I remember there used to be a joke about three people who graduated from college

The first few are casual, and the last one is a graduate of Xiamen University who said, I was scared.

Employee: Boss, I want to take a day off today.

Boss: You want to take a day off.

Employee: Hmm. Boss: What else do you ask of the company? There are 365 days and 52 weeks in a year. You've got 2 days off a week, 104 days in total, and you have 261 days left to work, right?

Employee: Hmm. Boss: You're out of work for 16 hours a day, and if you remove 174 days, there's 87 days left, right?

Boss: Every day you spend at least 30 minutes on the Internet, adding up to 23 days a year, the remaining 64 days are Staff: ...

Boss: 64 days left; You spend 1 hour a day at lunchtime, and you use it up for another 46 days, and there's 18 days, right?

Employee: Boss: Usually you take 2 days of sick leave a year, so that you only have 16 days of working hours Employee: Speechless.

Boss: There are 5 holidays a year, the company is off and does not work, and you only work for 11 days Employee: ......

Boss: Every year, the company generously gives you 10 days off, and you will work for 1 dayEmployee: Boss: And you still have to take this day off.

The teacher lectures and talks about chapter 7. Xiao Ming turned the text to chapter 8 and lowered his head to play with his phone. Later, he was discovered by the teacher, and the teacher asked him:

Then before the teacher could speak, Xiao Ming rolled out gorgeously.

In class, the teacher was talking about chapter 7, Xiao Ming opened the book casually, and lowered his head to play with his mobile phone, but was discovered by the teacher. The teacher asked him, "How do you turn the book to 8 chapters of the 7 chapters you talked about?"

How sad can you be, just like a group of eunuchs going to the Qinglou!

There was a man who had a bad stomach. One day, he came to the gastric hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor:"I eat what I pull, eat watermelon pull watermelon, eat cucumber pull cucumber! "The doctor thought for a moment and said to him:"I see you only have to eat! "

Think about it when you're unhappy.

The first session was a history lesson, and the teacher was very interested in the class.

A nickname called"Sanmao"'s classmates fell asleep on the desk, and the teacher was very angry, so he put Sanmao.

Screamed. The teacher asked"You say, what do Wang Anshi and Ouyang Xiu have in common? "

Sanmao blurted out:"They were all from the Song Dynasty. "

The teacher then asked:"Then tell me, what do they have in common with Tang Taizong and Zhuge Liang? "

Sanmao was stunned and replied:"They are all ancients. "

Sanmao thought for a while and said:"They are all men. "

The teacher then asked"What if you add Li Qingzhao and Cixi? "

Sanmao was anxious:"He, they are all Chinese. "

The teacher smiled and asked"Tell me again, what did Napoleon and Caesar have in common? "

They all served as emperors. "

What do they have in common with Darwin and Hitler? "

The teacher pressed again:"So what do they have in common with the people I mentioned earlier? "

Sanmao and a rod to the end:"They are all human. "

The teacher asked again"As far as I know, among these people, Zhuge Liang has raised chickens, Cixi and Caesar have also raised dogs.

Animals are counted, do they have anything in common with them? "

As soon as the teacher asked, Sanmao's head began to sweat"This ......This ......They all died.

Finish. ""Well, it's all dead. "The teacher nodded.

Sanmao's legs weakened, sat down, and thought, this is the end of the problem, right?

Unexpectedly, the teacher said again"You stand up, and one last question is, if they're all alive now, can they find common ground? "

Sanmao was dumbfounded, he thought for five minutes before he cried and said with a sad face"If you don't count the jet lag, they should have all had lunch.

Ghost: God, my next reincarnation is like an angel with a white body and a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood.

God: Then you should be reincarnated as a protector.

Once upon a time there were four men, all of whom were men, and they loved to eat carrots. One day, one person ate too many carrots and had diarrhea, so the three of them accompanied him to the toilet. One of them wanted to pee, so he came to a corner to pull, and after the person finished pulling, he looked up and saw that there were more than a dozen big characters written on the wall:

Do not do anything here, otherwise the tools of the crime will be confiscated.

Four of the men were police officers, and one day they found the hunter's tool in a toilet, which was a carrot used to pounce on rabbits.

One day, there were four people shopping, each of them was eating a carrot, who knew that there was a pesticide in the carrot, and as a result, all four of them had to look for the toilet to, who knew that they saw the thief's tools in the toilet. In the end, they were rewarded with two large baskets of carrots by the Public Security Bureau.

During an exam at school, a boy received the answer from his classmates and was about to copy it, when he looked up and saw the teacher walking towards him, he looked at the teacher very calmly, put the answer paper on his nose and blew it hard, and threw it into the garbage basket behind the door in a chic manner. The teacher glared at him a few times, and finally did not have the courage to pick up the incriminating evidence.

The head of our class, commonly known as "black beans", once in a self-study class, a classmate suddenly popped out a sentence, what about the head of the class? At this time, I only heard the voice from behind the podium, "What is the matter?" The classmates laughed, and the class leader said, "What are you laughing at, I'm just not obvious." ”

So-and-so jumped to the 3rd floor, rolled to the 2nd floor, died on the 1st floor, and turned into a skeleton.

When I was in junior high school, a new political teacher, a woman, just graduated, a very beautiful quiz, she sat on the podium and invigilated the exam, and a few boys behind us did not answer the papers, they lay on the table, their eyes looked straight at her, the teacher's face turned red after a while, and began to look down at the newspaper, so we began to copy wildly.

A classmate did me a great favor, and I sincerely thanked him and said, "Seriously, I really don't know how to thank you!" ”

He happily replied, "For me, there has been no other answer to this question since there has been money in circulation in the world. ”