Please comment on the poems I wrote, please comment on my poems.

There are too many artistic conceptions, and it seems a little scattered. The language is a little immature, but it has a lot of potential and a sense of rhythm.

There are some places in the text that are not quite marginal.

Are you writing at night or during the day?

Night in front and day in the back?

It is a mistake to treat standards as professional in itself, and to write is to write something that suits oneself. Weren't all poets in the past? The format or something, it doesn't really matter, wait until you become famous.

Even if you don't have a format, there will be experts who will help you set a format. Of course, it is necessary to modify it. But don't lose your style.

As long as you can associate it, it doesn't mean that others can associate it, and people who express the same feelings can experience it.

1 No main title, there are subtitles, which is a problem in itself.

2 The subtitle is incorrect. "That night we divided the subject" is not right, the division cannot be carried out in the evening, it can be changed to "that night, we divided the subject" or "the night we divided the subject".

3 There is no main body in the joyful life.

4 The content seems to be a random patchwork of words.

This is a rhyme word card, according to the words you fill in, the choice is three rhymes, four flat rhymes, two stacks of rhymes, it is estimated that it is filled in with reference to Tang Wan's words, but some words and sentences are still flat rhyme feet are not closed.

The second sentence of the above sentence 'regiment' is suggested to be changed to 'dark', and the third sentence should be '仄仄平平仄仄仄', so 'ink sky dark tree' can be changed to 'ink tree frost day', and 'twilight crow cold' can be changed to 'cold moon shore'.

Tuo Hongyan, double carp biography'In one sentence, it is recommended to change it to a juxtaposition of battle sentences, such as 'sue Hongyan and send double carp', which is also more in line with the law of word cards. The two phrases in this word plate should have the same rhythm, such as 'Xiao Feng Qian, tear stains remnant', 'Dongfeng Evil, Joy Thin' (note that 'thin' here belongs to the rhyme in the ancient pronunciation, so the two sentences are the same).

Someone upstairs has already mentioned that the phrase 'alone in the empty room' is not very elegant, and it reduces the tone of the whole poem. OK, it's good that you're writing about a resentful woman in a boudoir who stays alone in an empty room, but don't say it directly in this kind of market slang It's like in a sentimental Shakespeare sonnet courtship poem, suddenly interjecting the sentence 'I want you to be my mother-in-law', the meaning is the same, but it's too cheesy and too scenic. It can be changed to 'gradually slimming and flowering', or other words that tactfully express resentment and longing.

Pay attention to the rhyme at the end of the sentence. (*Gradually thinning and flowering' is to use Li Qingzhao's 'people are thinner than yellow flowers' to express the meaning of parting lovesickness).

The next que is also a matter of flat rhyme.,It's too much.,I'll list the rhythm for you.,lz, you first adjust your words and sentences according to the rhythm.,After the rhyme.,Let's talk about the modification.。

仄平仄 (仄 rhyme) 平平仄 (rhyme) 仄仄平平仄 (rhyme) 仄平平 (rhyme) 仄平平 (rhyme) 仄平平 (rhyme) 平平 (rhyme) 平黄 (rhyme) flat rhyme flat stack flat stack.

平平仄 (仄 rhyme) 平平仄 (rhyme) 仄平平仄 (rhyme) 仄平平 (平軄) 仄平平 (rhyme) 仄平平仄 仄 仄 (平 rhyme) 平 rhyme 平 stack flat stack.

Is it a sister who wrote this work?

Here I will first correct that this one you wrote is not poetry.

Poetry has no such genre.

This work of yours is written in ancient Chinese, so it should be in the style of ancient times, so I can only call it a poem for the time being, which belongs to the "Xiaoling" in the word, but I am not sure what kind of word plate it belongs to. Because I haven't seen such a word card, maybe as I said downstairs, this is called the ...... of "Hairpin Phoenix".Forgive me for being unheard.

But I'll savor the charm of your "work" and listen to me slowly.

The first half expresses the author: I miss my distant partner, look back on the past, and hope that there is a way for the ancients to pass on lovesickness, because it is really lonely, lonely, and the mind is slim "difficult, difficult, difficult" ......

The second half: explains the geographical location of the author or her partner, ...... in a difficult and remote area in the north of ShaanxiI was very entangled in my heart, suspecting that my partner had forgotten him, or that he had a new love, and involuntarily let out a strong and weak call in his heart——— dear, are you really me forgetting?" I miss you......

Will he really change his mind when he sees this work? Besides, if he doesn't come to see you, you can go to see him, if you think he is your dish, you can eat him!

The jade light is light, the clouds are dark, the sky is dark, the trees are dark, and the crows are cold.

Tuo Hongyan, double carp, flying stars are fleeting, and the empty room sleeps alone.

Hard, hard, hard.

The horses are shouting, the yellow sand is fighting, and the horns and horns are chaotic.

You can forget, in Qin Pass, life and death for many years, and the letters are unknown.

Call, call, call.

Hehe, forgive me, a hairpin head phoenix, I moved a few places, what do you think??

First of all, the positive points are as follows:

First, the sentence "call, call, call" can be called the finishing touch, outlining feelings, movements, and expressions, highlighting the theme of the whole text in an instant, and touching people's hearts in the senses.

Second, the whole poem has a comfortable sense of rhyme, although there are occasional flaws, but it is generally catchy. The sense of rhyme here is not the rhyme, but the sense of rhyme that reads like a song. I didn't check your word card, nor did I evaluate it strictly in accordance with the word card, I personally think that it would be good to grasp the core of the rhyme of the poem, that is, this feeling, the ancients did not write in strict accordance with the word card.

Secondly, the disadvantages are as follows:

First, poetry wants to convey a kind of artistic conception, which is true, but poetry should also be born from the environment, not by the imagination. Most of the intentions in your words are non-existent in reality, which cannot resonate with the reader, and some of the expressions are inappropriate and cannot directly convey the sense of scene to the reader. The difficulty of writing poetry is that it uses the language of poetry to describe the real world.

It is easy to write if everything is conveyed in ancient times or imagined intentions. It's not good, it's not good for practicing writing.

Second, to write ancient style, you must bring a word card or a rhythm. Try to write as required and don't shy away from difficulties. That's how you can practice.

We are all in the stage of learning to write, so whatever you write, you have to meet the basic requirements. Since you want to write ancient style, you must follow the example of the ancients, write according to their requirements, and understand it, so as to arrive at the true meaning.

Besides, I don't quite agree with a certain comrade upstairs. The phrase "alone in the empty room" is not very good, but it should be affirmed. In your poem, what is really close to reality is probably this intention.

To sum up, I hope that writing is not detached from reality. Literature is "higher than reality". You can't just "high" and not "**". I sincerely hope that the poetry culture of the land of China can continue to prosper, come on!

This proposed "Hairpin Phoenix" overall feels very hungry and has ancient rhyme, but I personally think that it is better to keep the empty room alone and add rhyme feet and be a little straightforward!

Generally average, not a normal ancient taste, and not a modern poem, it can be regarded as a mixed version of the title of "Thinking", will it be too simple, and it is a little inconsistent.

This is called a side poem, or a poem about resentful women. Continue.

Excuse me, what is the format of this poem? Or is it a word card?

Chunlan contains this to welcome spring, and the bamboo forest listens to the rain in summer. Autumn chrysanthemum frost shows arrogance, cold plum and snow smile at the winter wind.

This is a spring, summer, autumn and winter poem written by you. Each sentence is clicked, and there is no coherent central theme. If I wrote it, I first pointed out the strong spring mood of Chunlan and welcoming spring, then connected to the summer breeze, and then, the beauty of autumn chrysanthemum, and finally the reflection of winter plum and snow.

But a short four-sentence poem can be done by ordinary people, and it is indeed too difficult to accompany.

Chunlan welcomes spring with a strong sense of novelty, summer comes to the breeze in the bamboo forest, autumn chrysanthemum is beautiful and frosty, and winter plum is proud of the snow and smiles at the east wind.

Tungsten filament in the bulb.

I didn't perceive my own sublimation and condensation.

The blackened glass shrouded pale, pale memories lingered in his mind.

The streets are surging, and there are faces.

It's like being ironed by an iron-

Hurried footsteps.

It seems to be a harsh question of reality: does the city make life better?

Cars whizzed past me.

A shrill whistle.

A mixture of exhaust fumes and emptiness.

Pointing coldly.

The desire for things.

I am not a rock, nor am I flowing water.

An ordinary man, known for being kind and obedient.

for protection, in the city.

Lived peacefully for sixteen years ......

But an undercurrent of rebellion is always surging under the calm.

A subtle sound.

Always with a burning tone.

Say to me to escape from the city.

But can I escape to **?

The countryside has long since fallen; And naturally.

Also suffering from a barbaric invasion.

1 All seem to be written seven-character quatrains, and the general requirements for seven-character quatrains are: neat and neat rhyme. There are four formats, namely:

Equal into the rhyme, flat up not into the rhyme, the rhyme and the rhyme. The corresponding format is as follows: (the following indicates flat sound, means 仄音, means can be flat and can be flat).

Equal does not rhyme.

Crying Meng lonely Zhang Ji.

The inscription office in Qujiang Courtyard is the youngest of the nineteen. Today, the spring light is gone, and the apricot blossoms are scattered in front of the temple.

Equal rhyme. Envoy to Beijing.

Cen Shen's hometown looks east of the long road, and the tears of the two-sleeved dragon bell are not dry. Immediately meet without paper and pen, and report peace with the words of the king.

It doesn't rhyme.

September 9 recalls the Shandong brothers.

Wang Wei is a stranger in a foreign land, and he misses his relatives every festival. The remote knowledge brothers ascended to the heights, and there was one less person in the dogwood.

Rhyme. Don't Dong Da Gao Shi.

Thousands of miles of yellow clouds and daylight, the north wind blows geese and snow. Don't worry about the road ahead, no one in the world knows you.

Look at what you wrote:

The morning walk is feeling cold, and the early cherry blossoms welcome the spring and the trees are red. Outside the hospital, willow in the courtyard, half spring and half winter.

Compare it to know that there is a quatrain, but there is no quatrain format. What you have to do now is:

1. Be familiar with the format of quatrains, (Tang poems and Song poems and songs are all formatted) write them down and memorize them;

2. Then write according to the format, and write until the format is smooth;

3. Find a copy of "Pingshui Rhyme Table" to rhyme with the last word of each sentence (you will have unexpected gains).

If you do these three steps, you can basically say that the taste of Tang poetry quatrains will come out. Compare it with what you wrote before, and you will have a feeling of surprise and joy.

The sentence on the third floor, you can use it, it's great.