How do you think about the usual cautious attitude towards children when parents are old?

This is a very sad question, economic income and the ability to work determine a person's family situation, parents have become cautious because they are older, their children are independent, they cannot get along well with their children, so their attitudes have changed accordingly, from harsh criticism to modest expressions, when we are young, parents are the pillars of the family, whether it is financially or to deal with various family affairs, they have the decisive right.

For children, it is a method of controlling, scolding, and even beating

Especially when there are several children in a family, the children will have a sense of crisis in exchange for the care and love of their parents, because they are weak, they can only live by being well-behaved, they can only passively accept these disciplines, when the parents grow up, this relationship will change, they lose their ability to work and need to rely on their children to support the elderly, when the child loses his temper and shakes his face, the parents are also angry, but he is no longer able to discipline him.

Even if he manages the other side, he won't listen, and the relationship will become more strained<>

Thus the attitude becomes cautious and harmonious family is humble, in fact let's imagine thatIf the parents are physically strong, able to work, and have an expensive pension, this will invisibly improve their family status, and their children will respect and even flatter them. And then they don't need to look at the child's face, in fact, from another point of view, this is also a manifestation of the parents beginning to understand respect.

In the case of my father, he was bossy, stubborn and conservative when he was younger, but when he grew up,His temperament became very calm, and some families decided to ask me, not to see his face, but to start relying on me like a child。All in all, in the face of such parents, all we can do is to communicate with them with a friendly and filial attitude, be patient and loving, and give the utmost respect and kindness, and tell our parents through practical actions that you love them very much and hope that they can live freely.

In fact, this situation is also understandable, many times after the parents are old, they have no sense of security in their hearts, they feel that this way can give each other and themselves a special harmony, to create a better environment.

I think this is a phenomenon of excessive anxiety because parents nowadays think that if they yell at their children, their children will not be filial to themselves, so they will become cautious.

The parents are old. As a child, you should be more careful and considerate at this time, take the initiative to take care of your parents' psychology, so that they don't have bad feelings and ideas.

In fact, I understand the attitude of parents very well, because parents are old and cannot create a better life for their children, but have to rely on their own children, so they will be particularly careful when speaking.

I don't think it's necessary for parents to always be cautious with their children, because he is his own child, and it is natural to take care of himself, and his parents raise him young, and they raise their parents to be old, which is all right, so there is no need to always be cautious with their children.

Parents love their children more when they are old, and they will feel that their children are very important to them when they are old, which is the so-called raising children to prevent old age, so they will always be cautious about their children, as if they are afraid of offending them.

I think this is a very sad thing, the elderly just want to live in peace and harmony with their children, and some children are not filial.

I don't think it's right at all, because our children are not doing something right.

First of all, <> need to be taken care of more and more because of their physical condition, and their children are the only ones they can count on. Secondly, after most of my life, I have a clear understanding of human nature and human feelings, and I am worried about being disliked by my children. Thirdly, the more economically disadvantaged the elderly, the more cautious they are about their children, because they do not need help in life, but also need financial help.

In short, although on the surface, children have the responsibility and obligation to support the elderly, but due to many problems in reality, it is difficult to realize this obligation and responsibility, so more and more elderly people are worried about their life problems after their inconvenience.

In addition, there are three main reasons why parents become cautious in front of their children when they are old.

1. Age. Time flies, and the aging parents slowly transition from the mainstay of the family to subordinate children, from raising others to being raised, from taking care of others to being taken care of. Housework, daily expenses at home and various things outside the home.

Entertainment requires children to pay for gifts, which causes the older generation to slowly lose the right to make decisions about major and minor matters at home.

2. Widowed elderly. When one of the spouses dies first, the one left behind must continue to live with the children. In reality, all the old people have pensions.

In the second half of your life? Especially the uncles and aunts in the countryside, their economic ** in their later years mainly depends on their children. The child himself is rich and willing to be filial, and his life can still go on.

If you encounter a situation where your family is under too much pressure financially, you have the heart to be filial, but where can you get the extra money? When you have food, clothing, shelter and transportation, take medicine when you are sick, and ask your children to take care of them and pay for them, how can you talk and do things carelessly?

3. As the saying goes: if you are not deaf or stupid, it is difficult to be a family. Families often have three generations in the same household, in order to avoid disagreements over household matters and the education and support of future generations.

There are many enlightened elderly people who have the mentality of being confused and prosperous, and they can endure it if they can, let it go, and try not to conflict with their daughters-in-law or sons in words.

Because parents are afraid that they will bring a certain amount of pressure to their children, that they will drag down their children, and that they will be disliked by their children, they will become cautious.

Because parents feel that their communication with their children is not on the same level, they will be very careful when communicating with their children.

I think it's because my parents have no financial income when they get old, so I'm afraid that my children won't provide for themselves when they get angry.

First of all, when you are older, always keep a certain distance from your children, don't live with them, your children have a family, their educational background, social background, work relationship and values are very different from their parents, and they will pick up their children and grandchildren home for reunion on holidays, so that they can relax their tired body and mind after a week of intense work, do their best to make something delicious, and enjoy the joy of family, I want to say that I have to take into account the feelings of the other party, that is, I don't want to find happiness for myself, and there are some contradictions that you can't think of will follow one after another, and small differences will eventually precipitate in their hearts, just like a time bomb, I don't know when it will cause a big conflict, and the smart old man always keeps a proper distance from his children.

Secondly, when you are older, you will treat your daughter-in-law and son-in-law in all aspects with a good sense of proportion, and the smart old man will be a different matter, you are not used to all his (her) looks down on and opinions, and naturally has his (her) parents to discipline them, don't easily treat them like their own children, so that they can do this and that, let alone reprimand and scold, this not only offends the daughter-in-law and son-in-law, but even their own children will have disgust.

Third, the generation gap between parents and children as they get older.

Always there, don't interfere in your children's lives Young people like to sleep in, swipe their phones, don't like to do housework, like to order takeout, they think it's fashionable lazy and incompatible with your lifestyle. Don't feel uncomfortable and unaccustomed to it, these have nothing to do with you, all you have to do is not touch their things, don't help them clean up the room without taking it upon themselves, don't nag about the shortcomings of their children when they meet people, you know, people of our age, don't they have too many things to look down on their parents?

Finally, when you are older, good children, good daughters-in-law, and good sons-in-law are all old people who praise this is very important and very important, if you don't believe it, try it, when my son was in junior high school, he was very playful, and his academic performance has always been in the middle and bottom of the class.

, smiled and told his grandfather that my mother boasted about getting good grades in the exam. I also use this routine on my daughter-in-law and son-in-law, and it has really been tried and tested, people's hearts are flesh and blood, and no amount of preaching is worth a warm compliment, and the same is true for children.

When the parents get older, the relationship between the elderly and their children will become more and more tense, and the stages will slowly become larger, so the children should be more filial to the elderly, accompany the elderly more, and communicate with the elderly more.

There is a popular question on Zhihu:

I believe that some people will see this question and say that it is because parents did not treat their children well when they were young. Children have a strong ability to imitate, and some may have planted the seeds of resentment at a young age, so treat their parents badly when they are old.

When parents are young, under the aura of authority, children must rely on their parents' care to survive after birth, and they are all financially dependent on their parents. So what parents say is absolutely authoritative, and many children have to obey, which is also the reason why many adolescent children are very rebellious when they reach the age of teenagers, and they used to be obedient because they did not have the ability to resist. It's a little farther away!

A netizen said:

If this old man and old lady were very good to his children when he was young, he has always treated them equally, and educated his children well, he doesn't have to be careful when he is old, because he is still the same as before, and there will be no psychological gap. Only those who are five or six of them pose in front of their children, who are obviously unreasonable and claim to be the majesty of their parents, will "become" and "cautious" because of the loss of power.

It is true that parents should be dignified in their dealings with each other, but not too harsh on their children, communicate in an equal way, do not be violent to their children, do not be emotionally controlled, and of course not be indifferent.

A few days ago, I saw a story in Leng Ai***, a graduate student said that at home, he felt very sorry for his mother and hated his father in his heart. I used to see my father beat my mother, and I felt that my mother had paid a lot in this family.

After reading Teacher Leng Ai's, I interpret it like this.

Don't try to stand on the united front with your mother, the daughter has the daughter's position to disturb the wheel.

Men spend less time with their children, work hard to earn money to support their families, and paying school fees for their children is also a way to love children. Tong roll.

Many children complain about their parents all their lives, and never say words of gratitude or thank you to their parents.

I have listened to Mr. Hu Shiming's class intermittently before, and he said that many parents do their best to give their children everything they have and love their children as much as they can.

But we as children should understand that we can't expect our parents to give us things that they don't have in themselves, for example, if she didn't get enough love when she was young, she may not be good at expressing love, loving the child correctly, giving the child strength.

In the face of our elderly parents, we all say thank you. Don't blame them for nagging, don't blame them for not giving much.

Actually, they gave them everything.

There is one more word for everyone, we also have an old day.

In order not to be disliked. Fear of loneliness. Mencius said that there are three kinds of unfilial piety, and no queen is the greatest. However, Mencius did not say what the other two unfilial pieties specifically meant.

Later, Zhao Qi of the Han Dynasty pointed out: "There are three unfilial people in Yuli, which is said to be subservient to Ayi, trapped in relatives and unrighteousness, and unfilial; The family is poor and old, not for Lu Shi, and the second is not filial: not married and childless, the ancestors are worshipped, and the third is not filial.

The first type of unfilial piety is to blindly obey the words of one's parents and trap them in injustice.

Main advantage: Children should indeed be grateful to their parents for their upbringing, but the claim of "returning the favor" is unfounded. It is the duty of parents to raise their children, and if they fail to do so, they are not qualified to be parents at all.

Repaying his parents for raising him doesn't mean that he has to let them decide his life. Although there was a so-called saying in ancient China that "if your parents want you to die, you will also die", even in ancient times, it was not considered that this rock qiao was filial piety, but the loss of humanity.

The real ancient Chinese precept is that fathers are kind and filial to their sons, that is, parents should be kind and children should be filial, which is the responsibility of both parties. If your parents ignore your essence and force you to give up your life's happiness, such parents no longer have the right to be filial.