What are some serious and funny jokes?

1. A young magician joined the army, and just a few days after coming to the army, he asked the lieutenant for leave and said: "I forgot my magic props at home, I have to go back and get them, you can give me three days off." The lieutenant thought about it and agreed.

The second time, he said to the lieutenant: "I forgot the tools I used to repair the props at home, I have to go back and get them, you can grant me three days off." The lieutenant stopped talking, and agreed.

The third time, he said to the lieutenant, "I forgot my magic teaching materials at home, I have to go back and get them, you can grant me three days off." The lieutenant swallowed his anger and agreed again.

For the fourth time, the magician said goodbye. The lieutenant was angry and was about to punish him, when the magician came to ** and said, "I tried to transform myself into a home, but I didn't expect it to be successful."

The lieutenant criticized him a few words and stopped holding him accountable. For the fifth time, the magician said goodbye without saying goodbye, and it was still a long time.

1 Bullfrogs and frogs pursue centipedes at the same time. The centipede whispered, "You buy a gift for me, and whoever buys a gift that I am satisfied with, I will promise him."

The bullfrog and the frog went and went to buy gifts. A few days later, the centipede agreed to the bullfrog. Apparently, the frog bought a gift centipede did not like.

The bullfrog smiled and asked the centipede, "What did he buy?" The centipede said unhappily

He bought fifty pairs of shoes, and the terrible thing was that he bought not leather shoes, but fifty pairs of shoes with laces, how troublesome it was to wear! 2Mother Spider took the spider to a tree and taught the spider to weave a web to catch insects. The little spider said unhappily

Mom, I don't want to weave a web here. Mother Spider asked, "You don't weave here, do you want to weave?"

The little spider whispered, "In the water, weave a fishing net ......."”

I heard a person say that if you don't wash your face in the morning, the ** on your face will be better, and ask him how he got the experience? He said that it was derived from the homeless man, the homeless man at the mouth of the alley never washed his face, it rained that day, he washed his face on the side of the road, I found his ** is really good, I believed it, just in time for a long holiday I didn't wash my face for a week, in order to raise my face had to be shameless for the time being, I went to work after eating on Monday morning, and there always seemed to be someone looking at my face along the way, and when I arrived at the unit, my colleagues asked me, "What's wrong with your face?" "I thought that I hadn't washed my face this week, and I forgot to wash my face when I went to work today, so I said to my colleague, "Isn't my face much better than before?"

The colleague shook his head, "I'm not going to say if it's better than before, I think your skin is much thicker than before!" ”

When I talked to my friend about the vicious stepmother, he immediately asked me, "Now that everyone knows how to disguise, can you tell a story about a stepmother pretending to be her own mother?" I thought about it for a moment and said

What you said is very correct, because now stepmothers will show a loving mother in front of outsiders, but in fact, there is nothing behind it. My friend asked, "Tell me about it."

I smiled and said, "I have a friend's stepmother who eats walnuts for him every day, and she says that walnuts can make his brain smarter." My friend asked

This stepmother is good, eating too many walnuts is really smart. I patted my thigh and stood up and said, "My friend thinks so too, but it wasn't until one day that my friend found out that his stepmother didn't use a hammer to smash walnuts for him, but with a door clamp." ”

1.A paragraph I saw on the Internet: 'Sir, have you bought a house, if you don't buy it again, it will go up again" "I have already bought it" "Then have you considered selling your house recently, the house price has fallen recently"."Well, in fact, I don't have money, I don't have a house, and I don't have a house."

Sir, here to help the real estate developer distribute leaflets, 80 yuan a day, regardless of food, if you are interested, you can contact. “

2.It doesn't matter if you buy it or not, go inside and have a look! All the famous brands in our store are sold for two pieces in the whole store, and they are sold for two pieces!

Two dollars for everything you pick, two dollars for everything! !Pick what you take, buy anything, two dollars!

The original price is all ten yuan and eight yuan! !Now sell two pieces for the whole site!

Two dollars to deal with, two dollars to sell! !Real clearance, real dumping!

You don't have to ask for a price, you don't have to bargain, and you're not afraid of being slaughtered! Sell two dollars in the whole market, buy two dollars for everything!

Pick and choose, sell two pieces in the whole market, and buy two dollars! Sell two dollars in the whole market, buy two dollars for everything!

Pick and choose, sell two pieces in the whole market, and buy two dollars! Two dollars, you can't buy it and suffer a loss!

For two dollars, you can't be fooled! !

Real value for money! !Take what is cheap, buy what is cheap!!

It's all two, and it's two dollars for everything! !Sell two pieces in the whole field, and choose two pieces at will!!

1!!Don't miss it! !

Rare opportunity, the whole site is cleared! !Lose money and sell it, sell two dollars in the whole market, and sell two dollars in the whole market!

3.A small-scale food company's hot sauce wanted to be advertised before it went on the market. I couldn't afford to rent a billboard in the city, so I rented a billboard at the city gate.

After renting the billboard, the Sima posted a leasing notice: "Advertising space for rent, 880,000 yuan a year!" The impact of sky-high signage seemed unmistakable, and gradually the whole city knew that there was a ridiculously expensive advertising space at this intersection.

A month later, an advertisement for hot sauce was launched, and the market opened quickly.

4.Take a tricycle out to play, see a wallet on the back seat, tell the master whose wallet dropped, go to get it and find it tied to the seat, ask the master what's going on, he said, when the guests are less and more cars, the guests will choose the car, every time the guest chooses the car, see a wallet in the back, the greedy person will take his car, get on the car and find that there is no way to take it down, so that you can pull a lot of guests.

5.Yesterday a fish pond was newly opened, and the fishing fee was 100 yuan. Fishing all day did not catch a fish, the boss said that anyone who did not catch a chicken will be sent, many people went, each person came back with a chicken, everyone was very happy!

I think the boss is very interesting! Later, the warden of the fishing ground said that the boss was originally a professional chicken farmer, and there were no fish in this fish pond.

6.Practical case of inventory clearance: I saw 688 pairs of Nike sneakers on the Internet, and the seller said that one was fake and three were lost. So I bought it, but when the courier came today, I opened it and saw that it was 4 pairs of fake Nike shoes.

Teacher: Confidant in the sea, what is the next sentence? Xiao Ming:

Next door lives Lao Wang! Teacher: Qingshan is still there, what is the next sentence?

Xiao Ming: The green hat is new all year round! Teacher:

The wind is sluggish and the water is cold, what is the next sentence? Xiao Ming: Mom rubs hemp and doesn't cook!

Teacher: What is the next sentence? Xiao Ming:

Whose wardrobe doesn't hide people?

When I went to deposit money at noon, a beautiful woman asked me in the back when I was in line, "Is it to save money?" "Yes! "I'm just about to withdraw money, and if you want to save it anyway, it's better to give me the money, so you don't have to queue up." "I thought it made sense, so I gave her the money.

2.In the afternoon, I got on the bus, took out the bus card and threw it into the coin hole.

4.My neighbor forgot to bring the key, went over my balcony, found the key in the house, turned it back, and opened the door again. What's even more amazing is that I was on the balcony all the time, and I didn't feel anything wrong.

Alas, our heads must have been squeezed through the same door.

Is this anything else? The waiter ran over, took the bottle and examined it carefully, and said sincerely, "No."

6.Fancy a pair of gloves, the boss wants 35 yuan, I said 30 yuan I want it, the boss does not have to 35, said a few back and forth refusing to give in, I think about it, I gave Zhang 50 yuan, he found me 35 very quickly.

7.A question requires the following four sentences to be connected by related words:

1, Zhang Haidi's sister is paralyzed;

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;

3. Sister Zhang Haidi has learned many foreign languages;

4. Sister Zhang Haidi learned acupuncture.

The correct answer should be:"Although Zhang Haidi's sister was paralyzed, she studied tenaciously and not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.

As a result, one child wrote: Although Zhang Haidi's sister tenaciously learned acupuncture and many foreign languages, she was still paralyzed.

I found a more fierce child who wrote: Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned a foreign language, but also learned acupuncture, she studied so tenaciously that she was finally paralyzed!

8.When I was in high school, I got up very early, and my mother got my schoolbag to eat with the school early, usually steamed buns, and I didn't go to class on Sundays to think that my mother made porridge, and I didn't know that the tendon was pumped, so I picked up the porridge and threw it in the schoolbag.

9.Once at school breakfast, a classmate in front of the card, the machine did not respond, and then swiped or not, very depressed said, the machine is broken, I said let me try, swiped the card, the machine really did not respond! He changed it again, and it was still the same, very angry!

I just wanted to put the card in my bag, but I found that I was holding a bank card in my hand, and I laughed wildly! He pointed at me and laughed even harder, it turned out that I had my ID card!

10.I like to eat all the melon seeds. The ghost made the god guess, and after swallowing them all, he poured the melon seeds on the plate into the trash can, and looked at the other plate of melon seed shells in a daze.

11.The first time I used the bus IC card, I took the initiative to show the card to the driver after getting on the bus, and went straight to the seat. No, the driver said

Read the card", I looked at the IC card, read carefully: "Hefei City Bus IC Card" The driver said: "Go over there to read", I walked to the place where the driver pointed out, and read with all my might:

Hefei City Bus IC Card ......”