After the divorce of the husband and wife, the state of the child is obviously not good, is the impa

Of course, children are not iron-clad.

How much does divorce affect children?

"Divorce" is no longer an uncommon or difficult word in people's minds. Due to people's pursuit of love, the quality of marriage and the change of marital morality, the divorce rate in China has increased significantly in recent years. A large number of research data at home and abroad show that marital conflict and divorce often affect children's physical and mental health, especially divorce usually brings children a sense of loss of love, abandonment, and insecurity, so that children suffer from autism or depression and other mental and psychological disorders, which has become a social undesirable phenomenon.

Some foreign surveys have shown that preschool children aged 2-5 years are most affected by parental divorce, showing strong emotional reactions, mainly fear, self-blame, withdrawal, etc. Common psychological reactions in school-age children are depression, anxiety, fear, and low self-esteem in front of peers. This mental contusion can also affect the child's academic and behavioural behavior, such as poor grades, lying, skipping school, and attacking others.

In adolescence, it is mainly manifested in estrangement from parents, making friends of the opposite sex too early, running away from home, and being drunk, resulting in illegal and criminal behaviors.

Domestic research data also show that children in divorced families have more mental health problems than children in harmonious families. Boys mainly manifest as abnormal behavior, such as being cold and indifferent to others, unwilling to talk to others, irritable, angry, etc.; Girls are mainly emotionally disturbed, manifested as crying, excessive timidity or anxiety, unpleasant questions, and feeling inferior. The younger group had mainly abnormal mood, while the older group had abnormalities in behavior, emotion, and personality.

In addition, children's dissatisfaction and anger towards their parents' divorce often turn out on their peers, which can easily evolve into aggressive behavior, affecting their ability to be partners and causing social adjustment disorders.

For the sake of the children's growth and education, parents should carefully consider marriage, and when they have to choose divorce, they should understand the changes in their children's emotional crisis and environmental changes, and take preventive measures against the above possible problems. Parents should adopt a restrained, rational and calm attitude towards divorce, and stretch their children to gradually accept the reality of their parents' divorce ideologically and emotionally, so that they can pass this special period safely. Society should also care for such children, not discriminate against them, not hurt their hearts, and help them grow up healthily.

Psychological counseling is the use of psychological theories and methods to help clients discover their own problems and their root causes, tap their own potential, change their original cognitive structure and behavior, and maintain mental health.

Finally, choosing a suitable psychological counselor is an important guarantee for the effectiveness of psychological counseling, so please choose carefully.

In fact, I think that the divorce between husband and wife and the breakdown of the family will have a huge impact on the children. If it is not handled well, it will make the child have problems such as loneliness, low self-esteem, unsociability, fear, etc., which will appear one by one when he grows up, affecting his normal life. Some children will also have a sense of self-blame, you must tell the child that the divorce is not his fault, and that his parents still love him very much.

Divorce can also agree to go out as a family and spend more time.

The first is insecurity, which will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Secondly, the dumping style of education, children can only listen to the opinions and views of one parent, and cannot avoid an incomplete understanding of things.

The third is the difficulty of getting along with others.

Introverted and melancholy, with a withdrawn personality. Children from divorced families tend to be reticent, depressed, afraid of being hurt again and refuse to socialize, and afraid of being asked about their parents' divorce without communicating. Over time, habits will naturally form a withdrawn personality.

When children from divorced families see other peers happy, it is conceivable that their immature psychology will produce great pressure, and their mood will be depressed.

Free and unmotivated. Children in divorced families are in a state of laissez-faire due to the lack of parental guidance and care, and the lack of parents' role models in words and deeds. In terms of learning, it will be manifested as poor organizational discipline, decreased academic performance, lack of interest in group activities, and abnormal relationship between classmates and teachers and students.

The divorce of the parents of the original family may affect the child's view of love and marriage in the future.

The importance of the family of origin is reflected in the fact that it provides us with the first important example and reference for the theme of what is love. If the parent's marriage does not establish healthy values for the child, it will undoubtedly be difficult for the child to enter a challenging love relationship.

Family relationships are incomplete.

Now that the concept of the family of origin has become widely known, it is true that the form of the family of origin is inextricably linked to our own romantic relationships, marriage relationships, and parent-child relationships. The incompleteness of the family relationship is often an important factor when we establish an intimate relationship independently, but this does not mean that the two are necessarily related. How we perceive the influence of our family of origin on us and how we deal with complex family relationships are the key differences.

The parents are not divorced, but they have constant daily quarrels and strong emotional conflicts;

Parents educate their children in an excessively violent way, and may have varying degrees of abusive tendencies and facts at the verbal, physical, or mental levels;

Parents have very little time to take care of their children when they are growing up, and grandparents, relatives, nannies, etc. are the main caregivers;

Children begin to live independently at a very young age, such as attending secondary school abroad on their own, or living in a long-term boarding house.

These incompleteness can be longer and more far-reaching. The reason is that the importance of the family of origin is reflected in the fact that it provides us with the first important example and reference for the theme of what is love. If this role model does not show the child the correct expression of love well, it can easily lead to two outcomes -

Forming the belief that love is so intense and violent, or that conflict should be dealt with in a way such as the Cold War, and then habitually expressing love and dealing with conflict in the same way when establishing a new intimate relationship with oneself;

Knowing well that the role model has brought a bad influence on oneself and being convinced that there is nothing that can be done about it, they regard the experience of their family of origin as part of their own personality and consider it their own flaws, so that they are unable to confidently show their inner thoughts and give control of their feelings to their partners.

In either case, we should be able to sense that such a pattern is vulnerable in relationships, because we may not be fully established under the influence of incomplete family relationships. We have many, many beliefs that should be imperceptibly accumulated in the process of growing up, and they are still in a vague and uncertain state, such as:

I don't know how to express love in a reasonable way;

Unsure where the boundaries of interpersonal relations are, whether it is easy to sacrifice one's own boundaries or to cross the boundaries of the other party;

When conflicts occur, I don't know how to deal with them to promote the maintenance of feelings;

It's easy to completely believe or deny a person's value, including oneself, because of fragmented information (such as doing something right or wrong).

1. Low self-esteem. Parents are the pride of children, and in a family without a father or mother, children naturally do not have this sense of superiority, and are prone to negative and pessimistic thoughts of "my family is unfortunate", "I am a child that no one wants", and "my life is not good".

2. Withdrawn. An unharmonious family environment can cause children to feel strained about interpersonal relationships, especially in restructured families, where due to the carelessness of the father or the estrangement between them and their stepparents, their family communication is limited, and they feel that they are neglected in the family, resulting in a sense of loneliness and behaving as a detached person.

3. Cowardice. After some parents divorce, they often pin their feelings and hopes on their children, and they are too tightly bound and disciplined. Over time, the child is psychologically overburdened, afraid that he will disappoint his parents, so he stays away from his parents, becomes timid and fearful, and is cowardly and withdrawn.

Fourth, rebellion. Some of these children do not accept the discipline of their stepparents due to the estrangement of family affection, or the stepparents are not convenient for them to be too strict, and they have developed a disobedience to heaven since they were young, and they are self-centered in everything and everywhere, and because they do not understand the divorce behavior of their parents, they have a sense of disgust for the family, and there is a psychological phenomenon of rebellion.

1. It is easy to be overly pampered.

After some parents divorce, the people around them will think that the child is very pitiful, especially the elders, will have a compensatory psychology for the child, and pamper the child more, the child does need love, but blind satisfaction will make the child feel that the world is indebted to him, and produce arrogant and complacent.

2. It is easy to feel guilty.

If parents often quarrel in front of their children and say "it's all because of you", the children will feel that they have done something wrong that will cause their parents to separate, and they will have a strong sense of guilt in their hearts.

3. Insecurity.

Many parents will look for their other half again after divorce, at this time the child may become an obstacle to their "pursuit of happiness", some parents will push the child to the elderly, ignore the child, which will make the child extremely insecure, easy to have psychological problems.

Divorce seems to be a very common thing, if there are no children, the two can pursue their own happiness to the fullest, but after becoming parents, we must consider the problems of children, we do not advocate reluctantly being together for the sake of children, but after deciding to separate, we must not ignore children.

1. It will make children have shadows in their lives. In a happy family, the father loves the mother, and the child and the parents can live very happily, so the family can give the child a good living environment. However, the divorce of parents will make the child have a shadow in his life, and will make the child wonder why others have parents with him but not himself, which will leave a lot of bad impressions in the process of the child's growth, which is very detrimental to the child's future.

2. It will make the child insecure, and it should have grown up under the protection of the parents, if the parents divorce, then the day that sheltered the child from the wind and rain will be gone, and the child will be particularly insecure. Therefore, as a parent, it is necessary to maintain a good family relationship, so that the child can live a better life, otherwise the child will be afraid of anything, insecure, and will become a very timid person.

3. It will make children withdrawn. If he lives in a divorced family, whether he follows his father or mother, he will lack a love in his heart. At this time, he will gradually become less talkative, his personality will become very withdrawn, and there will be some problems in the process of communicating with others, because he cannot be accompanied by his parents like other children.

Therefore, the child is often alone, which is very detrimental to his development.

For parents, divorce may be a way out of the siege of marriage and looking for a way out of their own happiness. However, for the child, he is still in a critical period of physical and psychological growth, and he also needs a strong parent-child relationship to help him establish the core sense of security. If the most trustworthy parents parted ways, it would be difficult for him to face all this.

Therefore, after some parents divorce, there are various changes in their children.

Although, the current parents choose to divorce, unwilling to compromise in a low-quality marriage, and live an unhappy life, which is a manifestation of becoming independent in mind and becoming confident in life, and I believe that ending an unhappy marriage can also be a good life. However, for the sake of the healthy growth of their children, parents also have to be wary of the sequelae after divorce appearing in their children.

The impact of the divorce of the parents on the children.

The marital relationship between parents breaks down for different reasons, some are financial, some are emotional, some may be family and personality, etc. However, the impact of divorce on children is often surprisingly consistent, and it is not very good:

The child's personality development is affected, and he is prone to loneliness and low self-esteem.

When parents divorce, the formation of a child's personality is the most susceptible. Children who grow up in divorced or remarried families are more likely to have behavioral problems in most cases, such as liaring, stealing, etc.

As for the reason, it is not difficult to imagine. After the divorce of the parents, the child can only choose one parent to live, whether the child chooses the father or the mother, are destined to not enjoy the complete love of the parents, it is difficult to get the double protection of the biological parents, the child who longs for love and attention, it is easy to have no sense of security, lack of happiness, the formation of withdrawn, low self-esteem character.

When children are young, they see the separation of their biological parents, and it is difficult to yearn for marriage.

A child's understanding of marriage originated from the original family. When the relationship between parents is happy and happy, children will think that marriage is good and have yearning emotions; When the parents' marriage breaks down and ends in a sloppy manner, the child will not trust the marriage and feel that love and family affection are easy to break.

When the child is young, he sees his biological parents divorced, and he has changed from a happy life surrounded by his parents to a "drag oil bottle" who does not know who to live with, and the child's inner defense mechanism will be awakened, and the child will subconsciously feel that he is a "trouble", not worthy of love, and will also have a sense of distrust of the person who loves him.