A hilarious story because of a kiss?

Xiaoli is a working girl with a lively personality and witty speech. After work that day, she was walking on the road when she suddenly encountered a robber, who was wearing a hood, only two eyes were exposed, and he was holding a sharp knife in his hand.

At this time, Xiaoli calmed down, only to see her eyes red, wiped her tears, and cried and said: "Big brother, don't hide it, I'm in a very bad mood today, my boyfriend dumped me!" I see that you are burly, just a man, why don't you be my boyfriend?

It's good to soothe my wounded heart! ”

Xiaoli's affectionate words made the man stunned, and the sharp knife in his hand seemed to be less ferocious just now. Xiaoli then said, "Okay, big brother?

Although I am not a closed flower and a shy moon, I am not far from sinking fish and geese. If you don't want to, let me kiss it. With that, Xiaoli walked over to the man, who didn't know what to do for a while.

Big brother, you can't let me kiss a hood! After saying this, Xiaoli reached out and took off the man's hood, and then kissed him heavily on the face. It took a long time for the man to react, pushed Xiaoli aside, quickly put on the hood, and forced Xiaoli to take out the money quickly.

Xiaoli had to open the bag and hand over all the money in it to the man. The man snatched it up and fled the scene in a hurry.

But within two days, the man was caught. It turned out that Xiaoli was robbed that day, and she was also scared at first, but she found that there was a camera not far away, so she deliberately ripped off the man's hood in the name of sending fragrant kisses, and the camera took a clear picture of the man's face, so that ** was able to catch the culprit quickly.

After listening to her story, Xiaoli's boyfriend said a little sourly: "People are in love with a kiss, but you catch a robber with a kiss!"

Xiao Ming was lucky to be selected to play an honest and brave game at an office dinner, a circle of colleagues laughed and waited for Xiao Ming to choose honesty or bravery, because he saw the means of these people before Shabu, Xiao Ming mustered up the courage to choose brave, everyone chattered and coaxed Xiao Ming to find a kiss on the spot, the opposite sex is best to go with peers, Xiao Ming is embarrassed and really can't do it, close his eyes to steal the little flower on the left, Xiaohua picked up the little meow he hugged and took Xiao Ming's kiss with lightning speed, and later...

One day, Teacher Xiao Ming: What is 1 1 equal to? "Xiao Ming said: I don't know. The teacher said, "Go home and ask your mother." ″

He went to ask her sister again, and his sister was studying history, and turned a page and said, "Qin Shi Huang." "Oh! It turns out that 1+1 = Qin Shi Huang.

He went to ask his brother again, and his brother was in a relationship and said, "Baby, I'll wait for you downstairs." "Oh, it turns out that 1+1=baby, I'm waiting for you downstairs.

On this day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming again: How much is 1+1=? , Xiao Ming said:"Die!

The teacher slapped Xiao Ming, and Xiao Ming said again: Cool! The teacher asked

The teacher was angry and said, "You get me out!" ", Xiao Ming said:

Baby, I'm waiting for you downstairs. ″

I'm going to tell you a story that has influenced my growth all along, and I hope it will help you too!

The little snail asked his mother: Why do we have to carry this hard and heavy shell from birth?

Mother: Because our body is not supported by bones, we can only crawl, and we can't climb fast. So want the protection of this shell!

Little Snail: Sister Caterpillar has no bones and can't climb fast, so why doesn't she have to carry this hard, heavy shell?

Mother: Because Sister Caterpillar can turn into a butterfly, the sky will protect her.

Little Snail: But the earthworm brother has no bones, can't climb fast, and won't turn into a butterfly, why doesn't he carry this hard and heavy shell?

Mother: Because the earthworm brother can dig into the soil, and the earth will protect him.

The little snail cried: We are so pitiful, the sky does not protect, and the earth does not protect.

The mother snail comforted him: So we have shells! We don't rely on heaven or earth, we rely on ourselves.

One day, Zhuge Liang, Zhang Fei, Liu Bei, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and the plane broke down, but there were only 3 parachute bags. There is no way, Zhuge Liang said: "I'll give everyone in your door a question, answer it, and jump down, wrong, I will parachute, whoever is wrong will jump down by himself!"

First ask Liu Bei, which three are these three kingdoms? Of course Liu Bei got it right! asked Zhang Fei again, how many people were hung up in the XX battle?

Zhang Fei said 300,000. That's right, and I skydive! Zhuge Liang asked Cao Cao again, what is his name?。。

Zhuge Liang said to Cao Cao: "Brother. 886！

Cao Cao fell half to death!

Another day, Zhuge Liang, Zhang Fei, Liu Bei, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and the plane broke down, but there were only 3 parachute bags. There is no way, Zhuge Liang said: "I'll give everyone in your door a question, answer it, and jump down, wrong, I will parachute, whoever is wrong will jump down by himself!"

Ask Liu Bei, how many suns are in the sky? Of course, I answered correctly, and asked Zhang Fei again, how bright is the sky? And of course it is!

Cao Cao secretly laughed: It's so simple. I don't have to jump on my own!

Zhuge Liang asked, how many stars are in the sky?。。 The ending is too cruel, needless to say!

The third time Zhuge Liang, Zhang Fei, Liu Bei, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and the plane broke down, but there were only 3 parachute bags. There is no way, Zhuge Liang said: "I'll give everyone in your door a question, answer it, and jump down, wrong, I will parachute, whoever is wrong will jump down by himself!"

Cao Cao cried bitterly! scolded Zhuge Liang's ancestors for 18 generations! I jumped off and was half-defeated!

Zhuge Liang returned the sentence: "Damn, what are you scolding, there are 4 parachute bags!" ”

I'm tired of fighting!

Xiao Shenyang said: The greatest sorrow in life is that life is dead and money is not spent. Zhao Benshan said: The greatest sorrow is that people run out of money when they live!

A woman got off the night shift, a man followed the plot, the woman was afraid, passed by the cemetery, and said to the grave: Dad, I'm back, open the door. The man was terrified, screaming and running.

The woman was at peace and was about to leave, when suddenly a gloomy voice came from the grave: "Girl, you forgot to bring the key again." The woman was frightened and ran away.

At this time, a tomb robber came out of the grave and said: Damn, delay my work, scare you to death!

As soon as the words of tomb robbing fell, I found that an old man next to him was carving a tombstone with a chisel, curious, and asked, the old man said angrily, nnd, they carved my name wrong......The great fear of tomb robbers, wah, wow.

Fleeing. The old man sneered: "Damn, dare to steal business with me, and be a little more ......tender."As he was talking, the chisel accidentally fell to the ground, and the old man was about to pick it up, when he bent down, he found that the chisel was held in one hand in the grass, and the old man was startled, and suddenly a voice said:

You're looking for death! Changing the house number of my house!! ”

The old man is rolling down the hill! At this moment, a scavenger crawled out of the grass, "Damn, it takes so much money to make a piece of iron." `

A meeting was held in a township, and because of the homonym, the village chief said: "Rabbits, shrimp, don't want melons, pickles are too expensive." (Comrades, villagers, don't speak, now the meeting is open.)

The host said: "Pickles please sausage and pulp melon." (Now I give the floor to the head of the township.)

Once in English class, the teacher was calling the word school, student A would not write the homonym of the word, I wanted to write "four holes", but because "holes" could not be written, I drew 4 holes, student B looked strange and added a 0 casually, it became 5 holes, the teacher in class called A to read school, A picked up the book and counted, saying: 5 holes! The audience burst into laughter !.

Taro chicken is a famous dish in Chongqing, and it is said that the inventor is in a certain place in Shuangbei, Chongqing, and has applied for a patent. Nowadays, many restaurants sell this dish.

One day, in order to entertain foreign merchants, Wang Erhu made a special trip to eat taro chicken. Wang Erhu saw a big bowl of taro chicken on the table, tried to take out a piece of taro and put it in his mouth, he felt that it was smooth and delicious, but he didn't chew it, so he found the boss and said: How do you "fill the number indiscriminately"!

The boss said: I don't brag, I don't blow the sheng, I specialize in selling taro chicken, my taro chicken is good because it is "rotten", quite "Huoba"! I'm not indiscriminate, sir, are you misusing the idiom! Taro ≠ squirt.

PruritusThere is a person who has a disease, the itch is unbearable, and he has no choice but to go to the doctor.

The doctor asked him what was wrong, and he was embarrassed to say it, so he scratched the itch with his hand. After the doctor's examination, he wrote on the prescription: pruritus! The patient saw it and hurriedly pleaded: Doctor, I'm not angry, just itchy! ≠ sassy.

There was a ghost in white clothes and bleeding in the streets at night, and when she accidentally let out a fart herself, poor her soul was scattered.

There was a ghost who farted and hung up.

There was a ghost who fell and died.

Story: I'm going to tell you a story that's scary and hilarious, but has a tragic ending.

1. It's beautiful everywhere.

A foreign friend didn't know Chinese's "**! **！It's a self-effacing word. Once, when he attended the wedding of a pair of young overseas Chinese, he politely praised the bride for being very beautiful, and the groom on the side said on behalf of the bride: "**! **！”

Unexpectedly, this friend was shocked! Unable to think of general praise, the Chinese are not yet addicted, and they need to give examples, so they use blunt Chinese words: "Hair, eyebrows, eyes, ears, nose, mouth are beautiful!" The result caused the audience to burst into laughter.

2. Wangwen business.

Foreigner: "You Chinese are indeed a hardworking people. ”

Chinese: "How can you see it?" ”

3. It's not a thing.

A professor who claims to be a China expert in teaching Chinese class to his students says: "Chinese call objects 'things,' such as tables, chairs, televisions, and so on, but living animals do not, such as insects, birds, beasts, people, ......."Wait, so, you and him are not things, and I am naturally not things! ”