Jokes in life Don t plagiarize

1. On the night of the end of the college entrance examination, he buried the book in a sack in the small garden downstairs.

The next day, when the standard answer came down, he assessed the score, and at night he carried a shovel to the small garden and dug it out again.

2. I've been playing well with a girl, but neither of them has any intention of being together.

One time we went out for a drink together, and after drinking to send her back, she suddenly took my arm and said, "You know you're mine."

What? Just as I was thinking about Yoremi, she said, "You are my aunt, don't you have to worry about seeing too much." I thought about it. ”

When I was in college, I chased a girl and confessed several times, but to no avail.

One day, the girl texted me that I would go to the park on the weekend. I was so excited that I didn't sleep well at night.

On weekends, I was invited to the Yellow River Park. After walking for a while, the girl said, I have something I have always wanted to say to you....I was so excited, I thought there was a drama in this matter, so I said, you say, I'll listen.

Her next sentence almost made me angry: "I also saw the Yellow River, this time I am dead!" ”

When we were kids, this thing with zippers just came out. For the first time, there were pants with zippers. Shhh

It's a tragedy. Ground the meat of the little jj.。。 It hurts.

GC is. Two female teachers (most of the teachers in elementary school) put me on their desks. Carefully save my little jj.。。。

It's still fresh in my memory...

Duyun is good in summer, who will solve the heat? Lin Daiyu will take a Jia Bao bath.

When the male director slept with his wife at night, he actually talked in his dreams! In the dream, he said: Honey, I love you so much, I will divorce my wife as soon as possible!

At this time, the male director suddenly woke up and found that his wife was staring at him viciously. The male director immediately closed his eyes again and continued to pretend to be asleep! The male director turned over and said:

Okay, just use this tone, very good, let's shoot!

Get a few more shots. fracture, go to the hospital to change dressings.

I saw an old grandmother say to the doctor: "I'm tired of taking medicine, can I not take it?" ”

The doctor smiled and said, "Then let's get an injection, but it's a hassle to come every day!" ”

As a result, the old grandmother said very righteously: "Then I am more free today, let's get a few more injections!" ”

1. Grandpa said to his grandson: Look, it's a little white yellow cat.

2. Grandpa loves to drink, and one day he made milk powder for his grandson, but he couldn't find the bottle, so he shouted to grandma: "Where is the child's wine bottle?" ”

The little nephew of a sister uses "brand-new" to form a sentence, "a brand-new vegetative person is born" ......Zhao Benshan's credit).

In fact, there are a lot of jokes made in life because of misreading or writing mistakes, let's take a look at this leader's speech, although my business level is not as high as yours, but my political level is definitely stronger than yours, after all, I am a political worker.

Go to Encyclopedia! There is sure to be what you are looking for!

Plagiarism must be eliminated.

Grandma's family eats too early in the morning, I said that if I eat too early, I will be hungry at noon, and grandma said that the days are long now, and I am not hungry.

Patrick: "I'm ready to go to the party, are you ready to go to the party?" SpongeBob SquarePants! ”

SpongeBob SquarePants: "I'm ready to go to the party, are you ready to go to the party?" Mr. Krabs! ”

Mr. Krabs: "I'm ready to go to the party, are you ready to go to the party?" Patrick! ”

Patrick: "I'm ready to go to the party, are you ready to go to the party?" SpongeBob SquarePants! ”

SpongeBob SquarePants: "I'm ready to go to the party, are you ready to go to the party, Mr. Krabs!" ”.Mr. Krabs: "I'm ready to go to the party, are you ready to go to the party?" Patrick! ”

Patrick: "I'm ready to go to the party, are you ready to go to the party?" SpongeBob SquarePants! ”

SpongeBob SquarePants: "I'm ready to go to the party, are you ready to go to the party?" Mr. Krabs! ”

Mr. Krabs: "That's enough! Enough! Say no more! ”

Patrick: You yellow square!

SpongeBob SquarePants: You pink star!

Patrick: You! Yellow sponge!

SpongeBob SquarePants: You! Pink starfish!

Patrick: Block-shaped yellow sponge!

SpongeBob SquarePants: A pointed pink starfish.

Patrick: You never cut your nails.

SpongeBob SquarePants: You don't have hands at all.

SpongeBob SquarePants: What can you buy for a dollar?

Prank shop owner: You can buy a fake one-dollar.

Let them think you really have a dollar.

Brain Cell A: "Hurry up."

If it's not fast, I'll deduct your salary! ”

Brain Cell B: "You've never been paid, we don't exist, we're just a humanized metaphor for abstract ideas."

Squidward: SpongeBob SquarePants, I want to tell you something

Squidward threw his hat to the ground

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, you're bald!

Patrick: "SpongeBob SquarePants, don't go to the hospital. It's too kb, they show you very old, old magazines...

Sponge: Sandy, are you free today?

Sandy's Paper: No

Sponge: Are you sure?

Sandy's Paper: Yes

Squidward: I can enjoy the days when SpongeBob SquarePants isn't here The episode where Plankton wants to dominate the beach

Plankton: SpongeBob SquarePants, can you not be so soft?

SpongeBob SquarePants: But I'm a sponge! ~~

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! Let's go catch jellyfish together

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! You ready?

Good night Gary.

1 All 1Little X goes to the bird market. A parrot was found with a price tag of 3 yuan. So he asked the seller: Why is your parrot so cheap?

Seller: I'm stupid! Damn, I've been teaching it for a long time. Until now, all I have to say is one thing: Who?

Xiao X thought it was cheap anyway, so he bought it.

When he got home in the evening, he thought that if I didn't believe in religion, I wouldn't be able to you! So Little X taught it to say something else overnight.

But in the morning, the parrot would only say; Who? , so Xiao X was angry, locked the door and went to work. After a while, a person came to check the gas bill (referred to as Xiao Z).

Little Z: Knock knock knock......(knocking on the door).

Parrot: Who?

Xiao Z: Check the gas.

Parrot: Who?

Xiao Z: Check the gas.

Parrot: Who?

Xiao Z: Check the gas.

In the evening, Little X returned. I saw a man lying on the ground at the door of his house, foaming at the mouth.

Little X: Yo! Who is this?

Then he heard the house say, "Check the gas."

2.Little X is especially fond of parrots. One day he went to the Bird Market and found a parrot sold for 30,000 yuan.

He was curious, so he asked the buyer: Why is your parrot so expensive? Buyer: I'm a clever parrot! Anything will be said.

As soon as Xiao X heard that he was so smart, he bought it ruthlessly.

When he arrived home in the evening, he was very happy. Just fiddle with this parrot.

Little X: I'll go.

Parrot: I'll go.

Little X: I can run.

Parrot: I can run.

Little X: I can fly.

Parrot: You brag!

Do you really want to say it? Please don't be angry, I heard that there is a monkey in the zoo who is so ugly that everyone vomits when they see it, and when you go, the monkey vomits.

One day, I was on the bus and gave up my seat to an old lady, who was very happy and said to me, "Thank you, young man." "After a while, he will say to me

I was speechless

An ignorant farmer man went to the city department store to stroll, and suddenly asked the waiter wc in **, the waiter pointed to it, and the farmer went over, just the elevator and wc were only a little different, the farmer thought it was wc and began to pull, but the door closed and the king moved up, you know.

The lamb fled from the wolves, and the old sheep told him, "If you turn yourself into a tree, the wolves will not find you." The little lamb was moved and asked nervously

How do I turn myself into a tree? The old sheep said earnestly: "Young man, I have given you a good idea, you should thank me, and stop bothering me with these details!" ”

One day, a classmate went to the cafeteria to buy breakfast as usual, stared at the buns for a long time, and suddenly said, "A bean paste!" One bag! The boss was stunned, "Do you want to pack it separately?" The audience was silent ......Then the hall burst into laughter ......

Go to the school guidance forum and see that there's a joke section in it.

As soon as a girl with a good figure got on the bus and sat down, the big-bellied woman stood beside her, and the driver called, this girl, give a seat to the pregnant woman. The girl hesitated and did not get up. The driver finally couldn't hold it anymore and said angrily, now that the girl is beautiful, why is she so immoral?

The girl finally couldn't hold it anymore and burst into tears, I am also four months pregnant. The pot-bellied woman couldn't hold it anymore and roared, I'm not pregnant.

A post-80s couple has a cute baby, the husband is very moved to see his wife teaching the child to be called "Dad" every day, thinking that the wife is really good, first teach the child to call Dad, instead of calling Mom first, I feel really happy. In the middle of a cold winter night, the child cried incessantly and kept calling his father. At this time, the couple was sleeping soundly, and the wife pushed her husband and said:

Your son has been calling you, you go. Only then did my husband understand that "I see".

The student replied: "Since ancient times, no one has no, and no one has used paper to poop." ”

The teacher was angry and told the student to stand up.

The following year, the teacher asked the student the same question. That's when the students got smarter.

He replied: "Since ancient times, no one has no, and no one has no paper for stool." If you don't use toilet paper, unless you use your fingers. "The teacher is very hot, and he has called the students to punish the station!

At this time, the teacher saw the snow outside the window, and said regretfully: "It didn't rain when it snowed on the sky, but the snow turned into rain on the ground." When it rains, it's troublesome, why didn't it rain in the first place? ”

The student replied to the teacher: "The teacher doesn't eat when he eats, and the food will become in his stomach." How troublesome it is when it becomes, why didn't you eat in the first place. ”

Just like that, the teacher fainted on the spot! Haha......

The principal cried! The reason for the resignation of all the teachers (super funny).

Teacher Shi: Those students really can't teach, so I asked the question during class: "Do you know who Wu Zetian is?" The first classmate replied that he didn't know her well, the second classmate replied that it was one of his netizens, and the third classmate said that he had her QQ number, and when class was over, he would ask ...... on QQA classmate actually took out his mobile phone and said that he wanted to ask her immediately.

Geography teacher: Take a look at their test papers for yourself, the first of the five famous mountains in my country is (Zhao Benshan), the most famous river is (Pan Yangtze River), my country's coal is (black), and my country's iron is (hard), how do you say I should go to class?

Chinese Teacher: During class, a classmate was reading a magazine, and I confiscated his magazine and knocked on his head......

But when I turned around to continue the lesson, his table mate burst into laughter, and the class could not continue.

I asked him why he was laughing, and you know how he answered me? The boy took out a book of dictionaries from the drawer and said to me, "Teacher, it's good that you didn't notice me reading, or you would have been stoned to death." ”

Math Teacher: A student who never passed a unit exam can use the knowledge ...... high school in the homework he handed in

I continued to ask him to be honest about who did it for him, hey, he still had a reason, and replied to me: "Teacher, I really don't know who did this homework, to be honest, I went to bed early last night ......."”

Physics Teacher: Do you know how many lessons I teach just one clockwise and one counterclockwise? Five lessons!

Yes, that's what I told them, I told them to look at their watch if they didn't understand it, and the hour hand was clockwise and counterclockwise. However, the whole class counted in the past, and it was either a mobile phone or an electronic ......If I don't quit, I'll teach them these two words for a semester, right?

Biology Teacher: I really don't want to go, but ......You know, I have a heart condition and I can't stand the excitement, but can I not get excited?

Yesterday's unit exam, according to the requirements of the syllabus, I asked the students to look at the legs of the bird on the teaching ** and write the name and living habits of the bird.

But as soon as I said that I wanted to take the exam, a classmate stood up and walked out the door, shouting: "There are also such questions, but I won't take the test." "Do you think such students should be educated? I stopped him and asked him what his name was, and he pulled his trousers and exposed his legs and said to me, "Come on, look at my legs and write my name......."”

Art Teacher: You know, I just got assigned to this class. Yesterday, when I was in class, I just entered the door when I heard a few classmates shouting "beauty", do you say that you are angry? I'm a teacher, how can they be so disrespectful to a teacher? ......

Yes, it would be wrong for me to resign just because they called me "beauty", but when I was looking for someone to call "beauty", those classmates shouted at me again: "Look at what you see, not calling you!" ”

to"Humor Joke Network"Look, there are too many hilarious ones, I don't know which one to post.