Please help me find some humorous jokes, ancient and modern jokes.

Ancient jokes.

Campus jokes. Celebrity humor.

Foreign jokes. Modern jokes.

Humorous essays. A collection of jokes.

An alien and an earthling meet, the alien holds out three fingers, the earthling holds out five fingers, the alien makes an "eight" gesture, and the earthling gives a thumbs.

The earthlings came home and said:"I met a guy today, very powerful, he stretched out three fingers, I stretched out five fingers, he knew eight, I stretched out his thumb and praised him. "

The alien came home and said:"I met a guy today, very powerful, I killed three people today, he killed five people today, I killed with a gun, he killed with his thumb. "

When explaining the word "miracle", a teacher gave an example: a person jumped from the eighth floor and was unscathed. He wants students to say "miracles."

Ke Yi classmate: Lucky. The teacher was disappointed and said:

The man climbed to the eighth floor and jumped again, still uninjured. Classmate: By chance.

The teacher was so angry that he said again: "The man climbed up to the eighth floor again and jumped down again ......." Before the teacher could finish speaking, a student replied:

He's used to it.

Take a place first. I'll help you find it.

Chinese Americans Japan ** fell on a desert island, when the ammunition ran out of food, God appeared, God said: I give you a chance to go home, there are ten watermelons and cherries here, you choose one and stuff it into PP, if you stuff ten and don't laugh, you can go home, if you laugh, you have to die. They agreed, and the Americans chose Pingguo, and the third one couldn't help laughing, and he died; The Chinese shrewdly chose cherries, stuffed to the eighth, suddenly laughed, and also died.

The American saw the Chinese in heaven and asked him why, and the Chinese said: "Yes, I saw the Japanese come with watermelons."

Dear Goku:

I'm writing this letter very slowly, because I know you can't read words quickly.

We've moved, but the address hasn't changed because we brought the house number with us when we moved.

It rained twice this week, the first for 3 days and the second for 4 days.

Yesterday we went to buy pizza, and the clerk asked me if I wanted to cut it into 8 or 12 slices, and I said 8 slices and it would be done, and I couldn't finish 12 slices.

I'll send you a coat, and I'm afraid I'll be overweight when I mail it, so I cut it off and put it in my pocket.

Chang'e gave birth, because I don't know if it's a man or a woman, so I don't know if you should be an uncle or an aunt.

Finally, I told you that I wanted to send you money, but the envelope was already sealed.

The Mid-Autumn Festival is coming, don't forget to tell the children about a long, long time ago:

At that time, the sky was still blue, the water was green, the crops were growing in the ground, pork could be eaten with confidence, rats were still afraid of cats, the court was reasonable, marriage was the first thing to fall in love, the barbershop was only to manage hair, medicine could cure diseases, doctors were life-saving, there was no need to sleep with the director to make movies, clothes were to be worn for photography, money was to be repaid, the child's father was clear, selling dog meat could not be hung on a sheep's head, marriage was not allowed to soak mm, and money was to be paid for shopping

A prisoner of war contracted a disease and had his left hand amputated. He begged the enemy to return his left hand to his homeland, and the other party was so moved that he did so. Soon his right hand was also amputated, and he again asked for it to be returned to his homeland, which was granted.

Later, his left leg was amputated, and when he asked to return it to his home country, he was denied. The prisoners of war asked, "Why is it okay the first two times and not this time?"

The other party said solemnly: "We suspect that you are escaping in phases and batches. ”

Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao are four by plane!It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute to escape. Only then did it turn out that there were only three parachute bags left on board.

Everyone was nervous for a while, and then Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan, cleared his throat, and said: "In this way, the mountain people come up with a few questions, and those who can answer them will parachute, and if they can't answer, they will have to jump down by themselves." The others had no choice but to agree.

One. So he took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again:

He also took an umbrella bag and went down. In the end, it was Cao Cao's turn. Zhuge Liang asked:

The second time four people encountered an emergency on the plane, the four of them discussed, yes, it's still the old way. Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei: "What was the battle in which King Wu of Zhou defeated King Zhou?"

Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again: "How many people died in that battle?" Sun Quan thought for a while and said:

There are about thirty or forty thousand. Zhuge Liang nodded, and Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down. Cao Cao couldn't help but snicker and think

Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I have been through the past and the present, especially in the military, but this time you have planted it. I saw Zhuge Liang ask: "What are the names of the soldiers?"

Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard this, so he had to jump down by himself, but he didn't expect to jump into the sea again and pick up a life, Cao Cao laughed secretly. The third time the same four people took the plane, and the plane encountered an emergency again, Cao Cao thought about it, Zhuge Lao'er wanted to fix me again, so I just jumped down and forgot it to avoid insults. So he jumped down, and in the high-speed descent in the air, he could only hear Zhuge Liang shouting to him above

Mengde, there are four parachutes on the plane today! ”.

I'm embarrassed to say that I'm actually an angel, and I stayed on earth purely because of my 、、、 weight