Kneel and beg for a joke about a rooster, who will tell me a joke about a chicken

There was an old man in a village who had a flock of hens and an old man.

The old man felt that the rooster was too old to handle the daily work properly and decided to add another rooster.

So, the old man went to the market and bought a young rooster and came back.

The old rooster said: Can't I help you? Although I am old, I still have no problem handling a small number of hens.

The young rooster said: Not at all. This little bit of work is easy for me, it's all inclusive.

The old rooster said, "Then can we make a bet that if I win, you will share one of my hens." If you win, I'll quit completely. Let's race, run 50 meters, whoever arrives first wins.

The young rooster said: No problem.

The old said pitifully: But, you see I'm so old, can you let me a little. Let me run 10 meters first, and then you start running. Okay?

The young rooster said, "Okay! Look at your old look, let you lose 10 meters.

Early the next morning, the game began.

The old rooster ran out of 10 meters first, and the little rooster waited until the old rooster crossed the 10-meter point, and rushed out with an arrow step, and it didn't take long to catch up with the old rooster. Just as the little rooster was about to catch up with the old rooster, the gun rang out.

The old man stood by and shot the little rooster. The old man sat down on the ground in despair and shouted, "Oh my God, this is the fifth gay I bought from the market!"

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei drank and talked about heroes. The two drank a few glasses, and Liu Bei suddenly let out a fart, very embarrassed. When he was in embarrassment, he only heard Guan Yu behind him say calmly: "Don't be surprised, the fart comes from the feather (rain)!" ”

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun on the side took a step forward and said, "Don't be surprised, farts come from the clouds!" ”

As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Zhang Fei continued to shout: "A fart just now, the fart is flying!" ”

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh, he was deeply touched by this matter. After sending Liu Bei and the others away, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "Liu Bei's subordinates, when they saw that the lord had a mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for it, which can really be described as loyal. If it's your turn, will it be possible? ”

Everyone was indignant and thought, "Isn't it just a, what's so difficult about this!" ”

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again, and during the banquet he wanted to fart to see how his subordinates reacted. After holding it for a long time, I finally held back a little fart. Everyone had been waiting for a long time, and when they heard the sound of "goo", the general Xu Chu hurriedly shouted first: "The fart was put by Chu (pig)!" ”

Wang Lang followed closely and said: "The fart was put by Lang (wolf)!" ”

Cao Cao widened his eyes when he heard this, and the others thought that Cao Cao thought he was slow, so they all rushed to grab him, and Xiahou Dun argued: "The fart is Dun (jumping)!" ”

Wrong! Xu Huang retorted loudly when he heard it, "The fart is dangling!" ”

Xun You said: "The fart is from You! ”

Full pet said: "The fart is a pet (rush)!" ”

Jiang Ji said: "The fart is squeezed (squeezed)!" ”

Guo Tu said: "The fart is from the figure (spit)!" ”

Zhong Xuan said: "The fart is from the fart (shake)!" ”

Then. Niu Jin: "The fart is gold (gold)!" ”

Cao Hong: "The fart is Hong (red)!" ”

Zhang Nan: "The fart is south (blue)!" ”

Cao Cao was already red-faced and about to get angry.

Guo Jia continued: "The fart is from Jia (clip)!" ”

Liu Bei and the others were already smiling.

Cao Cao fainted angrily.

The hen asked, "What's wrong?" ”

Rooster: "Look at other people's foreign chickens, see how they work?" ”

The driver of the car accidentally ran one of Xiao Ming's roosters to death. After getting out of the car, the driver asked Xiao Ming, "Are your parents at home?" I ran your to death, and I'm here to make amends. ”

You crush the rooster to death, it has nothing to do with my parents, you go to the back of the house and discuss it with the hen. ”

The rooster lays eggs, lays the eggs of the rooster.

A few days before the Spring Festival, my family bought two big roosters from the countryside, one was a golden rooster and the other was a red-haired rooster. I especially love that golden rooster. Because it was different from the roosters I had seen before, its body was particularly strong, weighing more than ten pounds, and the big red cockscomb looked like a flower growing on the top of its head, and its neck was thick and short, and its feathers were smooth as if it had been rubbed with a layer of oil.

He was dressed in a golden robe, shining golden in the sun. The feathers on its tail were raised high, like a proud general.

The two roosters had a fierce fight on the first day they came. It was when the mother had just grabbed them out of the cardboard box and put them on the ground, only to see the two big cocks with their feathers raised and staring at each other. Suddenly, the golden rooster crowed, hunched over, the hair on his neck spread out like a fan, and he rose into the air and pounced on the red-haired rooster, and the red-haired rooster was not to be outdone, spreading his wings, shaking the feathers of his whole body and jumping up and down, left and right with the golden rooster, fighting non-stop.

After a while, the red-haired rooster was defeated and cowered in the corner, while the golden rooster proudly stretched his neck and let out a long cry, as if announcing his victory to the whole world. But I was amazed to find that the golden rooster had also paid a heavy price for its supremacy - its beautiful big red cockscomb had been pecked off by the red-haired rooster, and blood was pouring out.

Since then, there has been a very interesting show between these two big cocks.

First of all, every morning, the golden rooster always likes to put on a majestic look, waiting for the round eyes, raise the head, make a high-pitched and pleasant burst of "oh oh" sound, the red-haired rooster seems to have become a docile hen, after enjoying the golden rooster's cry, it will make a low "oh" to show echo, causing us to laugh.

Secondly, when feeding, the performance of the golden rooster with the red-haired rooster is funny and funny. When we sprinkle the rice to them, the golden rooster bears the brunt of running over and pecking excitedly, the red-haired rooster is the first to circle around the golden rooster blindly a few times, and then tentatively stick his head to the ground, carefully pick up the rice one by one, the golden rooster eats the temperament is both serious and economical, it always earnestly picks up the rice grains scattered in the distance and eats them one by one, while the red-haired rooster is like a picky child, it accidentally pecks out the rice grains outside the bowl is ignorance, And it's only interested in rice with corn kernels.

In addition, every day at noon, when the red sun sprinkled its warm light on their dwellings, the two former "enemies" became particularly friendly, and the golden rooster and the red-haired rooster began to practice the daily "feather combing exercise". The golden rooster first buried his head deep between his sunburned and fluffy feathers, carefully pecking off the dirt with his beak. After combing the back, comb the feathers on the abdomen.

The red-haired roosters also squatted together earnestly and combed their feathers over and over again. Then, they also groom each other's feathers. Then, snuggle tightly in the squinting eyes for a nap.

1.The bright red comb of the big rooster looks like a fire from a distance.

2.My grandmother's house has a cute big rooster named Da Luhua, which is both strong and beautiful. A shiny feather is like a gorgeous brocade robe, the bright red cockscomb on its head looks like a big red hat from a distance, a pair of small black bean-like eyes look left and right very attentively, and its pointed yellow mouth looks intimidating.

3.I have a beautiful big rooster at home, it is very strong, it is full of red shiny feathers, and there is a big red cockscomb on its head, and it is very beautiful when it walks. A pair of eyes are small, but they are very divine, like the eyes of an eagle, which is intimidating.

4.I love my grandma's little so much. The crown of the little rooster is red, like a torch.

The feathers on the back resemble a light green coat. The feathers on the belly resemble a red-faded shirt. A pair of sharp eyes, a pointed and long mouth, and a colorful tail are both beautiful and mighty.

5.There was a rooster that was very tall, with a reddish crest, and was covered with beautiful feathers all over his body, which glittered in the sun. The feathers on the tail are even more colorful and dazzling.

It also has two stout golden legs, and it walks with a swaggering toe, looking like no one else is around.

6.The big is beautiful. Its white feathers are like white satin, shining brightly.

Its fiery red cockscomb resembles a blooming cockscomb flower. The mouth and legs are golden, and there are two tail hairs that are particularly long, like pheasant feathers on a singing hat, which looks very powerful and beautiful.

7.Grandma's house has a beautiful big rooster, which is very cute. And lo and behold!

The bright red cockscomb stood on top of his head, like wearing a Little Red Riding Hood, and like a cockscomb flower. A pair of small, round eyes were spinning around the bones. The feathers on his neck were golden, like dazzling brocade, and like a yellow scarf.

8.I looked closely at the rooster, and its fur was red, with a few black hairs sandwiched in between; On the top of his head is a bright red cockscomb, shaped like a firesaw; Its round eyes are particularly spiritual; There are also two crowns under its mouth, its black tail is always raised high, and its sturdy feet walk around on the ground, leaving strings of bamboo leaves.

Me, thank you!

Plucking and boiling chicken (a joke)2007-06-11

I think that when I was still working in the army, I encountered an incident, a couple of college students who had just been assigned a job, wanted to live a small family life, went to a small market town to buy a chicken, and the gay man killed the chicken and plucked the feathers (but he forgot to do one less job) Not to mention now, the lesbian made coal and stove, and the gay man saw that his wife made the stove.

Put the chicken in an aluminum pot and cook it on the stove, cook it for a while, some people in the family building say that it stinks, the smell is getting stronger and stronger, some people check the smell, and the result is found that the college student's house, the original smell comes from here, ask them what to cook, and the result is open to see, the chicken is boiled out, plus the ozone sky, some people tell them to do one less work is to open the chicken belly, take out the chicken and wash it before cooking, this matter as a joke spread to the army, this is called plucking and boiling chicken.

Afraid of raw chicks.

Mom, where do the chicks come from? 」

Mother: It's made out of an egg. 」

I didn't dare to eat eggs after that. 」

Why? What if I had a chick in my belly? Piggy: "Chicken, why don't you even take a bath?" Stinker than me. ”

Chick: "Mommy won't let me wash it." ”

Piggy: "Why?" ”

Chick: "Mom said I rubbed myself back and forth in the shower to be nasty." ”

Once upon a time there was a mountain lodge in which there was a chicken that ran very fast, and this chicken ran faster than any other animal, and the owner of the lodge often boasted proudly that his chicken was the fastest.

Later, a very rich foreigner came, he had a soft spot for this chick and liked it very much, so he said to the owner of the villa: "I will give you 20w, you sell this chick, and the owner of my villa said: I don't sell it."

The foreigner said again: I will give you 50w, and you sell this chick to the owner of my villa who is very reluctant to say again: I will not sell it.

When the foreigner heard this, he became anxious and said, "Aren't you just a chicken!" I'll give you 100w! You sell it to me.

The owner of the villa was a little moved after hearing this, but he said again: I don't sell the last foreigner angrily said: 1 chicken, you don't buy 100w, do you have a problem with your brain.

In the end, the owner of the villa said helplessly: I can't catch up.

Said that once upon a time there was a very small device, nicknamed Iron Rooster, one day he heard that a person in the neighboring town was even smaller than him, and people gave him the nickname Porcelain Phoenix, he was very unconvinced when he heard it, so he decided to meet him for a while. The next day, when I was about to leave, I suddenly remembered that I couldn't go empty-handed for the first time, so I took a piece of paper, spread it out, and drew a fish with a pen on it. After walking to the porcelain phoenix's house, I realized that the porcelain phoenix was not at home.

was about to go back, and suddenly there was a porcelain phoenix small vessel, so what about his wife, so he decided to test it, and said: "Brother and sister, I didn't bring anything with me the first time, here's a fish for you, I can't take it, I hope it's not too little." "The porcelain phoenix wife knew at a glance that this was the famous iron rooster coming, and said:

, Big brother, have you eaten? The iron rooster thought that if I took a paper drawing of a fish, he would still be able to keep me to eat, and the porcelain phoenix would be no more than that, and said, "No."

Just look at the porcelain phoenix's wife took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the table and said: "There is nothing to eat at home, there is a baked cake here, you can make do with it" The iron rooster looked at it, worthy of being the wife of the porcelain phoenix, thinking that the porcelain phoenix must be more powerful. Just left.

After the porcelain phoenix went home in the evening, he saw a paper painting fish on the table and asked his wife if someone had been here today, and his wife truthfully told the iron rooster about the visit, and the porcelain phoenix was very nervous and asked his wife if he had given anything, lest he suffer a loss and let the iron rooster take advantage. His wife said, "No, I drew a pancake on the table for him to eat."

The porcelain phoenix ran over to take a look and scolded his wife: "You loser girl, how can he eat so much alone, and half of the painting is not enough."