What s the joke you ve heard lately that makes you hilarious?

I've been busy lately, and I don't see many jokes on the Internet, but there are a few that are quite funny, so I'll share them with you, take a look at them when you're in a bad mood, and imagine that the scene will make you laugh happily. The jokes are relatively long, some are adapted from themselves, and may be a little long, it is better to fantasize about the scene, it will be funnier.

The first bad joke: As soon as Xiao Ming entered the door, he sat on the sofa and said to his father: "Dad, the teacher took a question today, asking how much one plus one is equal."

Those people were so stupid that they wouldn't answer, and the teacher beat them one by one, and they all cried after the whip." After speaking, Xiao Ming smiled happily, and his father asked him: "Then you are the only one in the class who answered, well, what a good boy!"

Xiao Ming smiled and said, "No, I'm the only one in the class who didn't cry." ”

The second cold joke: The uncle was riding a motorcycle and carrying the aunt on the road, and the two of them were still whispering to me. Aunt said:

Old man, there were a lot of people buying vegetables this morning, and I didn't give her any money, and he didn't even know that he took the vegetables, but you can see that he made another profit. The two old men were chatting happily, and accidentally crashed into a car on the side of the road, and the owner immediately got out of the car, ran to the old man, and asked:"Auntie and uncle, is there anything wrong with your body?

Have you ever been bumped into? Are you two okay? "The uncle and aunt knew that they had crashed into the car, so they said embarrassedly:

It's okay, it's okay, the lad can't help it. When the owner heard this, he immediately smiled and said: "You are fine, but my car is in trouble, it will be like this, and it will cost 18,000 to repaint, and I will lose money!"

As soon as she heard this, the aunt was anxious and immediately lay down, and when the uncle saw it, what was going on, he asked, "Old woman, what's wrong, isn't it okay?" What are you doing lying down?

The aunt tugged at the corner of the uncle's clothes and said, "Lie down, quickly!" "Uncle is in a hurry:

It's all at this time, and I still want to do that kind of thing! ”

The third bad joke: A young man has been very lucky recently, so he found a master and said to the master: "Master, I have been very bad luck recently, I originally made two small dollars, but who knew that I was accidentally touched by an aunt on the street, and my savings for several years were gone, what should the master do?"

Seeing this, the master took a ceramic cup to him, he held the cup in his hand, and the master poured him a pot of hot water, but it burned him, and he dropped the cup, and he said, "Master, I understand, you mean that plain is true." The master said:

This cup is from the Tang Dynasty, lose money! ”

I've been hearing bad jokes lately, but it really made me want to laugh so much that I burst into laughter afterwards. <>

There is a certain wooden girl in a relative's house, which can really be said to be a joke and a public joke. It is said that a few months ago, she just told her mother that she was the company's key cultivation object, and she had only been in the company for two months, so she told all her relatives that she wanted to run for manager, saying that she had good ability, and the company appreciated it. Then she worked for just over four months, and now when asked, her mom said she had changed jobs.

This incident was once passed on as a joke by us, and I don't know how the head grows, it's just a laugh to death.

Another thing is that a few days ago, everyone was making tea, and they praised me and said that I won two positions very well, and then told her that she should also take the exam, which is easier, otherwise the company is very tired. You know what she said, she said, "Heh, if I take the test, I will go to Hangzhou, so I won't take the test for this kind of broken town."

I almost laughed out loud, and then my mother said, yes, Hangzhou is very good, if you get in, you have to congratulate her, she is better. I really don't understand what this kind of person thinks, always talking in the first place, and then not in hindsight, being seen as a joke.

What's even more bizarre is that she said that she had a local boyfriend in Xiamen in college, how rich and handsome he was, how good he was to her, and she proposed marriage several times. Then by now, they are already in their twenties and almost thirties, and they have always been high or low, they can't get married, and they dislike others for poor conditions if they go on a blind date. A few of the girls of our relatives' families, several of whom didn't fart like this and talk big, all married very well later, and she hung alone.

These three things are probably the funniest jokes I've heard lately, and I almost laughed on the spot, and when I talked to my mom, both of us couldn't laugh. There are really some people who don't match their ambition and ability, and they take it as a warning.

When the teacher asked who knew what the parents wanted, the son raised his hand and raised his hand, so the teacher called his son, only to hear the son's loud voice say "My mother wants to hold her grandson".

Foreigners always mock the Chinese for thousands of years not knowing whether the Year of the Sheep is goat (goat) or sheep (sheep), we also ask foreigners to explain whether uncle is uncle or uncle, auntie is auntie aunt or aunt, trouble foreigners to translate this sentence: "Uncle kissed aunt, uncle slapped uncle, aunt found out and quarreled with uncle, aunt grabbed aunt's hair." ”

1. On a blind date, female: Can you tell me honestly, what is your annual salary?

Male: 300,000.

F: Are you being honest?

M: I've multiplied by ten.

2. When I quarreled with the head teacher in the second year of high school, the 28-year-old master of the head teacher (still a physical education teacher, very prestigious in school, the kind that everyone is afraid of) was angry with me and cried, but the people in the office were persuading me, saying let me coax, at that time I was also angry, so I took a piece of paper and put it on the head teacher's desk and said: No, don't cry. And then the whole grade knew about it.

3. On the first day of military training in high school, the head teacher was very young, the instructor and the head teacher had not yet met, and our head teacher was next to guide us to stand in a military posture, and suddenly the instructor kicked us from behind and scolded: Go back, stand up!

4. The head teacher divided us into six groups and asked everyone to choose a name for their group, so there were: the boring group, the sliding change group, the Buddha, the No. 5 ** group, and the six groups of serious cases, but the really outrageous name is Guangzong Yaozu!

5, my girlfriend's figure is relatively petite, and her appearance and appearance are also at the level of a loli, it just so happens that I am a lolita, just like this, no one can do without anyone, I remember the first time I took her home, I looked at my dad and said: Dad, that, people brought it to you. The father, who was reading the newspaper, took off his glasses, and a slipper flew over:

Why did you go earlier, the children are so old that they know to bring it back!

One person won the prize, and another bottle of iced tea came, and the salesman was a little stingy, saying that this bottle of iced tea was expired and could not be exchanged.

And then the man asked, then why are you selling me expired drinks?

Bad joke: A rabbit goes to the store to buy turnips.

It asked the boss, "Boss, are there a hundred carrots here?" The boss said no.

The next day. The rabbit came again to ask the boss. "Boss, do you have a hundred carrots here? "The boss still said no.

Day 3. The rabbit asked the boss. "Boss, do you have a hundred carrots here? This time, the boss said, "Yes."

The rabbit said, "Okay, get me two carrots." ”

In the dark of night, I watched all the above jokes, and I felt an inexplicable sadness, because I didn't have a female ticket yet.

I read it inexplicably, maybe it's a habit, there is a beginning and an end, and the funniest joke I think at the moment is: Son, Mom wants to see you get married, laughing and laughing and crying, is it too realistic in society or I am too incompetent, only constantly improve yourself, keep making money, and prove your worth first.

One day, Diao Chan said to his son, "Son, call me a queen." The son said, "Queen." Diao Chan said again: "Call two words." The son said, "King eight." ”

Our boss got a gym card and then didn't have time to go. Later, I had time to get fat. That fitness instructor said you have time to make yourself fat but not time to make yourself skinny!

Mom said to Xiao Ming: "Tomorrow we will have a guest, if the guest asks why your carpet is so beautiful, you will say that it is beautiful to change one every day." If a guest asks why your kitchen is so fragrant, you will say that the braised pork is of course fragrant when you cook it every day.

If a guest asks what about your sofa, you will say that it was chopped by your grandfather. Xiao Ming nodded.

The next day, the guest came, and the guest asked Xiao Ming, "Why is your mother so beautiful?" Xiao Ming said

Of course it is beautiful to change one every day. The guest asked, "Why is your toilet so fragrant?"

Xiao Ming said: "Of course, the braised pork is fragrant when it is burned every day. The guest asked again

What about your grandmother? Xiao Ming said: "I was chopped by my grandfather as firewood." ”

On Valentine's Day, there was a single person who walked out into the street and saw a lot of couples, he felt very cold, and suddenly turned into a popsicle while walking!

I just learned yesterday that I was adopted by them, and my biological parents don't want me anymore and don't want to live.

There is no holiday on the double festival, and the holiday is shortened to four days, and the end of the month is off, which is a joke I have heard recently.

The funniest joke I've ever heard is that experts say house prices are going to fall!!

The chemistry teacher blew in front of us, his new clothes are foreign brands, and there are no drops in China