Help revise the first poem, please help me adapt a short poem, thank you?

In terms of artistic conception, green smoke, green trees, rain, sky, lotus ......This image forms a picture of lightness, happiness and simplicity like clouds and water.

From the top of the day, smoke, side, string, leisure, lotus, shore, blue, accompaniment, the two rhyme angles are staggered and rowed, from the perspective of reading, the taste is good.

Architecturally speaking, three, six, four, three, and five characters are each divided into two lines. It's also a flavor.

The rain falls like a silk string, the string touches the lotus in the water, people and the sky are idle, and the illusion is like a bird's green smoke ......

In my personal imagination, this artistic conception has a free and empty charm.

However, if logically speaking, it seems that green smoke, rain and sky blue cannot coexist, of course, there is also such a farmhouse scene: the drizzle is silent and moist, and the green smoke rises ......

Maybe that's what the landlord was thinking......

When it comes to change, I can't do it. But the rhythm can be adjusted a little more:

The green trees meander along the shore.

Shadow into the water's edge. Lean on the lotus in the water.

Like ripples. The rain also moistens the smoke.

Man and God. Hang out together.

Like a dream. Pluck the strings in the rain.

People should be envied.

The above two verses have been changed a little bit according to my own feelings. As for the title, both your original work and my adaptation can be called "Envy and Leisure".

It's hard to pick a name.

The above views are purely personal opinions, and we hope to forgive me if you are presumptuous.

The "Huan" in "People Rejoice in the Sky" is changed to "drunk" It means: intoxicated, intoxicated!

The sentences are not smooth, the content is empty and tasteless, and it is useless except for the rhythm. The imagery is repeated, and the words are repeated. Written at the water's edge, it should not be used "like the water's edge", people, days repeated many times, the end of this wonderful pen, can be redundant because of repetition.

Strings outside the strings Strings Smoke curls green, like water, the shore of the green trees winding, the rain falls quietly to listen to the silk strings, the clouds are idle, for the blue of the sky, willing to accompany the sky, temporarily accompanied, the string touches the lotus in the water, the wind is clear and the sky is far away,

This kind of rhythm is not a poem, it is a word.

A wisp of green smoke curled out of the water.

The shore is full of greenery, and the quiet rain listens to the silk strings.

If you want to lower your eyes, the sky is blue, and you are willing to be happy with the heavens, and you will be a companion temporarily. A song, a leisurely heart.

The string rises in the wind and waves, and the string touches the lotus in the water.

I am a shallow talent, destroying the original format of the landlord, please forgive me.

But the landlord's words don't seem to be ancient or modern, I just like to write poetry when I just care about making up words to make up the rhyme, in fact, the real poetry, the rhyme is not important, the important thing is its artistic conception, can outline the heart in three words. This is my own understanding, not very accurate.

It's good to change the rain to drizzle.

Autumn is a harvest season, a harvest day. The early morning dew is scattered on the cold ground, the surroundings are desolate, the silence can hear the sound of logging in the valley, put down the sickle in his hand that has eaten the fragrance of rice, his heart is full of joy, indescribable happiness, the smile hangs on his face, he picks up the bamboo basket to hold the fat melons and fruits between the bamboo hedges, and the bamboo basket is full of hope, the autumn harvest season is coming, and the autumn is located in the farmhouse.

Looking at the hazy mist on the river, happily casting the round net, imagining that there will be a good harvest today, and then humming a small tune to put away the shadow of the blue bream-like black tree leaves, and start the day's work. The reeds were loaded with hoarfrost, the mist lifted, and then gently shook the oars, and embarked on the journey home, and the day's wandering was over, and the autumn game was on the fishing boat.

The crickets in the grass were scurrying around and beating loudly, the originally small space seemed more spacious because of this cry, the stream was more clear because of the dry stones that could be seen, the flute on the back of the ox was difficult to hear at this time, the incense and hot flute hole drifting in the summer night revealed the sadness of the piper, the summer was gone, and the autumn was dreamed of in the eyes of the shepherdess.

Autumn is thick, the morning dew is light, the fog is deep and the forest is silent, and it is another year of joy.

The sickle is over the fragrant rice, the bamboo basket is fruitful, the green bream is like a shadow, and the reed canopy contains white frost.

The fishing boat accompanies the oars on the water town, and the sunset returns home and stretches its neck.

The crickets on the fence are busy, and the songs are everywhere. The stone is low and the stream is low, and the cow's back flute is miserable.

Only the shepherdess sighed lightly for the autumn frost.

It feels good But let's put it this way, since you use "Manjianghong" as a word card, then you have to abide by the word grid, so it is recommended to fill in the corresponding word grid

Man Jianghong" word card rhythm.

Ninety-three characters in double tone, four rhymes in the front, five rhymes in the second sentence, five or six sentences in the front, and seven or eight sentences in the back to fight. The first two three-character sentences are also used in pairs, and this key example is used to rhyme with the feet. The details are as follows:

仄) 仄平平, (平) (平) 仄, (平) 平 (仄) 仄.

Ping) (仄) 仄, (仄) Ping (Ping) Qian, (仄) Ping (Ping) Qian.

仄) 仄 (平) 平平仄仄, (平) 平 (仄) 仄平仄.

仄 (仄) Ping, (仄) 仄仄平, Ping Ping.

仄) (平) 仄, 平 (仄) 仄;(平) (仄) 仄, 平平仄.

Ping Ping, Ping Ping.

仄) 仄 (平) 平平仄仄, (平) 平 (仄) 仄平仄.

仄 (平) 平, (仄) 仄仄平, 平平仄.

For details, see the encyclopedia "Manjianghong").