What should I do if I suddenly find out that I am in a fake intimate relationship with my friends?

<> "I have encountered this situation, thinking that the friends around me are the people I trust the most, and he can also regard me as the most trusted person, if a friendship needs me to work hard to maintain, blindly need me to take the initiative, there is nothing to occasionally say a few words, once I don't take the initiative this seemingly intimate friendship will be walking on thin ice, at first I still choose to maintain it desperately, over time everyone will be tired, and I completely feel that if it's just such a short false girlfriend love, don't do it, It may be difficult to give up, but it is still necessary to make a decision.

Let's talk about my boyfriend when I was in junior high school, maybe the personality is more boyish, I have more friends of the opposite sex than friends of the same sex, but I am still very bad at interpersonal relationships, I will not take the initiative to deal with people, I am easy to be shy about people, and I will show a big grin to acquaintances, so I cherish friendship very much. He is very outgoing, speaks with a very humorous voice, and can be familiar with the kind of person around him in a few words, plus the whole person is chubby and gives people a simple and simple feeling, because of the relationship between the front and back tables, and often can meet, we quickly became good friends, and the direction of going home is the same often will wait for several other people to go home together, so after three years of junior high school, I regard him as my best friend of the opposite sex, and occasionally I will mention him when chatting with others, and I will tell him when I am unhappy and happy, The secrets of the mind will also be told to him, and although he always puts on a playful attitude, I feel that he is someone I can trust.

Later, I went to high school, because I went to a different school, and occasionally I would ask him about his recent situation on QQ, how is the school? But he never took the initiative to ask about my life, as long as I didn't ask, he never took the initiative to say, at that time I felt a little cold, as if this friendship had been maintained by me, as if I no longer talked to him, we would become strangers, so I didn't talk to him. Later, he transferred to another school and happened to come to our class, which he had decided a long time ago, but he didn't tell me at all, and it was just a few jokes to meet again a year later, and he didn't have the same happy and shocked emotions as I did.

What sadds me the most, and finally decided to end this fake intimacy with him, was that once I was standing alone at the door waiting for someone on vacation, and he saw me say hello and then walked behind me and chatted with another classmate, maybe he wanted to fit into that classmate's circle, and he began to forcibly find a topic, talking about me, and the voice was not big or small, just to the extent that I could hear every word, maybe he thought we were friends and I could not care about what he said, and still maintained that joking tone, not caring about my feelings at all.

At that moment, I felt betrayed by my friend, and if this was the case, it was better to cut off a friend who didn't care.

<>I'm sure many people will have their own opinions on this topic. Especially for today's society, in fact, many feelings are hidden by people, and even use fake intentions to hide their true thoughts about others. Then many netizens raised questions:

What does fake intimacy look like for you?

In fact, fake intimacy, I believe that everyone should also have their own understanding of this word. Literally, although she seems to be intimate with you on the surface, she doesn't see you as someone to be valued at all. This kind of relationship is actually a very common behavior in our current society.

Not only after social work, but also in school, especially in university dormitories, I believe you can also have a deep experience.

Although everyone in the dormitory is very good friends on the surface, when you really face something, you will find that no one can be fully trusted. They're great if you're just going out to eat, drink and have fun, but it's hard to get help when you're really in trouble. Even if they usually show special intimacy with you, they have to choose to walk together, go to the toilet together, go to class together, and eat together, but these are only superficial efforts with you, and when you make some slightly more intimate requests, you will find that they refuse very completely.

Even a dormitory can have several dormitories, so this has become a very common phenomenon. Moreover, the relationship between dormitory mates in college dormitories is relatively complicated, so many people advise college students not to choose to wronged themselves because of other people's happiness when they first enter the campus, which is very correct. Maybe you treat him as a true friend, but others don't necessarily care about you too, so just be yourself.

There is no need to wronged oneself in this life, and blindly please others.

So I still hope that there will be less fake intimacy and more sincerity in this society, right?

Very intimate in front of others, and say some very intimate words, but when two people get along, it is completely ruined like strangers, which is the only time I have encountered fake intimacy such as a split relationship.

The two of them get along very well in normal times, and they don't want to quarrel at all, and they can't quarrel, and they just do the same routine when they usually eat. Nominally, Yan Yunji is in love, but in fact, it's just a friend or it's not like a friend.

It is a very uncomfortable relationship, although on the surface the two Shi Zheng Hail people are lovers, but in fact the two people do not have much communication, Cong is slow and searching, and the relationship between the two people is not very good.

1.Manifestations of pseudosexual intimacy

In addition to the inability of both parties to show their true emotions to each other, there is also an obvious manifestation of the inability to trust each other; Lack of awareness of oneself and one's primary or secondary emotions for each other.

For example, a girl's inexplicable behavior in a relationship seems to be a trivial thing that will not make ordinary people lose their temper, but she will feel "You don't care about me." ”

Boys will feel unreasonable for some reason, so that they feel that their personalities are being attacked, they do not understand each other, quarrels escalate, and conflicts arise.

Almost all the 'inexplicable' in life is because one party's original emotions have not been well appeased.

But if she's really angry, who cares if she's ever been injured?

Before you get angry, ask yourself, do you really understand each other's real needs?

Do we enter into a relationship of mutual attack and defense, or do we really develop a close relationship of love and affection?

2.How to get out of fake intimacy

If you want to get out of a fake intimate relationship, you need both parties to be honest about their true emotional needs and tell each other what they want. Even if the other party can't give it, you can maintain an independent mentality and fight for it bravely.

Then it is the old mode of communication and thinking that has changed.

Part of it is the other's, and part of it is its own.

For example, if your partner's first reaction is 'no, no', whenever your partner asks for something, it is likely to turn into violent communication.

If you change now to:

Listen to the other person's meaning first;

Then empathize with why the other person said that;

Then, on the basis of respect for the other person (by default that he is not hostile), affirm the other person's point of view;

Then talk about your own perceptions and feelings about your shortcomings.

In fact, the other party can also feel that your attitude is accepting and trying to understand him. He will also try to accept and understand you, so that the relationship can enter a positive cycle.

When communicating, content comes second, trust and love come first.

Finally, create a safe environment for both parties to realize that no matter what happens, you value the trust and love between you.

To put it simply, when there is a contradiction, don't suppress and slander the other party instead of proving yourself, but choose two people to face the problem of asking Buzhou together and solve the problem.

If you want to do this, you must first learn to control your negative emotions and not pass them on to your partner.

When one partner is in a bad mood, the best thing for the other half to do is to show empathy and understanding.

Like, 'I know you're hard, I understand you.'" So I won't forget what happened just now. I also hope that there is something you can talk to me about so that we can face and solve the problem together. All right? ’

When one party does something right, we need to express appreciation in a timely manner.

Fake intimacy is shown to others, while real intimacy is spontaneous and private.

Pseudo-intimacy refers to the fact that on the surface the relationship between two people is very close, but in fact, the relationship between two people is quite shallow.

Fake intimacy is that on the surface it seems that the relationship between the two people is very good, but in fact, the relationship between the two people is very shallow.

This refers to the fact that people seem to have a very close relationship with each other, but in fact the relationship between two people is very shallow.