The distress of an immature person, the manifestation of a person s immaturity

I'll tell you a story:

The Allegory of Motivation: Who the Child is Playing For.

A group of children frolicked in front of an elderly man's house, screaming loudly. A few days passed, and the old man could not bear it.

So he came out and gave each child 25 cents and said to them, "Thank you for making this place so lively, I feel a lot younger." ”

The kids were happy and still came the next day, frolicking as always. The old man came out again and gave 15 cents to each child. He explained that he had no income and could only give less. Fifteen cents was okay, and the kid still walked away in high spirits.

On the third day, the old man gave only 5 cents to each child.

The children were furious, "It's only 5 cents a day, do you know how hard we work!" "They swear to the old man that they will never play for him again!

Psychological review: Who are you "playing" for

This parable is a deeper answer to the parable of the apple tree: why does the apple tree cut itself off its meridians, because it is not "playing" for itself.

There are two types of human motivation: internal motivation and external motivation. If we act according to internal motivations, we are our own masters. If it is external motivation that drives us, we are swayed by external factors and become slaves to it.

In this parable, the old man's calculation is simple, he turns the children's internal motivation "to play for their own pleasure" into an external motivation to "play for the cents", and he manipulates the external factor of cents, so he also manipulates the children's behavior. Does the old man in the fable look like your boss or boss? And cents, like your salary, bonuses and all sorts of external incentives?

If we use external evaluation as a reference coordinate, our emotions are prone to fluctuations. Because, external factors are beyond our control, and it is easy for them to deviate from our internal expectations, make us dissatisfied, and make us complain. Negative emotions such as resentment and grumbling make us miserable, and in order to reduce our suffering, we have to lower our internal expectations, most often by reducing the level of effort we work.

The main reason why a person will form an external evaluation system is that his parents like to control him. Parents are too fond of using verbal rewards and punishments, material rewards and punishments to control their children, and ignore their children's own motives. Over time, children forget their original motivations and care about external evaluations in everything they do.

When he went to school, he forgot the original motivation for learning--- curiosity and joy of learning; After working, he forgot the original motivation for his work - the joy of growth, and the evaluation of his boss and the ups and downs of his income became the source of the greatest joy and pain in his work.

Remember: external evaluation systems often run in families, but you can break them and nurture your own internal evaluation system from now on, so that learning and working can become "play for yourself".

Because you haven't graduated yet, and you haven't made your own money, so your mind is blank, and I don't mean to belittle you, I'm saying "blank" in a neutral sense. Because that's how I am.

Before work, I had so many things on my mind, playing games, dressing up, finding a boyfriend, mixing credits, skipping classes, and I didn't know what to do if something big happened. I don't know why people care so much about something that works, but I don't feel it at all. I don't know how important it is to make money.

The understanding of many things is only superficial and literal. For example, I used to know what is the difference between a monthly salary of 1000 and 2000, that is, it is more than half, this is a literal understanding. But now I know that if my salary is 1000, I can only buy daily necessities, live an average life, and I can't buy a few new clothes a month.

But if it's 2000, I can go to the bar, and 400 yuan of clothes is no longer a luxury, and I can save some money to buy a computer or something......Too much.

Many of the questions you raised are some of them that take time to settle down and explore.

It's good to think about these things.

But unless you actually start making money, there may be no way to find answers to many of your questions.

good luck to you

I'm also looking for my own answers.

Maturity and childishness. It's actually a matter of your mentality, you have to understand what you're doing and why. The reasons must be sufficient.

The reason is not sufficient, you are like:"It's hard to control yourself, you don't know what you're doing, and you don't know how effective what you're doing".

But I'm sure you'll make it.

Maturity is not ripening, maturity needs to be accumulated, it takes time, and it is not fast.

Each of us is a small world, no one in the world is completely integrated with anyone, no matter how good and close others are to themselves, we are still independent of pain.

Sometimes I feel very lonely, but when I touch everyone around me, loneliness is just a fantasy.

You can enrich yourself by doing something you wanted to do but didn't do every day. If you don't want to grow old so quickly, you have to do something to make yourself wonderful.

Only you can make yourself wonderful! As long as you tell yourself that you are happy, you want to be happy, you don't allow yourself to be lost, external environmental factors will not affect you, you don't let yourself be depressed, no one will do anything to you.

Seeing so many of our strangers paying attention to you shows that you are not alone. We'll all give you our blessings. You have to do it yourself. Oh, if you want to thank us, smile and give us back, we can feel it.

Remember to be happy! If you don't want it, expel it from your mind, and don't let trash take over the space in your mind.

Competing for the wind and being jealous, asking for merit and rewarding, and the mentality is unbalanced.

I can't see that my colleagues have some achievements, he wants to fight, he is obviously a supporting role, but he regards himself as the leader; If he can't see who the leader is good to, he will be jealous, and the leader will snub him a little, and he will have to lose his temper for three days; If you let him do something, he can blow the cowhide into the sky; It's obvious that he's wrong, if you dare to say half a sentence to him, he won't answer you for half a year, and he'll care about small things, but he doesn't have much malice, just to be jealous for the sake of fighting for the wind, and to lose his temper in order to find a balance, which is the most typical immature behavior.

Doing things lavishly, there is no cover-up.

This kind of immature person, if you give him a little sunshine, he will be brilliant; You give him a little power, he will be infinitely magnified, you give him something to do, he will be big, without a little bit of blocking, he has not yet gone out, the whole company knows, the company's secrets have no concept in him, resulting in the leader does not dare to let this kind of person do anything, often work for a long time and can not be promoted, but he is not aware of his own problems, but also feel good about himself.

The mood is sometimes good and sometimes bad, and he is full of nagging and complaining all day long.

This kind of person, when the mood is good, is no different from ordinary people, seeing people talking about people, talking about ghosts, but saying that the face will change the face, this minute and colleagues are still hot, maybe because of a word that is not speculative or without any signs to turn your face, the mouth is still nagging endlessly, I don't know what face is not face, what is not sophisticated, like a child, moody, people can't figure it out, but there is one point, this kind of person doesn't have much heart, and he doesn't care about you afterwards, he may still be arguing just now. After a while, I will come to you and talk and laugh as if it was nothing, this is the "old child" as the saying goes, this kind of person is okay to tease and play, but he can't do the right thing, he can't do big things.

1.When encountering things, I don't have my own thoughts and opinions, and I don't bother to deal with them, I blindly follow the arrangements of others, and I won't think positively by myself.

3.Timid, likes to avoid things when encountered, does not have the courage to face them, has no confidence in himself, and feels that he cannot handle it well.

4.Thinking negatively, saying that it is not good to do things before they have been done, or feeling that things are too small and not interested, and there is no need to do them. If you can't do small things, what's the matter? This is a sign of irresponsibility.

5.Lazy attitude, not wanting to do anything, not doing things actively, doing nothing.

6.If you don't have self-confidence, you're immature, and only if you have experienced, have enough strength, and enrich your experience, you will have the confidence to do things.

7.Small-bellied chicken intestines, calculating. I don't want to lose.

8.Insincere to people, unwilling to confide in people, the basis of interpersonal interaction is sincerity and trust. If you can't fully convey your ideas to the people around you, then it must be difficult to interact with others.

Maturity means being able to weigh the pros and cons and be able to handle things in a better way.

Manifestations of immaturity:

1.When encountering problems, he loves to complain, complains about others, and gives up on himself. You should know that setbacks are essential in life and can happen to anyone. Therefore, when encountering setbacks, you should deal with the problem, and blindly complaining will make people feel very immature and unable to take responsibility.

2.Twitter, can't keep your mouth shut. Remember that evil comes from the mouth.

3.He has no opinions and is easily swayed by others.

4.Insist on going your own way and can't listen to other people's opinions. Take copper as a reference, you can be dressed; Taking history as a mirror, we can know the rise and fall; Taking people as a reference, you can know the gains and losses.

My husband is thirty years old, he only knows how to play all day long, he is not motivated at all, he plays games with his mobile phone after work, and his salary is basically spent every month, and he doesn't know how to save money, we don't have a house now, and I don't dare to have children, this life is really aggrieved.

To be honest, I sympathize with this reader, and it is indeed hard and painful to live with an immature person.

Sometimes, I really don't understand what some people think, how can they be so lazy and so at ease? How did you cultivate the otherworldly realm?

I really can't figure it out, I can't understand it, maybe I haven't grown up yet.

It reminds me of a proverb I once read: Although you are only young for a while, you can be immature indefinitely.

A person's maturity is often not directly related to age, and some people, even if they are thirty or forty years old, or even older, are still immature enough in terms of dealing with the world.

So, how can you tell if a person is mature?

I think that immature people often have these six kinds of problems, and I hope that everyone will change them if they have them, and encourage them if they don't.

Psychologists say: If a person is immature, he will have these 3 manifestations, and he can't be wrong!

Too much urgency - the more urgent it is, the more exposed it becomes. There is a good saying, you can't eat hot tofu in a hurry, in fact, why not do things? An immature person, always in a hurry, to meet a customer, anxious, let people know that you are still a chick, if you want to make yourself mature as soon as possible, don't show so eager, be steady, endure.

Too fast - muddy and full of loopholes. Talking too fast, doing things too fast, the result is muddy and full of loopholes, this is also a typical characteristic of a person's immaturity, fast, must be rhythmic, fast, must be skilled, this is the truth that practice makes perfect, so let go of your fast pace, let yourself return to a normal state, many things, point to point, many people are still as plain as water.

Too gullible - only to know how to turn back after being deceived to the point that your head is bleeding. Another manifestation of a person's immaturity is to believe in people too much, others will buy themselves with a few good words, others flatter him a few words, he doesn't know how many pounds and taels he has, and as a result, he follows other people's ideas, and goes all the way to the west to learn from the scriptures, too gullible others will go astray, too gullible others will become someone else's bowl of vegetables, when others eat you, you are still there to shout, very good.

Too self-centered - you only have yourself in your heart, how can others pay attention to you? If a person is self-centered, does not know how to listen when speaking, only wants to express, only wants to gain when doing things, and does not want to give, then it also means that you are still one step away from maturity.

Too upright, straightforward - always choking enough, who will believe you? When a mature person speaks, he will be as tactful as possible, if he is too upright and speaks too frankly, he will always give people a feeling of choking, and others will feel that dealing with you is really tired, which is a manifestation of a person's immaturity, others have a few good words, and all the company's policies are explained to customers thoroughly.

Too much scheming - losing big profits for the sake of small profits is the price of immaturity. Immature people always like to be too calculating in petty profits, and even if others say something they don't like to hear, they have to argue with others for a long time, if you also have such a tendency, or have this problem, you must change it, so that you can grow up to become a mature person who works steadily.

Mature people will insist on living for their ideals, and will never give up lightly until there is no way out; Immature people will easily sacrifice everything else, including life, for the sake of their ideals.