Ask for bad jokes about selfishness, the funniest bad jokes

The bully rich man had tuberculosis and had to eat human blood steamed buns every day to heal his illness, and stipulated that every villager should give love and take turns to donate blood, the so-called "I dedicate my glory".

On this day, it was the blacksmith's turn to draw blood, but he ran to the mountains and hid, and the rich man was furious, and led his family to go door to door to grab rations, and put down his words: "This is all the trouble that the blacksmith endured, and if you want to blame him, blame him." ”

The villagers were so angry, they had worked the farm, and now they didn't even have anything to eat, so they spontaneously organized to go up the mountain, arrested the king blacksmith, and angrily reprimanded him: You, you, you are so selfish, you have no love at all!

The cow is tall and the horse is big, what does it matter to draw some blood? Make us all hungry!

Hilarious jokes: you, me, her.

One day, Xiao Ming went to kindergarten, and the teacher saw that Xiao Ming didn't seem to be listening to the lecture, so he asked him what I just talked about, Xiao Ming said you, me, and her, to be honest, it shouldn't be that the teacher is me, and the student is you, and the girl over there is her. Xiao Ming said that the teacher is my student, and the girl over there is him, and my father said wrong, it should be my father, and the student is your student, and the girl on your side is not her, but your mother.

The next day, Xiao Ming said to the teacher, "Teacher, you are wrong, my father said that it should be the teacher, my student, the girl over there, not her, but your mother!"

From afar, Shenzhen looks like paradise, and up close, Shenzhen looks like a bank.

When I arrived in Shenzhen, I was like a prison cell, and everyone said that Shenzhen was good, and everyone ran to Shenzhen.

Shenzhen makes money and Shenzhen spends, how can there be banknotes to send home.

They all said that the salary here is high, so I can't afford to buy toothpaste.

It is said that the environment here is good, and cockroaches and ants run around.

It is said that the food here is good, and the green vegetables are added to the grass.

It is said that the leaders here are handsome, and all of them are flat like pot lids.

I work every year and worry every year, and I work overtime every day like a monkey.

There is no pay for working overtime, and there is no reason to be scolded every day.

When he saw the boss bowing his head, he shook his head after paying his salary.

At the end of the month, I was worried, and I don't know when I came out.

Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang, and he called ** to give a hundred yuan bill: "Hey! Your son is here, and if you don't want us to tear up the ticket, you will exchange yourself for him! The hundred-dollar bill thought for a moment and said, "Tear it, you don't even have 5 yuan after tearing it!"

Once upon a time there was a man who looked very much like **, one day, he was walking on the street, and suddenly, he hung up.

Night Man: Does it hurt? F: Well, M: Forget it! F: No.

There was a very unpopular classmate in our class, once he suddenly fell and injured himself and wanted to call an ambulance, everyone saw that he was really miserable and had to write to the emergency center immediately.

I'll go, how could there be such a thing.

1.If you force me again, if you force me again, I'll play dead to show you!

2.Lao Tzu not only has a car, but also has his own!

3.There are so many people who despise me, how old are you?

4.I won't say anything about killing me, you haven't made a beauty yet!

5。Not only do I have good luck, but I also have good athlete's foot!

6.It's the mirror that always reflects!

7.Handsome has a p use? It's not like being eaten by a pawn!

8.Leave it to me and you don't have to worry, there's nothing you can't go wrong!

9.Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person.

10.Don't thank you, how embarrassed to collect money from you after thanking!

11.Don't tell me to let the horse come--- I'm Avanti!

12.If you ignore me, then I'll be a dog!

13.When is the bright moon, go and ask Yi Zhongtian!

14.If you can't reach it, try it with your left foot on your right foot.

15.Some people are alive, she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died a long time ago!

16.You said. You like me? In fact. I started out. Actually, I am. Well, I'll tell you, but I actually like my own.

17.Do you drink water, or drink water, or drink water? Take your pick!

18.Aoyama is still there, just a little red.

19.Hey, say what should be said, whisper what shouldn't be said.

20.Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance of you as your shameless capital!

21.Don't think that because I'm handsome, I think I'm unattainable, in fact, I'm inclusive.

22.The weather is nice today, it's windy and rainy.

23.As a typical example of failure, you are just too successful!

24.The feet of three cobblers stinked and one Zhuge Liang died.

25.In the golden autumn when this colored leaves were full of maple.

26.If you bother me again, I'll tie you to the grass boat and borrow arrows!

27.The wind is sluggish and the water is cold, and you have to pay back the money you owe!

Where to eat? I have no money.

B: Let's go down to the restaurant, I'll ask --- water pipe.

29.See if there is something that should have fallen?

30.I have a green dragon on my left and a white tiger on my right, and a Mickey Mouse tattoo on my waist.

If you don't take revenge, it's hard to swallow this evil breath.

B: So how can I make it.

34.The world is ours and the sons, but ultimately the grandchildren.

35.Homework, I can write it!

Did you do your homework?

B: Sit! Oh, it's still hot under the p-shares. Do you want it? That's up to you.

37.Who sits in the village today, he doesn't even wipe the blackboard!

38.I was really blind in the first place.

39.Is this blind man a blind man?

It's that people are selfish. If people do not do it for themselves, heaven and earth will perish.

When the leader speaks, he applauds with the leader.

The leader sang and tuned Lu Chun's sound.

The leader takes a shower and tickles his back.

The leader picks up the girl, and puts the sentry post in pure yard.

I saw a god post today: Ask poop and pee are good friends? The first floor replied, no, they are not on the same road. The second floor answered, yes, but urine is more moral, and the stool is not accompanied by the urine every time, but the stool is always supported by the pee! !

I remember when I was in high school, I went to self-study at night, and my buddies slept in the last row. Suddenly woke up, then turned off the light, and went back to sleep. The whole class was dumbfounded.

The athlete shot and missed five times in a row, and the coach scolded: "Stupid, look at me!" The coach didn't hit five shots and said, "See? That's how you just voted.

Taking a taxi home, the gate of the community was blocked by indiscriminately parked cars, the driver sighed, turned back to me and said: "I can only send you here, and you can only go by yourself in the future." "Uncle driver, do you want to talk to me about breaking up?

Thank you. The girl smiled at me. "By the way, are you going to Nanchang to play or go to school?

Do you know that Nanchang is fun? Is it convenient to keep a **? The girl continued to ask the boy.

I won't tell you that I copied it in the Zhener.com-Erkou Concentration Camp

There was a lot of water in the forest

God sent Noah and his ark.

Save the animals in the forest.

But it's too crowded... Gotta right throw some animals down!

So the lion proposed, "Let's tell a joke, and whoever finishes telling a story and throws it down if there is an animal that doesn't laugh." The elephant's joke is so funny that the animals laugh so much that only the pigs don't laugh...

There was no way, everyone had to throw the elephant down The fox was the second to tell it, but the joke it told was so boring that everyone didn't laugh, but the pig rolled and laughed! The animals asked, "Is the joke told by the fox funny??" The pig said, "Ahaha, ahaha, the elephant's joke is so funny."

Pigs are unresponsive... Haha ).

There have always been three scholars

came to a desert island, but unexpectedly there were people on the desert island. The three scholars were captured by the DAO cannibals.

Get up. When they feel hopeless. Judah said he wanted to play a game with them.

If the game wins, you can be free. This is the case when playing. They have to find one fruit on each island (of course, none of the three will be repeated), and when they find it, they have to swallow three of these fruits in a row, and if they don't die, the game is won.

The first scholar found three apples and came back. Judah ordered to be grabbed and shoved. As a result, the scholar was stuffed to the second and died.

At this time, the second scholar had just returned and saw that his companion had died of gnawing on an apple, and he was relieved that he had found three grapes and had come back, thinking that he would not be gnawed to death this time. When he swallowed the second grape, he saw the third scholar return, and he spit out the grape in his throat. Judah was angry.

So he ordered him to be killed.

When the second scholar came to heaven, the first scholar asked very strangely:"Why do you die if you nibble on grapes? "The second scholar sighed and said:

While I was nibbling on grapes, I saw Scholar C coming back with three durians. "

McDonald's bai

Law and Kent. Who is bigger? Answer: KFC zhi

McDonald's is an uncle, and KFC is a grandfather) 75 Eggs and chocolate fight, and Rong Chocolate wins Answer: Chocolate bar The egg lost and was not convinced, and went to fight again and lost again Answer: The egg noodles turned out to be the egg lost twice in a row, and he was not convinced, so he went to find his brother's cake, but the cake was defeated, not to mention, and was severely humiliated by the chocolate Answer:

Chocolate Chess (Angry) Cake Finally, Egg and Cake go to Big Brother Egg Tart, and Egg Tart says that Chocolate has a lot of strength! You can't do that, so go find the chocolate theory! Finally Chocolate realizes her mistake and takes the initiative to apologize to the egg and cake, Answer:

German Costume (Fu) Chocolate 76 car will fly. Answer: Coffee (car, fly) 77 How do you make a drink bigger?

Answer: Recite the Mantra of Great Compassion 78 A white horse is called a white horse, a black horse is called a black horse, and a black and white horse is called a zebra, so what is a horse called a black, white, and red horse? Answer:

Which shy Zebra 79 ran the fastest in history? Answer: Cao Cao (said Cao Cao Cao arrived) 80 Who wore glasses during the Tang Dynasty?

Answer: Li Bai (Bright moonlight in front of the bed, hey!) It's frost on the ground) 81 Which historical figure is the most indebted?

Answer: Su Wu. Reason:

Su Wu shepherds sheep by the North Sea (by the sea flat).

Boss: Welcome, without you, our company must be very different! Bai Staff: If DU is too tired from work, I will resign if I can't do itDAO boss: Don't worry, I won't let this happen!

Staff: Can I take a day off on Saturdays and Sundays?

Boss: Absolutely! That's the bottom line!

Staff: Do you usually work overtime until the early hours of the morning?

Boss: No way, who told you that?

Staff: Is there a meal allowance?

Boss: Needless to say, it's definitely higher than its peers!

Staff: Is there a risk of sudden death at work?

Boss: No! How do you have such thoughts?

Staff: Does the company organize regular tours?

Boss: That's what we say!

Staff: Do I need to be on time?

Boss: No, it depends.

Staff: What about salaries? Will it be sent on time?

Boss: Always!

Staff: Is it all done by new employees?

Boss: How is it possible, there are still many senior colleagues above you!

Staff: If there is a vacancy for a leadership position, can I compete?

Boss: There is no doubt that this is the mechanism that our company relies on to survive!

Staff: You're not lying to me, are you?

After entering the company, see the real scene (read from back to front).

Anyway, at a certain party, a buddy drank high, so I sent him home. You can still greet people when you go, but you can't do it on the road, and you have a lot of energy after returning to drink. Answer.

As if he was dead, I was afraid that something would happen, so I carried him to the hospital. After settling him in the ward, I went to get the medicine from the doctor, and when I came back after taking the medicine, this guy woke up, and was holding the pole of the hanging bottle in the hospital, swaying around, and muttering:, this bus is going too fast!

The cat is full of puffs, oh, hehe, find it yourself!

1. A group of animals cross the river, and when the boat in the center of the river begins to enter the water, a part of it must be launched. The clever monkey came up with the idea of having everyone tell a joke, and if the joke didn't make everyone laugh, he threw the teller into the water. So the lottery began, and the result was the first to talk from the cat, then the monkey, the chicken...

The cat tried to tell a joke, and everyone laughed, except the pig. The animals had no choice but to throw the cat into the water. The monkey's joke made people laugh even more, but the pig still didn't laugh, and the monkey had to feed the fish.

The chickens are scared, and even the clever monkeys can't escape the fate... The pig laughed at this time, and the animal monsters said: The chicken hasn't talked yet, what are you laughing at?

The pig said: The cat's joke is so funny... 2. I said that day:

You're a pig. You say, "I'm a pig."

So from now on, I'll call you "Pig Weird"!Finally, one day, you couldn't bear to shout in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!"

3. When you travel to Xishuangbanna, you encounter a group of wild boars besieging you on the way, and the tourists take out food and money, but the wild boars are unmoved. You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried bitterly: Big brother, we have found you!

4. A bird and a pig are on the plane, the bird says to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water", and the pig also says, "Give me a glass of water". After a while, the bird said, "Bring me something to eat," and the pig did the same. The stewardess was unhappy and threw them down, and then the bird said to the pig, "It's stupid, the master can fly" 5, the rain is intermittent, causing me infinite thoughts, to put it bluntly, I miss you, and when the wind and the sun are beautiful, I will take you to the meadow, but agreed in advance:

Pigs are only allowed to eat grass, not to arch the ground! 6. It's really cold in the past two days, you must take care of yourself, don't freeze--- as the saying goes, "people freeze their legs, pigs freeze their mouths". I've put on all the woolen pants, so hurry up and buy a mask 7

What's the question? A: Which of the following animals is your favorite and why?

A Rabbit B Squirrel C Dog D Pig At this point, B (To) quickly replied: D. A said:

Yes, that's right. The rest of the people hurriedly asked: Why?

8、.A portrayal of your life: learn to bathe yourself at the age of ten, and the pig cleans itself; Twenty-year-old radiant pig Shimao; Finding a job at the age of thirty pig establishment; At the age of forty, he hired a servant, and the pig got a servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 Pig Throwing!

9. You stand on the lotus leaf and dance lightly, and passers-by shout before fainting: "Pig standing leaves". I said to a friend one day:

You're a pig. He said, "I'm a pig, so it's weird."

From now on, I called him a pig, and one day he couldn't help it and said to me, "I'm not a pig!" ”