Why do people have an obsession with their ex boyfriend ?

The reason why some people are obsessed with their ex-boyfriends is that they have deep feelings for their ex-boyfriends, and they are always unwilling to let go of this relationship in their hearts, so they still miss their ex-boyfriends very much after the breakup.

Under this kind of thinking, a person is often prone to drill the horns, and as a result, he does not dare to face new feelings, and he has been in a cycle, in fact. Such a mentality and feelings, I have also experienced, whenever I am hurt, I will think of this relationship, so that I once had a period of serious doubts about whether I can find love again, but I finally found the answer after meditating, if I have no way to get out of the original relationship, then I want to find true love, it will become very difficult, so I must look forward and forget the original feelings, In this way, you can get yourself out of the abyss of pain.

The reason why many women can't get out of it is that they can't see their vulnerability, if they can face their vulnerability, I think it can also be a good way to forget the original relationship to meet a new relationship, many people waste a lot of time and energy in this regard, and in the end they are still facing a dead end in thinking, take me personally as an example, I have wasted at least three years of time in a relationship,In the past three years, I have met very beautiful people, but I miss my previous feelings too much, and in the end I didn't grasp the new feelings, so I regret it very much in my heart, but I can't change this state of mind.

So that later, I decided to try to look forward and slowly forget the past feelings, so that I could learn to accept the new love, and at the same time I was constantly encouraging myself that the previous ones were gone, and it was impossible if I wanted to go back to the past. In such a situation, I might as well try to forget, embrace a new love, and fill the wound in my heart, so that I slowly have a certain transformation and let myself regain love.

To sum up, such a situation is often a result of immaturity and qualitative thinking, in such a basis must be transformed, the whole process may be a little painful, but when you transform, you will find that the future of the sea and sky, will no longer be affected by the old thinking, will not be depressed because of emotional problems, the most important thing is that your whole state of mind will become very optimistic.

The word "ex" is a hurdle in many people's hearts. In life, there are many people who are in love with their ex. In psychology, this state is called a person's "unfinished complex".

The unfinished complex is a kind of memory effect, which refers to the fact that people are very easy to forget the things that have been completed and have known the result, but are impressed by those things that have been interrupted in the middle and have no ending. And these unfinished possibilities can be unconsciously brought into your real life, hindering your effective contact with others.

Why does the unfinished complex affect a person in such a way?

Because "unfinished" means possibility and uncertainty, for example, many times, we hear people say, "What if we were together?" "This"If yes"The assumption is that it is unfinished, and it means that I can be like that, which contains unwillingness, regret and regret. So, when something becomes unfinished, the result is:

We still have all sorts of possible ideas about it, and it happens that you can be involved but you don't, so you don't approve of things as they are, and so it will always influence the decisions in your life that are related to it. This complex is also a very common adversity on our love path. Don't worry that this is a disease, this unfinished complex is one of the human instincts and is inevitable.

So what methods should we use to combat the unfinished complex?

There are three tools:

First, let yourself go back to that unfinished complex. To make a judgment, take out a piece of paper and a pen and write down three questions on the paper:

1. Is my final choice based on an ideal analysis of the pros and cons, or an unwarranted impulse?

2. If you were in the same situation again, what choice would you make?

3. If the problem you are struggling with now is solved, does it mean that you have no other problems?

Even if you make a different choice at the beginning, you still can't really solve the problem, face your own wishes, and accept the fact that the matter itself is destined to be incomplete, which is a necessary step.

2. Refocus yourself on the person you can't let go, write about his strengths, and then ask yourself, if he doesn't have these advantages, or if others have them, will you empathize with him? If so, it means that you just like this type of person, not him.

3. Awareness. Reflect on whether you are not grateful for the money you have invested and the effort you have put into the past.

Many people will feel unwilling after it happens, thinking that they have given their best youth, money, and energy, and at the same time think that they have given a lot but have not been rewarded. At this time, you have to ask yourself, if you are just not willing to pay for what you have paid, then continuing to make the same mistake will only cause a bigger loss. Try to ask yourself, if you hadn't invested in this, would you still be so obsessed?

In the end, I just want to say that if you can't forget him, then please go out and see the outside world, try to get in touch with people and things in the outside world, and maybe you will find a different world and people.

Because I didn't meet anyone better, so you mistakenly think that you will never meet someone as good as him again, so you have obsession.

Obsession with this thing, in a sense, is tantamount to wrong persistence. It's very heart-wrenching, and I've had obsessions. So tell your own story

My ex and I met when we were in high school, and because the two of us were at the same table, there is a high probability that we will fall in love for a long time. After graduating from high school, they were almost tacitly together. It's just a coincidence that I have already filled in the volunteer when we are together, so I can't help it, so I was forced to have a long-distance relationship.

He is really a nice guy and will take care of my emotions in every way when I go out to play. Would come across several cities to meet me for a small holiday. But there is one problem that is very bad, we are all people with knife mouths and tofu hearts.

I would amplify my emotions because of small things, especially me.

So in this relationship, I always feel very tired. Later, for various reasons, the two broke up. For a long time after the breakup, I felt like I wouldn't ever meet someone better than him again.

Because no one is going to catch a train at four in the morning just to see me, and no one is going to wait in front of the library for half a day to see me.

So this obsession is getting deeper and deeper, especially when he can't meet someone better than him, he will regret his decision. But I was a sane person after all, and I didn't get back together in the end. Because I always felt that after getting back together, our problems would still exist.

After all, we are all such strong people in our bones.

Later, I met the incumbent, who is a particularly tolerant person. Later I realized that I wasn't always that hard-mouthed.

For example, when I have a problem now, I don't have a cold war. The other party will take the initiative to ask about it, and I am willing to tell it. When you are unhappy, you will never let the problem be left until the next day, even if it is a three-hour **, you must make it clear.

Later, I slowly felt that the reason why I was obsessed with my ex was because I hadn't met someone more suitable for you. When you meet it, you will find that there are really people in this world who come for you.

They will tolerate you and will take their relationship with you seriously. Even, when facing them, you can't bear to quarrel. And when you meet this person, you will slowly let go of the obsession with your ex.

So the best solution is not to think of yourself as a so-called affectionate old good person all the time, but to be brave enough to come out and meet a lot of new people, so that you have the opportunity to meet your own mr right

The reason for this situation is illustratedThe relationship with the ex-boyfriend is relatively deep, or the ex-boyfriend has not yet come out of the world of the ex-boyfriend, in other words, it is that he has not met a more suitable other half than the ex-boyfriend.

In real life, it can be said that it is really rare to get married after falling in love once, many times it is difficult to get out after a breakup, there are many reasons for a breakup, not because you don't love and break up, maybe it is forced by some kind of pressure or forced by practical reasons to break up, in this case it is not particularly easy to let yourself out.

I had an unforgettable love in college, the reason why I use this word to describe it is because everyone was more optimistic about us at that time, and felt that we could come together in the end, although there were many ups and downs in our love process, but we all worked hard to manage this relationship, but the final result was still lost to a long-distance relationship.

After graduating from college and working, two people chose to separate due to work, and the long-term separation made it impossible for two people to be together, unable to better communicate and communicate with each other, and did not feel any uncomfortable feeling in my heart when I broke up, and I was relatively calm, but when I wanted to start a new life after I separated, or when I wanted to contact with other people, the shadow of my boyfriend would always appear in my mind. I always use the yardstick of the past to measure the other half I am in contact with, which also makes it difficult for me to better show my best side to each other when I get along with each other, of course, this kind of relationship is naturally fruitless.

It wasn't until I met a sunny and handsome boy under the introduction of others that I slowly forgot the impression of my past boyfriend. The reason for this situation, I personally think that it is because he is too good now, or that the other party can take care of himself more seriously, especially when he encounters difficulties in work and life, he will always appear to help himself as soon as possible, and will always solve problems for himself, whether he is in a good mood or a bad mood, he will accompany himself, so that he can always surround himself and make himself aware of his existence. It was his approach that allowed him to slowly walk out of the shadow of his past boyfriend.

I also realized it, in fact, it doesn't mean that all people can't forget their ex-boyfriends, or they have obsessions with their ex-boyfriendsThe reason why this situation occurs is because I haven't met a more suitable or able to meet my other half who brings you real happiness.

There is a word in psychology called mental rumination, which means that some thoughts in the mind are constantly thinking about some things that everyone has experienced. After a breakup, it is very easy for people to get immersed in negative emotions and environments, and they like to feel these painful situations, impressions and experiences over and over again, and I think this is due to rumination. For example, after a breakup, people will keep thinking:

If I had ...... in the first placeIt's fine" "It's not that I didn't say that to her, and we wouldn't have broken up" "If I had looked for her in the first place, would we have been able to get back together." Maybe you don't have a strong affection for her, but the constant reminiscence and constant talk make you feel that all this is so regrettable, make you care about this loss, and then magnify the pain of your broken love. It even makes you feel that you and your ex are not completely finished.

How can I get rid of this mentality?

Shift your focus and be able to do things that occupy your mind, mobile games or crafts that you have to focus on, so that you don't have much time to think about them. If you really can't forget, you don't need to intentionally make yourself forget, forcing yourself to forget may make it harder for you to forget. There is a white bear effect in psychology, that is, the more you suppress a certain thought, the more you think about it.

When we deliberately forget something, we will subconsciously focus our attention on it, and finally cause a thought that cannot be shaken off.

Everyone has a "nostalgia mentality", which is a normal psychological feeling that refers to an individual's memories and thoughts about the past. Men can't forget their exes, and part of it is caused by the "nostalgia" in our hearts. Nostalgia is an evasion of reality, and an expectation of what cannot be done.

When men quarrel with their jobs, the main manifestations are more significant.

The obvious comparison between the ex and the incumbent makes the man feel that he has lost an excellent woman, and the more he thinks about it, the more unwilling he feels. In fact, after a breakup, when a man thinks of his ex, it is through decoration, and the human brain automatically ignores the defects and becomes a big advantage. It's quite possible that when you're really together, the relationship isn't really that good.

To deal with this situation, men need to ensure that it is best not to have any contact with their ex, including mobile phones, mobile phone WeChat, WeChat likes and comments, to give girlfriends enough security, and when you actively leave the relationship, women are certainly not easy to quarrel with you.

Women don't talk about their ex inexplicably, let alone compare themselves with their boyfriend's ex, even if you are already together, your ex is just in the past, be yourself and manage your emotions. In the case that everyone finds out that the target is secretly paying attention to the ex, don't be so strict, after all, the ex can't be avoided, it is possible that he does not mean it, but just cares about it. An old relationship is a matter of two people, and it is not something that can be carried out by just one person.