What should I do if I am a stay at home mother with a child, and the child is very clingy to me?

It is normal for a stay-at-home mother to take care of her children, because it is always you and your child who are two people to get along with each other, and he will be reluctant to leave you.

On the one hand, you need to provide opportunities and space for your child to interact with others, and he will gradually adapt to a world that is not just yours. On the other hand, when your child clings to you, you may feel guilty or irritable, and your child will feel your wavering and absorb this energy. If you are confident in your child's ability to adapt, the child will also feel it and try to try new experiences.

You will need time and patience to complete this transition with your child. Here are three suggestions:

1. Find some opportunities for your child to be exposed to a new environment or strangers, and you should be present but not interfere with your child's activities. For example, your child is playing with other children, and you are chatting with your friends.

2. Explain to your child in advance what you are going to do or what you are going to do, what kind of people you will meet, how long you will stay, and even show your child the **and** of the relevant situation, or role-play and rehearsal at home. Even if your child can't speak yet, he will feel "mentally prepared".

3. Accept your child's emotional feelings. Tell your child that when separated from his mother, you know he will be scared and that's okay. However, it is not possible to follow the mother all the time, and it is also possible to let the child's father or other family members take the child out to play.

Let him understand that his mother is not "open" 24 hours a day, and his mother also needs her own space.

It's normal for a child to cling to his mother. For every child, intimacy with mom is the foundation of a child's sense of security.

As a stay-at-home mother, it is indeed not easy, a heart is all on the child, and it will slowly become disconnected from the outside society, and it will become more and more reluctant to go out and contact more fresh food. If a stay-at-home mother always thinks about "losing her sense of self-worth" when she accompanies her child, then when she is with boredom and can't enjoy the time with her, the child feels that her mother wants to push her away, so she wants to get closer, which is why "the child is particularly clingy to her mother".

A student once asked a question: What should a two-year-old child do if he sees his mother and is not independent?

I told her: From today onwards, as long as you see the child, your eyes will shine and run over to hug her, telling her: Mom misses you so much, loves you so much, and wants to hold you so much, and is reluctant to let you down.

She was surprised after trying for a week: her daughter wouldn't let me hug her, and when I hugged her, she actually said, "Mommy let me down, I'm going to go by myself." ”

In fact, it is very simple, although I used to accompany and hold, but what the child felt was the thrust of "Mom wants to push me away and let me go by myself", not the sense of security of being held and accepted, so the child naturally had a reverse force "I don't want to go, I want you to accompany me, so that it is safe". And once a child feels secure and empowered, he will naturally want to leave and explore the outside world.

I feel like since you are a full-time child, the child spends more time with you than anyone else; Children especially like to drink your closeness, which is a natural expression.

Moreover, before the age of three, the child is a period of establishing a sense of security, and the child needs to be with his mother to meet his psychological needs; So in such a situation, it is normal for children to stick to you, and you don't have to mind too much. <

But the child will grow up gradually, and he needs a wider space for himself to develop; Therefore, as a mother, you can start from the following aspects to slowly cultivate the communication between your child and other people and enhance your child's communication skills.

Take your children out and play with other children.

Mothers can take their children to the community, citizen parks, children's playgrounds and other places, so that children can have more contact with other children and cultivate interactions between children and other peers. Children will find it interesting to play with their friends in the process of socializing; With new fun, it naturally won't stick to you all the time.

Let the father intervene in the child's upbringing.

Since you are at home full-time with the children, there may not be many opportunities for dad to intervene; As your child gets older, you need to increase communication with your dad.

You can try to let go slowly in some aspects and involve dad in the process of raising the child; You have to believe that a father is capable of taking care of his children, and he is also able to take care of his children well. The benefits of this will not only enhance the bond between the child and the dad, but also make the child's development healthier. Of course, this will also reduce the degree to which your child sticks to you.

I am Nuoshan, I am very happy to share with you more than 20 years of experience in early childhood education, welcome to pay attention to "Nuoshan Says Parenting".

Parenting experts say that when children are 1 or 2 years old, especially around 1 and a half years old, there will be a period of "clingy peak" due to the needs of psychological development.

The reason for this phenomenon is, on the one hand, that "blood is thicker than water", that is, a natural intimate connection between the child and the mother; On the other hand, because the baby's ability to control the body is still relatively weak, many actions and behaviors must rely on adults, and at this time he will naturally choose to rely on the mother who has the closest relationship with him. Another reason is that stay-at-home mothers are facing their children day and night. While the child is dependent on his mother, he constantly needs his mother to express her love for him, and at the same time, the child knows that the mother's bottom line is in.

As long as the child's emotions and behaviors are not abnormal except for clinginess, and there is no problem getting along with other family members when the mother is away, then this kind of "stickiness" is a normal and healthy manifestation. Clingy children are actually more sensitive and insecure. But as the child grows older, this phenomenon will slowly disappear, so mothers should not be overly nervous and do not refuse the child's dependence, because if the child's psychological needs are not met accordingly, it will also lead to serious psychological problems over time.

What should I do if my child is really clingy?

First of all, don't worry, you might as well think about it first, whether it will be because you are busy with family chores and neglect to accompany your children, and then think about what emotional requirements your children can meet, and how to integrate more family members into your children's daily life. For example, when a dad comes home from work and takes time out to play games with his children, tell bedtime stories, or even sleep with his children, these are all satisfying.

Secondly, parents should let their children have more contact with the outside world, create opportunities for children to leave themselves for a short time, or take children to participate in some group activities, so that children can establish good relationships with other children or teachers during play. And if the mother is going to leave temporarily, it is best to tell the child in advance, so that the child knows and tells him what the mother is going to be busy with, when the mother will come back to play with the baby, and to fulfill the promise, after coming back to say hello to the baby, tell him that you are back, a few times, he will feel that you are trustworthy. Don't rely on deception, that will make the baby more insecure and more clingy.

Accompany the child with peace of mind, as the child grows up and the child has a sense of security enough, he will naturally explore outward.

I am Yimi, a working mother who likes to learn and explore when she grows up with her baby. Parenting is more exciting with you.

The child is very clingy to you, which means that the person who usually takes him is the only one most of the time. If you want your child to be less clingy to you, then you have to learn to let your child slowly accept others to take him. You can take your children to friends' houses more often, and relatives to walk around more often, and get to know more people.

If your friends, relatives, neighbors, who are willing to help you carry or help you bring it, throw it to them, and if the child is familiar with other adults, he will not be so clingy to his mother. <

The two of my family are like this, especially Dabao, I took it alone before weaning. I am in the countryside, and the neighbors are willing to help, and when they are free, they will take Dabao to play, and I am happy and relaxed. The child doesn't recognize his life, they take it and take it, and even like it, because others will play with him, but sometimes I don't have so much energy to tease him after taking him for a long time.

Therefore, if you want your child to be less clingy to you, you must let others take it with you, and don't be with him 24 hours a day. Let the child have more contact with other people, he will have a fresh sense of others, he can relax himself, and the child will be more generous.

The mother takes care of the baby full-time, and the child will stick to the mother", this is really a misunderstanding. Sticky babies are more likely to occur in families where parents are not accompanied by "heart".

I'm a full-time mom, my little brother is now 16 months old, within 1 year old probably because I was with him almost all day, and I didn't feel that he was sticky to me, there was a period of time when he was particularly sticky to me in twelve or thirteen months, and my handling was basically responsive, and I always maintained an hour or two of high-quality companionship every day. As long as he eats and sleeps enough, he won't stick to me at all.

I have also met some full-time mothers with children, basically when accompanying the children, the mother is playing with the mobile phone or doing other things, the mother will not use the heart to understand the needs of the child, such a child will be more clingy, they tell the mother in a sticky way, I want you to accompany me.

If the child is particularly clingy to the mother, I think the mother can recall whether she really accompanied her during this time, and the child can feel the mother's attentive companionship. This is the most important point for children to feel your love and your heart. <>

If you have already been with your heart, then what the mother needs to do is to tell him when you have to leave the child, when you are going to go, when to come back, and talk counts, no matter how young the child is. Don't think that children often sneak away if they don't understand, so that children are more likely to be insecure. <>

You can also arrange some comforting items for the child, such as a bear doll, and let the bear play with the child instead of the mother every time the mother leaves.

Finally, as a reminder, it's really important to give your child enough security when he's young.

Thank you for reading, I hope it will be useful to you.

First of all, we have to be clear about one thing, the child is clingy, and it has nothing to do with whether he is a stay-at-home mother or not. Some stay-at-home mothers bring children who are very independent, confident, and will not cling to their mothers. We also have to look at how old the child is.

Since the question doesn't talk about how old the child is, I'll share a one-size-fits-all tool, which is the "Misconduct Purpose Chart". Through the analysis of this table, parents can find out what their children's beliefs are behind their children's "clingy" behavior, so as to find the direction to solve the problem.

Share an example.

My son, Weber, recently came over to me as soon as I sat down at the computer and asked me to read to him, or to watch Thomas the Train on my computer. I was a little anxious and irritated because I had to prepare for class. I told him I had work to do and that I would read to him later.

He wouldn't let it. Sometimes he agreed, but within two minutes he came back and asked me to play with him.

Comparing the "Misconduct Purpose Table", I understand that his wrong purpose is "to be overly concerned". The reason he believes is that I'm only important if you do it for me. What he really wanted to say was "value me and make me useful." ”

In the seventh column of the "Purpose of Misconduct", "My Encouraging Responses", I chose "Involve your child in solving the problem", "Trust your child to handle his or her emotions", "Specify a daily routine" and "Schedule a special time. ”

When he came to me again, I picked him up and empathized with him: "Weibo, Mom can see that when Mom sits in front of the computer and is busy with her work, you feel bored, and you want me to play with you all day." He nodded.

How about we make an appointment? I'll read you two books, and then I'll go and work for half an hour, and then I'll read you two more books, and I'll work for another half hour....I set an alarm clock, and as soon as I think of the alarm clock, my mother will close the computer and read a book with you", I demonstrated the scene when the alarm clock rang and I hurried to get the book to read with him. At the same time, tell him that during the 30 minutes I was busy at work, he could help my mom with some important things, such as helping me pick up paper from the printer or peeling beans for lunch.

He agreed, and he was happy to have these "important" things to do. One time he came to me in "my time" and I just looked at him with a smile and said to him very firmly, "Mommy loves you, please wait until the alarm goes off." ”

We also had a special time for the two of us, and every night before going to bed was between 8:30 and 9:30 for our parents and children, and we both enjoyed this time.