Whoever jokes, give me a few, the more the better, the more funny the better

May my jokes bring you joy, thank you! There is a family surnamed Pan, and the elders have passed away. During the family sacrifice, an old gentleman with a strong local accent was invited to be the master of ceremonies.

The obituary is written: Filial piety: Pangenko Filial daughter-in-law:

Chi's filial granddaughter: Pan Liangci Filial piety: Pan Daoshi But this old gentleman is dizzy and his pronunciation is not standard.

When he followed the obituary roll call, he did not see anything that literally had three points of water or the left capital was missing. So he read it to him like this: Filial piety, turn ......Follow ......Dou ......When Xiaonan heard it, he felt very strange, but he didn't dare to ask, so he turned over a heel fight.

Then he said: "Filial daughter-in-law, also ......."It's ......When the filial daughter-in-law heard it: I'm going to turn it over too?

So the filial daughter-in-law also turned over a heel fight. Again: Filial granddaughter, turn it twice.

When the filial granddaughter heard it, she thought that her parents had turned it over, so I would too! So I flipped two heels. At this time, Xiaosun thought to himself

My father and mother have each flipped once, and my sister has also flipped twice, so how many times should I flip? Thinking about it, I started to get nervous: What to do?

I saw the old gentleman tear open his throat and read out loud: Filial piety ......Flip ......to ......Dead ......If it's good, support it, thank you! Finally, I wish you a happy day, hehe.

Roadside wildflowers don't,"Pedal"。The cadres are not afraid of the difficulty of eating, thousands of cups are just waiting for leisure, the mandarin duck hot pot is in thin waves, and the seafood is fresh and fishballs. I used to eat, drink, and have fun, but now I am poor, fat, and weak, but now I have changed, and I am awake and angry.

The harder the backstage, the better, the more relationships the better, the sharper the head, the better, the oilier the mouth, the longer the claws, the better, and the thicker the skin, the better. The sky is blue, the wild mangmang, and the hope of this year is too slim. The water is crooked, the road is long, and the days without money are too long.

The buildings are high, the people are busy, and they can't wait to rob the bank. the difference between men and women; A woman is plump, thin is slender, tall is slender, and short is delicate. Men are fat pigs, thin are ribs, tall are bamboo poles, and short are winter melons!

Crush standards: American hair, French waist, Indian nose and Hong Kong feet. Wear someone else's shoes, go your own way, and let them find it.

Classic joke! The fool stole the wallet, was seen by the blind, and the dumb roared to startle the deaf man, and the pockmark said: Look at my face! The madman said: Be sensible!

1. Speaking counts.

Man: "My dear, if you agree to marry me, you can meet any conditions." ”

Woman: "Does talking count?" ”

Man: "Of course it counts!" ”

Woman: "That's good! Please help me find a boyfriend who is stronger than you! ”

2 A woman is very ugly, she can't get married, and she hopes to be trafficked. finally made his dream come true, but he couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent it back, she resolutely did not get out of the car, and the kidnapper gritted his teeth and stomped his feet: go, don't get the car.

3. There is a book called "The Pig Is Thinking".

4Once, as a man walked along the road, he saw a pile of things that looked like poop, so he squatted down and sniffed them, and it looked like poop; He picked it with his hand, and it felt like poop; He put it in his mouth again, and sure enough, it was poop. So he exclaimed, "It's good I didn't step on it."

The father fainted on the spot when he checked his son's English textbook!

A father was checking his son's English textbook and saw an extremely terrifying page: yes is dead. Nice milk dies.

Bus dad died.

Mouth mom died.

Girls brother died.

was I dead.

cheese－

Angry! does

All dead.

There was a Chinese student who taught Chinese to a foreign classmate, and that classmate invited him to dinner.

At the dinner table, the Chinese student wanted to test this foreign student and asked: "How to say it in Chinese when you are full of food." ”

The foreign student replied, "I'm full." ”

Then he asked, "How do you say it's full?" ”

The foreign student replied, "I held on." ”

The international student continued to ask: "How can you say that you are very full and supportive?" ”

The foreign student thought for a while and replied, "I'm full." ”

This joke, I have tried and tested again and again:

Let's tell a ghost story, just three sentences, a little scary in the front, a little funny in the middle, and the solution is very tragic. Listen carefully: once upon a time there was a ghost roaming the park. Released a fart. And then died.

Wrong message! ~

The other day I was in a bad mood and was bored at home at night, so I sent a text message to a former girlfriend with the following message:...You, you, how many times have you been told, don't be playing, take care of it, if you really need it, let's go eat first, okay? : 1 female friend of Netcom:..

Xiaomin came back from the exam and said to his father, "Today, we have an exam. ”

Dad said, "Do you have any questions you don't know how to do?" ”

Xiaomin said: "There is a question that is 3 times 7 equal? I forgot. ”

Dad said, "And how much do you fill in?" ”

Xiaomin said: "Regardless of it, I filled in twenty-eight." ”

1. A:"Hey, you're stepping on my feet! \"

B:"You know, so many people I stepped on your feet, don't you think we have fate? \"

A taxi driver was driving when he saw a crazy man riding a motorcycle in front of him. The kid in the back seat was about to be thrown out. The driver caught up with which person said:

Man, your kid is about to fall. After hearing this, the man looked back and asked in surprise: "Son, where is your mother?"

At noon one day, Lao Liu happened to meet Lao Zhang on the road, hurriedly greeted him, and casually took out a dime from his pocket and handed it to Lao Zhang.

Lao Liu said: "Lao Zhang, I borrowed a dime from you the day before yesterday, and I didn't pay it back until today." ”

Lao Zhang said: "Forget it, a dime, what's the matter!" ”

To be returned, to be returned! Lao Liu insisted on stuffing a dime into Lao Zhang's hand.

Lao Zhang had no choice but to accept it and said, "If you really want to pay it back, I'm welcome, I'll go back later, and I'll circle this account!" ”

One day, a schoolboy asked his father what the "person" in front of him was. Dad said, "Son, that's a sausage (this is a joke)." "Oh. ”

After a few more days, he asked again what the motorcycle in front of him was. Dad said, "This is a cucumber (this is a joke, too)." ”

After a few more days, he also asked if blood was a god horse. Dad said impatiently, "It's ketchup." ”

Later, he saw a man riding a motorcycle, got into a car accident, and bleed. He hurriedly called "120": "Hey, I saw the sausage riding a cucumber lying on the ground with tomato sauce!!

Doctor: "....

Once upon a time there was a **, walking and walking ...... the streetsAnd then it hung up ......Bad joke, hehe.

A thief returns home and beats his son!

When my wife saw it, she hurriedly stopped: "Are you crazy? Why did you beat your son? ”

The thief squeaked angrily and said, "This dog thing, he actually said that he wanted to be a policeman when he grew up!" ”

After hearing this, his wife also slapped her son and scolded: "You should be beaten!" If you don't learn well!! ”

2. There was a person who set up a stall in front of the bank to sell boiled corn, and the business was very good, and he saved a sum of money after a short time.

When an acquaintance heard the news, he approached him and wanted to borrow a sum of money from him to start a business.

The corn seller said to the borrower: "I'm very sorry, but I signed a contract with this bank when I set up a stall here, and we don't compete, which means that the bank doesn't sell boiled corn, and I don't provide loans." ”

3. There is a lazy man who doesn't do anything every day, and his friends ridicule him: "If I give you 10,000 yuan to buy your eyes, will you do it?" ”

The slacker shook his head.

The friend said, "If I give you 100,000 yuan to buy your hands, will you do it?" ”

The lazy man shook his head again.

The friend continued: "If I pay 1 million for your feet, why would you do it?" ”

The sloaf man stretched his feet, yawned, and said, "Pull it down!" Can you have a million? ”

4. A person went to the naming expert, and he said: I have four children, the eldest is called An An, the second is called Ningning, the third is called Pingping, and the fourth is called Jingjing. Now the house is really peaceful and peaceful, but it is lifeless all day. Give them a different name for what's more!

Naming experts: Then the big one is called an airplane, the second one is called a cannon, the third one is called a drum beating, and the fourth one is called a trumpet.

One night, two fools looked at the moon in the sky, one saying it was the moon and the other saying it was the sun. A passer-by passed by, and the fool asked him whether it was the moon or the sun in the sky, and the man said, "I am not from this village, I don't know." ”