Tell me a few jokes, I m not happy! As the title suggests, thank you

When you're not happy, go find something to do, read a book, and clean up.

Divert attention.

LZ wants to make himself a little stronger inside.

As for this story, it was scary at first, then hilarious, and tragic at the end.

A long, long time ago, there was a ghost who went to the toilet and farted and died.

There was a bun that walked and walked, and when he was hungry, he ate himself.

I'm not happy to go to the corner to draw circles, it's very useful = =||

If you are not happy, go to fight pigs, and the pig will tell you a joke, and if he beats the pig again and listens to the joke, he will not dare to hit the pig.

A long time ago, there was a person. His name is side dishes.

One day, he was shopping with a friend. Wandering and strolling...

Guess what?!

He was taken away ...

Turtle Dad Turtle Mom took Turtle Son to the wild to camp, they walked for 5 years and finally came to the wild, after setting up the tent, Turtle Mom prepared to bring out the food, brewed 3 cups of coffee, the Turtle family was about to eat, suddenly the Turtle Mom shouted: "By the way, Turtle Dad, did you lock the door when you came out." "Turtle Dad:

Broken, I forgot! Mother Turtle: "It's terrible, there are still a few salted fish in the yard that I forgot to collect!"

So the turtle father asked the young and strong turtle son to hurry home, and the turtle son said, "Then you are not allowed to drink my coffee until I come back." Turtle father and turtle mother said in unison

No, it won't. The turtle son then set out on his way home. Behind him, there was a turtle mother's advice:

Turtle son goes early and comes back early, your father and I are waiting for you to come back for dinner. "Five years have passed, and the turtle father and turtle mother are drinking coffee and chatting about our turtle son's almost home. Time flies, 5 years have passed, the turtle father and turtle mother have drunk all the coffee, but there is still no trace of the turtle son, so the turtle father and turtle mother discussed the turtle son's coffee, while drinking and waiting, when the turtle mother was sharing the coffee, suddenly a voice came from the grass behind:

If you drink my coffee, I won't go back! ”

The door of Lao Zhang's house is made of willow wood, and Lao Zhang said: The door of my house is a wooden door! The door of Lao Li's house is made of plastic, Lao Li said

The door of my house is a plastic door! The door of Lao Wang's house is made of bricks, and Lao Wang said: The door of my house is a brick door!

The door of Lao Liu's house is made of steel, and Lao Liu said: You talk, I'll go first! ~~

Where did you buy these cookies? I've been to a lot of supermarkets, but I can't get it in this shape. He said proudly

Of course I can't find it, it's the ...... I gnawed out”

Walking in the neighborhood in the evening, I saw an old woman who accidentally dropped her crutches on the ground and couldn't pick them up with great effort. At this time, the old grandmother saw me, and she hurriedly said, "Child, I am too old to bend down, you can help."

I said, "No problem! After saying that, he pressed the old grandmother's head with both hands and bent her waist hard.

When I was young, I would make 1 plus 1 equal 2. And the neighbor's big brother will make 10,000 plus 10,000 equals 20,000. I admire how he can do such a big number. He also said that when he goes to college, he will know how much 100 million plus 100 million is.

The eldest sister of the dormitory asked the sisters in the mirror, "Am I looking very old?" The little sister said: "I don't look old, but I'm too anxious to ......."”

Listening to a group of men in the unit talking about private money, everyone was lamenting that they would be found by their wives no matter what; Angkor, who was across from me, said lightly, "I keep all the bank." The crowd asked

What about a passbook or card? Angkor smiled innocently: "Burn it."

When you want to use it, take your ID card to replace it. ”

Don't be unhappy, and if you want to joke about it in the future, come to me.

One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid child?" ”

14.A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak were met on the street, why didn't they say hello? (Assuming they can talk).

Because .........Because .........

Because they don't know each other

15.Question: How do you calm a sparrow?

Reason: Silent (silent pressing).

16.A college student was unfortunately caught by the enemy, who tied him to a telephone pole and then asked him: "Say, are you **?" If you don't say anything, I'll electrocute you!! The college student replied to the enemy, and as a result, he was electrocuted ......

He said, "I'm from the University!" ”

One day, the thin man and his wife, the chubby girl (so fat that you can't imagine), drove home after strolling outside, but the car was about a kilometer away from home when the car went wrong, and the thin man started the car several times, but the car did not respond. At this moment, two young men passed by, and they seemed to notice the thin man's trouble, and said, "We will help you push the car home, but you will give us two hundred yuan."

The fat girl originally refused, but the thin man said: "Wife, it's impossible to push the car home without our hands, so it's better to spend a little money to save effort!" "The fat girl thinks it makes sense and unifies.

So the two young men struggled to push the cart with a fat man and a thin man, and when they got home, the thin man paid for it. The fat girl said angrily: "It's only a few hundred meters away and it costs two hundred yuan, it's really cheap for them!"

After hearing this, the thin man smiled and said, "Hehe! Wife, in fact, they are not so easy, along the way, I have stepped on the brakes!

There was a big man in my neighborhood, he went to plant beans, picked a handful of ash (the ash left after firewood burning, can be used as fertilizer) uphill, looked at the dark ash, and sighed in his heart: This year's beans must have a good harvest.

The day before yesterday, he went to visit his beans, but the ground was hard and erected patches of cement, and the seedlings did not grow, and he was so depressed that he went home and told his mother, he didn't know, ** one night, and finally understood. It turned out that when he built the house, he left half a bag of cement behind the door, and his mother had a bad eye, thinking it was ash, so he poured ash from the stove on it, and when he went to plant beans, he saw the bag and thought it was ash, so he picked it up.

This is the first ever to plant beans with cement, our village has nothing to tell him this story this is absolutely true, our village three villages, ask what culture, all love these big jokes.

Look at next week's Happy Camp, the five leading actors of Love Apartment 3: Yifei, Xiaoxian, Guan Gu, Yoyo, and Meijia. It's really funny! o( oHa!

Let me ask you a question, do you want to laugh? What do you want to drink, can you?

Look at how funny the happy base camp life is every day, and see which one is more with your appetite.

I'm an operator, the kind of guy who answers a customer's call, and it's a conversation about the customer's last name.

Hello, what is your last name? What do you call it? ”

My surname is shi" a middle-aged woman.

It's history, right? "It's generally this history.

No! "Which Shi is it? "Brother is a little confused.

It's that shi, I can't tell ...... clearly"The other party is a little bit unexpressive. I sweated a little, there will definitely be no one with the surname "", absolutely!

Then I went on to guide, "Ma'am, tell me how this shi is written." ”

There is a skimm, two horizontal, and a small pinch and a small pinch ...... below"I'll go! It's just that the "" didn't run away!! Then I'm trying to figure out how to say it, as a professional operator, there are recordings of what I say, and I can't bring ** words and informal words, dizziness, depression, I go, I can't say it.

Then I thought about whether to say "", or "", maybe "in the toilet" is better, and all this was done in two seconds, just when my brother was about to blurt out, the other party said "The loss is not out!" ”

Brother paused again, suddenly realized, and said, "It's the arrow of the Saint Seiya in the Pegasus Meteor Fist, right?" ”

Then the other party froze, "What Pegasus, what saint?" ......

Okay, okay, Miss Ya, I see. "Leaving me ...... full of depression

Whenever the exam is about to take place, I always think of the classic dialogue between Zhang Wuji and Zhang Sanfeng: "Wuji, how much do you remember what I taught you?" "Master Hui, I only remember most of it" "So, what about now?"

There's already a small half left" "So, now? "I've forgotten it all! "Okay, you're good to go..."”

1. If Qiu Chuji did not pass by Niujia Village at that time. Then, the Jin soldiers who secretly followed him would not have died in the courtyard of Guo and Yang, and similarly, Wanyan Honglie would not have seen Bao Xiweak and missed her.

2. Those Jin soldiers will not die in the hands of Qiu, and the Guo and Yang families will not be implicated in the future.

3, Guo and Yang will not be affected, Li Ping will not go into exile in the desert, Guo Jing and Yang Kang will be born in Niujia Village safely. Naturally, the Seven Monsters of Jiangnan will not go to the desert.

4. Without the help of Guo Jing and the Seven Monsters, Temujin would have died in the hands of Zamuhe, and the Mongolian tribes would not have been unified.

5. Mongolia cannot be unified, and there will be no westward expeditions. Gunpowder would not have made its way to Europe.

6. Without gunpowder, the domination of the ironclad in Europe would not have wavered. Thus, the dark Middle Ages will last for a thousand years, and there will be no Renaissance.

7. Without the Renaissance, there would have been no great voyages. North America will always be home to nomadic Indians.

8. In the same way, the Spaniards would not have introduced iron cannons to Japan. The Battle of Nagashino was won by Takeda, and Japan's Sengoku period would continue to be unified.

9. In another country, Wanyan Honglie did not spare his weakness, so he could only participate in the competition with all his might. As a result, there will be civil strife in the Kingdom of Jin.

10. There is no Mongolia, and the Jin State is in civil strife, so the Song will not only not perish, but will be unified. The Song dynasty focused on commerce and trade, and as a result, the germ of capitalism would emerge in China.

11. If it develops to this day, China will be the most developed country, far ahead of Japan, Spain, Western Europe, and the Americas.

12. Today's financial crisis will not appear, everything is to blame, you say that you are a soldier, why do you pass by Niujia Village if you have nothing to do?

It's all strange for the mound!!

In the kindergarten, all the parents are gone, and the children are crying. But Qiang Qiang didn't cry, he was very calm, the teacher wanted to reward him, and as soon as he walked to his side, Qiang Qiang immediately grabbed the teacher's mobile phone** and cried without broadcasting: "Dad, Dad, come quickly!"

Mom sold me!!

1.There was an old farmer hoeing in the field, a crow flew by, pulled a bubble of shit and fell on the old farmer's face, the old farmer raised his head and scolded: "Your mother! I don't know how to wear a pair of pants when I go out! And the raven said, "! You're and wearing pants! ”v

2.Xiao Ming told his mother that when the guests came to play at home today, my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair, and I saw it. Mom said:

So how do you do it? Xiao Ming said: "I stood on the side, and when the guest was about to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him."

3.One day on a crowded bus, a pregnant woman standing said to a man sitting next to him

Don't you know I'm pregnant? (I want him to give up his seat.) I saw that the man was very nervous and said

The child is not mine! 』

4.It's just a gust of wind, it's so eternal, it's just a dream, it's so real, you bow your head and say nothing, but I can't calm down, I finally can't help but say to you, "Next time you fart, say it!"

5.A pair of lovers were caught by wild men in the mountains and said, "You eat each other's feces and let you go." The lover did it, and on the way back, the woman cried, and the man asked the reason, and the woman said sadly: You don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't pull so much!

6.One day, a certain gentleman's wife gave birth to a child, he hurriedly ran to the hospital to visit, waited for n hours, and there was crying in the delivery room, he shouted happily, I am a father! At this time, the doctor came out with a sad face and told him that the child was born with a malformation.

A certain gentleman stayed there, and he didn't understand the reason, and suddenly his wife's shout came from the delivery room: It's all to blame for the killing that day, see if you don't return the sticker, retribution.

Once upon a time, there was a gummy that walked on the street for a long time, and suddenly said, "My feet are so soft."

One day, two ice creams swim in a competition, swim and swim and swim, and in the end both ice creams melt.