How do people who grow up in parental negation adjust their psychology?

The parents of the post-80s and post-90s are generally the post-60s and post-70s, as their generation does not pay much attention to psychology, and does not know how to communicate with their children.

As a result, our generation has lived in accusations and denials from our parents since we were young. This is especially true for a patriarchal family. And I was born into a patriarchal family, and whatever I did was wrong in the eyes of my parents.

Your girls are getting better and better, and they are all taller than you. "I heard that your girl is doing well in her studies. "Every time the uncles and ladies in the village praise me, my parents say, "Hey, my girl is not good, not as good as the xx family."

It is this subtle influence that makes me feel that I am inferior to others, that I am not good-looking, that I am not good enough in my studies, that my ability is not strong enough, and so on. Even when I was in high school, I often received love letters from boys, even when I was in college, I often got first-class scholarships, even if I passed a qualification that others didn't take.

Even when I chose to start a business, my mother would still tell me that your company would definitely not survive for half a year. However, by then I had already begun to believe in my own abilities, and our company was profitable in three months, and it has been more than two years now. Here is my personal experience to share how I adjusted.

Until last year, I didn't particularly recognize my abilities, even though I did a lot of things that others didn't expect. I have to mention Brother Heng here, Brother Heng's own company, and his emotional intelligence is particularly high. He knows how to praise people, and he makes people feel very comfortable, not that you are awesome, you are so good, etc.

He generally praises people as: you have handled the xx problem very well, first, to save the customer's time, second, to improve work efficiency, third, and so on.

People who are used to being denied by their parents generally have a lower sense of existence. And people with a low sense of presence are accustomed to finding their place in the evaluation of others. In addition, you should also improve your self-confidence and give yourself more positive psychological cues.

Like, "You're fine, you can do it." "As the saying goes, if you tell too many lies, it becomes true. In the same way, if there are more hints, it will become a reality.

Parents are also ordinary people, and you have a lot of shortcomings and points. When you realize this truth from small things, you will slowly look down on your evaluation, and you will slowly come out of the shadows. I believe that you have also encountered inexplicable criticism, and when you can smile, if you can do this to your parents, you will get rid of your previous self.

If you try to change your parents' perception of you by proving that you can, you may end up disappointed, and this disappointment will make you really give up on yourself, try not to try. There are many ways for parents to express their love for their children, and the love is deep and the responsibility is keen. However, children should not be the shadow of their parents, and should not bear the expectations, joys, sorrows, and sorrows of their parents.

Let you have yourself, and let your parents have themselves.

I was often beaten and scolded in my childhood. Actually, I really think I'm good, the college entrance examination is a good major in 985 schools, and it's not bad after entering the university, and the top three grades in the small class....But it was still denied and denied, the final results came out, and the main subject exam was really not bad, plus it was estimated that the top 15 in the grade must be there. But for the sake of 2 minor subjects with poor exams, my parents scolded me for almost a winter vacation, scolded me for my poor grades like, and scolded me for being degenerate....I was confused, compared to my peers, I was always an excellent person, but in the mouth of my parents, I was always a loser, a loser who was eliminated by society if I relaxed a little, I was confused, very uncomfortable, I couldn't find my own position, I also felt that my interpersonal skills were not high, I was afraid of contact with others, my parents seemed to imprison me in their evaluation, everything was wrong with me.

I'm not going to get along with people, I'm not going to love my boyfriend....I think my problem is that I have been imprisoned for too long, I don't have the ability to fly, I have become cowardly and timid, and I don't have the courage and ability to make my own decisions by grasping the opinions of my parents...How to say, I hope the subject can communicate with his parents well and confess his heart knot. Or talk to people close to you (boyfriend and girlfriend, especially good friends you can trust) and ask them to praise you more.

My operation is basically divided into 4 steps: cut dependence, know yourself, build intimacy, and lead a healthier parent-child relationship.

The first step is to cut off my dependence, which is not only to cut off my spiritual dependence on my parents, but also to cut off my parents' control and spiritual dependence on me. One of the most important things I considered when I first chose a university was to be far away from home.

Because I know very well that only by striving for enough space and distance can I develop as a person.

The second step is to know yourself. Due to my parents' long-term denial of me, I don't have a clear judgment of myself, many times I feel that I am right, they say that I am wrong, and after a long time, I will seriously begin to doubt whether I am really bad. So I have to have a new objective understanding of myself.

My way is to read books on psychology, and books about home education, which solve a lot of my doubts. For example, why I have always been insecure, why I am always grateful for the little kindness I have given to others, why I always try my best to please others. These problems can be solved by learning simple psychological knowledge and homeschooling knowledge.

The third step is to rebuild intimacy.

Since I was a child, I was insecure, so I had no intimate relationships, and I didn't have any friendships and family ties. I have a mask on my face, and its name is: I will be whatever you like.

The fourth step is to dominate the parent-child relationship. This step must be done after the first step is almost complete, and the first step is the cornerstone. A good parent-child relationship is to appreciate each other, support each other, hug each other when they encounter setbacks, and cheer each other when they are proud.

In everyday life, establish principles to draw clear boundaries. Once your parents have belittled you and denied your behavior, you can ignore it and walk away and not respond, or you can immediately point it out and say directly: I hope you will encourage me more.

At this point, I want to say that in everything, change starts from the heart. You have to really want a good and healthy parent-child relationship to do this. To be honest, it's not easy to do these things well.

But it's worth it, and it's always worth spending a lot of energy to get a good relationship with our parents. It is everyone around you who benefits and yourself.

Look away. Because it is very painful to be denied by your parents for a long time, and it is easy to have an inferiority complex, you should look away and try to adjust your mentality.

1.Maintain an optimistic attitude to accept, for the blow of parents, you should maintain an optimistic attitude, as a disguised encouragement, let yourself become more and more hard. 2.

Communicate directly with your parents, and if you feel unreasonable about some of your parents' criticisms, you can also communicate directly with your parents to let them know that this behavior is also incorrect.

You should slowly adjust your mentality, and then encourage yourself to come out of a comfortable environment, so that you can better achieve success.

You should believe in yourself, and you should communicate more with your friends, and you can also learn to relax yourself, you can go out to travel or get in touch with some new things.

Summary. 1. You are really not good enough, so that your parents always deny you. At this time, what you have to do is very simple, make yourself good enough, and let your every achievement be visible to your parents.

I believe that each of us from childhood to adulthood, almost all of us are compared with "other people's children", parents in many cases such comparisons, because we do not meet their requirements, or feel that we still have room for improvement, so when parents deny you like this, the best way is to show your practical actions to prove that you can do it, and you can do it well.

Hello, I am Mr. Xiaoxin, good at marriage and family, love, psychology, interpersonal communication and other aspects of problem analysis. I can feel that you are very confused now, so if it is convenient to tell me about your specific situation

1. You are really not good enough, so that your parents always deny you. At this time, what you have to do is very simple, make yourself good enough, and let your every achievement be visible to your parents. I believe that each of us from childhood to adulthood, almost all of us are compared with "other people's children", parents in many cases such comparisons, because we do not meet their requirements, or feel that we still have room for improvement, so when parents deny you like this, the best way is to show your practical actions to prove that you can do it, and you can do it well.

You've done a good job, but your parents still deny you. In fact, there are many parents who are knife-mouthed tofu hearts, maybe they always count you down in front of you, which is not right, that is not right, even if you are already very good and doing very well. But when they are in front of others, they will praise you again.

At this time, you don't have to worry about their denial at all, and you don't have to change their attitude towards you, because maybe from childhood to adulthood, your parents like to be strict with you, even if you are good enough in their hearts and have achieved enough, they will put their pride in you in their hearts. This is also a characteristic of many "Chinese-style parents".

Parents will always have their way of education, and for decades, you should also get used to it, as long as you can be a better version of yourself, so that the people around you recognize you, let the people around your parents also recognize you, then your parents must also recognize you, but they don't express it in words, but you just need to remember one sentence: they will always be the ones who love you the most.

My parents kept denying me that I wanted to die.

Have you been denied since you were a child?

It's because I'm afraid you're still young, I'm afraid you're not doing well, and I'm also worried about your performance

You'll understand when you grow up, dear

Since I was 5 years old.

I'm just afraid of you, I'm worried about you.

When you grow up, you must give yourself enough self-confidence, believe in yourself, be brave to break through, and move forward bravely; When you grow up, you should be diligent, you should take practical actions, make efforts, and let others see the achievements you have made.

When you grow up, you should stay away from your parents and don't stay with your parents to work. Then go out and walk more, meet new friends, challenge yourself with new things, and tell yourself that you can.

Keep trying to improve yourself, keep encouraging yourself, and tell yourself every day that you're great, you're good. When you are really good, you will have friends around you to applaud you, and you will be more confident at this time.

When they grow up, they should work hard to improve their self-confidence, so that they can turn their self-confidence and their lives will become meaningful.