely, but almost as long as someone was fighting, they would stop fighting like this. Sometimes when my grandparents or grandma are here, even if they quarrel very fiercely, as long as I say, stop arguing, my grandparents or grandma are still here, and people are thinking about it or whatever, they don't quarrel <>
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I think that if I encounter such a situation, I need to find a way to adjust the conflict between my parents, that is, if he continues to be so noisy, the relationship will slowly fade.
You can first talk to your parents separately, that is, to see what they have opinions about each other, and then you are calling them together, saying in advance not to let them get angry, that is, the family sits together and chats, what to say. Then let them talk a little bit more, and I think that's how it gets better.
As an intermediary, you have to learn to regulate. Otherwise the family is in jeopardy.
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First of all, parents quarrel, as a child, is actually the most headache, both sides are relatives, not the other side, so this is a very tricky problem. Let me say my opinion:
1. If your parents' emotions are more intense, you can persuade the party who is more intense, let him or her say a few words, tell them to be harmonious for you, and if you know which side is wrong, you can reason with him or her, and then adjust them and be an intermediate lubricant, you must not lose your temper, because you are a junior after all, and you can't help one party to say harshly to the other, it's best not to. In fact, it is normal for parents to quarrel sometimes, everyone has it, so you don't have to worry too much.
2. If they don't do this often, it proves that there should be no problem emotionally, as you are concerned, it is better to remain silent, and after two days, it will be fine.
3. However, if their cold war has not been eliminated, then, as the emotional bond of your parents, you can play an important role at this time, inquire about the reasons for their quarrel from the side, and then make some adjustments from it according to the actual situation.
4. When they quarrel, you tell Xun Nian to say loudly: Don't quarrel, you always quarrel like this, I'm very annoyed if you don't bother! Have you ever thought about my feelings, why can't you calmly say that what I want is a warm and harmonious family, and you can't do all of this kind of request.
Or just slam the door so they'll understand that you don't like them arguing and that there's you, which is a very effective way to do it, but it's not the best way.
5. In fact, silence is my most recommended method. Because no matter who you speak for, it is adding fuel to the fire, because they all think that they are right, as soon as you speak, the two are evenly matched, because of your joining, the balance will inevitably tilt, and the other party must feel more wronged, and it will be even more endless. So, you watch from the side, as long as your parents don't do anything, they quarrel with them, and when you're tired, it's fine.
6. You must understand that as a child, you must abide by the boundaries of what a child should do. Parental quarrels are the business of parents, and the affairs of the previous generation are solved by themselves! Of course, we don't feel good when they quarrel, but there is no way, don't blame yourself for the reason for your parents' quarrels, so you will be burdened with a lifetime of pressure.
These things don't belong to us in the first place. Just tell them how we feel. That's it.
If there is another quarrel, you can walk away.
7. (Emphasis) If one parent tells you anything to the other party, you must politely refuse to listen! Don't stand in the middle of your parents' prosperity and be the judge of the war between your parents, it will be counterproductive.
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Quarreling with mom and dad all the time is obviously a damage caused by a lack of effective communication.
Only by strengthening communication between the two sides can we get along in harmony and live together.
In normal times, both sides should know how to respect each other, understand each other, tolerate each other, and trust each other. When encountering things, we must learn to solve them through communication.
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If you have grown up, you should learn a little psychology, and analyze why your parents quarreled, where is the main contradiction, whether you are sleepy or you are too strong, you want the other party to listen to you, and you don't know how to empathize.
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1. Understand the reasons: It is to understand the main reasons for the parents' quarrels. After parents quarrel, children should not be in a hurry to do their ideological work.
First of all, it is necessary to understand the main reason why parents quarrel, and what exactly causes the quarrel. whether it is a matter of principle or a general one; Whether it is because of the problems of outsiders or because of the problems of family members; Whether it is a matter of vital interests or an innocuous issue, and so on.
2. Separate persuasion: It is to do the ideological work of parents separately and persuade them to reconcile. Parents are angry after quarreling, and if there is no very special situation, do not gather your parents together to do work, so as not to disagree and quarrel again.
The best way to do this is to do the ideological work of the parents separately. When doing ideological work, it is necessary to follow the principle of "first easy and then difficult, first near and then far, and first urgent and then slow."
3. Emotional persuasion: It is to use the love of parents and children to persuade parents to eliminate contradictions and shake hands and make peace. When parents quarrel and persuade peace, they should play the emotional card.
One is the emotional card of the parents themselves: a hundred years of cultivation can be crossed in the same boat, and a thousand years of cultivation can be slept together. Parents can meet and fall in love with each other in the vast sea of people, what a great fate it is.
Two people should cherish and tolerate well, don't be careful, and don't quarrel often. The other is the emotional card of children: as children, we feel very proud and proud to be able to live in such a loving family; I feel very happy and lucky to have parents who love me like this.
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Parents often quarrel when they are old, and there is an emotional need that is ignored by their children, and that is companionship. As the saying goes: old and young.
When people are old, they are afraid of loneliness like children, and they always think that their children can often greet or come to chat, and it is also their normal emotional need to ask for warmth. Although there is nothing lacking in material life now, the spiritual companionship of children cannot be bought by money.
When I was a child, my parents gave for our children and tolerated mistakes. Now that our parents are old, we should also be tolerant of their temper as we do with children. Be more caring, considerate, and respectful, say more warm words, and share and help solve some difficulties in life.
Parents are here, home is there, and there is still a place to go in life. In the absence of his parents, there is only a way back in life. Cherish the time when your parents are alive and go home more often, so that they can enjoy family fun and have less quarrels.
Parents love to quarrel when they are older, and there is a mood that we are afraid of!
Parents of old and young children become more and more like children as they get older, afraid of loneliness, and always want someone to chat with them.
The reason for the disharmony in the life between parents is that one is active and the other is quiet!
Thoughts and psychology are not in the same rhythm, and if the pace is inconsistent, there will be frequent quarrels! A few words are not right, and I carried it.
Observing the quarrels between my parents can be regarded as a kind of venting and communication between them.
It is only in the time of quarrel that they can perceive their inner activities! It is the desire to be cared for by the other party, so that the other party understands and accepts your own opinion!
If you can't agree or understand the other person's wishes, you will quarrel!
As children, we are very difficult at this time, and it is not good to persuade us, and it is not good not to persuade us! Only act on the opportunistic.
I want parents to stop! The only way to strike first, my secret is to convince Dad first! It's time to get Mom!
If it doesn't work, I'll be cute! Then he said to his mother with a smirk on his face: You better go find someone to talk to! I'm happy and come back! Poison with poison!
Mom and Dad are going to quarrel when they're old, so if you can't persuade them, leave them alone. If you have a house that allows them to be separated for a while, take one another, and then get together after they have been separated for a while will improve the relationship.
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1. The adverse effects of husband and wife quarrels on children.
Children who are often in family quarrels will be disturbed by all kinds of bad emotions, and they may not understand what kind of conflicts between their parents are, and they will only have fear and self-blame. Children will think that they are not doing well, so their parents will quarrel, and the psychological burden will become heavier and heavier.
Couples quarrel too much in front of their children, the child's personality will become very sensitive, and if they are troubled by uneasy emotions for a long time, they will easily become more and more insecure, of course, different children will show different states, such as some children will become timid, inferior, accumulate over time, and gradually form an inferiority complex, and even have self-harm.
And some children will become irritable, rebellious, and gradually antagonistic to their parents, and even run away from home. If there is domestic violence in addition to quarrels in the family, the child is also prone to become violent later in life.
If the parents in the family do not set an example of a happy marriage, then the children are prone to fear of marriage, often have no self-confidence, and will form an anxious and suspicious character, which has an unpredictable negative impact on the child's view of marriage and love.
Second, the Cold War was also harmful.
Some parents believe that as long as they don't quarrel, there is no harm to their children, so after there is a conflict between husband and wife, in order to avoid conflict, they will adopt an evasive attitude, and even adopt a cold war to deal with it. And the husband and wife have a long-term cold war and a tense family atmosphere, and these discordant relationships will be felt by sensitive children, which is also harmful to children.
3. How to make up for a quarrel between husband and wife?
No matter what the conflict between husband and wife is, the love for the child will not change, so after the quarrel between the husband and wife, we should pay attention to the child's emotions in time, make up for it afterwards, and try our best to minimize the damage to the child.
Say "I'm sorry" to your child
Children are in a weak position in front of their parents, they have no right to speak, they can't fully understand those things of adults, and they will feel fear and self-blame when they encounter conflicts, so parents should first say sorry to their children, let the children be frightened, and will try to restrain their emotions in the future, hoping that the children can forgive themselves.
Rationality explains to the child.
As for how to explain the quarrel to the child, parents need to deal with it flexibly according to the specific situation, and briefly outline the general problem within the scope of the child's understanding, and make certain trade-offs when appropriate.
In addition, you can also properly explain to your children that it is difficult to get along with each other perfectly, if there is a contradiction, how to solve the contradiction, it is indeed necessary to learn well, and the quarrel between parents is sometimes a kind of communication, maybe the future communication will be more rational. Let the child know more about real life, of course, this is for older children, if the child is still too young, it is not appropriate to explain too much.
If I have a colleague who is always learning from me, if he doesn't affect my normal life, then I will choose to go with him, and if he has greatly affected my life, then I will talk to him and tell him not to do it again.
Tell them that children learn from adults, and that if even their parents are not honest, don't expect their children to learn well.
If you always complain that the downstairs is very noisy, it may be because the sound insulation of your building is not very good, then you should be careful not to make too much noise, you need to pay extra attention, do not affect the normal life of others, if the downstairs is unreasonable, then you should reason with him.
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